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Unsuitable for Real Life Fantasies - 10/26/2010 4:29:04 PM   
MistressRoux


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I've had a lot of vivid, increasingly sadistic fantasies as of late. I'm not really sure why. I think I'm having dreams as many occur to me first thing in the morning. Some are recurring.

* Running a brothel - males
* Being a pimp - female street walkers
* Asphyxiation with hands
* Waterboarding (I just watched a special on this and was eerily turned on)
* Strapping down, torturing and castrating rapists before leaving them to be violently raped
* Running a labor camp
* Running a plantation
* Medieval torture

Many have some racial component (in almost all the fantasies, the objects are white) and that troubles me. I haven't had any negative experiences as of late. None of the people in these fantasies are people I know in real life. I also have never gotten particularly turned on by the idea of dominating a female, but it's a fantasy that played out in my mind soon after seeing a hat. I found myself looking up Khmer Rouge detention camps. The most troubling part of all this is how turned on I get thinking about it. The details also get me... my eyes narrowing, the muscle definition in my raised arm, the hotness of the back of my hand against her cheek, the sound of it meeting her face and the gasp, the sting and the rouging that's especially prominent where my bronze ring hit, the bit of bronzer from her skin that's now smeared, raising her hands to protect her face, artificially plumped glossy pink lips trembling in fear as I half-smirk.

Have you had any similar experiences and what about? What could be the cause? Am I going crazy?
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RE: Unsuitable for Real Life Fantasies - 10/26/2010 4:56:40 PM   
Politesub53


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I dont think its at all unusual to have wild fantasies which we cant easily explain. The question to ask is would they still be as good if they became reality. I have some very odd dreams about very strict corporal punishment at the hands of a Mistress, but am unsure I would go as far in real life. So maybe the answer is that we drift into these odd fantasies not understanding why, but enjoying them for what they are, fantasies and no more than that ?

One thing |I am sure of is this, if you are going crazy, then I am as well.

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RE: Unsuitable for Real Life Fantasies - 10/26/2010 7:30:32 PM   
MistressRoux


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For the most part, my fantasies --vanilla and kink-- are generally within reach if I truly set my mind to it.

For example, I want to make enough money as a porn critic or something else I do for free, pay off my mountains of student loans, move to Amsterdam, meet a like-minded Dutchman with whom I would globe-trot and have amazing friendship and sex, have a duplex and make 1/2 of it a dungeon and sex-only area, have a large-breed dog, have a little garden, ride bicycles everywhere, take trapeze, get into perfect shape, get laser hair removal pretty much everywhere except brows, lashes and scalp so I never shave again, skate, play sports and eat blueberries daily, make a diplomat friend so I can go to the parties and indulge my nerd side, learn 2 languages fluently, fund a nonprofit that targets one of the many social issues care about.... you can see why being a ruthless pimp, madam, dictator, etc. would be disturbing

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RE: Unsuitable for Real Life Fantasies - 10/26/2010 7:45:03 PM   
AAkasha


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Sometimes I find myself having highly inappropriate (unethical, immoral) fantasies that - on the surface - can be pretty disturbing.  But a couple of things are very clear as I dissect my own self indulgent visuals in my mind.  The first is that my fantasies tend to take on a slick, stylized look and feel; when I pick them apart, my conscience identifies the people in them as actors in a role, not real people.  If that makes sense.  I can intensely eroticize executions, for example, but they are generally sci fi, campy, or stylistic like a music video -- and, the person never dies, he always is rescued or escaped.  It's more the dark melodrama that attracts me, not the concept of real harm.  At the core, I cannot eroticize a person truly fearing his own possible death; I can, however, eroticize a man pretending that state of mind with the intent of arousing me by putting on a fantastic performance.

Rape, torture, possible execution, imprisonment - it's always very pretty, or sexy, when it's in my head - and it's portrayed in my fantasyland like actors playing a role, and more specifically, playing up -- HAMMING up, you could even say - to play right into "Akasha's hot buttons."  I eroticize danger and potential death quite readily, but I can't even stomach the evening news or any portrayals of human (or animal) suffering on ANY level.  I feel hyper sensitive to real suffering on a level that makes it hard for me to digest portrayals of real pain.

It could be your conscience checking in. The fact that you are questioning your own imagination and desires is your ethical side and moral side reminding you that you're ok. 

