Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/26/2006 6:41:59 PM   
TedEbear


Posts: 35
Joined: 4/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

I am hoping I am not starting a thread which has been worked to death... sorry I have not read all the archives yet! 

We are in a life or lifestyle, that can on so many levels be incredibly destructive. Somewhere in one of my journal entries here I think I briefly touched upon what motivates us.  Sadly there is no blog feature on our journals!

What motivates you , to serve, to submit, to surrender?  Those are incredibly powerful words, and even more powerful choices.


Why am I motivated to serve, to submit, and to surrender. Sometimes I just want a woman to chain me up and beat me. Sometimes I feel the desire to be used sexually even if she choose to deny me gratification.


quote:


What motivates you to master, lead, demand, break down and (hopefully) build up another person?

There is such a fine line between victim/victimization and submission/mastery.  I am firmly of the belief that motivation keeps you on the healthy side of that back-slash or or the unhealthy side.

What do you think?  And what motivates you?



My motivations are sex, sub space, and simply being a kinky little pervert. Not always in that order.




quote:


It is a long standing maxim of mine that intention (motivation, if you will) is the only perfection we can achieve as individuals.  ( I have ideas on other perfections to be found when not alone).   It must of course be understood, that you might well be capable of being perfectly good or perfectly bad!   :)



fascinating, intelligence. Puella

your teddy bear

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/26/2006 7:02:35 PM   
TedEbear


Posts: 35
Joined: 4/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

Hedonism. I don't see the point in wrapping it in a veneer of values that I don't believe in. My bete noir was all into theories and what she called the amazing concept on 'consent'. Silly me, being so much into her I went along for the ride but she proved to me that she was really in it for hedonistic reasons after all so I threw all the theories out with the trash and started to enjoy myself. What she was really doing was justifying to herself that wanting to be a 'slut' (her term) had some values. She had too many issues and so fucked up with moral standards she needed something to justify indulging in her sexual and kinky urges. Why pretend it is all something that it isn't?


Haha, that was so insightful. I think most of us are there if the truth be known.



Talk about hitting the nail on the head.

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/26/2006 8:10:44 PM   
WeeIttyBitty


Posts: 115
Joined: 4/24/2006
Status: offline 		 Iam a mule. I goto work each day, and come home to an empty home. I went to school, did the normal kids stuff, that didnt interest me, to please parents. Excelled in classes to please teachers or to show off to a girl friend.

Life has left me behind, I am mule, but have no one to drag the cart for.  I do almost everything I do to please someone. As I sit home I snack, or eat a sandwich - no point in cooking something when its 'just me'.

I go thru periods where I become more self-destructive and masochistic. My fantasies turn from violent to destructive. Iam no longer just kidnapped, raped, and held for ransom... but now the ransom isnt paid, and Iam never again.  Perhaps I never was.

I just fade away, left in a cage, freedom is just beyond my reach, but Iam content in my agony. In my starvation... I dont reach for the key, but rather lay in my own misery, pout in the absence of life... I showed them, I showed them all...

They probably dont even remember me now. Left behind all those years ago, left to my misery..

I dont see them anymore, when I goto work or return, I rarely see a framilar face or a friendly one. I just return home, the cage awaits..

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/26/2006 9:00:04 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:


What motivates you to master, lead, demand, break down and (hopefully) build up another person?


This seems to be a question directed to individuals in the Dominant roles of their relationships and/or interactions.  As one of these individuals, I can very confidently say that I am not motivated to Master, lead, demand, breakdown and build up another person.  I do not seek to be the Master of another, only myself.  I do not choose to lead, but often find myself in that capacity.  I do not fight who I am, I allow myself to be it.   I am not motivated to FIX some one.  I do not need demand anything from my girls.  I have the expectation and it is met by my girls.  It is met because they have the intrinsic motivations that will meet my expectations.  We are well matched!

