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RE: why would a mistress/master want to be babied? - 10/17/2010 12:34:20 AM   
AquaticSub


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quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly

like them acting like a fussy child or a child in general like being picky about the food or something like that. it makes me livid i don't know how submissive i am in that regard although i do consider myself submissive in most ways.


You'll have to define picky.

Val doesn't like fruit. So I can't make a fruit dish and expect him to eat it. He just won't - regardless of how long I spent on it. His diet requirements are quite taxing sometimes. But he is the man I pledged to serve, for a great number of reasons.

So you really need to define what you mean by "acting like a child". He doesn't throw his plate or pitch a fit. He calmly informs me that I need to make something else. While I'm not a fan of labels, to serve is to... well... serve.

Now, everyone has things that piss them off. Maybe you need someone who isn't a picky eater. I need someone who gets gamers and geeks. It's all a give and take.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: why would a mistress/master want to be babied? - 10/17/2010 4:38:35 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		What jumps out at me here is, you need a daddy type. Your not into servitude but need to feel like a protected and well looked after little girl. Nothing wrong with that and there are plenty of guys looking to be a daddy type. You just need to be clearer about the message you give out.


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RE: why would a mistress/master want to be babied? - 10/17/2010 7:04:10 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Actually in a good relationship, both partners care about the happiness of the other and do things to please them. Whether it's remembering to pick up breadsticks or making coffee and bringing it to the bedroom.

If you're talking being a picky eater, that's not something that is on one side or the other. Some people have much more sensitive tastebuds than others and really can't tolerate certain foods. My oldest won't eat anything that's heavily seasoned and her first cousin can't eat anything that isn't, both are picky in different ways due to genetics screwing with our Sensory Integration.

The Man won't eat pancakes for dinner, for him that's breakfast only. I won't eat green beans. If he wants green beans, he orders them at a restaurant. If I feel like breakfast food at dinner, I get that at a restaurant. We accommodate each other, we care for each other, we try to make each other happy. If you're intending to be a selfish little child, do remember that badly behaved children don't get to have dinner, they get sent to their room. I would suggest that until you are capable of caring for someone else's happiness as much as your own, that you aren't going to be capable of having a good relationship.


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RE: why would a mistress/master want to be babied? - 10/17/2010 7:47:11 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly

like them acting like a fussy child or a child in general like being picky about the food or something like that. it makes me livid i don't know how submissive i am in that regard although i do consider myself submissive in most ways.


And how would you like to be babied?

In your case however, he and I both enjoy food. I have an idea of his likes and do my best to accomodate them, because I enjoy his enjoyment.
For his birthday this year, I made a carrot cake from scratch, because he loves carrot cake. Carrot cake from scratch requires one to grate a lot of carrots.

If you put your heart and soul into cooking a meal and the person you prepared it for was ungracious about not liking it, I can see how that could be very frustrating.

If you cooked something spicy and he doesn't like spicy food and the relationship is new, then that is part of the learning curve.

If you asked him if he liked such and such, he says yes and it turns out he doesn't, that is poor communication on his part.

If you don't care what he likes and cook only what you want, and expect he'll eat it anyway, then the problem is on your end.

Do you see how many things can influence just this one thing?

Communication is so important.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
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RE: why would a mistress/master want to be babied? - 10/17/2010 8:20:54 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly

..........................................

edit: babied as in treated like a freaking infant with ridicilous needs, shouldn't it be the other way around that the slave is babied (not spoiled though) but treated sort of like a child by their master/mistress??


You know, my companion -loves- foot rubs. She really loves being pampered. She also adores having breakfast brought to her in bed, and having a servant who knows how to properly prepare a cup of Earl Gray.

Who gets to decide what behaviors or desires are "infantile" and whether or not they should be met. In -my- world, the person who gets to decide what tasks are undertaken, what desires are served and how, and when such things should be considered in the decision-making process is the KEEPER (insert your word of choice here -- Master/Mistress/Dom/etc.) In my world, if I want my servant to come put lotion on the new tattoo on my back, or give me a pedicure, or bring me tea so I don't have to uncurl from my book and blanket, then our dynamic is such that that is the rule of law in our home.

We also don't treat our servants "like children". They are ADULTS who have made a decision to live in service, and THAT is how we treat them. We recognize that each day, they must again make that decision to live in service and to yield to our authority. We treat them as adults who have made such a choice, and expect that they will -behave- as adults who have made such a choice while in our presence.

With that in mind, perhaps you could clarify your question, and announce to the world EXACTLY what constitutes "being babied" and exactly what constitutes "ridiculous needs".

Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

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RE: why would a mistress/master want to be babied? - 10/17/2010 8:37:00 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly

like them acting like a fussy child or a child in general like being picky about the food or something like that. it makes me livid i don't know how submissive i am in that regard although i do consider myself submissive in most ways.


Ok, once again, perhaps because you're young (not that age is an issue, but EXPERIENCE changes perception, and youth simply doesn't have the same pool of experiences to draw on), I see you making blanket statements, without any sense of those statements -in context- in a relationship.

Again, I will draw on the issue of my companion... she has a great deal of pain on a daily basis, and by the time she gets home from work, she -is- "fussy". Usually, she's on her feet at a lab bench all day, pipetting or doing tissue culture (with human cells -- so anyone here who has worked with lymphatic channel or lymphatic endothelial cells can back me up on this one... PAINFUL, exacting work, huh?). She aches from the neck down -- and sometimes from the neck up, as well, now that she's managing a laboratory -and- all of the researchers from our department who use the facility that she is in.

She is also one of those people who has a higher-than-average proportion of nerve cells -- and that INCLUDES taste buds. She can taste the most minuscule ingredients in different food, AND she has a lot of food sensitivities. She's -not- the easiest person in the world to take to a restaurant or try new foods with, because she -is- highly sensitive to flavors (including food that is starting to 'turn' or where ingredients have been mis-proportioned). Heck, she can taste when there is too much baking powder in a cookie, or too much cream of tartar in a meringue. In fact, the best thing that came out of my $30,000 degree in French pastry was learning to make French meringues (no cream of tartar -- they use lemon juice for the acid to set the meringue!).

All of the things you mention need to be taken into context within the relationship that one is in. Meeting another person's needs is part of -every- relationship, not just D/s relationships. It has nothing to do with 'submissive' or 'dominant' or anything else. I am every bit a Matriarch of our household -- but I -still- am sensitive to SR's dietary needs and general crankiness at the end of the day. Not because she's dominant to me, but because she's my companion and I -care- about her happiness and well-being.

If you don't want to care about the happiness and well-being of the person that you're in a relationship with, it will affect the health of that relationship over time -- there's no way around it. Choosing to respond to the needs of one's companion in a relationship are neither dominant nor submissive... they're just part of being in a relationship that is healthy and functional. Sure, SR's needs are, on occasion, inconvenient and even annoying... but our relationship is one of the most precious things to us, so I put up with her hypersensitive taste buds, and she puts up with me taking months in seclusion while I write -- it's just what we do because we genuinely care about one another.

Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

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RE: why would a mistress/master want to be babied? - 10/17/2010 9:36:42 AM   
strangedesire


Posts: 360
Joined: 12/23/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly

like them acting like a fussy child or a child in general like being picky about the food or something like that. it makes me livid i don't know how submissive i am in that regard although i do consider myself submissive in most ways.


You seem to spend a lot of time getting offended by what people on the internet say they want or need. Why not just take this as evidence that you're a poor fit, and move on?


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RE: why would a mistress/master want to be babied? - 10/17/2010 9:46:12 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I would suggest that until you are capable of caring for someone else's happiness as much as your own, that you aren't going to be capable of having a good relationship.



This. In spades.

Cali


_____________________________

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RE: why would a mistress/master want to be babied? - 10/17/2010 10:23:10 AM   
behavingbadly


Posts: 46
Joined: 8/15/2010
Status: offline 		it's really the ungraciousness and immaturity that i can't deal with. maybe it's not so much a D/s issue but a personality clash.

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: why would a mistress/master want to be babied? - 10/17/2010 10:31:56 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I think it's both.

I think their personalities clash with what you want in life and I don't think you quite grasp the meaning of d/s.


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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: why would a mistress/master want to be babied? - 10/17/2010 10:34:54 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly

it's really the ungraciousness and immaturity that i can't deal with. maybe it's not so much a D/s issue but a personality clash.


Probably. But it would still be helpful - in terms of discussion - for you to define what you are viewing as ungraciousness and immaturity. What some people would defination as ungraciousness, others view as things that don't need thank yous because they are expected as part of the dynamic.

There are as many different ways to have a power dynamic as there are people having them.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to behavingbadly)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: why would a mistress/master want to be babied? - 10/17/2010 11:02:58 AM   
behavingbadly


Posts: 46
Joined: 8/15/2010
Status: offline 		just give me a gracious mistress and i won't complain.

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: why would a mistress/master want to be babied? - 10/17/2010 11:12:13 AM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly

just give me a gracious mistress and i won't complain.


