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RE: Talking the talk - 10/25/2010 10:35:59 AM

poise

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Heck...I have a hard enough time typing sexual content on a BDSM website with a bunch of strangers....
I'm going to take Lockits' advice and practice though!

Best of luck anniezz!

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RE: Talking the talk - 10/25/2010 10:46:49 AM

LanceHughes

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When my subs are in sub-space, they are almost always TOTALLY non-vocal. But, yet, I get off on them being verbal. Actually, the more vocal, the harder my dick. What to do? Oh, what to do?. . . . . . .. . ....

I ask them "Can you say, 'Oink," boy?" when they are not so far down. They uniformally clearly respond, "Oink, Sir." Later on they make an oinking sound. And later yet, a grunting sound - especially with a dick in their mouths.

Lockit has it.... "get to the beast."

Rather than bottom practicing, I suggest top "ask" them for the noise. Just as Lockit "barked on the phone," the top asked / commanded and she responded. So it is the TOP's "duty" to get the bottom to be vocal.

In scene we all know the Dom/me is responsible for the "trip." Top wants grunts, xhe should demand them. As usual, limits need to be discovered and pushed. Top wants begging, demand it. "Tell me how badly you want my dick." -OR- "Tell me what a whore / cunt you are." -OR- Maybe work up to it, builld on the trust with: "Tell me that you are MY slut." then later, further in space, "Are you my slut?" Later, "Are you a slut? Are you a bitch? Are you a cunt?" Rythym while using her, pounding her with your dick and words in the same rythym.... Her counter rythym: "Yes, Sir," "Yes, Sir," "Yes, Sir."

Is it getting hot in here?

The ONLY problem in the OP is the Dom is telling the bottom to take control of the scene. Annie, just show him this thread.

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RE: Talking the talk - 10/25/2010 11:15:02 AM

anniezz338

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Hi LanceHughes, I think you nailed it. Maybe if we practiced him telling me exactly what he wants to hear will help loosen me up. He does do that sometimes but more of the tell me how your going to do something.

Most guys I've known like verbal. As you say, it makes your dick harder. He's worth it. He and I can discuss and work on this for sure....I hope he enjoys :)

Edited: lol...and yes. it was getting hot in here

< Message edited by anniezz338 -- 10/25/2010 11:16:46 AM >

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RE: Talking the talk - 10/25/2010 11:33:46 AM

littleone35

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I have th oppisite problem i am VERY vocal. No words though well sometimes it is just Master please that is about it for words for me. If Master wanted me to say words and i actually had to think i would not get so deep into the moment. I am lucky though Master does not demand words he likes the sounds he gets me to make.

To the OP you got it, ask hm what he wants you to say than pratice saying it until you are comfortable with it. After a while you will get used to it and not have to pratice it any more. Best of luck.

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RE: Talking the talk - 10/25/2010 2:07:00 PM

sweetsub1957

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quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338
Any tricks of the trade from those who can vocal a man straight to orgasm? :)

I think He has to make you want Him/it so bad that you will beg, cry, squeal, or whatever it takes to get it. That's my only suggestion. I have the opposite "problem." I'm a talker and a screamer. I am so vocal, verbal and otherwise, that sometimes I'm told to quiet it down a notch or two, even when I'm in subspace depending on what's going on. lol

~sweetsub~

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RE: Talking the talk - 10/26/2010 12:04:54 AM

switch2please

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In conversation I'm usually soft-spoken.
With vanilla sex - but good sex - I'm a screamer.
After reaching subspace I am very quiet but I don't have a problem repeating phrases (like "tell me....." and I will) or with call-and-response dialogue when my response is 'yes, Sir', or saying 'please'. I just don't quite have the ability to put together phrases on my own, and I usually can't articulate what the 'please' is for - I just know I want or need more of....something. Repetition or yes/no questions work well when he wants to hear something, and he usually knows exactly what he wants to hear, so this works pretty well for us

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RE: Talking the talk - 10/26/2010 11:13:43 AM

Lockit

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There is a time and place for all things! lol If we all wanted the same things all the time, we wouldn't do what we do.

