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RE: The rise of teens and 20 something on here - 10/21/2010 7:52:40 PM

trueshadow

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

I'm no longer in the referenced age group, but I remember quite well my yearnings and desires in my teen years. I'd fantasize a lot and play a little (on myself; a few clothespins and rubber bands, and a belt aimed at my rear works wonders).

I think the only thing I'd add to that is that young folks are way too trusting, and that can get them hurt. I know that many organizations look for people 21 years of age or older. That leaves the 18-21 crowd out. That population needs to be served just a much (or more) than the 40+ crowd.

Yes, OP, I did know what I wanted at 18; hell, I knew what I wanted way before then, believe it or not.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

You know, I'm pretty tough on the young crowd at times. In My opinion, no, if you're eighteen and brand new to all of this, you're not a Master just because you've decided to call yourself one. No, you're not a slave if you just got out of high school and you've never been collared to anyone. I'll admit that sometimes, I sit on My side of the screen and shake My head at some of the silly things that people come up with around this place.

At the same time, you can't ignore the wonderful possibilities that exist. They might not know what they want, but then again, they just might. They don't have to not know that this might be who they are. They don't have to try to ignore that thing inside of them that draws them here in the first place. They have an opportunity that we "old folks" may not have had.

I firmly believe that we are going to come to a time where those of us who get termed "later in life" kinky people isn't going to apply nearly as often. There aren't going to be people who, out of lack of information, had to try to be something that they are not. There won't be nearly as many people who struggle with trying to be "normal" rather than kinky because they don't know that all of the options are available. That has the potential to be a pretty wonderful thing.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 161

RE: The rise of teens and 20 something on here - 10/21/2010 10:07:43 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekMistress

I find it hilarious that within a subculture that is supposed to embrace all, we find ways to create castes within it.

Shouldn't we just be happy that BDSM as a lifestyle and/or interest isn't dying off instead it's drawing in new blood?

-Geeky

Im curious as to what manual you are reading that says we have to "embrace all"? There are many things within the umbrella of BDSM that i could never embrace, as i am sure, by reading your profile, there are many things you would not embrace as well. Hense the term... hard limits.

Frankly, as to the reference to "new blood"... its almost funny. BDSM as a kinky lifestyle has been around for ages and ages. Your comment implies that we, the "oldies" are dying off and we need your presence to keep it going. I live my life based upon my own needs/desires/wants/ect... not based upon keeping the lifestyle "alive".

No one here is demanding respect... no one is asking the younger generations to bow down and kiss our asses to learn the tricks we know. Hell, im sure people your age could teach a few new tricks yourself.

I work with a group of people in their early to late 20's. They talk in hushed tones about things you and i would have a lively, enjoyable discussion about. at 45, they view me as the "work mom" and since they know im a nurse, they ask questions. Its amazing at the amount of misinformation i hear. But, when i gently try and get them on the right path, i get told... "what would you know about it?" Just because we are older doesnt mean we forgot. It merely means we have, in many cases, walked the path you are on.

I tend to hold experience to be something of value. Something i am not seeing in your generation.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to GeekMistress)

Post #: 162

RE: The rise of teens and 20 something on here - 10/22/2010 4:10:02 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

When it comes to BDSM activities, many 20something people, might very well have more experience than I........I certainly wouldn't offer any advice beyond the common sense boundaries in that arena. On relationship stuff, I kinda think I am a pro and always willing to give advice WHEN ASKED.

You see, advice is a funny thing. Most people hearing it, tend to view it as critcism. As I've mentioned more than a few times, I have adult children. I made a vow to myself quite a few years ago to not give unsolicited advice. There have been a few addendums to my vow, cases of possible physical injury, massive financial ruin, innocent parties involved and possibly hurt......but for the most part I've done a damned good job of keeping my mouth shut. To say it hasn't been easy would be a gigantic understatement.

Doing the above has lead to a much more open, and mutually respectful, relationship with my kids. They are not idiots. Just because they are at a different place in life, a different spot on the learning trail, does not invalidate the experiences they will often have to go through to move on. I cannot 'advice' them through their life. Often times they have to have the experiences and learn the lessons from those experiences, good and bad. Sometimes, they even get through it better than I did, or would have, and I tell them so.

