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Holyshit batman way to come across as a condesending ja... - 10/20/2010 5:27:15 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		So I posted some new photo's of myself on fetlife, and someone emails with me you're to young.  I was like to young for what, huh, and opened the email. and the email reads


You are still young enough that you should be able to lose weight. You need to do it. It's very unhealthy. Get out and walk then jog then run......



. now I am prepaired for the worst, but still, I ask what do you mean, because the breast question or something else. Because on a forum on fetlife I asked a boob related question.


They replied with



I'm just looking at your pictures and reading your posts. Sounds like you have a lot of free time. You need to work out. From viewing your pictures it appears that your house is a mess too. Doing housework will allow you to get some cardio and you can lose weight. It looks like your dom is obese as well. If he can't control his own eating habits, how is he able to control his submissive?

This is some good advice and you should heed it, hon.


I admit I was far to polite in my reply.


I said,

Have you perhaps considered I prefer being a bbw? Or We're what you term a feeder feedee fetish, where the goal is to be fat, Or perhaps he's a chubby chaser, as they call it. I hate the term it's a bit derogatory I feel, but some women do / are you know. I don't of course, want to get fatter, or are a chubby chaser, but you know, what ever floats a person's boat.

And I'm not his submissive, I am a baby girl. We don't have a relationship based on domination or D/s.

I guess you could still consider it controlling if you put it at the right angle because parents control their children, and I am his "child like" partner.

He's actually started martial arts, we're so excited for him. Hopefully it'll build his sense of self worth and self esteem and help with some of his depression.

But it's nice of you to be concerned, even if the tone was a bit patronizing.
:)


I haven't heard back from them yet, but maybe it made them realize just waltzing into someone's email un invited and out of the blue and saying condescending things, even if you mean well, is poor taste and tacky.

It's true I have a lot of time, and it's true my house can be seen to be a mess in some of my pictures, but I'd never dream of going up to someone, not having ever spoke to them or know them, and comment on their situation. She doesn't know why my house is a mess, maybe I am going through a truamtic time in my life, maybe my mom just died and I am depressed, and in that case maybe my house is justified in being a bit messy.* I'm not so all the good people here please don't worry, but SHE doesn't know that, and it's not  her place, means well or not to tell email people with her comments.

Or maybe I want to clean house but I have reasons I can't do it all alone, or do very much of it,  and I can't get no fricken help cleaning my house from my SO, and can't do it all alone, and what I do do, is slow going.. Or maybe those pictures are really old, but still good valid happy memory shots, so I am not taking them down even if they're not a snap shot in this moment and time that is current any more.


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RE: Holyshit batman way to come across as a condesendin... - 10/20/2010 5:33:17 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline 		Why are you even bothering to respond at all to a creep like that?  I doubt he'd have the guts to say it to your face, but the Internet has a way of making cowards like that a lot bolder when they email people semi-anonymously from the comfort of their own computer screen.

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RE: Holyshit batman way to come across as a condesendin... - 10/20/2010 5:42:27 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		Well first of all it's a girl, not a guy, but you're basically right, that I shouldn't reply to those people.

I don't know why I bother replyin sometimes. Honestly I am bored and have nothing better to do sometimes, so I engage the jackasses when they engage me.
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

Why are you even bothering to respond at all to a creep like that?  I doubt he'd have the guts to say it to your face, but the Internet has a way of making cowards like that a lot bolder when they email people semi-anonymously from the comfort of their own computer screen.


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RE: Holyshit batman way to come across as a condesendin... - 10/23/2010 3:11:28 PM   
stacinator69


Posts: 20
Joined: 10/6/2008
Status: offline 		wow what bull something similiar happened to me. they told me i was fat and overweight and that if he were controlling me i would be exactly the weight he wanted not a pound more. i replied back and told him get over himself yes im fluffy but i was also pregnant at the time and he needed to waste someone elses time just because im submissive natured doesnt mean i let anyone and everyone walk all over me

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RE: Holyshit batman way to come across as a condesendin... - 10/23/2010 3:48:13 PM   
switch2please


