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How did you come to be here? - 10/19/2010 1:47:28 PM

tzr6977

Posts: 149
Joined: 10/11/2010
Status: offline

I am only a week or so old, not only to this website, but also to the lifestyle. Actually I am not quite "IN" the lifestyle, I am trying to figure out where I fit into it. Learning or trying to learn and understand it. So...... Can you tell me how you came to enter the BDSM Lifestyle? What do I need to do to figure out where I fit or what I want? I look forward to your response and any suggestions you may have.

Post #: 1

RE: How did you come to be here? - 10/19/2010 2:01:00 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I was brought into the lifestyle by My first slave. I didn't find it first on the net. I met real people who actually lived this way before I had My first screen name on a kink site. I got My beginning education in kink from My first M/s dynamic, munches, events, and reading a lot of non fiction books.

As for "here" on CM, I was actually introduced to the site by a pet that I had years after that.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to tzr6977)

Post #: 2

RE: How did you come to be here? - 10/19/2010 2:34:00 PM

WolfyMontgomery

Posts: 234
Joined: 9/28/2010
Status: offline

I was introduced to the lifestyle by my Master. We started out as a vanilla couple - we met on a vanilla dating site, found out we went to the same school, had a few dates, started liking each other... etc. He had been interested in BDSM but too afraid to venture into it for a year or so before he met me (in part due to a bad marriage before he met me), and so he knew a little about it, but had no tangible experience.

But a few months into our relationship he started noticing that we actually unconsciously sort of fell into the roles of Dominant and submissive, and mentioned it to me. The concept intrigued me - the most I'd known about BDSM before was that I knew a friend whose parents went to parties where they spanked each other lol. Either way, I started reading up on it, started really liking the idea - not to mention noticing how much it spoke to me about me as a person - and we slowly started experimenting and growing together.

Now, two years later, I am collared and slave to Master, in love and loved and and owned by him.

First suggestion I would make to you, tzr, is to start reading all you can, learn all you can, look for the things that interest you. While you're learning, go to munches (bdsm gatherings in your area), meet people, learn from their experiences. Read what people say on these forums, look up other kink websites like Fetlife and others and read what people have to say there. You have mountains of information at your fingertips. Use it and absorb it and love it! =D

_____________________________

~Eleven

-A Wolf of a Different Color

Fear me and my Gleaming Metal Chompers of DOOM!
..........that means my braces. >_>

(in reply to tzr6977)

Post #: 3

RE: How did you come to be here? - 10/19/2010 2:54:38 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

At your age, you should know what turns you on, right?

If you have a boyfriend you care about and he cares about you, then communicate what types of desires and fantasies turn you on.

See if he will do the same. See if they mesh. Try a few things.

Read alot about the topic.

How did I get here? I knew since age 16 that sexual submission turned me on. So I chose men who were Dominant in the bedroom and who wanted a woman like me. Relationships ensued.

Found this site after finding some other awful BDSM sites and I like this one the best, not for the dating side (dismal) but for this side, the message boards.

The boards are fun, informative, flirty, sometimes infuriating, provocative and you find out more about posters through their posts than you do from what is written in the profile boxes.

(in reply to WolfyMontgomery)

Post #: 4

RE: How did you come to be here? - 10/19/2010 3:50:21 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

I am trying to figure out where I fit into it

Come on over to my house for a while and I'll figure out where you fit in.

1 - does she fit into the red cage?
2 - does she fit in the cross?
3 - does she fit in the manacles?
4 - does she fit in the blindfold?
5 - does she fit over my knee?
6 - does she fit in between the sheets?

Seriously though, I feel like the lifestyle found me (1971) not the other way around. It took a few years of trying everything out before I found my niche. Don't be in a hurry, enjoy the ride during your explorations.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to tzr6977)

Post #: 5

RE: How did you come to be here? - 10/19/2010 5:41:46 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tzr6977

I am only a week or so old, not only to this website, but also to the lifestyle. Actually I am not quite "IN" the lifestyle, I am trying to figure out where I fit into it. Learning or trying to learn and understand it. So...... Can you tell me how you came to enter the BDSM Lifestyle? What do I need to do to figure out where I fit or what I want? I look forward to your response and any suggestions you may have.

quote:

C

Ever since I was 16 I new this was for me in some way shape or form. It feels so natural to me.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to tzr6977)

Post #: 6

RE: How did you come to be here? - 10/19/2010 7:13:41 PM

whiteslavebitch

Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

I was exploring the net, I found AFF,noticed their BDSM chatroom, continued to explore BDSM websites, and realized it was for me after about 2 weeks of exploration.

I really knew it was for me after my first play session.