Akasha


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RE: Unsuitable for Real Life Fantasies - 10/26/2010 7:49:11 PM   
DMFParadox


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When I was younger, I used to be the tenant of a black lady who'd constantly joke about running a brothel and pimping me out. Sometimes she was so intense about it I had to wonder if it was more than just a joke. I wonder if there's a trend here?

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RE: Unsuitable for Real Life Fantasies - 10/26/2010 8:38:20 PM   
mummyman321


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Vivid dreams/nightmares are often triggered by stress or change in other parts of our lives. Having violent vivid dreams does not mean you are going crazy.

Drugs are also known sources to cause violent dreams. So if you are taking any new medication, then you should discuss this with your doctor.

Lack of sleep is also another source known to cause violent dreams and nightmares.

New theorys are being taught about dreams. For childhood nightmares, they are now teaching the kids to draw their dreams and to try and confront their nightmares and try to change the outcome of their recurring nightmare. So a technique for you might be to concentrate on a different outcome if you are having repeated dreams/nightmares.

Lastly Melatonin has been proven to reduce nightmares and violent dreams.

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RE: Unsuitable for Real Life Fantasies - 10/26/2010 9:16:28 PM   
sweetsub1957


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~FR~
I know I'm not a Domme or a male sub, so I don't know if I should be posting on this board or not, but I have these wildy masochistic fantasies that I'm being whipped/caned/cropped and I just love it. I don't know where on earth they come from because I can only handle minimal pain. Maybe it's because I told Daddy that I would like to work on increasing my pain tolerance and learn to love pain? That would be because Daddy does have a bit of a sadistic streak.

~sweetsub~

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RE: Unsuitable for Real Life Fantasies - 10/27/2010 8:17:41 AM   
Steponme73


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I don't think that you are going crazy! If you are then all of the rest of are too! Dreams like that I don't think are all that uncommon. I guess it depends which side of the kneel you are on as to what you dream. I have fantazied about being in a labor camp run by women. Or being worked like a slave by a woman for profit. The asphyxiation thing for me is to be tied and totally at the mercy of a woman. She puts her foot on my throat and controls my breathing...LOL...I had that dream one night and the woman was wearing furry slippers. When I woke up my cat was laying across my throat!
The racial thing works in all directions. I think that is because of what we have learned, the taboos of society now, etc. I don't think there is anything crazy about it...just a part of life. Taking care of rapist or child molestors is just a getting even for the evil they do...
I think you are really normal...just my thoughts

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RE: Unsuitable for Real Life Fantasies - 10/27/2010 8:23:29 AM   
AquaticSub


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~Fast Reply~

If it makes you feel better, I know of a person who sometimes has sadistic dreams that they are like a praying mantis and eats the heads of their lovers. They're also one of the sweetest people I know.

Honestly, I would only be concerned if you start to actually do it. If you find yourself fitting out an escape-proof dungeon or something like that. People can't control what they are aroused by and maybe this is just one of your darker fantasies. I know that I personally have some fantasies that I don't particularly like to talk about, wouldn't like at ALL if they happened in real life... but I still get hot thinking about them. Like Akasha said, it's like watching actors in a play. It's not reality so I can enjoy it.

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RE: Unsuitable for Real Life Fantasies - 10/27/2010 9:16:54 AM   
sexyred1


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All fantasies are normal; if they are acted out, then you might have a problem.


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RE: Unsuitable for Real Life Fantasies - 10/27/2010 9:43:56 AM   
LadyHibiscus


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You are not going crazy. I won't go into any of my dark side stuff here... it's a side we all have, in varying degrees.

If OWK is still there, go and kick some white boys! They even consent!

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RE: Unsuitable for Real Life Fantasies - 10/27/2010 12:19:02 PM   
PeonForHer


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I don't suppose you'd care to go into a bit more detail about those dreams,  MistressRoux?   The male brothel one, especially.  That one sounds particularly woody.  :-)



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RE: Unsuitable for Real Life Fantasies - 10/27/2010 1:52:04 PM   
PeonForHer


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Oh, and I'm in absolute agreement with the view that dreams are not the whole of the psyche, nor do they represent the truth of feelings.  If people are anxious about something, they'll dream about being chased by bears.  But they don't ask if they're going mad because bears don't actually roam the streets of London or New York .  The same holds true for desires.  A sadistic little buzz to pinch someone gets translated into flogging escaped slaves to death on a plantation.  For instance. 

