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is lying ever ok? - 10/15/2010 4:15:52 PM

innerimpishdream

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Joined: 3/26/2008
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Good evening. I am in a situation where I honestly have no idea what to do. I had to go have a CT scan done of my head because it was suspected that I have had some bleeding in the brain. I have had it before about two months ago. Well, my problem lies in the fact that I told my Lord that I needed to have the test done and that I would tell him the results when I receive them. The problem is... he just found out this weekend that it is a high chance that he is going to be sent overseas. He is in the military... I don't know if I should tell him the honest truth about the results (which I have gotten) or not. I don't want him to worry about me while overseas. He needs to keep his mind on the matters at hand there. But in the same, I promised him I would never lie to him. But if I tell him the truth, that there is bleeding again, I worry he will have his mind on me more than what he needs to have it on. I want him to be able to concentrate and keep himself safe so he can come home to me again, but I don't want him mad either. Any advice from anyone here??
thanks
imp

Post #: 1

RE: is lying ever ok? - 10/15/2010 5:09:49 PM

DarkSteven

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Tell him.

If he is sent overseas without realizing how serious it is, imagine his emotions when you have serious issues without him being there.

You'll have to tell him anyway. Might as well do it now. It will let him be a comfort to you before deployment.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to innerimpishdream)

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RE: is lying ever ok? - 10/15/2010 6:00:21 PM

KitchenWench

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Joined: 10/14/2010
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Tell him, tell him, tell him. You must. He will be able to handle it.

_____________________________

Everyone sees what you seem to be, few know what you really are." - MDS

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RE: is lying ever ok? - 10/15/2010 6:07:44 PM

StrongSpirit

Posts: 575
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Tell him the truth.

(in reply to KitchenWench)

Post #: 4

RE: is lying ever ok? - 10/15/2010 6:12:12 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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Tell him and let him decide his own emotions. That's why he's your Lord right?

If I withheld such information from Master I don't think he'd be my Master anymore for two reasons....he'd be angry that I kept such information from him and he'd feel as if he could no longer trust me and that I no longer trusted his capabilities and control of his own emotions and state of mind and two, I think I'd start to take advantage of the situation and eventually I'd lose respect for him.

So tell him and trust in that he's capable of his own thoughts and well-being.

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

Post #: 5

RE: is lying ever ok? - 10/15/2010 6:27:45 PM

Twoshoes

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This is not a good time to lie.

(in reply to littlewonder)

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RE: is lying ever ok? - 10/15/2010 6:32:40 PM

MIsabelah

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Tell the truth.

(in reply to Twoshoes)

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RE: is lying ever ok? - 10/15/2010 6:50:10 PM

Kaliko

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Joined: 9/25/2010
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Tell him. My Sir was deployed overseas as well and I didn't hide hard discussions from him. Respect him for what he's doing, and respect him enough to be honest with him.

(in reply to innerimpishdream)

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RE: is lying ever ok? - 10/15/2010 7:44:01 PM

innerimpishdream

Posts: 61
Joined: 3/26/2008
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Thank you to all who answered me. Your words, coupled with my own thoughts, gave me more to think about. The more I think about it, the more everyone's words here ring true. I really didn't want to hide it from him, but was worried at the same time. I am a worrier. But he is my Lord for a reason, and I told him i would never lie, so why should I now? This is not going to be an easy conversation, that much I know. Because of the military, we are right now long distance. I know though, I will not leave this as an offline message or a voice message, I will wait till I can actually talk to him. thank you all again

(in reply to Kaliko)

Post #: 9

RE: is lying ever ok? - 10/15/2010 7:50:38 PM

Wantstocontrolu

Posts: 127
Joined: 4/11/2008
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Tell him..
lieing is NEVER ok. I unfortunately lied to my slave for the first time yesterday about something utterly foolish and I regreat it greatly.
One of the big, no huge benifits of being in a M/s relationship is that there is absolutely no need to lie about anything (even buying a $1.00 sweet tea for lunch on credit card)

_____________________________

wantstocontrolu

(in reply to innerimpishdream)

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RE: is lying ever ok? - 10/15/2010 10:00:26 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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Tell him.

The only lie you should tell a man is, "you have the biggest cock I have ever seen".

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to Wantstocontrolu)

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RE: is lying ever ok? - 10/16/2010 12:36:21 AM

hlen5

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RE: is lying ever ok? - 10/16/2010 1:08:42 AM

liliana4you

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Joined: 10/12/2010
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nope...nope ...nope ...lying is never okay...

if its a poly relationship...lying gets someone hurt....
it its just long distance...lying gets someone hurt....
if you are untrue to yourself....lying gets someone hurt....

if you gave yourself to Him...and you lie...Y/you both get hurt...maybe you are new....maybe in a .... different ....situation.....define...lieing...
per every Master has ever known...lyeing by "omission"...is not lyeing....go figure...is unable to wrap her pea brain around it...(yep ....gots spelling issues)

you have to be true to yourself...she figures...if it hurts you...its not good for you...do you hurt?....not for yourself...for Him....take yourself out of the equation....if its only you that feels pain...swallow hard n be all that you can be for Him...anything else is selfish....

that is her opion..for what its worth

(in reply to hlen5)

Post #: 13

RE: is lying ever ok? - 10/16/2010 2:04:49 AM

liliana4you

Posts: 2
Joined: 10/12/2010
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and fyi...
she has sons serving in afghanastan...and sons at home...

hers is always ...
ALWAYS...
their best intrest...
to bring them home safe....(3 sons...2 daughters of her heart..2 grandsons...and one on the way...and one....she wraps her heart around...and the inevitiable "3rd son....loved....not blood related")

division of focus....helps noOne....
He has a job to do....as do you....His to come home safe...yours is......yours is to battle n win this war

there are many who would support you...why do you fear?