Graciousness runs both ways.

While I believe it's acceptable to have certain expectations of a prospective partner, I don't believe it's practical for you to assume all will meet those expectations.

This is an issue of compatibility...nothing more and nothing less.


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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: why would a mistress/master want to be babied? - 10/17/2010 11:12:57 AM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		As far as being a picky eater, I am a picky eater, and to some extent so is Daddy. If I know he doesn't like eggs, I can't prepair a meal that revolves around eggs and expect him to eat it. That's not immaturity and ungraciousness on his part, it's stupidity on my part, since I knew he didn't like eggs, and I knew he wouldn't eat my meal, but I went ahead and made it with the intention of him to eat it.

As others have said, part of a relationship tha's very important is taking your partners issues and concerns seriously, and communicating on them, and not just being like well yeah he don't like eggs, but I am making eggs tonight and tough shit if he don't like eggs, he'll eat them because I fixed them, and then being shocked and outraged when he or she indeed prooves, no they will NOT be eating the eggs you fixed because you didn't care to take a food preferance into account when you cooked.

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RE: why would a mistress/master want to be babied? - 10/17/2010 11:22:50 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
Probably. But it would still be helpful - in terms of discussion - for you to define what you are viewing as ungraciousness and immaturity. What some people would defination as ungraciousness, others view as things that don't need thank yous because they are expected as part of the dynamic.

Or, for that matter, what is meant by "spoiling the slave". God knows I do my damnedest to spoil Carol. But would my "spoiling" look like that to the OP? I have no problem with the phrase "princess slave". I'd really like it if Carol felt like a princess. But the various things I give to Carol and the things I demand from her... who knows how they'd look to someone else. It's a pretty safe bet that another sub would perceive some of what I do as "too soft" and other parts as "ridiculously controlling".

So just like most of the other posters here, I have to go with the line of "It's all about chemistry and fit." And the parochial attitude of the OP is not particularly flattering.


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: why would a mistress/master want to be babied? - 10/17/2010 11:24:08 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly

it's really the ungraciousness and immaturity that i can't deal with. maybe it's not so much a D/s issue but a personality clash.


That is likely so... also, and there is no offence intended in this: effective communication is a skill that most people need to learn.

Learning how to then comminucate your needs, wants and desires within a D/s relationship is also a skill.

You seem to be a little bit unclear in communicating here.
If you aren't in a relationship with someone who is willing to guide you in how they want you to communicate with them and/or are if you are reluctant to see the need to change that, or are in a relationship with someone who also has difficulty with basic communication, then you are going to have issues even if you are compatible.

I sometimes have to be reminded that when I am feeling frustrated with a situation, expressing that through a tone of voice directed at him is not an appropriate way of responding.

He does not get angry, he just says: "Tone".

I don't take offense at that, he is teaching me.

edit: clarity

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 10/17/2010 11:25:15 AM >

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

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RE: why would a mistress/master want to be babied? - 10/17/2010 11:33:28 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I just read your profile text. Perhaps you should focus on getting yourself back "in control" before trying to lay down a relationship dynamic of any kind.

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RE: why would a mistress/master want to be babied? - 10/17/2010 11:35:03 AM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly
yes that is what i meant. but i feel like i want to be babied and not babying someone else. does that mean i'm not even that submissive?


It means that for you personally, the dynamic of caretaker/one who is taken care of and the dynamic of dominant/submissive is what you want in a relationship, with the dominant doing most or all of the caretaking.  There is nothing wrong with this or unsubmissive about this; there is only finding a partner whose desires on these two spectrums match yours. 

There are D/s relationships where the submissive does all or most of the caretaking, pampering and nurturing.  That style of relationship would not work for you.  Knowing this is important, so that you can consciously choose to look for someone whose orientation on both the D/s spectrum and the nurturing/caretaking spectrum are a match for yours.  But they are two different spectrums, so you can't really judge that someone is more or less submissive depending on whether they are a nurturer/caretaker or whether they wish to be nurtured and taken care of. 


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RE: why would a mistress/master want to be babied? - 10/17/2010 11:35:54 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly

like them acting like a fussy child or a child in general like being picky about the food or something like that. it makes me livid i don't know how submissive i am in that regard although i do consider myself submissive in most ways.


I'm the Dominant, and I want the food prepared the way I like it.  If you consider that picky, fine.  But if you don't like it, you will find yourself OTK shortly.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: why would a mistress/master want to be babied? - 10/17/2010 11:51:26 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Doesn't "Sparing the rod" spoil the slave?


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Profile   Post #: 40
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