I am who I am.  I am motivated to be the best I can be at any moment.  Some moments are better than others.  I do not strive to Master my girls or even lead them.  However, being who I am has attracted them to me and me to them.  The more I am true to my inner self the greater my happiness and fulfillment.  I seek to do my will but not at the expense of others well being, particularly those closest to me.  I am motivated to support my girls in theri own quest of personal fulfillment.  We are well matched.  Our inner qualities serve to make an interdependent relationship that promotes each of our own inner natures to come to the forefront of our daily lives.  This brings us all a lot of happiness.


quote:


There is such a fine line between victim/victimization and submission/mastery.  I am firmly of the belief that motivation keeps you on the healthy side of that back-slash or or the unhealthy side.


I see no fine line between Victim/victimization and submission/mastery.  It is a question of direction.  One goes one way and the other goes another.  The more you go in direction the farther you are from the other.  Yes, Motivation is a key determinant.  For Motivation is very much the direction one will travel in.


quote:


It is a long standing maxim of mine that intention (motivation, if you will) is the only perfection we can achieve as individuals.  ( I have ideas on other perfections to be found when not alone).   It must of course be understood, that you might well be capable of being perfectly good or perfectly bad!   :)


I don’t believe that there is perfection.  Intent or otherwise.  I only try to be the Best I can be at any given moment and often times that is less than prefect.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/27/2006 3:34:17 AM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy


I have written many lengthy pages on the subject, but in truth it boils down to one very simple thing; LOVE, pure unadulterated, all encompassing, unconditionally accepting, searing, soul quenching, love. 


I think it's interesting that you say this twicehappy (I happen to agree).  There have been a lot of posts about people (lets just deal with the submissives right now) who are doing it, or perhaps just stating their motivation is very self related.. ie... to get off, for the rush for the pleasure of pain, etc. 

I suppose the argument can be made, that on some level, we all are doing things for the reason of self.. But I have always thought the most selfless motivation to be love for another.

Now.. that said.. I was told once that perhaps if I was motivated by love for my owner, instead of just by a pure need to submit, subjugate myself and to serve,... or because BEING those things were what made me serve, that perhaps I wasn't submissive or slave at all but just another chick who is in love with a man?

I am not so sure I agree with that, but I am also not so sure that I like the idea of giving over my entire being without that most profound experience of love... I think it is certainly motivation that keeps a person serving from the right parts of themself and for the right reasons. 

(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/27/2006 5:49:14 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puella
I suppose the argument can be made, that on some level, we all are doing things for the reason of self.. But I have always thought the most selfless motivation to be love for another.

That is the most selfless motivation- love to me means allowing the person you love to find their true fulfillment, even if it means it's not with you.

Love doesn't make relationships either, it doesn't make you compatible, it doesn't make you a good communicator and it doesn't erase the "you" that still deserves to be fulfilled.  You do need to remember to love yourself- and that means allowing YOURSELF to find your own true fulfillment.
quote:


Now.. that said.. I was told once that perhaps if I was motivated by love for my owner, instead of just by a pure need to submit, subjugate myself and to serve,... or because BEING those things were what made me serve, that perhaps I wasn't submissive or slave at all but just another chick who is in love with a man?

Naaa, there's no reason love can't be part of the motivation for your slavery. 

While connections thrive on love- relationships need a lot more than that in the long term.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/27/2006 6:10:03 AM   
unquenchable


Posts: 155
Joined: 4/17/2006
Status: offline 		At tbe beginning, my love for Him was my motivation.  

At the present time, my motivation is finding that intense love again.

un--------

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/27/2006 8:09:11 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

I think it's interesting that you say this twicehappy (I happen to agree).  There have been a lot of posts about people (lets just deal with the submissives right now) who are doing it, or perhaps just stating their motivation is very self related.. ie... to get off, for the rush for the pleasure of pain, etc. 

I suppose the argument can be made, that on some level, we all are doing things for the reason of self.. But I have always thought the most selfless motivation to be love for another.



Love and Respect of thy self... the most Powerful of Motivations... it comes from within...It's the instrinc motivation that is only limited by oneself and dependent on no one but oneself.

