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xssve -> RE: BDSM & family life/children (11/16/2010 7:11:24 AM)
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I think it mainly arises from religious belief, the Madonna/whore thin, although there is a secular version, and it has to with self image - in one sense, it's actually infantilizing women reducing them to simply devices for bearing and raising children, and denying them their adult sexual persona - in this sense, there is a lot of guilt attached, i.e., sex is seen as demeaning to their status as mothers, and technically, it's sort of a form of mother worship, but again, it's a two dimensional attachment to a symbol, rather than a mature appreciation of a whole person.
On the flip side, some women buy into this binary delusion too, and that can make things difficult for the male half of the dyad, should he be of a more philosophical frame of mind, i.e., she may go postal at the very suggestion, and it might cause an inordinate amount of trouble.
The real problem with I've encountered, is the the politicization aspect of it: as long as you can deal with someone one-on-one, you can often come to some sort of a compromise - this is much less likely when dealing with a "Royal We" - group behavior tends to reinforce expectations, people tend to become quite militant about them, and one or the other member of the dyad may be more in allegiance with a given group value set than they are with their partner, and group values are much more likely to be irrational than individual values.
When I encounter this, I always ask them if they know that technically, this is group sex.
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