Because of my respect for them, the courtesy I give in not hovering with a 'word of advice' constantly, they know they can come to me when they get lost or reach an obstacle in the path that seems insurmountable, and I will be there. If nothing else, with words of encouragement.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 163

RE: The rise of teens and 20 something on here - 10/22/2010 5:26:09 AM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

LT, i dont give unsolicited advice... to my son or any of these kids. Being a mom, and an aunt many, many times over before that, taught me the lesson you describe above. When they want to know, they will ask. It still doesnt keep them from being sorta stupid with the "what would you know about it?" remark when they hear something they dont like.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 164

RE: The rise of teens and 20 something on here - 10/22/2010 7:00:01 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Well Tazzy, if they ask for the advice then they dismiss it, they didn't want it to begin with. Give your time and attention to those that want it.Very much like many posters we see around here. They create a thread, asking for opinions/advice, then get their undies in a wad when it isn't what they wanted to hear. Age has nothing AT ALL to do with that behaviour.

Another thing I've learned. When someone presents me with a problem or asks for advice I ask them "Do you want me to tell you what I think you want to hear, or what I really think? Because you might not like hearing what I really think.". It cuts way back on the time I waste, talking to someone that doesn't really want to hear what I have to say.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 10/22/2010 7:05:28 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 165

RE: The rise of teens and 20 something on here - 10/22/2010 7:04:58 AM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

Which is what spurred my original post here to the twenty something with the demanding attitude. Many of us in the "know"... not the "know it alls"... but with real experince, want to help... but will be damned if we give it after being treated in such a manner. I dont mind offering help... i dont mind offering advice... i dont mind being just a sounding board for someone trying to work out their own problems and want just an ear... what i do mind is having my attempts to help someone else being tossed back in my face... and that isnt age dependent.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 166

RE: The rise of teens and 20 something on here - 10/22/2010 7:13:05 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

Have you really been alive long enough to know this is what you want.

I don't think most people know what they want, regardless of age. They think they want something till they get it and find out..Oooops..I didn't want that after-all.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to MasterMartinIndy)

Post #: 167

RE: The rise of teens and 20 something on here - 10/22/2010 7:33:12 AM

SpiritedRadiance

Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
But, when i gently try and get them on the right path, i get told... "what would you know about it?" Just because we are older doesnt mean we forgot. It merely means we have, in many cases, walked the path you are on.

You mean kinda just like the way the older crowd asks the same of the younger generation? like the op and several posters on this thread of done asking EXACTLY just that?

How could you possibly know you want bdsm your only a BABY.... our generation asks for the facts, I can explain where I got my information, however i notice a lot of older generation who get rather pissed off when you ask for FACTS not the Im X age I know better then you bullshit. You could be JUST as misinformed as ANYONE else of ANY age.

Just because your older doesnt mean you KNOW better, you might have experience and you might have walked the VERY same path but it doesnt mean your knowledge is going to be fitting to my situation. Things have changed a LOT in the last 45 years, hell in the last 20 years. For example, my aunt got drunk one night at a party had sex late 70's, then the next morning woke up and went oh crap what did i do, she had to wait a few weeks to take a test to see if she was knocked up. Then decide if she wanted to keep it. I do that now? I can go down to the pharmacy and pick up a pack of plan b and be assured if I dont want to wait that I wont be pregnant. On this situation someone with knowledge and experience isnt going to really be able to offer advice on this situation. Because things have changed.

_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 168

RE: The rise of teens and 20 something on here - 10/22/2010 7:37:19 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

Just because your older doesnt mean you KNOW better, you might have experience and you might have walked the VERY same path but it doesnt mean your knowledge is going to be fitting to my situation.

Excellent point.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)

Post #: 169

RE: The rise of teens and 20 something on here - 10/22/2010 7:55:27 AM

LadyRian

Posts: 486
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline

People are people no matter how old they get.

I've met people who are un- self aware and clueless at 50.

I've met people who really have it together at 20.

It's not how old you are, it's how much attention you've been paying in the time you've had.

