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Talking the talk - 10/24/2010 4:49:13 PM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
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Hi all, I'm having trouble with being verbal in play. I'm not sure if there are any real answers for this but does anyone else have this problem? He's been more than patient, but he wants more vocal from me in forms of begging to cum, how I'm going to please him, reading his moods, etc.

I seem to freeze and when I do venture forth, it sounds stilted and I sometimes just clam right up. I know it must be some kind of art form for a cross between submissive vocal with just enough porn slut in it to really vocally please him.

Any tricks of the trade from those who can vocal a man straight to orgasm? :)

Post #: 1

RE: Talking the talk - 10/24/2010 5:09:41 PM

Lockit

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Joined: 5/7/2007
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I've found that some have a difficult time with this because they feel insecure because it is new to them. I tend to do things to encourage them feeling more secure about it. I call it bringing out the beast. The beast that is so hungry that they will say or do anything to be fed and are so hungry they no longer think of what is expected of them. It tends to start with some sort of a growl from the chest and vibrates out... then I encourage word usage.

Expecting someone to find that place, in my opinion is expecting too much. I will guide things so that I am introducing whatever is needed and will have little things they can do to bring this all forth, but it really in my opinion, starts with me. I must introduce them to their inner beastly self and then when a bit of that beastly hunger shows, let them know I like that, mmmmmmmmm baby... give me more!

Once they have seen that part of themselves it is easier for them to understand and then I may have them practice by talking to themselves. Think back on things... maybe play with yourself a little, get hungry, but don't satisfy yourself... now... speak... don't think... talk. I don't care if it comes out as a growl or wordless sounds.. I want the beastly hunger. You (anyone) can do this yourself to help with comfort levels, but I really think it is up to me to entice someone to feel so much, to be so overcome, that they become comfortable with acting on that hunger. Once you get used to it a bit, you will wonder why you had such a hard time with it because it finally makes sense to you.

You can't force emotional responses... you have to experience them, therefore it starts with me, the dominant.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 2

RE: Talking the talk - 10/24/2010 5:21:48 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
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quote:

I'm having trouble with being verbal in play.

I have the same problem ... I tend to be quiet, too. It always takes a focus to be verbal when that is something ones partner likes ... and something I have to work at, constantly. Reminding myself to make noise ...

So I guess all I can do is share empathy ...

(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 3

RE: Talking the talk - 10/24/2010 5:51:03 PM

LadyRian

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Joined: 9/5/2010
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Lockit has given excellent, and very evocative, if I may compliment there, advice. ;)

Release the hunger from the depths. Feel it. Thinking about it too much instead of feeling it has a tendency to over complicate things. Feel the feelings. Sink into the sensuous experience, use touch, scent, hearing, taste, visual, and rely on the primal impressions you receive from immersion in the experience. This is you, it's an integral part of you, and such an enjoyable part.

_____________________________

"Dodging bullets since 2010"

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Post #: 4

RE: Talking the talk - 10/24/2010 6:16:35 PM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
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Wow...great responses...thanks ladies. Lockit, I do think he gets that part, though I never have looked at it that way. He gets me truly worked up, focusing on pleasing him, gets me to the point of bursting that he wants me at and then starts telling me to get vocal. And it does work a little better getting that close to the finish line. It's just getting to that point that I have the trouble....lol

The letting go and just feeling and saying whatever comes to mind, good, bad, embarrassing, whatever is probably going to be the key....at least i hope...

(in reply to LadyRian)

Post #: 5

RE: Talking the talk - 10/24/2010 6:33:53 PM

Lockit

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Joined: 5/7/2007
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LOL.. I can understand! Try practicing when not playing with your partner. You can write things or just play them out in your mind. Say the words you are uncomfortable with. Now, see.. I am sometimes called the gutter mouthed dominant.

I didn't always feel so free with the naughty mouth I have and some think I shouldn't be, but, that is just how I work. I would use a word repeatedly, that I was typically uncomfortable with. I learned this in learning new words that weren't naughty. Practice the word. Until you are comfortable using the word, you are hesitant to use it thinking you will sound funny or will say it improperly. So using this example, get comfortable with the words. Give yourself permission to use them, because you already have permission from your dominant!

