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WolfyMontgomery -> RE: Would You Serve a Dom With Submissive Tendancies? (10/16/2010 3:53:50 PM)
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Everyone else has great advice, from what I've seen, from so many different perspectives. It's great to see all the different sorts of people and how their relationships work and what does and doesn't work for them.
Just like what Willowspirit said, it's all about being completely honest with yourself, looking at all your wants and needs and being true to what is you rather than what stereotypes and names that people throw around. Sometimes labels don't work for people, sometimes they do, it's about being honest and up front about your needs and desires, and sometimes it takes a heck of a lot more than just a word or two to describe them.
For example, Master thinks of himself as straight, but he has sometimes (if rarely) played with men. His reasoning? The guy has to look like and/or act like a girl, or be VERY feminine - the penis isn't the thing that makes the gender for us, it's the way the person holds themselves, acts, looks, their demeanor, etc. Thus, even though they have that extra appendage and are thus considered "male" by society, it's the feminine aspects that he likes playing with. He and I both know that "straight" doesn't really apply, but neither does "bi", because *men* with the way they carry themselves, their demeanor, and the way they look, don't turn him on. In some ways I consider him "Heteroflexible", but even that doesn't explain everything about him and his preferences.
So instead of using labels, if someone asks, we tend to tell them the whole story rather than a fast answer that doesn't cover it all.
He also likes doing some "submissive" things, but we don't consider him a switch for it, because he doesn't relinquish control during those submissive acts. If anything, he "tops from the bottom" during those scenes, so it's hard to say that he's really being submissive (after all, when a submissive does it, we're always called "not twue subbies" harharhar). Thus he's Dom, at least to the two of us, and when asked, we explain, rather than using the terms "Dom" or "Switch". I've even watched him do some pretty submissive things, some of which I probably shouldn't say in public forums for fear of upsetting viewers who don't like hearing about that stuff - but I will say it was pretty damn sexy - and the fact that even though he does these things but expects full submission from me and to be in absolute control of me, it does not make me question his abilities as a Dom and does not decrease my respect for him.
As for me being able to serve a Dom with real actual submissive tendencies - the sense of wanting to relinquish control - it would depend on whether he expected ME to take control or if he could do it during a play scene with another person. I can't take control, too unsure of myself, too dead-set it my ways of giving complete control. Because of this, if he expected me to take said control and be a switch, it would be a dealbreaker simply because I couldn't meet his needs. But if he had the mindset of always being Master to me and just dealing with his submissive tendencies elsewhere, then no, it wouldn't be a dealbreaker, so long as he was always completely honest with me about his wants and needs and didn't go off and do his submissive things behind my back (aka cheating).
To summarize - since I know my post is a little long,
It's all about being honest with your wants/needs, and not completely relying on labels.
You just need to find someone who matches your wants/needs with or without labels and who can be compatible in a LTR, and you can be sure that there is guaranteed to be SOMEONE out there who matches you to a T. =)
It just takes communication and being honest and hearing their wants and needs to know if they're the match for you.
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