Dreams are just feelings that the conscious, rational mind has let run free as a result of that rational mind shutting down (mostly, though not completely) while you sleep.  The feelings bustle around, making noise, being boisterous and going completely over the top - like small children when their parents aren't around. 

Dreams aren't you, or your mind as a whole - they're just your dreams. 

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RE: Unsuitable for Real Life Fantasies - 10/27/2010 3:22:01 PM   
Wheldrake


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We've talked a little about your male brothel on another thread, so I guess you already know that I don't have a problem with fantasies that are fairly extreme. There's actually a lot of overlap between your list and the things that I like to think about. My fantasies often revolve around tough, impersonal institutions like labour camps and plantations, and some of them do have a racial edge. I've wanted for a long time to write a novel about a post-apocalyptic world in which a female warlord rebuilds civilisation by imposing draconian laws and enslaving her enemies to serve as both playthings and a source of cheap labour. There would be a whole system of prison camps in which slaves and convicted criminals led lives of ceaseless drudgery under the control of tough, implacable guards. There would be slave brothels in the cities, and private dungeons underneath the homes of the wealthy and privileged. I always imagine the warlord as a huge, ruthless black woman, who of course would tend to favour those who reminded her of herself.

It's not as if black women would hold all the positions of power in her domain, but they would hold a grossly disproportionate number of them. And white men (like me) would have to work hard and behave themselves if they didn't want to risk giving some prejudiced or just plain cruel official an excuse to pack them off to the camps. Oddly enough, though, the camps would be safe, in that the inmates would never get killed or mutilated no matter how badly they might misbehave. Like Akasha, I find it hard to "go there" in a realistic way and maintain any sense of eroticism. Unfortunately, I've never been able to make her solution of a campy or stylised version of the fantasy work very well for me. If I don't have gritty realism, or at least as much realism as possible given the premises of the fantasy, I just can't suspend my disbelief enough to make it worthwhile. Partly for this reason, importing details from things like Khmer Rouge detention camps makes sense to me too. Using such institutions for imaginative inspiration is very different from endorsing them (let alone building them) in the real world.

Still, my fantasies do regularly involve racism, long-term incarceration, extreme suffering, and non-consensuality (at least in the background - the central character almost always says "yes" at some point). This doesn't bother me unduly, maybe in part because I'm imagining that all the horrible, delicious things are happening to me or to a protagonist that I can more or less identify with. I don't generally think about locking up and torturing others, so I don't have even imaginary cruelties to possibly feel guilty about.

However, I don't think that people who imagine extreme cruelties from a sadistic point of view should feel guilty either. Nobody gets hurt just because you're thinking about castrating some imaginary white plantation slave with a pair of rusty shears, so you might as well let your fantasies run wild. Thought and action are completely different things. I would expect anyone who was both sadistic and imaginative to daydream about any number of ways of making people suffer, and things like waterboarding and castration are fairly obvious possibilities. So is racial abuse, at least if you're interested in inflicting psychological as well as physical suffering. From the submissive perspective, I find race differences interesting partly for that reason, and also because I sometimes like to imagine myself under the control of non-white people who find it easy to objectify and dehumanise (and therefore be especially cruel to) a white slave or prisoner. I don't think there's anything wrong with exploring this mindset in fantasies, as long as it doesn't start to affect your real, non-kinky interactions with people of other races.

So basically, I don't think you're going crazy. I think you're just a sadist having fun with interesting ideas, and like Peon I'd be intrigued to hear more details. And if you do go ahead and build that plantation in between trips with your terrific Dutch partner, just make sure all the cotton-pickin' white slaves are consenting adults who know what they're getting into, and don't castrate them.

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RE: Unsuitable for Real Life Fantasies - 10/27/2010 3:38:42 PM   
PeonForHer


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"Thought and action are completely different things."

Actually, I've been surprised by the number of people who don't assume that, morally-speaking.  They seem to adhere to quite a strong belief of 'a sin in thought but not action is still a sin', or similar.  I've cultivated the ability to allow my dreams and my fantasies as free rein as I can - but I've been astonished to find people who do pretty much the opposite.  And to quite an extreme degree, too.   What's more, these have often been outwardly quite liberal, easy going sorts of people . . . .

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RE: Unsuitable for Real Life Fantasies - 10/27/2010 6:50:57 PM   
StrongSpirit


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As long as you know the difference between fantasy and reality I don't see a problem.

