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DMFParadox -> RE: What do it takes to become a pro domme? (10/26/2010 5:54:08 PM)
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Ok, read through some of the responses from last night. Good stuff, but kind of difficult for me to gauge since so many different things have been thrown in the mix. So instead, a recap:
First rant:
a) Courtesy, as it's popularly understood, can be self-defeating in generating attraction.
b) this is key - Not all women are built the same. If courtesy really is a turn on for you, then I won't disagree; what I will say is that you are paying for the misbehavior of other women, and you can't lay the burden on the man for conforming to your expectations. Be aware of the wider dating world. We are taught by hot young 20somethings - the most statistically desirable demographic - that opening doors and paying for dinner does not work. If it works for you, advertise this. And don't criticize men for doing what works. Don't assume.
That was really the only point I wanted to make, everything else was a digression on details. Such as the next point:
c) I engage in ninja courtesy, where I will generally do nice things only in surprising and unique ways. I will go out of my way to avoid situations where it seems like I'm being classically attentive and courteous, unless I can do it in a unique and memorable way.
Some of you missed the reasoning here, and tried to argue that you appreciate solid, nice guys more than guys who play games. I was not advocating against being nice. I was advocating against being predictable.
Often, the thing that women say they want most is humor. Which is ironic in this context, because of how humor works. It's often based on insults. Like, say, if I called Nick a puckerfucker, some people here would smile about that. Hell, even Nick might. Nick, if you do, please don't tell me.
Insults can be non-verbal. Situational. Lack of courtesy-al.
Therefore, so can humor.
Humor can also be non-insulting. Or still insulting, but the only person you're insulting is yourself.
If you hit any of these themes too hard, then you risk self-caricature, which is analogous to not being unique and therefore uninteresting.
But it's better to go for it than to play safe and open doors. If you open a door, open it mockingly.
So ultimately, in that first rant, my point was this: Dommes, if you want courtesy from your men, step up and train them yourself. Because the rules on what's good behavior for a man are not as clear cut as daytime television would have you believe.
Then I saw a repost from a woman who claimed that it was better to suck up to women if you wanted attention.
That pissed me off. Very harmful to people who believe it. I've known guys commit suicide because they believed this retarded fairy tale too much, and couldn't get it through their thick skulls that their female friends were using them and keeping them around out of pity; they ended up thinking that they were simply not good enough. A vicious cycle.
Sure, it does attract some women, under special circumstances. Such as, if you share a social circle and have the approval of her friends, and have other features that are also attractive. But in isolation it does nothing, and often works against your odds of finding a compatible, sexy chick.
What's key is that women, even dommes, know this. They hate 'doormats', usually. But they're inconsistent with their signals. Act like a doormat, but don't be one. And if you act like one, you are one.
Pretty much every post that I wrote after that stemmed from there. I stand by them, but I wanted to get back to what started my rant: courtesy is not the answer. Fucking with women is. You can do it nicely, but you still have to have some teeth showing, or you're just not going to go home with her.
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