RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation?

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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/30/2006 6:29:08 AM

LadiesBladewing

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This may be overly esoteric for some, if not many, but it is the seed of my own reasons for being here.

I am motivated to watch people bloom like I was given the opportunity to bloom. I am motivated by the joy of seeing the spirit seep out in service, expand, and encompass an individual completely in the self-beyond-self. There are some days that I'm not sure that the D-s/M-s community is the right place for me to be doing this, but there are so many here who are seeking themselves that part of me feels like, if I were to walk away from here, someone who was looking for a guide to find themselves might wander longer before knowing how incredible they are, and how deeply their capacity to yield and serve runs.

I am motivated by the concept that we rise to what is expected of us -- and that too many people live a life where expectations are low, and the self that is shaped is not as strong and beautiful as it might be... and I see them seeking the opportunity to find out what they are really made of. I've had the benefit of having high expectations levied at every turn in my life, and want to give back that opportunity to fully develop to others. It won't be for everyone... but if it is for -one- person or a dozen in the course of my life, it is enough.

I don't limit myself to this community. The goals that I have transcend many opportunities to give, share, teach, grow, challenge, motivate, direct, guide, structure, and watch the bloom of self in an individual... but I stay in this community because the drive and passion to become fully "self", and to live beyond the mean, and the bare minimum, pulses through the people here like few other communities, and seeing it refreshes me and brings me back when I might otherwise choose to walk away.

Lady Zephyr

< Message edited by LadiesBladewing -- 4/30/2006 6:34:20 AM >

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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/30/2006 12:44:26 PM

aiieght

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Joined: 4/28/2006
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Though I may be new to this site...again... I have been in the lifestyle most of my life. In the past few years I have graduated to become a Master. I have served as a sub, but many years ago, long enough to know and well enough to understand. I loath submissive men now, but it wasn't always that way. What is a motivation? For me as a Master, I approach the lifestyle from the most base and perhaps the most honorable of positions, however, that view, like all views in the lifestyle, is purely subjective and most likely only applies to me. It's a good thing. My motivation is to create a bond of trust so that I can take whom I work with to a better place. To resolve issues of need by my hand and my guidance. This in turn makes me a better man and helps me to know the one I'm with in a more complete way.
There is no action of honor without consensuality, so in that, it is my place and position to do anything and everything I can to be sure what is handed me is not only what I want, but what is needed. As I say, it's fairly objective, but a good thing.

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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/30/2006 1:10:19 PM

SDFemDom4cuck

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Joined: 5/23/2005
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quote:

opps....also ment to say that you are taught your role by your parents. and with some of us it is the way that we were "born" its not something that we do have a choice about. funny thing is that even if you don't know what it is, it finds you.
Respectfully
chris

Actually I wasn't taught it by My parents since my father was the Dominant in their relationship. But I can eunderstand how a girl growing up with a Domineering Mother would learn how to treat men in that way as she grew up. It is truly how I was born and yes I agree, it does tend to find you. There's a whole other discussion on another board regarding recognizing or attracting Dom/mes/subs in vanilla situations. Dom/medar and subdar. lol

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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 5/6/2006 5:45:24 PM

Bearlee

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Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
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quote:

ORIGINAL: YoungSub22

The moment I got to the point in my life where I became self-strong and realized I didn't need others to make myself happy is when I completely realized what I wanted and deserved and how to find it. I graduated college, started and established my career, fully supporting myself and completely happy with my life was when I found the Dom of my dreams. I was able to find someone who appreciated for me, the good and the bad. Someone who was my rock after a stressful day at work, I was his princess, he thought of my needs before his own. And in return I love him and trust him completely. I ask his advice on issues, I look to him for guidance, support and fun. He has become my everything. And I didn't find it until I was fully complete myself.

...and she continues:

quote:

Many people believe that subs are week humans and are looking to be supported by others. They think subs are emotional wrecks and looking for a crutch because they can not deal with reality, that they are looking for sugardaddies. That is so completely untrue. That is not a true sub. A true sub knows her strengths and weaknesses and looks for someone to appreciate the good and be supportive of the changes that are needed to extinguish the bad.

WOW...very well put! What motivates me? ...The want to share my life with someone healthy, whole and Dominate. In my youth, I always wound up with 'bad-boys'; men who were not in control of themselves, men who abused, men who were sometimes likeable and fun but sometimes cruel and out of control. I am a pleaser, it seemed to me these men made me try always harder to please them...and I think something in me liked that.

When I finally figured out I was going about things in a way that was both unhealthy and impossible, I went to work on myself. I figured out what it was I wanted and did it. I taught myself things, took big bites, moved up in the worlds of employment and personal satisfaction. I stopped associating with people who were emotionally crippled or unavailable. I bought myself a house, by myself. I did things I enjoyed.

Then one day, a man with whom I'd had three vanilla dates, backed me up against a door, held my wrists over my head with one hand and kissed deeply. It was our first kiss. Something about it took my breath away. I pestered him for half an hour; asking what had he done...what made that kiss so different from all other kisses I'd ever been given. That was the beginning of my introduction to BDSM; D/s to be specific.