Love is a choice and not just a feeling!  On must make the effort to Love!  Love will flow like water if you let it.  But, water will flow the easest of paths... and this could lead you over a cliff.  Healthy Thoughtful Love is much more than free flowing water, but just as powerful.  We control it, we manage it.  We guide it.  When it is time to allow it to flow, we let it flow.  When must harnst it's power, we focus it and feel it's power.  But we never push it up hill!  Remember the flow well pick up everything and can move anything over the course of time.  But if allowed to flow uncontrolled, it will wander aimlessly and finally dumping in a pool... it's power never focused and utilized.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/27/2006 9:47:04 AM   
Submotive


Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

What motivates you , to serve, to submit, to surrender?  Those are incredibly powerful words, and even more powerful choices.


Submission is spiritual to me - it represents surrender to forces greater than myself - to God or the All or whatever one wishes to call It. The motivation for me is to grow spiritually and emotionally, as well as to serve another in His growth.

It requires me to let go of ideas and concepts i want to cling to because i think they keep me safe. But there is no such things as "safe" really since we are all very vulnerable to everything.

Submission leads me deeper into love where giving, simply because it pleases another, is the motive. It requires me to push past selfishness, self-centeredness and personal desires. Not be a doormat but becoming a more complete and loving woman.

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/27/2006 11:42:34 AM   
BrianSenior


Posts: 88
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

What motivates you to master, lead, demand, break down and (hopefully) build up another person?


 
Being a "Master" (using your term) comes from My self expectancy. What I want to be, how I want to be, what I want others to see Me as. Taking what how and who I want to be, conforming Myself to be that way, to Me is mastering My self.
 
My motivation, comes from just being Me. I have always taken the assertive role. From work to play, around classmates, to co workers, I have always been the leader, if not the leader, one of them.
 
I demand, only demand, what I know the other person is capable of. Not the unobtainable, but nothing less then their best. Even if they do not know it, I strive for thier personal perfection.  Keeping in mind perfections is  in the eye of the beholder, My only demand is for thier personal perfection.
 
Life has its own ways of brakeing down people, I do not need to. I work on bringing them up, showing them things about themselves that will make them stronger perhaps, or that they are capable of achieving, tasks mental and or physical that they felt they couldnt. ~BK~

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/27/2006 2:13:59 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		I am dominant because I could no longer be "the get-along guy". Not that I don't get along with people now but I will not compromise or disappoint myself to make others happy. If what they want from me is going to make me unhappy/angry/disappointed in the long-term and not just short-term AND does not relate to bettering things in this particular relationship, then I am not going to give it.

As Knight of Mists wrote, my main desire is mastery of myself. If that attracts someone to submit to me, then what I'm doing must be working.

Now comes the part where I might catch some flak...love. I have been involved in a couple of D/s relationships in the last 8 yrs. where deep love was involved. However, when it came down to the nitty-gritty...the actual idea of leaving where they were to be with me ((and before someone states something about it...I have an established practice of 23 years. The one had gone back to school and gotten her degree while we were together and was looking for work. When I suggested that it was time for us to be closer together...had spent time with her, met her kids, liked them, etc....then it was "No...my kids are growing up here, I'd have to displace them...my mother just lost her husband, my youngest child is having trouble in school, what if I get there with my kids and we end up broken up?, etc.. With the other, it was similar...she has a job with a company for which she does computer repair (and yes, they have positions available here) but she did not want to take her 9 yr. old daughter "away from everything she knows", what happens if I come there and we break up?, etc.. I answered the questions to the best of my ability...reassurance, loving, etc.. Made no difference...)), they could not follow through, though I was honest about the fact that at my age and about the difficulty of leaving an established practice to begin and build a new one. Yet...both had stated that they could understand that and that it would be easier for them to move. So now...well, while I still look for love, I also look for someone who understands that to be with me most likely means relocation for them; I look for someone whose desire to submit to me is deep enough that near me is where they want to be...whether or not love comes with it. Perhaps I am stating that I trust that level of submission more than I do words of love...perhaps right now, I am in a cynical, somewhat downhearted phase regarding love.