_____________________________

MasterK's whiteslavebitch

formally collared 1/30/09

"I give to you my everything, you've given me these loving wings." - DMB

(in reply to tzr6977)

Post #: 7

RE: How did you come to be here? - 10/19/2010 7:14:36 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tzr6977

So...... Can you tell me how you came to enter the BDSM Lifestyle?

I met two different guys on a 'nilla site and they both happened to be submissive. They explained to me about D/s and one of them sent me a link to a picture of a chastity device. I checked out the link and from there I found out about Alt.com. So I was on there for a little while and it was then that I had my first experience. It was mind-blowing. Then I found out about CM and Fet, the free sites. The rest is, as they say, history. lol

~sweetsub~

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to tzr6977)

Post #: 8

RE: How did you come to be here? - 10/19/2010 7:22:57 PM

tzr6977

Posts: 149
Joined: 10/11/2010
Status: offline

I think I might fit numbers 3-6.......

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 9

RE: How did you come to be here? - 10/20/2010 1:33:14 AM

allnewtome

Posts: 73
Joined: 9/23/2010
Status: offline

2,3,4 and 5 please

I only realised recently that I didn't actually belong in a 100% vanilla relationship. I started searching for answers to why I liked what I liked. I ended up here. For the first time I feel like I belong somewhere. I don't post much but I do lots and lots of reading. There is a great search function top right.

Enjoy your stay

(in reply to tzr6977)

Post #: 10

RE: How did you come to be here? - 10/20/2010 2:10:51 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

Greetings

I googled BDSM and forum and this was one of the first hits I got so I made an account and started posting. Entering a BDSM lifestyle however has been quite a bit more difult than entering this website. :P I always knew that I was kinky, I used to play slave to my dolls, my favorite game was that one of my Barbies where a princess from outer space who had come to Earth and I had become her servant, so I had to serve her tea and iron her clothes and tend to her every need or something bad would happen to me. I had other similar games as well. I used to love Cinderella like stories where one person ended up the servant or slave of another. I was fascinated by people being tied up in books or TV, When the other little girls talked about their new dolls, I talked about a scene in a Tarzan movie where Tarzan was put in a cage.

When I first started thinking about sex I wanted it to be like in the fantasy series I had been reading around that time, rough and painful. When I got a little older I saw in the news a rapport about something or another about a porn ring. However since this was national TV the images they had used to illustrate the part was a Domina in leather and a sub kneeling by her feet with her hands tied behind her back. This was the first I ever heard about BDSM and I got very interested.

The next years I read allot about it and talked with people online, then I met Aswad when I was 16. He was kinky to and we started a relationship that also included kink, this relationship have later been back and forth. I have been his sub, then his slave and now we play now and again but our main focus are the Gorean lifestyle, where I am his free companion. So my experience with BDSM and D/s have been rather back and forth and twists and turns but it have been something that have been with me all my life.

As for how you can figure out what you need and how you fit. No one can tell you that. My recommendation would be to read all you can about BDSM topics, talk with people that practice the lifestyle and experiment. You will get burned at times, however learning and then trying for yourself is the only way you can figure out what is best for you and what suits your tastes. Good luck.

I wish you well

_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad

(in reply to tzr6977)

Post #: 11

RE: How did you come to be here? - 10/20/2010 5:42:28 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

It isn't about you fitting in. It's about you fitting with your partner. Every relationship is different, made specifically to fit the people in it.

Now if you're talking about CMe, I started at bondage.com and when they were sold and their boards got very slow, I moved here. I wound up there by typing bondage.com into the browser figuring I would find some bondage porn. Instead I found real live people into this.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 12

RE: How did you come to be here? - 10/20/2010 6:34:14 AM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

I found Collarme while creating a web site for a member here.
My interest in the lifestyle was inspired years ago by a piece of art, of all things.
As Des has said, this isn't about us or others in the lifestyle accepting you
but more that you can find acceptance and joy for yourself in this lifestyle.
There is a place for everyone. Welcome to Collarme

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 13

RE: How did you come to be here? - 10/20/2010 6:43:35 AM

MMsCandy

Posts: 71
Joined: 10/19/2010
Status: offline

I met M 27 years ago - he was dominant (though neither of us had ever heard of BDSM, D/s or any of that at the time) that caused me to examine myself and figure some things out. That took a little doing and a bit of time but we got there.

If "here" as in CM - well i'd heard about it a lot and i kind of rode the back of someone else here... YESTERDAY LOL yes, i am one day old on CM.

Be nice to the newb???