At a certain point where your dominant has you all tuned up and so hungry, you may be feeling like the spotlight is on you and performance issues may be at work here. You may be uncomfortable with the spotlight being on you and afraid you will somehow fail and you choke. So if you can get comfy with the words or get used to writing them in a little story of a fantasy or something like that, you may be able to overcome the feeling.

I know a certain dominant that helped me with this in a way. lol I rarely talk about it, but it is funny! I had a situation in life I had to deal with and it was no easy thing. I have this phrase I use and it is domina down. It means I cannot be dominant at that time. This situation was ongoing for about a year and I had an online/phone dominant that saw me through these major life crisis's. That wonderful and challenging man made me get comfortable with something that made no sense to me and I thought silly, but because I loved him and respected him, I did it.

He would say... Call me in five minutes and bark. What the hell? lol Shit, I can't bark! But you know I did. I had to! lol So there I am on my phone barking into a phone and hanging up, freaking out because I had to bark into a damn phone and look a fool and wondering what this little lesson was all about! It wasn't to degrade me. It wasn't because he needed power or to hear me bark! It was to help me feel totally comfortable with him and to follow orders without question, again re-enforcing my feeling free and safe with him. Crazy... but it worked. lol

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 6

RE: Talking the talk - 10/24/2010 6:38:02 PM

sexyred1

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I don't think practicing it makes it authentic. You either are in the moment, or you are not. I have said things in the heat of passion I would never have dreamed I would have said, and it was completely valid and made sense, then and there.

Any amount of forethought or practice or daydreaming about being verbal can never match what actually comes out of your mouth during those moments.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 7

RE: Talking the talk - 10/24/2010 6:47:04 PM

Lockit

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I agree basically, but, some people have a hard time saying the words or giving themselves permission to say them. There could be a number of things going on that prevents someone from being comfortable and there isn't one answer in how to make them comfortable. My suggestions are simply to do whatever it takes to get comfortable in the area's you aren't and addressing only a few things.

Like I said, you can't force emotional responses, but maybe you can get comfy enough to be free to experience them.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 8

RE: Talking the talk - 10/24/2010 6:59:31 PM

pinkieblue

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Joined: 10/17/2010
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I'm pretty quiet myself, but someone once encouraged me by lighting a few candles, telling me how sexy I was, and kept praising my body, my voice, my reactions until I was practically screaming into a pillow.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 9

RE: Talking the talk - 10/24/2010 6:59:57 PM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
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It will both work and help probably. I was thinking about watching more vids and listening to what they are saying. Then making a audio of myself saying it. Maybe weird, but I could pick out the parts I like and keep those and work on the rest.

Lockit, loved the barking story...lol. It's just one of those give them no time to think about it, just have them do it...which i find alot of fun :).

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 10

RE: Talking the talk - 10/24/2010 9:39:45 PM

SubPet715

Posts: 337
Joined: 8/24/2010
From: Brooklyn, NY
Status: offline

This is all great advice, I have somewhat a similar problem especially with domme's who are so friendly with me that they're basically a friend. Is that I find myself more happy and giddy like a dog getting a treat than solemn and humble which is what I try to convey sometimes, so my language is much more relaxed...if that makes sense.

_____________________________

Passion isn't really happiness.

(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 11

RE: Talking the talk - 10/25/2010 12:15:49 AM

CollarSubGirl

Posts: 24
Joined: 2/19/2010
Status: offline

I didn't read the previous messages so I'm sorry if I'm repeating anyone.

I remember a friend of mine on here (sorry if you posted hun) where she was also having trouble. As was I...so what she did to overcome it was to write a literotica. to describe it all in a story to give to Master, then she and her Master acted it out that night I believe...or at least tried to. I don't know how well it went as I lost contact with her after that.

But I know that Master and I tried that and it worked out well for us. So maybe it will help you out too :)

(in reply to SubPet715)

Post #: 12

RE: Talking the talk - 10/25/2010 2:47:51 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

Hi all, I'm having trouble with being verbal in play. I'm not sure if there are any real answers for this but does anyone else have this problem? He's been more than patient, but he wants more vocal from me in forms of begging to cum, how I'm going to please him, reading his moods, etc.

I seem to freeze and when I do venture forth, it sounds stilted and I sometimes just clam right up. I know it must be some kind of art form for a cross between submissive vocal with just enough porn slut in it to really vocally please him.