_____________________________

"Dodging bullets since 2010"

(in reply to Icarys)

Post #: 170

RE: The rise of teens and 20 something on here - 10/22/2010 2:38:47 PM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

aged 21 i landed up in a Ds relationship not knowing the first thing about anything, least of all that it was Ds or even that Ds existed. had i known then, had i been informed of what it was to be a sub rather than be in conflict within myself, half craving the control and resisting it because it wasnt the 'norm' i might have made a long career that spanned my entire adult life. as it was i had no idea what the guy was trying to achieve and i had no idea it was ok to be what i was.

the all important part to this is the knowing its what you are and that its ok because there are loads of other people just like you.

but to the other aspect of this. it has taken me a time to learn how to trust enough to enter TPE, how to submit without needing to hold the reins or grab them back once in a while. its one thing to want this its quite another to learn how to relinquish control and let it go. be what you really want to be, well i found it to be the case anyway. and i would say the same for becoming a Dominant - its about authority and having it, not IMO about control so much - anyone can control, even i can if i really put my mind to it, i can even control my cat sometimes, but he has to be half asleep

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to LadyRian)

Post #: 171

RE: The rise of teens and 20 something on here - 10/22/2010 5:55:24 PM

FetishRose

Posts: 212
Joined: 8/7/2008
Status: offline

As someone in their younger twenties...
I think there may be a "rise" of those of us in the younger generation because, overall, our views of sexuality is more open and accepting than was the general norm a generation or two ago. We grow up with the idea that a person's sexuality is their own business, and that anything between consenting adults is acceptable. Our schools are filled with people who are openly of "alternative" sexual orientations and relationship roles.
I've always known what I find attractive in a partner. My number one pick for anyone I dated, whether in highschool or now, has been someone with what I consider to be a dominant personality. Even the "vanilla" relationships I had all had a very clear power exchange in them.
I personally think that it's wonderful that younger people are comfortable with their sexuality enough to not wonder for their mental health if they enjoy a certain activity some may consider taboo. I think it's wonderfully healthy.

_____________________________

Rose-y Pose-y, Puddin' Pie. Kissed Some Dommes and Made Them Cry.

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 172

RE: The rise of teens and 20 something on here - 10/22/2010 11:03:41 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Just because your older doesnt mean you KNOW better, you might have experience and you might have walked the VERY same path but it doesnt mean your knowledge is going to be fitting to my situation. Things have changed a LOT in the last 45 years, hell in the last 20 years. For example, my aunt got drunk one night at a party had sex late 70's, then the next morning woke up and went oh crap what did i do, she had to wait a few weeks to take a test to see if she was knocked up. Then decide if she wanted to keep it. I do that now? I can go down to the pharmacy and pick up a pack of plan b and be assured if I dont want to wait that I wont be pregnant. On this situation someone with knowledge and experience isnt going to really be able to offer advice on this situation. Because things have changed.

Whats really funny about this part of your post is that i am a Labor and Delivery nurse... lol. Do you honestly believe your generation is the only one to have utilized these methods? Just because im 20 years older than you doesnt mean i dont still get my freak on, that i can no longer get pregnant, or that i have forgotten what its like to experience something new. But my new is different than yours.

Your post here is exactly the reason why so many simply ignore the posts made by those who are younger. You have already assumed i could not possibly know what its like to be in that position. With those assumptions you slap us in the face. My attitude, in many cases, is to simply shrug and walk away.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)

Post #: 173

RE: The rise of teens and 20 something on here - 10/22/2010 11:06:53 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

I think there may be a "rise" of those of us in the younger generation because, overall, our views of sexuality is more open and accepting than was the general norm a generation or two ago. We grow up with the idea that a person's sexuality is their own business, and that anything between consenting adults is acceptable. Our schools are filled with people who are openly of "alternative" sexual orientations and relationship roles.

Hmmm.. there go those assumptions again. Im 45, experimented with handcuffs at age 16, lost my virginity at 13. I dated twins all through highschool... at the same time. Had my first threesome with two guys at age 17. (sadly not with the twins) and my first threesome with another female at age 20.

Please, do tell me how that is being a generation of sexually repressed individuals?

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to FetishRose)

Post #: 174

RE: The rise of teens and 20 something on here - 10/23/2010 12:15:40 AM

MstrShmrck

Posts: 9
Joined: 7/24/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterMartinIndy

Have you really been alive long enough to know this is what you want.