Posts: 494
Joined: 12/5/2008
Status: offline 		great title for a thread 

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RE: Holyshit batman way to come across as a condesendin... - 10/23/2010 3:52:51 PM   
BreePix


Posts: 208
Joined: 8/12/2007
Status: offline 		i get the your fat messages a lot to and i have been doing my best to lose weight beacuse thats what i want and sadly to me it hurts a lot every message i get saying your fat. i usually just ignore the messenger and block the person or tell them they are a jackass then block them but thats me and how i react

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RE: Holyshit batman way to come across as a condesendin... - 10/23/2010 4:02:15 PM   
SorceressJ


Posts: 2968
Joined: 7/24/2010
Status: offline 		I just wanted to say:




Attachment (1)

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RE: Holyshit batman way to come across as a condesendin... - 10/23/2010 7:33:07 PM   
LinnaeaBorealis


Posts: 8595
Joined: 10/5/2008
From: Insanity & beyond
Status: offline 		*adores SJ*

TFB, I kinda liked what you said in your email. Good on you!! Sometimes I engage some of the fools for amusement too. There was one on another site who must have spent a good 15-20 minutes composing an email all about my heftyness, at the end of which he told me I should get a life!! Seemed to me if he had all that much time to compose that email, perhaps he was the one who needed a life.

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RE: Holyshit batman way to come across as a condesendin... - 10/23/2010 7:40:46 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Eh...who gives a damn what strangers cowardly say to you TFB? YOU know who you are.

There is an abundance of morons out there in cyberland who lack the most basic of social skills.

Think about it; this chick who wrote you may have been jealous that you are in a happy relationship and thought she would try to upset you.

Instead, relish your happiness and tell her to kiss your ass in Neiman Marcus' window!

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RE: Holyshit batman way to come across as a condesendin... - 10/23/2010 8:23:11 PM   
DMFParadox


Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I doubt he'd have the guts to say it to your face
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

I doubt he'd have the guts to say it to your face


I disagree. People say things like this in real life all the time. Any bar, club, coffeehouse, or university... if their walls could talk, ears would burn.

To play devil's advocate, it's not arguable that being 'fluffy' is a sign of ill health and poor life choices more often than not. Not in every case, but 'bad genetics' is too often used as an excuse that is unjustifiable under scrutiny.  I work hard at staying fit, and it frequently sucks ass and I do NOT want to hit the gym, but I do it anyway. I credit several people who kicked my ass for this; they were trying to help me, not insult me, and I realize that now. And thank them. For this reason I get annoyed by people who still haven't seen the difference, and think it's ok to have a bitch fest because somebody pointed out you can do something about being grossly overweight, you don't have to just live that way.

On the other hand, I do have a genetic predisposition to being pale as a ghost, and it's annoying as hell when random strangers tell me I need more sunlight. Then again, being pale is probably not going to raise my blood pressure too badly, so they can shut the hell up. In that sense, I can sympathize with your complaint. But really, I'd rather they said something. It's not fun to be criticized, but it can open the door to a friendlier conversation; and it's not infrequent that people will critique you for exactly that reason. Getting too defensive is almost always the wrong response. Though it can be really fun sometimes to just rail at the world... so hell, go for it.


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RE: Holyshit batman way to come across as a condesendin... - 10/23/2010 8:39:00 PM   
SorceressJ


Posts: 2968
Joined: 7/24/2010
Status: offline 		Getting "too defensive" at an absolute stranger who took it upon herself to impart her "wisdom" concerning topping's weight and housekeeping habits? No, I really don't think topping got too defensive at all. If the person doing the pointing out were a family member or a friend who knew and cared about her, then maybe. The nosy individual in this case was neither of these, and topping's body make and state of her health are as such none of that person's business, nor mine, nor yours, nor anyone else's, unless topping herself decides otherwise.
Topping was in fact much more polite than I would have been. Just thought I'd point that out..

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RE: Holyshit batman way to come across as a condesendin... - 10/24/2010 12:21:32 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		~FR~

one of the best tshirts I ever saw:

I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I could lose weight.