Also, what you describe is fairly common. Many people have online only fantasies - things they would never do in real life. Sometimes the real life players find this out the hard way when their partner has mislead them a bit.

I myself have written stories about things I would never do in real life but find really hot to read/write about.


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RE: Unsuitable for Real Life Fantasies - 10/27/2010 10:29:20 PM   
strangedesire


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First off: are these just fantasies, or are you having strong urges to go out and pimp some women or mutilate some rapists? We tend not to distinguish very well between these things, as urges often have fantasies alongside them, but they are different. Fantasies are the stuff in your head, and usually stay there unless you deliberately bring them out. Urges are more visceral - I'd associate them with physiological drives. That's the stuff that gets people in trouble: they have strong urges to act in ways that they know are immoral.

Daydreaming about an iron maiden is one thing, but if you've bought one and planned to lure someone into it, what I'm going to say next doesn't really apply.

I fantasize about plenty of things that would squick me in reality: lots of nonconsensual violence and such. I think in some ways its a fantasy about freedom from empathy. Wouldn't it feel good if I could simply enjoy the suffering of another person? Wouldn't it feel good if I didn't have to care about consequences?

In some ways, these fantasies are a mental vacation for me, in the same way I fantasize about New York penthouses and private jets. They aren't things that I want to happen. Rather, they are antithetical to my values. They tend to crop up when I'm feeling the weight of those values the most: when I'm playing caretaker, I fantasize about hurting people badly, and when I am feeling hemmed in, I fantasize about cutting loose.

The actual sexual component of my fantasies usually isn't that much more extreme than what I'd be willing to do in real life. (Read: dismemberment doesn't do it for me even in fantasy land.) My brain is simply inserting my sexual kinks into situations where the power dynamics, et cetera would make them Not OK. And that's fine, because I'm aware that I'm not actually the violent pseudo-psychopath that I daydream about being. I wouldn't want to be that person. The fantasy is enjoyable nonetheless.

People like us link control and violence and sexuality together. (I realize that a lot of BDSM people don't like to refer to sadomasochistic activities as "violence," but it is. Consent and desire do not negate the violence inherent in hitting another person, they simply change the moral weight of the act.) When we daydream about sex, there is often a violent and/or controlling aspect of it.This goes in other ways, though. In daydreams that are primarily about control, we will see sex and violence show up as well. And, personally, my daydreams about violence often have a kind of power dynamic and sexuality in them.

Also, waterboarding is kind of hot. I think someone on these forums has talked about trying it in a consensual setting.

So: I'm hearing you talk about a lot of fantasies in which you're either crazy-powerful or extremely violent. These aren't sexually driven fantasies, although there is often a sexual component worked into them. You're sane and sensible enough to know that you don't actually want to do these things in real life.

Accept that you're having fantasies that you don't want to come true in real life. If they're seriously distressing, that's something you'll have to deal with that, but otherwise, enjoy them. You don't really want to run a plantation any more than you really want a dozen naked and attractive slave boys following you around at all times. Some fantasies don't want to become real.

Step one: Relax. You're perfectly sane.

Step two: think about what these fantasies might be saying to you. (An excellent article about this sort of thing.) Maybe you're feeling out of control or unhappy with some aspect of your life. Maybe your life is what you want it to be, but you're aware of other choices you could have made. Maybe you want to work some edgy political roleplay into your sex life. That's for you to decide.


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RE: Unsuitable for Real Life Fantasies - 10/27/2010 10:31:47 PM   
tazzygirl


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I have fantasies about mutilating a rapist... but not to the point i get off from them... how i hate someone who uses sex as a tool to torture.... unless im a willing participant of said torture.

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RE: Unsuitable for Real Life Fantasies - 10/28/2010 12:47:34 AM   
strangedesire


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quote:


I have fantasies about mutilating a rapist... but not to the point i get off from them...


I've had a few of those myself. I volunteered for a rape crisis hotline for a while. The perpetrators you hear about...I wouldn't want those people in my sexual fantasies, even if their only purpose was to suffer. I would feel dirty.

But I can appreciate the sex appeal of torturing an imaginary rapist, if that makes any sense.


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RE: Unsuitable for Real Life Fantasies - 10/28/2010 7:01:04 AM   
PeonForHer


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quote:

ORIGINAL: strangedesire

But I can appreciate the sex appeal of torturing an imaginary rapist, if that makes any sense.



Not really, SD, but I see what you mean. 

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