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RE: Talking the talk - 10/26/2010 5:37:25 PM

SorceressJ

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< -- is also vocal during actual sex, but quiet and intense during scene. I am best at being the beast: primal animal sounds, grunting and screaming and such, and do not generally have it in me to think about actual words during those times. When scene turns into sex, though.. best to hope that the children are not in the house and that the neighbors don't call the cops because some poor dame's getting moidered over there..

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RE: Talking the talk - 10/26/2010 8:06:06 PM

Elisabella

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quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

Hi all, I'm having trouble with being verbal in play. I'm not sure if there are any real answers for this but does anyone else have this problem? He's been more than patient, but he wants more vocal from me in forms of begging to cum, how I'm going to please him, reading his moods, etc.

I seem to freeze and when I do venture forth, it sounds stilted and I sometimes just clam right up. I know it must be some kind of art form for a cross between submissive vocal with just enough porn slut in it to really vocally please him.

Any tricks of the trade from those who can vocal a man straight to orgasm? :)

That sounds a lot like me...I simply can't talk dirty, my throat clenches up if I try, and I just can't say those sorts of things.

My suggestion would be to think more "romance novel" than "porn star" - you don't have to say things like "I need to cum" and "Fuck me like a slut" you can say things like "I need you to touch me" and "that feels so good"

Unless he's specifically looking for profane pillow talk I think that saying gentler words with genuine feeling would be better than just repeating porn star lines.

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RE: Talking the talk - 10/26/2010 8:33:10 PM

jujubeeMB

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
The problem is his - what he's expecting of you is unrealistic.

Subs are NOT chatty when being actively dominated and it shouldn't be rocket science to understand why! To do what he wants requires a level of cognisance and alertness from you while his overall dominance is reactively pushing you into a submissive headspace, which makes it difficult to speak at all.

If he just wants noisy, slutty sex, leave the D/s out of it. The last thing I'd wanna do to my girl is inadvertantly train her not to slide into submissive headspace when I'm taking charge of her. That would be deja vu - the frustration of vanilla relationships mercifully passed by.

Agree with this SO MUCH. If he tells me to start talking like a whore/slut, I slide right out of subspace and into porn star land. I'm not a huge fan of porn star land, as I have to focus more on performing than actually feeling how I feel. And I always feel like I'm suddenly in control, which I can't stand.

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RE: Talking the talk - 10/27/2010 1:25:31 AM

Focus50

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I vote for an actual demonstration from Focus.

*nod nod nod.

What? You were thinking it!

You paying attention to this, OP?

Typical fem/sub - chatty, playful, and cheeky etc when she's in another country but plant the dom stare on her in the same room and presto; the joyful sounds of only 'Yes Sir' or 'No Sir'...!

If there's one thing I don't like hearing during a scene, it's the sound of my own voice repeating commands. I get in my own zone and I need her to go into hers and generally be quiet and compliant. So I keep it simple, mostly only yes/no questions if I do address her. Even that can be difficult for a newbie sub but those three words (yes, no & sir) are the only pre-scripting she needs to learn, know and relate without disturbing her sub-space.

The other thing is that subs generally think they're talking quite normally (when called upon to) while in sub-space but it's mostly barely audible mumbling. Even something as simple as counting strokes usually only makes it to 3-4, tops. And then my voice starts repeating commands - which makes her come out of her zone - and we're both well on the way to a miserable scene.... No thanks - been there, done that!

Fair dinkum, I reckon if he wrote whatever it is he wants you to stroke his ego with in foot high letters a metre from you, you'd still have trouble putting a sentence together and be heard from sub-space.

Focus.