Martin Indy, how old are you? And what year did you get involved? I'm 28 and have already been around ten years AND have been mentored by 2 Dommes. Not to mention that I own a pet whom is also my gf.

What are YOUR stats as a "Master"? You have to gain the respect of others and not talk badly about others within the lifestyle before earning that tittle. I even have other Doms call Me Master because I have earned thier respect (and in return I give them the same respect). Not to mention that I'm WELL established in the local RI and Mass BDSM comunities... And I probably have more accreditation than you do being as how I'm on fetlife and have met 99% of those on my friendlist on there!

< Message edited by MstrShmrck -- 10/23/2010 12:18:33 AM >

(in reply to MasterMartinIndy)

Post #: 175

RE: The rise of teens and 20 something on here - 10/23/2010 3:39:01 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

And I never did such things as a teenager.....

So, you're point is that "ME generation" teenagers can't be doing it, either?

Focus.

No - my point is that you are painting all of us with the same brush and not allowing for the fact that we are exactly like your and your generation.

Of course I'm "painting" all of you - I'm talking about an entire generation when you keep making it about individuals. You've never heard of 'generation X' or the 'baby boomers' (generation)? You don't accept a collective name for your generation or is it that you don't like the name (ME generation) I've bestowed? And it's kinda difficult to brand an entire generation without being generalised, so stop taking it so personally!

In many ways, today's teens are no different from any other generation. What's different in today's greater society is the liberal attitudes, personal rights and freedoms, technology and the access to information it enables, record drug proliferation, HIV etc....

Teenagers are teenagers no matter what the generation - which is why I just don't accept the current generation is anymore mature, capable and responsible to deal with the complex *adult* life situations that's been opened up to them today. But "Generation ME" disagrees because teenagers ALWAYS believe they're ready for whatever. Example is the age old (and personal favourite) bumper sticker from my generation: "Hire a teenager now - while they still know everything".

I have tolerance of teenage (18+) subs, m or f, because subs take direction from their dom/me. But no, I rarely "take prisoners" of teenage dom/mes (m or f) seeking pointers because the best help is *life experience*. Get a job, work long hours, suffocate under a mortgage, raise some kids, deal with tragedy or a loved one's terminal suffering etc - THAT'S where maturity and responsibility for complex relationship dynamics like D/s are acquired. That's what equips a dom/me to lead and make decisions and choices etc.

Looking through some of the posts in this thread (from old and young alike); they make it sound like it's simply something else for teens to google and presto, they're ready!

Pffft

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 176

RE: The rise of teens and 20 something on here - 10/23/2010 3:52:25 AM

TotalDiscipline

Posts: 225
Joined: 5/5/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekMistress

I find it hilarious that within a subculture that is supposed to embrace all, we find ways to create castes within it.

-Geeky

Who said we embrace all..when we hide in a subculture and call the rest vanilla?
People are people..that is what we have all in common..we judge and point our finger at people that are different.

Keeps the forum filled :P lol

< Message edited by TotalDiscipline -- 10/23/2010 3:53:04 AM >

(in reply to GeekMistress)

Post #: 177

RE: The rise of teens and 20 something on here - 10/23/2010 3:54:35 AM

TotalDiscipline

Posts: 225
Joined: 5/5/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

Just because your older doesnt mean you KNOW better, you might have experience and you might have walked the VERY same path but it doesnt mean your knowledge is going to be fitting to my situation.

Excellent point.

And still for centuries....we all went to the old wise men of the village.

(in reply to Icarys)

Post #: 178

RE: The rise of teens and 20 something on here - 10/23/2010 4:38:40 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Hmmm.. there go those assumptions again. Im 45, experimented with handcuffs at age 16, lost my virginity at 13. I dated twins all through highschool... at the same time. Had my first threesome with two guys at age 17. (sadly not with the twins) and my first threesome with another female at age 20.

Please, do tell me how that is being a generation of sexually repressed individuals?

And are you going to look me in the eye (well, obvs not quite possible but you know what I mean

) and tell me that your experience is typical of your generation?

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 179

RE: The rise of teens and 20 something on here - 10/23/2010 4:41:18 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

You call THAT music?

When I was your age, we had real music!

You kids today don't know anything.

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 180

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