I won't go into all the details, sufice it to say that kiss, just three years ago, opened the floodgates. While he and I didn't last all that long, I read everything I could get my hands on, went to munches, demo and conventions...and what I've concluded is that all my life I've been submissive; one who so strongly wants to please I used to look for those who made it difficult; just to feel it stronger. Today, I look for whole, healthy, Dominant men with whom to share my life, my submission, my joy in pleasing. I'm a strong, capable, independent woman who finds much to laugh about...but it is sharing this lifestyle that motivates me.

< Message edited by Bearlee -- 5/6/2006 6:13:55 PM >

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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 5/6/2006 10:13:20 PM

juliaoceania

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I did not respond to this thread before because I was not quite sure what I wanted to say. I thought about it long before I posted here.

I do not know if I have some enlightened motivation, but I do know what feels natural to me. I have always been easy going, giving, and nurturing in my romantic entanglements. I had one boyfriend tell me "Others may misjudge your kindness for weakness". I think there is much truth to this. I do not know how many others had the experience of giving to others and they do not necessarily feel comfortable with that level of giving? I was throwing pearls before swine, I was attempting to submit before I knew what that meant.

It is easier now I know what I was really seeking all along. It has actually improved my sense of self worth to know there was a name for the way I love, and that there would be someone on the other end of WIIWD that would appreciate my giving, and not think of it as some weakness I have, but know it is my greatest strength. I do not serve because I am "needy" as I think some may have thought I did in the past, but because it is this innate desire I have.

To be honest I think that the likelihood I will have my good nature abused has been lessened by acknowledging my submissiveness and embracing it. I do not have the walls up anymore, and I am more accepting of others too. Mind you I have been exploring this about myself for a couple of years and coming to terms with it also, because it is a huge awakening. I feel empowered by this self knowledge and I am more confident in my ability to pick someone that will cherish me the way I am and push me to be better than I am tomorrow. It may seem non-intuitive to someone that is not a submissive, but in giving my surrender I am gaining my true self. Just my thoughts.

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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 5/7/2006 1:06:53 AM

RavenMuse

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quote:

What motivates you to master, lead, demand, break down and (hopefully) build up another person?

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
Really, it's nothing more complex than being true to myself.

That about sums it up for me too. It is the way I care, the more I care then the more totaly I want to make her mine, protect, shape and make her better, build her up to be able to see the beautiful woman I can see she is inside that all too often our fucked up society has repressed and denied her.

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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 5/7/2006 1:26:33 AM

CanadianGuy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: puella
We are in a life or lifestyle, that can on so many levels be incredibly destructive.

I hope you meant something other than how this sounds. First of all, I don't consider myself to be "in a lifestyle" - I am only being true to my natural instincts. More importantly, I believe what is truly most destructive is listening to society, which tells us that how we feel and what we really believe inside ourselves is wrong.

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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 5/7/2006 7:06:56 AM

puella

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I meant exactly what I said:

quote:

ORIGINAL: puella
We are in a life or lifestyle, that can on so many levels be incredibly destructive.

I am not saying it is destructive, merely that with the wrong motivation from either participant, that it can (and often times is) destructive. We, for many here, are not talking about a couple of sex games and maybe a change of costume for the monthly sex romp, but a mind set and way of life which allows for (again, for some) the entire submission of one person (their rights, their choices, their way and means of being) to another person. If you do not see the potential for that going very wrong if the two people involved are not in the right 'space' or frame of mind... well.. okay, then you and I probably most likely just going to have to agree to disagree, which is also completely fine.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CanadianGuy

I hope you meant something other than how this sounds. First of all, I don't consider myself to be "in a lifestyle" - I am only being true to my natural instincts. More importantly, I believe what is truly most destructive is listening to society, which tells us that how we feel and what we really believe inside ourselves is wrong.

I have also very often commented that I am not a part of any alternative lifestyle, in my opinion, which is why I said "life or lifestyle" I just live my normal everyday life, I do not want or do not need another label put upon it for any sort of validation or identification( I am rather adamant about eschewing labels, if you have seen any of my posts on this forum).

I would disagree with you that the most destructive thing is listening to society. I think rather that basing your life on the status quo is in fact, not something that I would choose to use as the set of measures for how I live and choose to live my life (and lets face it, and own up to it, it is a matter of the choices we make for ourselves, and often for others), but I will not say that my way is the only way, or even the best way, its just the best way for me. Unless you are living in some sort of mountain top commune outside the laws and jurisdictions of the society with which you coexist, there is a very real and very important reason for subscribing to the rules of that society. They are the laws the people you have chosen to exist with keep chaos at bay, IE: you can not murder someone, you can not rape someone, you can not steal from someone, etc. You as a person who continues your citizenship in that society are acquiescing to those rules. If you have a problem with them you either work to change them or move to a place with a better set of rules for your own beliefs (if possible), or break them and pay the price for doing so.

John Wayne Gacey, Ted Bundy, Sirhan Sirhan, the uni-bomber, you name it, any of the various peoples now, and throughout history who were and are willing to kill to impose their ideas of what is right upon a society ... I am sure they all thought that they were being true to their own instincts.... I don't think that is enough as an accountable human being, and again I would investigate what was motivating them... (I do realize you are not advocating mass murder or terror, I was just using the most potent example to demonstrate my point, for the sake of clarity and brevity.)

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