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Aynne88 -> RE: Can i speak or not ??? (10/17/2010 6:33:03 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss
quote:
ORIGINAL: AnimusRex
Isn't there some sort of United Nations Charter of BDSM, wherein is specifically sets out the binding rules and bylaws of the International Brotherhood of Mastery?
I'm pretty sure there is; else why would people always ask "Can a sub do this or that", or "Shouldn't a Master do so and so", or even, "What is a True Slave?"
My copy seems to have been mislaid somewhere.
There is a joke in there about Miss Lay .... I just know there is.
To the OP:
Your relationship is yours. Do you need to be able to speak? What is it for you? For me, I've become really clear about this. Don't shush me. Seriously. Ever. If I am speaking, during a serious time it's because it's something important. To me (TO ME) it smacks of shaming me. Perhaps it is one of my buttons? Meh. I'll just say I'm quirky and call it a day.
I remember watching a couple once. He was the speaker at an event, and he relied on her to help him remember things if he forgot them. They would be sitting next to each other, and she had this amazing way of very unobtrusively whispering key words to him if he forgot something. It was always while the audience was laughing or moving chairs or something like that. If there was no distraction, she'd write the word on a piece of paper and he'd glance down and see it. She knew when it was ok to talk and when it wasn't.
That would be my style in a relationship where I trusted the man. He wouldn't need to shush me. I would read the energy / understand what was going on and respect it. I would want only to be with a man who would know he can trust me and that he could trust my judgment in that respect.
Best,
sunshine
That is the best explanation I think I have seen regarding this sunshine. I work for my Man in his company as his outside sales rep and in public relations, so obviously he puts a great deal of trust in my speaking ability as well as my common sense. I won't be shushed, and if he really needs to say something, he will just say to me "Ann, I need to speak to you, please don't interrupt and just listen." Of course I will, however, I can and do say the same to him. He actually prefers that I do the talking in sales meetings and with clients because I am more skilled at the art of negotiating than he is, but even in our home life, we have a pretty free and easy exchange. Of course, he won't tolerate disrespect and out of hand mouthiness, but I try to curb that anyway, even in anger. I am 44 years old not a child and I won't be told to not speak. We are not as structured though or as protocol oriented as some couples, but for us it works.
I think it comes down to what kind of woman does your man want. Mine wants me to be verbal, to express my opinions and even engage in debates and differing opinions with him. Respect is the key word, not being treated like a child.
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