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RE: Talking the talk - 10/27/2010 5:04:55 AM

sunshinemiss

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RE: Talking the talk - 10/27/2010 5:43:41 AM

barelynangel

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This concept to me is when knowing each other comes in and his training of you. If he chooses to train you to respond to him in a certain way, you will.

Its not going to happen overnight and training means just that, actively training you to respond a certain way. Once the training occurs -- as i think it was Lance suggested -- his use of triggers can in fact initiate the response without you thinking about it. IF he likes you to do something during his taking of you or in a scene or whatnot, he needs to train you so what he likes becomes a response to his stimuli or an automatic response from you based on triggers or actions.

When something is a non-thinking response, its less likely to be something thought about, so it doesn't interfere with the whole or kick you out of the place you are in.

Something personal -- my Master taught me to come on command, it wasn't a word, it was his grasping my hair and licking up the side of my neck to nip my earlobe. No matter where we were or what we were doing, if he wanted me to cum, he could do that and my body would orgasm. That took a couple yeah to develope and he never told me what he was training me to do.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 10/27/2010 5:47:44 AM >

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RE: Talking the talk - 10/27/2010 6:17:59 AM

anniezz338

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Hi Focus, yes I've noticed that too. When we are down to really going, He starts saying some things like Lance mentioned and that's when it goes better. As one poster stated, me saying please and not too sure for what....lol. Some yes, no, please statements.

He likes some verbal in the late beginning and midpoint, like in the progressive stages. Like Lance mentioned, it get's his dick hard. Almost like a foreplay type thing.

But I do totally see what you mean, I guess I'm just seeing that as more midpoint to end. A little clinical I know...lol. But I do feel I need to stop choking up during those early moments (hours :)) It's the way He's built, and I want to please. I'm hoping to find a happy medium to fill that desire. And I want to learn to be good at expressing it verbally....it does seem to increase the pleasure factor and makes me feel more uninhibited.

< Message edited by anniezz338 -- 10/27/2010 6:29:02 AM >

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RE: Talking the talk - 10/27/2010 9:52:50 AM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

This concept to me is when knowing each other comes in and his training of you. If he chooses to train you to respond to him in a certain way, you will.

Its not going to happen overnight and training means just that, actively training you to respond a certain way. Once the training occurs -- as i think it was Lance suggested -- his use of triggers can in fact initiate the response without you thinking about it. IF he likes you to do something during his taking of you or in a scene or whatnot, he needs to train you so what he likes becomes a response to his stimuli or an automatic response from you based on triggers or actions.

When something is a non-thinking response, its less likely to be something thought about, so it doesn't interfere with the whole or kick you out of the place you are in.

Something personal -- my Master taught me to come on command, it wasn't a word, it was his grasping my hair and licking up the side of my neck to nip my earlobe. No matter where we were or what we were doing, if he wanted me to cum, he could do that and my body would orgasm. That took a couple yeah to develope and he never told me what he was training me to do.

angel

I would love that, except how to explain at family get togethers like Thanksgiving. Would I say OMG Mom, the turkey was SO amazing?

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RE: Talking the talk - 10/27/2010 10:44:55 AM

barelynangel

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Well he didn't make a habit of having me do this when it would put me in an ackward position among family etc and he wouldn't be licking the side of my neck and biting my earlobe at a dinner table. He was an animal at times but lol he didn't act like one all the time. . It was an awesome form of control while he didn't do it when it would have been inappropriate or ackward hd could have. And that's what I and he knew it's why he trained me for that. It's also why he didn't train me verbally.. He didn't want any opps. It was delish.

Angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 10/27/2010 10:55:11 AM >

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RE: Talking the talk - 10/27/2010 11:18:44 AM

Shadow-tiger

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I vote for an actual demonstration from Focus.

*nod nod nod.

What? You were thinking it!

You paying attention to this, OP?

Typical fem/sub - chatty, playful, and cheeky etc when she's in another country but plant the dom stare on her in the same room and presto; the joyful sounds of only 'Yes Sir' or 'No Sir'...!