Any tricks of the trade from those who can vocal a man straight to orgasm? :)

The problem is his - what he's expecting of you is unrealistic.

Subs are NOT chatty when being actively dominated and it shouldn't be rocket science to understand why! To do what he wants requires a level of cognisance and alertness from you while his overall dominance is reactively pushing you into a submissive headspace, which makes it difficult to speak at all.

If he just wants noisy, slutty sex, leave the D/s out of it. The last thing I'd wanna do to my girl is inadvertantly train her not to slide into submissive headspace when I'm taking charge of her. That would be deja vu - the frustration of vanilla relationships mercifully passed by.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 13

RE: Talking the talk - 10/25/2010 3:25:40 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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I vote for an actual demonstration from Focus.

*nod nod nod.

What? You were thinking it!

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 14

RE: Talking the talk - 10/25/2010 4:28:09 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If only he weren't on the opposite side of the world from both of us, Sunshine!

But yeah, what he said. I can't be dreamy and nonverbal and perky and logical at the same time. Besides that, what I've found when we hit this is that I had no clue as to exactly what kinds of things he liked to hear. So what works for us is for him to tell me what he wants to hear and then after a couple of times I can do it on my own.

Totally the opposite of Lockit's suggestion because in the moment I don't access words. But I can memorize them and repeat them back a lot easier.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 15

RE: Talking the talk - 10/25/2010 4:42:55 AM

DMFParadox

Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
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I have to give a qualified agreement with Focus; subs typically don't talk much when you've got them really pliant. "Yes" "No" and "Please" are about all I got from some girls, and then only in direct response to a question.

Even 'screamers' get quiet, in an intense session. It's only regular sex that they get loud.

I won't instruct a girl to remember to be more vocal; she won't, and it breaks the mood. But if I think she should for some reason - intuition or something is telling me she should make some noise - then I'll give specifics right then and there. Say It Now kind of thing.

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 16

RE: Talking the talk - 10/25/2010 5:05:26 AM

BBBTBW

Posts: 836
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I agree with Focus, its sounds to me like he is looking for a porn star session (not that there is anything wrong with that). The sounds/noises and words we use and say during the heat of the moment are usually gutteral and uninfluenced. If you have to practice and think about what you are doing, how is that being in the heat of the moment? How is that being who you are?

Perhaps some prolonged sessions of tease and denial with no release will bring about some natural unrehearsed vocals from you.

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to DMFParadox)

Post #: 17

RE: Talking the talk - 10/25/2010 9:06:37 AM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline

Thanks for the different viewpoints. Food for thought. You see, I'm still trying to break old mind sets while at the same time, moving forward towards the place I want to be. He's actually backed up a few steps to work with me but at the same time staying a step ahead of me to keep me moving forward.

It's funny the porn subject came up because that is really the only time I have seen true displeasure from him. A few guys talked to me badly online one week and I made the comment I'm getting tired of being treated like a porn slut. His voice was almost deadly when he said "I hope you do not think I treat you like a porn slut".

He does not ask for alot of vocal, that is true. He's usually too busy telling me what and how to do. But, pleasing him, it's hard for me to put into words how happy that makes me. It just seems like too simple of a request not to fill knowing it would please him.

I know the desire to tell him all the things he would like to hear from me is in me,(because the thoughts are so there...lol), sometimes to point of I just want to explode with the things I want to say. My voice can just go MIA on me. I think it's me.

(in reply to BBBTBW)

Post #: 18

RE: Talking the talk - 10/25/2010 9:26:15 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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That is me exactly! If someone is trying to make me speak up I am going to not only slip out of subspace I am going to lock the door behind me. The most I have said while flying is hurt me (or so he said). I am sure not going to start vocalizing dirty phrases to let him know I am enjoying it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Subs are NOT chatty when being actively dominated and it shouldn't be rocket science to understand why! To do what he wants requires a level of cognisance and alertness from you while his overall dominance is reactively pushing you into a submissive headspace, which makes it difficult to speak at all.

Focus.[/font][/size][/color]

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 19

RE: Talking the talk - 10/25/2010 10:17:54 AM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline

I like this. Sounds fun and I think he would like it. Thanks for the tip!

(in reply to CollarSubGirl)

Post #: 20

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