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RE: going to the limits - 10/21/2010 3:20:14 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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It's not the sub's place to manage limits. It's the Dom's place. She gives them to me, and they're mine after that to administer.

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RE: going to the limits - 10/21/2010 5:44:41 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

It's not the sub's place to manage limits. It's the Dom's place. She gives them to me, and they're mine after that to administer.

Seconded.
She has the limits I choose to allow. Any illusions she has otherwise are exactly that.

(in teeny tiny itty-bitty print so as to not offend the masses-That's why ya get a slave, not a sub.Subs involve negotiations, discussions. Le sigh. Slaves are so much easier-her life is defined by two simple choices, obey, or suffer the consequences. All her considering was been done before she decided to beg to be mine :-) )

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RE: going to the limits - 10/21/2010 6:52:18 AM

lally2

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Joined: 4/16/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: shortmansub

how do you manage your limits? How do you determine the excitement of pleasure vs the point in which you can't take it any more. Will the dom be insulted

are you asking generally or specifically - the sentance 'Will the Dom be insulted' has me wondering if this is to do with casual play rather than two people in a relationship.

i think that with play its a short term contract in a way. you discuss a scene, youre likely reactions and the level you think you can handle. if you need the scene to stop then it stops, no harm no foul - but if its a relationship thing then, hopefully, the Dom/me, is clued in enough to know when youve had enough through knowing you and youre limits already.

ive been in situations where i thought i probably should have reached my limit but in the end i could take more - it might have stopped being enjoyable but since the Dom was enjoying himself it went to another level that i could handle but for a different reason. but that was them knowing me pretty well.

i think that youre question is very much geared around not really knowing what youre limits are yet and not sure how they might translate to play. not knowing what youre situation is its hard to really comment but i would suggest you find a partner, play or whatever who is prepared to take you slowly and build you up gradually. trust and communication are key.

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RE: going to the limits - 10/21/2010 4:45:19 PM

whiteslavebitch

Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
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He knows my limits well, most of them are also his limits, except for one that is mine alone. He respects that limit even though it is something he desires to do. He never seems disappointed about not having that desire fulfilled, which occasionally has me re-
evaluating that limit. (I have a strong desire to give him anything within my power).

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RE: going to the limits - 10/21/2010 6:24:23 PM

toungesgurl

Posts: 30
Joined: 6/11/2010
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My MASTER pushes my limits every now and then.
HE gave me safe words and as long as i use them, instead of getting upset, it all ends ok :)

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RE: going to the limits - 10/22/2010 6:43:00 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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I view limits as health issues. If I were hypoglycemic he wouldn't assume that he knew better than me when I needed to eat, or when I was going to faint. Presumably I'd tell him I was getting light headed and he's say something like "Oh shit" then peel the wrapper off a candy bar and pop some in my mouth. But if I assumed he would know how I felt then I'd be a believer in mind reading, which I'm not.

Same with the rest of them. Some of mine are physical problems, no inverted suspension because I get vertigo. Anybody who announced he had the right to do that to me is someone I couldn't trust and would withdraw control from. But whether him pushing a limit meant a causing a physical problem or an emotional, in my book they're all wrong. It's no better to force someone to faint by withholding food than it is to cause them a panic attack by hitting other triggers. And if the result is mental anguish, that's equally bad. If he wants the relationship to end so badly that he would do things he knows I couldn't agree to or live with, then I'd hope he would have the decency to tell me so before causing me such distress. Whether physical, emotional or mental.

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RE: going to the limits - 10/22/2010 8:46:08 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: shortmansub

how do you manage your limits? How do you determine the excitement of pleasure vs the point in which you can't take it any more. Will the dom be insulted

My owner's philosophy is that anything he does with/to me is for our mutual benefit overall, and the benefit of our relationship. I don't have a list of limits, but there are things he knows I am unable to do at this time, as they would not be healthy for my mind. Well, I could do them but the outcome would not be ideal, and he wants the best outcome for both of us. Together we will bring me where he wants me. He will lead and I will do the internal mental work. This, however, has nothing to do with taking pain, etc.

And no, he is not insulted by the fact that I have mental roadblocks. Why would he be? He knows I am human, and he loves me, and this relationship. It would be pretty silly for him to take one of my roadblocks personally.

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