RE: Can i speak or not ??? (Full Version)

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CollarSubGirl -> RE: Can i speak or not ??? (10/22/2010 10:18:37 PM)

Hi Kat,

I didn't really read most of the posts here as it is a fast reply so sorry if it's something someone else has said.

Personally, Master does like to have a smart and logical slave, one to discuss things with Him and I do have a lot of freedom to talk. It's actually part of my training to learn how to discuss things with Master better. Sometimes more freedom than I like but I trust Master and I know that He allows me the freedom because one day i might have something to say that He wants to hear. That and He knows that I only want to give my opinion if Master wants to hear it. I'm a very very shy person naturally, and He knows that it's hard for me to speak my mind when i fear my opinions don't matter. So He has made clear guidlines for me. I have the freedom to talk and disclose my mind if I am polite about it and am not doing it just to be naughty or bitchy or snarky to Him. And when He's had enough, my voice is taken away and must be earned back with good behavior. But He also knows that when He requests it, I become rather insanely silent.
As for at Vanilla Nights, or any Vanilla Circumstance...well I often am too dominant and He allows it because it's good for my self esteem. He also believes that His slave should learn how to handle the world when her Master is not able to be there with her for every waking moment. And it's typically okay Unless I undermine Him or over do it, that's when I get punished. The punishment varies of course on the situation, who the people we met with were and how naughty I was. But often I may argue for a moment...but only a moment until i learn until how to debate properly. Which will be a lesson for me later on.

I think it would be in your best intrest and your Master's to discuss possibly the idea of guidlines. Like written or verbal guideline where you are allowed to talk and where not to talk. But then again, I'm just one person so the choice is of course yours and your Masters. Best of luck,

echo, slave of Master Hypnose.



MMsCandy -> RE: Can i speak or not ??? (10/23/2010 6:52:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: katsdf69

Hi, everyone !!! I want to know , if as a sub, on a vanilla night, do i have the right to disagree with my Dom ? He says, after i am collared, i have to be quiet if He tells me to, Need your advice ?? kat


Not reading other replies - i will go back and do that after posting.

Well, i am baffled at why one would have a vanilla night if it's not very vanilla-ish.

We don't do anything like this here. There are appropriate times to tell him what i think (which ftr is almost always) and then there's some times when bringing something up isn't very appropriate (in the middle of play or at a club or in the middle of sex, might not be the time to talk about some things).  But at any time if he tells me to be quiet then i am (after a mild skid to a halt) going to shut up.

So i guess my question to you would be - what's the purpose of "vanilla night"?

I'd think (keep in mind here i am thinking this is used for a "free time" for you) if he still wants the opportunity to tell you to shut up and then he should remove the "vanilla night" and just set about a talk time in which you are still his and still bound to obey him. And leave the 50-50 of vanilla-ish at the door.

But i can guarantee that IF this was an issue here, THIS would be the first subject i'd want to be talking to him about.



MMsCandy -> RE: Can i speak or not ??? (10/23/2010 6:57:56 AM)

Ok i read the other replies - my you are all awfully nice here!! LOL I am really glad it resolved itself by you two talking it out.  I am a total sucker for a happy ending ;)



phoenixmoonn13 -> RE: Can i speak or not ??? (10/23/2010 10:27:53 AM)

we dont have vanilla nights i am his collared slave and if he tells me to be quiet i will , however i can talk to anyone in what ever way when out i wish. if among vanilla or out etc our dymanic between us always remains neither of us could be anything but us, no one knows and he would use his look or a hand signal which others would not notice.



Zevar -> RE: Can i speak or not ??? (10/23/2010 12:50:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: katsdf69

Hi, everyone !!! I want to know , if as a sub, on a vanilla night, do i have the right to disagree with my Dom ? He says, after i am collared, i have to be quiet if He tells me to, Need your advice ?? kat


The man you relate with is the ONLY person to discuss these sort of issues with, if you really want to be successful in determining an answer that mutually serves the relationship.

Take care!



RavenMuse -> RE: Can i speak or not ??? (10/25/2010 5:51:58 AM)

"Vanilla night"? OK can someone translate martian into English please, I've no damn idea what that is.... Unless for the person coining the term an M/s dynamic is something they DO, something played at... of so then if thats what works for them cool, just don't expect others to see it as M/s. For Me and Mine M/s is simply the way We relate, there is no time off, whatever We are doing, where ever We are the Dynamic is there, it is who We are, not what We do.

My girl has the right to disagree (Not argue, but disagree, politely and respectfully is fine)... if I consider the current situation to not be conducive to discussing it constructively then she'll be told to raise it later... at which point she WILL shut up and/or change the subject.... knowing that she WILL be allowed to voice her position later. There are no 'sacred cows, no 'off limits' questions but there is a right time and place as well as a right tone to take in doing so.



porcelaine -> RE: Can i speak or not ??? (10/25/2010 6:33:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: katsdf69

Hi, everyone !!! I want to know , if as a sub, on a vanilla night, do i have the right to disagree with my Dom ? He says, after i am collared, i have to be quiet if He tells me to, Need your advice ?? kat


Greetings kat,

In my opinion the advice you seek can be a double edge sword. When a dominant attempts to establish guidelines for the relationship it isn't uncommon for the submissive to encounter questions, uncertainty, or uneasy feelings. However, during these occasions it is best to address your concerns with the person in question. Our perspectives are based upon the experiences we've had within our partnerships and will never mirror yours. If you view the situation in a different guise and liken yourself to a ball of clay on the potter's wheel, you'll understand the importance of allowing him to shape and recalibrate your thinking as opposed to subjecting yourself to the process by outside parties. Best of luck.

Namaste,

~porcelaine



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