Nice! And so true as well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

Hi Focus, yes I've noticed that too. When we are down to really going, He starts saying some things like Lance mentioned and that's when it goes better. As one poster stated, me saying please and not too sure for what....lol. Some yes, no, please statements.

He likes some verbal in the late beginning and midpoint, like in the progressive stages. Like Lance mentioned, it get's his dick hard. Almost like a foreplay type thing.

But I do totally see what you mean, I guess I'm just seeing that as more midpoint to end. A little clinical I know...lol. But I do feel I need to stop choking up during those early moments (hours :)) It's the way He's built, and I want to please. I'm hoping to find a happy medium to fill that desire. And I want to learn to be good at expressing it verbally....it does seem to increase the pleasure factor and makes me feel more uninhibited.

As someone with an aural fixation I thought I'd add my perspective. For me, hearing the please, whimpering, or whatever else from my girl is enormously hot. It's not just the words, it's the tone, how it comes out. As I like to say, it's not just what you say, it's how you say it!

Lots of words aren't necessarily important all the way through, heck it can be more enjoyable once my girl is into non-verbal land. As a warm up though, yeah that begging and such does nice things for getting me in the mood. Over all for me, the biggest problem would be someone who's very quiet during play. No noises, no responses of any type.. maybe it's something of the whimpering prey reaction for me.

At a guess I'd say you should try to relax when with him, trying to be verbal. If you focus on getting words out then you're not dropping down, not fully involved, and most importantly not fully enjoying the moment. He'll notice if he's really paying attention to you. Beyond that, trust him to lead, and don't be afraid to ask questions if you need clarification. Some of us like when our subs do that.

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RE: Talking the talk - 10/27/2010 4:44:12 PM

sweetsub1957

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~FR~
Like some others have said, when I'm in subspace I can't always articulate words very well. I will make all sorts of non-verbal noises, cry and moan, for sure, some even sound otherwordly, lol, but about all I can spit out that's recognizable is "Pu...Pu....Please, please, pleeeeeeease......" lol

~sweetsub~

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RE: Talking the talk - 10/27/2010 8:35:15 PM

WolfyMontgomery

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Half a fast reply and half a reply to ALL the comments =D

I showed Master this thread... cuz I have the EXACT SAME PROBLEM. He read through it last night and said he had an idea about why it's hard for me now. I've always had this little problem (well... most Dom's don't call it a problem har har) where when Master starts acting at all Domly or Masterly or whatever around me, I tend to drop into SOME form of subspace almost immediately and get very servile. It's like Focus said, "Typical fem/sub - chatty, playful, and cheeky etc when she's in another country but plant the dom stare on her in the same room and presto; the joyful sounds of only 'Yes Sir' or 'No Sir'...!" That is very much me.

So even during sex, because he always enjoys being the top during sex (whether we do kinky things or not, he likes being in charge lol) I tend to get into this state very easily. Suddenly it's a turn off for me to start trying to think of the phrases we talked about a few hours beforehand and properly articulate without breaking my headspace and ruining it for me or giggling uncontrollably at how silly I sound.

And so... this morning Master decided to do what LanceHughes offered. I won't go into details but gawd it was sexy ;)

So at least in my case - and maybe in yours too Anniezz - the whole "Say what I say" command totally works! It actually felt normal doing it then, probably because I wasn't really thinking about it ;P Definitely have your Man try it!

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RE: Talking the talk - 10/27/2010 8:46:30 PM

Shadow-tiger

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WolfyMontgomery

And so... this morning Master decided to do what LanceHughes offered. I won't go into details but gawd it was sexy ;)

So at least in my case - and maybe in yours too Anniezz - the whole "Say what I say" command totally works! It actually felt normal doing it then, probably because I wasn't really thinking about it ;P Definitely have your Man try it!

Now I need to go back and take a closer look at what Lance was talking about.

As for the 'say what I say' bit, I've had success with that too. Not quite the same, but yummy in its own way.

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