Wheldrake
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We've talked a little about your male brothel on another thread, so I guess you already know that I don't have a problem with fantasies that are fairly extreme. There's actually a lot of overlap between your list and the things that I like to think about. My fantasies often revolve around tough, impersonal institutions like labour camps and plantations, and some of them do have a racial edge. I've wanted for a long time to write a novel about a post-apocalyptic world in which a female warlord rebuilds civilisation by imposing draconian laws and enslaving her enemies to serve as both playthings and a source of cheap labour. There would be a whole system of prison camps in which slaves and convicted criminals led lives of ceaseless drudgery under the control of tough, implacable guards. There would be slave brothels in the cities, and private dungeons underneath the homes of the wealthy and privileged. I always imagine the warlord as a huge, ruthless black woman, who of course would tend to favour those who reminded her of herself.
It's not as if black women would hold all the positions of power in her domain, but they would hold a grossly disproportionate number of them. And white men (like me) would have to work hard and behave themselves if they didn't want to risk giving some prejudiced or just plain cruel official an excuse to pack them off to the camps. Oddly enough, though, the camps would be safe, in that the inmates would never get killed or mutilated no matter how badly they might misbehave. Like Akasha, I find it hard to "go there" in a realistic way and maintain any sense of eroticism. Unfortunately, I've never been able to make her solution of a campy or stylised version of the fantasy work very well for me. If I don't have gritty realism, or at least as much realism as possible given the premises of the fantasy, I just can't suspend my disbelief enough to make it worthwhile. Partly for this reason, importing details from things like Khmer Rouge detention camps makes sense to me too. Using such institutions for imaginative inspiration is very different from endorsing them (let alone building them) in the real world.
Still, my fantasies do regularly involve racism, long-term incarceration, extreme suffering, and non-consensuality (at least in the background - the central character almost always says "yes" at some point). This doesn't bother me unduly, maybe in part because I'm imagining that all the horrible, delicious things are happening to me or to a protagonist that I can more or less identify with. I don't generally think about locking up and torturing others, so I don't have even imaginary cruelties to possibly feel guilty about.
However, I don't think that people who imagine extreme cruelties from a sadistic point of view should feel guilty either. Nobody gets hurt just because you're thinking about castrating some imaginary white plantation slave with a pair of rusty shears, so you might as well let your fantasies run wild. Thought and action are completely different things. I would expect anyone who was both sadistic and imaginative to daydream about any number of ways of making people suffer, and things like waterboarding and castration are fairly obvious possibilities. So is racial abuse, at least if you're interested in inflicting psychological as well as physical suffering. From the submissive perspective, I find race differences interesting partly for that reason, and also because I sometimes like to imagine myself under the control of non-white people who find it easy to objectify and dehumanise (and therefore be especially cruel to) a white slave or prisoner. I don't think there's anything wrong with exploring this mindset in fantasies, as long as it doesn't start to affect your real, non-kinky interactions with people of other races.
So basically, I don't think you're going crazy. I think you're just a sadist having fun with interesting ideas, and like Peon I'd be intrigued to hear more details. And if you do go ahead and build that plantation in between trips with your terrific Dutch partner, just make sure all the cotton-pickin' white slaves are consenting adults who know what they're getting into, and don't castrate them.
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