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RE: Holyshit batman way to come across as a condesendin... - 10/24/2010 12:25:55 AM   
ShaharThorne


Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline 		Got no emails about it but I am pretty forward about my weight.  only one person is concerned about my weight and he is a friend of mine.  He understands that my weight is due to my meds. (and chocolate chip cookies...)  As long as we email each other he is encouraging me to step forward and to be positive.

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RE: Holyshit batman way to come across as a condesendin... - 10/24/2010 12:29:26 AM   
DMFParadox


Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SorceressJ

Getting "too defensive" at an absolute stranger who took it upon herself to impart her "wisdom" concerning topping's weight and housekeeping habits? No, I really don't think topping got too defensive at all. If the person doing the pointing out were a family member or a friend who knew and cared about her, then maybe. The nosy individual in this case was neither of these, and topping's body make and state of her health are as such none of that person's business, nor mine, nor yours, nor anyone else's, unless topping herself decides otherwise.
Topping was in fact much more polite than I would have been. Just thought I'd point that out..


That's just it. Nosy individuals are also known as 'other people'. You've been a nosy stranger once or twice too, if you have been living on this planet, and I'm certain you've given horrendous offense a few times without ever knowing it. People will be people; accept this or take a hammer to your computer, lock your front door and wait to die. If your response was more extreme than Topping's, then you'd be wrong. And a hypocrite.




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bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

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RE: Holyshit batman way to come across as a condesendin... - 10/24/2010 12:46:17 AM   
YoungBlondeSlave


Posts: 953
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

You are still young enough that you should be able to lose weight. You need to do it. It's very unhealthy. Get out and walk then jog then run......

I'm just looking at your pictures and reading your posts. Sounds like you have a lot of free time. You need to work out.

This is some good advice and you should heed it, hon.



First off, I like the fact that they said that their advice is good and you should listen to them. Because, she (most likely being a Domme) is psychic and knows everything about you and your situation. She also probably knows everything about everyone else on FetLife if not the planet, i will wait to receive an e-mail from her and see what gems of wisdom she chooses to impart upon me.

Seems to me like she has plenty of free time herself to be e-mailing people life lessons who don't even ask for it.

i get stupid e-mails like that all the time. Usually with clever notes like "you're a nurse and you should know better." i usually tell them to kiss my fat white ass and come back to me when they can swim for miles like i can and do triathlons like i've done.

i agree with everyone, do what makes you happy and since you're happy the way you are...fuck everyone else who tells you to be anything but yourself.

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RE: Holyshit batman way to come across as a condesendin... - 10/24/2010 1:00:26 AM   
bestheadyet


Posts: 266
Joined: 2/3/2010
Status: offline 		i tend to agree with you....though i am empathetic to anyone trying their best to do anything.

lots of people just blame blame blame and never look inside to what needs a doing.

unsolicited comments come when we make profiles in a public area. we can either reply or ignore.

i NEED empathetic people in my life...to encourage me to do what i should...not to congratulate me for doing things half assed.
ok ill quit before i go off on a rant lol

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RE: Holyshit batman way to come across as a condesendin... - 10/24/2010 1:01:45 AM   
bestheadyet


Posts: 266
Joined: 2/3/2010
Status: offline 		love that pic.....and u Socccceee

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RE: Holyshit batman way to come across as a condesendin... - 10/26/2010 9:16:56 AM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline 		Just before Easter I chatted with someone for a few days.  He decided to "meet" me in my home town while I was at my dad's for an afternoon of "fun and games".  I never replied, no way was I going to meet a stranger in a hotel room just so he could get his rocks off.

5 months later, he finds my new profile and sends me these 2 gems: (then coward that he is, can't reply, he's blocked me)

Now fuck off and live happily ever after , douche bag
And by the way, you look like 20 lbs of shit in a 10 pound bag!
 
And this is going to want me to ever want to chat with you again? Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight..............

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RE: Holyshit batman way to come across as a condesendin... - 11/12/2010 3:02:25 AM   
imdmb


Posts: 121
Joined: 9/3/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SorceressJ

I just wanted to say:





that is the cutest kitten in the world

awwwww

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