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 14

RE: How did you come to be here? - 10/20/2010 6:49:19 AM

MistressLavinia

Posts: 1110
Joined: 3/6/2009
From: DFWM in the Land of LaviKinks
Status: offline

I became aware of the lifestyle and what it meant from a beautiful Master, he was a friend a partner, a lover and then a submissive. He was a wonderful Master who also became my submissive, I believe as I learned about the lifestyle, my true dominant nature took over, and I guess in reality he must have been a total switch. I became aware of collarme through a friend and remained here while in search for that same friend. Along the way, I've met up with a lot of wonderful people. It's a site that some knock and I am grateful for, I don't open mail from people I don't know so none of the scammers bother or affect me. Welcome to collarme and I hope you find all that your looking for.

_____________________________

If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison:
~I am: ~Petal-icious~Bitch with Tits~
~ Ravager ~Sovereign~ LaviKinKs

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 15

RE: How did you come to be here? - 10/20/2010 6:59:12 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

I had been dating for a bit and met someone on a mainstream site that intrigued me. There was something about this man that got my motor running. After getting to know each other a little he actually used the words Dominance and submission and put the dynamic in place between us which I happily followed. It was like a switch went off in my brain, I wanted to know more about why what he did attracted me so much and after some searching on the internet I ended up here.

I didn't stay with the man who first opened the doors for me to BDSM but I do mentally thank him once in a while for giving me the self-awareness I needed to include this into the structure of my life.

(in reply to tzr6977)

Post #: 16

RE: How did you come to be here? - 10/20/2010 8:10:50 AM

Meliai

Posts: 55
Joined: 1/3/2010
Status: offline

I was playing Scrabble online and my random, unknown opponent asked 'are you into BDSM?' I had no clue what he was talking about, so Googled 'What is BDSM?' Started with the wiki and kept on reading...ended up here later that night. Within 2 weeks I had started talking to two local people who two years later are the main players in my life - The Man and a woman who has become my closest friend.

Best Google search ever :)

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 17

RE: How did you come to be here? - 10/20/2010 9:03:05 AM

TotalDiscipline

Posts: 225
Joined: 5/5/2010
Status: offline

Is it important to be in?

I have approx 20 years a love/hate relation with something called a lifestyle ( BDSm that is).
I am just me..and sometimes roughly seen bdsm fits to what I like.
When I discovered bdsm..I used to visit MSN lifestyle chatrooms..but they were closed in Europe because of the content...and on my search I found Cm...and my first slave. From then on...I got more and more involved.

< Message edited by TotalDiscipline -- 10/20/2010 9:05:32 AM >

(in reply to tzr6977)

Post #: 18

RE: How did you come to be here? - 10/20/2010 10:55:26 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tzr6977
I am only a week or so old, not only to this website, but also to the lifestyle. Actually I am not quite "IN" the lifestyle, I am trying to figure out where I fit into it. Learning or trying to learn and understand it. So...... Can you tell me how you came to enter the BDSM Lifestyle? What do I need to do to figure out where I fit or what I want? I look forward to your response and any suggestions you may have.

I came to wherever it is that I am (I avoid the whole lifestyle thing) because I ran into D/s, then M/s online in SecondLife. Then it travelled out of the computer into my marriage.

Insofar as "where you fit", the only way to find that out is by reading the diverse viewpoints presented here and looking for the ones that resonate with you. Here, I'll save you a year or more... or at least that's how long it took me to wise up.

Don't look for "fit". You'll never find it. You and your relationship is only ever going to be partially similar to other people's. At best, you'll find a few posters where you like bits and pieces of what they write about. It's those bits and pieces you're looking for, not some sort of attempt to fit into a label. And while I'm on the topic of labels, I'll encourage you to not waste your time with those either (as I did). Again, you'll quickly find that no label actually captures a human. Carol is my slave in some ways, my property in others, my wife, best friend, confidante in yet others... the list goes on. I'd encourage you to spend a lot of time thinking about real, descriptive sentences that describe the things which resonate with you... those are worth gold. You can figure out which label seems most fitting later on... it hardly matters anyway. You'll also find that there is ZERO agreement on what those labels mean so debating with yourself or anyone else whether you are a 'slave', 'sub', 'pet', 'baby girl', etc. is a fool's errand.

I hope any of that helps.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to tzr6977)

Post #: 19

RE: How did you come to be here? - 10/20/2010 2:43:03 PM

tzr6977

Posts: 149
Joined: 10/11/2010
Status: offline

I am finding all these posts quite informative and thank all who have posted so far, and to those that may. I may have mis-spoken when I said "Fit In" I did not mean it so much in the actual sense, but as to what I do or will like. I am usually fairly open minded and look forward to the experiences. I have learned what I know I like and do not like, just by reading posts here and in other forums, along with emails I have received. Again Thank you and I look forward to reading MANY more and hopefully making many friends.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 20

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