there is positive energy that pours in on you....those you love...those that love you...those that read what you write n take a second to wish you well...all of this counts in the balance...being there fore someone before yourself also counts as positive energy....she doesnt condone "lyeing"....she is not even certain omission is okay....but...a lie that keeps someone safe.....shrugs...

would you have Him think that He failed...because He wasnt here for you when His heart pulled Him elsewhere?

if it was her...would smile n say..."she loves You more than life itself"...the trueth....and lean on those that are HERE...and support Him anyway she could...

what is your wish for Him?....can you see Him happy...even if its without you?...as she said...take yourself out of the equation....

knows this is sooooo very hard....its easy for one not in your positiom to say this or that....isnt gonna minimize the decisioun you make....

if it was your son...what would you wish His other to make?

and yessssss....she taught all her sons..."violence"...is last resort....use your words...not your fists.........but when words dont work......make a choice....and accept whatever comes of that choice....

she has no daughters except ones her sons bring to her..daughters of her heart...she supports them as her own....not borne of her...chosen by ones she loves...

(in reply to liliana4you)

Post #: 14

RE: is lying ever ok? - 10/16/2010 3:43:14 AM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: liliana4you

nope...nope ...nope ...lying is never okay...

liliana, I'll disagree with you in certain situations.

1. I get a kick out of telling ridiculous lies at times. If it's not intended to mislead, I say it's okay.
2. I told my mother she looked great when she looked awful. She was bedridden and soon to depart the earth.
3. I orchestrated a surprise party for my ex. I hated lying, but it was necessary then.

That said, in the OP's situation, I agree that lying is wrong. However, I once did a much milder version of the same thing, where I delayed telling my ex wife about being laid off for a half day so that we could go to a party that night and enjoy the party fully. I told her next morning.

Edited to add: Your first posts, liliana!

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 10/16/2010 3:44:15 AM >

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to liliana4you)

Post #: 15

RE: is lying ever ok? - 10/16/2010 8:31:33 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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A relationship occurs between two people. HOW it occurs is that those two people share their lives with each other. If you choose not to share your ACTUAL life with this other person, then you don't ACTUALLY have a relationship.... you have a fiction of a relationship.

So... what do you want? Reality or make believe?

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to innerimpishdream)

Post #: 16

RE: is lying ever ok? - 10/16/2010 9:00:35 AM

Inthewoods

Posts: 36
Joined: 4/5/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Tell him.

The only lie you should tell a man is, "you have the biggest cock I have ever seen".

This is why I always keep my eyes closed.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 17

RE: is lying ever ok? - 10/16/2010 9:03:05 AM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

i understand where you are coming from OP, its hard when you know they are going off to a place that needs their total concentration and so you instinctively want to shield them the best you can with regard to something that they won't be here to have any control over. However, to me, in a relationship such as this -- if you are the one wherein someone has authority over you -- sorry i don't know how the "Lord" relationships work -- this is not your luxury to withhold information, even by omission. If he knows, he can have a semblance of control -- the control knowledge gives him. Many people in situations like this fail to see the comfort of knowledge and the control of knowledge can give someone who is used to having the authority and control in the relationship.

You aren't burdening him -- which is what i think you are afraid you are doing -- you are empowering him with knowledge of something that may be occuring with you so he can make decisions accordingly for you and him both. If he isn't informed and something negative happens -- you are in fact tying his hands.

Take a deep breath and instead of seeing it as burdening him -- see it as sharing with him -- not only for him but for you too. Many times sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly is hard -- however, you have to remember the good, the bad, and the ugly of life is going to happen whether you share it or not, and the truth will always come out. So why not save you both some grief of it coming out at the wrong time -- i.e., he is notified you are hospitalized or such out of the blue, and tell him now so he can make preparations and have the knowledge he needs to take care of you both while he is gone.

Many times people see knowledge as a hinderance so they instinctively want to shield someone, but they fail to see how it even when bad allows someone the control they may need to deal with a situation. I see subs do this all the time, they don't want to burden their masters -- in the end, its this desperation to retain some control that causes issues in the relationship.

Tell him not only the news but also the reason you are reluctant to tell him about it. This also gives him knowledge he may need to retain control over the relationship even when he is doing his job overseas.

angel

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 18

RE: is lying ever ok? - 10/16/2010 10:36:47 AM

lizi

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Joined: 2/1/2009
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I can personally relate to your post OP on many levels. I've been both the person with difficult news wondering if I should share it with loved one while he was in a dangerous position himself...and I've been on the other side where someone important to me has wondered if he should share something with me or not. From either side of the equation I'll say that honesty is the best policy.

I do understand your worry, but your man has a job to do and he is a professional so he'll do it. Most men hate being second guessed and shielded, they don't want to be treated as children. Respect him enough to tell him the truth. For the record, my son is frequently in dangerous situations...he is military- Special Ops. He and I had a discussion about this type of thing and his official stance is for me to tell him. If he has contact with me while he is working and there is something important going on within the family, he wants me to tell him regardless of what country he is in or what he is doing there. So...there you go for what it's worth.

< Message edited by lizi -- 10/16/2010 10:37:40 AM >

(in reply to innerimpishdream)

Post #: 19

RE: is lying ever ok? - 10/16/2010 11:06:32 AM

innerimpishdream

Posts: 61
Joined: 3/26/2008
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I told him this morning. He is worried of course, but knows that I will do what needs to be done, and knows that I will keep him informed of things going on. I did tell him why i was reluctant to tell him the results, and yeah, like others have said here, he understood the reasoning why, but I am not allowed to keep things from him. He is happy I told him. and like others have also said, it brings him comfort knowing, that he feels like he still has some control.
Thank you again for the help you have given me.
imp

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 20

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