(in reply to BrianSenior)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/27/2006 5:59:10 PM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Love is a choice and not just a feeling!  On must make the effort to Love! 


I certainly agree with that.... Though I think love is a very profound emotion and feeling, it is something you have to commit to every day.  It has to be  a priority to keep it full, and if only one person is feeding it.. it can be a very bumpy ride to it's (or the person working on it's) finish.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/27/2006 6:28:01 PM   
JassWolf


Posts: 59
Joined: 4/10/2006
Status: offline 		I am motivated to dominate by the need to excel, to control, to own another, to fulfill and be fulfilled, to challenge myself .... The challenge and breaking down is mine. I measure my success by growth, both mine and Mine other's.

I am motivated to love by her gifts, of self, of exceptional trust ... unlike others, when the time came for her to choose, she got a divorce, moved with her teenage daughter to a new state, chose to go back to school to "make a contribution" (her words), and asks me daily if she has done what is needed to make me "happy."

I have waited many years. It was worth it.

JW

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/29/2006 1:31:51 PM   
genvieve


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/14/2005
From: SF Bay Area
Status: offline 		Goodness, that is a powerful question.  i suppose that the best way to answer that question is to answer what drew me to the lifestyle.  i was drawn to the lifestyle by the intense bond that occurs between T/two.  i was thoroughly captured by the power-exchange, love, and devotion that each felt for eachother.  But as i grew deeper into the lifestyle, i grew to love and crave more...
 
i submit because i love to do so, because it is fullfilling to serve, to give, to love.  i find that the more i submit, the better person i become.  So, that in essence is my modivation.

_____________________________

In the quietness of myself, i find myself at the mercy of Your hand.

Musical Wishes Design

(in reply to JassWolf)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/29/2006 6:05:50 PM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline
quote:

What motivates you to master, lead, demand, break down and (hopefully) build up another person

The need to Dominate or submit is one that (imho) W/we are born with. I reiterate that is my personal opinion...Look around and you see it not just in the D/s community but in vanilla life and in the Business world. My parents had a vanilla marriage but believe me one of them wore the pants and the other aquiesced to their decisions.
 
I'm a naturally Dominant Woman, I was born that way and I have always been that way. Even before I knew about the lifestyle, I can't tell you how many times I heard myself referred to as a Bitch or a ballbreaker in the vanilla business world. Being Dominant is not something I deny. Or shut away in the closet until appropriate to let it out into the cold light of day. I've attempted vanilla relationships and it simply doesn't work for me. I still always chose men that deferred to me but without the D/s kink in the bedroom. Being Dominant is a part of who and what I am at my core. Why do I do it? what motivates Me? Its who I am and what fulfills me. There is no greater joy than breaking a sub down to his very base and building them back up into the submissive you know they are capable of being. Or as one Marine sub referred to it "a bit like bootcamp only better".

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/30/2006 12:35:18 AM   
mechbot972007


Posts: 29
Joined: 4/28/2006
Status: offline
I will have to agree. I have been married twice, both times to vanilla Dommes. I have concluded that I am a service giver type of person. In addition, that I am attracted to strong women. In both of my marriages, I coincide with that of the role of a “sub whipped male”. The only problem was that I needed the kink. My second ex entered into a relationship with another man (had to learn what a cuckold was). I was getting cream pies and just though she was overly moist. Lol She and I had entered into marriage knowing both our needs (mine being that of a more kinky nature), only after trying to Dom a few times she said “this is too weird, and I cant hurt you” That marked the end of the kink side of my vanilla relationship (funny did not end my service to her for 5 more years). After both of these relationships, I had the honor of being in service to a few Dommes that help me understand that what I was and what I needed was not that weird or that far out of what a relationship could be like. Unfortunately, it is not an easy task to find what you have spent most of your life learning about yourself in another.
Respectfully
chris

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/30/2006 12:40:57 AM   
mechbot972007


Posts: 29
Joined: 4/28/2006
Status: offline 		opps....also ment to say that you are taught your role by your parents.  and with some of us it is the way that we were "born" its not something that we do have a choice about. funny thing is that even if you don't know what it is, it finds you.
Respectfully
chris

(in reply to mechbot972007)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/30/2006 1:23:05 AM   
ClassAct2006


Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck
 
I'm a naturally Dominant Woman, I was born that way and I have always been that way. Even before I knew about the lifestyle, I can't tell you how many times I heard myself referred to as a Bitch or a ballbreaker in the vanilla business world. Being Dominant is not something I deny. Or shut away in the closet until appropriate to let it out into the cold light of day. I've attempted vanilla relationships and it simply doesn't work for me. I still always chose men that deferred to me but without the D/s kink in the bedroom. Being Dominant is a part of who and what I am at my core. Why do I do it? what motivates Me? Its who I am and what fulfills me. There is no greater joy than breaking a sub down to his very base and building them back up into the submissive you know they are capable of being. Or as one Marine sub referred to it "a bit like bootcamp only better".


I was about to write something similar. I was born submissive, felt it as far back as I can remember; so it isn't really a motivation thing. It's like saying I've auburn hair and freckles or am white. I suppose I could pretend to dominate but it wouldn't be me being me. In fact I've never been with a man without being submissive and in life in general I'm fairly submissive too.

So what motivates me in this area of my life (obviously there are lots of other motivations for other non BDSM things I do).... simply that I can't be different and of course if I'm with someone who's not dominant things don't work very well. Do I do it for pleasure? Yes although of course sometimes you just do what someone else wants because he wants it and you may not really want that and you put up with it so I'm not sure that's always pleasure. Sometimes you do what he wants and you don't and you like the dominance involved in that lack of choice too so even then there's some pleasure. Of course I like the posts about love too  - I only prefer to submit to someone I care about and who I'm in a long term relationship with.

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/30/2006 4:23:41 AM   
mechbot972007


Posts: 29
Joined: 4/28/2006
Status: offline 		I like the last post...i often wonder if fem/sub and male/subs face the same issues. 
respectfully
chris

(in reply to ClassAct2006)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/30/2006 5:31:26 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

What motivates you , to serve, to submit, to surrender?  Those are incredibly powerful words, and even more powerful choices.


I discovered my submissive self rather late in my life.  I thought everyone felt the same way!  I'd never heard of people tying each other up and all that stuff either, although I'd dreamt about it.  What I learned, however, when I recognized my submissiveness, is that I've been this way my entire life.  It's true that many of us are just born this way and also true that our parents nuture it within us, whether knowingly or not. 

One could say that my father was my first dominant (no, not in THAT way).  I was driven by the desire to please him, in the chores that I did, in my schoolwork and so forth.  It was very upsetting to me when I did something of which he did not approve.  I avoided it like the plague.  I remember bringing home an "F" on a paper once (normally, I was an A-B student) and all he said was, "I'm very disappointed in you."  I cried for hours.  Sheesh, I'm getting misty-eyed, just thinking about it now.

I submit to the one I love because I love him and I want him to be happy.  That's the springboard.  My ex-husband wouldn't tell me how to please him, and that drove me stark raving crazy.  Eventually, things just fell apart.  I didn't feel loved, I didn't feel anything from him, because he wasn't feeding that need of mine to please. 

I'm not a woman who will accept his word every single time.  There are times I have questions and sometimes, I just want to know why.  I am insatiably curious and have a strong need to understand how things work or why things are.  The understanding of a concept or a motiviation behind it helps me be a better submissive.  I know that offends the sensibility of a lot of people. 

A lot of people will say, then you're not submissive, you're questioning him.  To that, I say, yes, I am.  I am growing and I am learning and I want to be better than I am now, I want to be more than I am now.  I don't want to be blindly lead, I want to enjoy the journey with him!

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094