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RE: Children - 10/29/2010 2:48:46 PM   
LordShadow


Posts: 172
Joined: 7/13/2004
Status: offline 		Have you incorporated the child into the relationship? Not into the dynamic, but into the relationship as you would a family...if not then this is probably a big part of your problem. If he is not willing to do this then you have a tough decision to make...I agree with the others, the child has to come first...



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Shadow

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(in reply to January)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Children - 10/29/2010 3:53:49 PM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		yes its possible , you just modify speech and disguise things when the kids are around, however if he doesnt want them then its a discussion between the two of ypu

(in reply to January)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Children - 10/29/2010 4:04:53 PM   
elleX


Posts: 161
Joined: 10/24/2009
Status: offline
quote:

phoenixmoonn13


i so agree with you ,, and it make things more playfull at time,, and when the kids are gone,,, ( wow )

(in reply to phoenixmoonn13)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Children - 10/29/2010 5:00:58 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: January
It's inconvenient for him that the girl is alive.



Um, wow.


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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to January)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Children - 10/29/2010 5:17:53 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		We successfully raised a half dozen saplings in our poly authority-based household. Our biggest 'hitches' came out of different parenting styles, but that worked itself out over time. The adults -did- agree, collectively, that we would -never- allow the adults to be played against one another... no meant no for our offspring, and if they had an issue that they felt was unfairly handled, they were welcome (as anyone in our household is) to bring it for arbitration by the family as a whole.

While your mechanisms may vary, suffice to say that the most important thing is to have a safe, secure, and -planned- arrangement for how the management of saplings will be maintained. Having offspring is a HUGE responsibility, and everyone must understand that priorities shift when you have a family member who -cannot- care for hirself... whether that family member is 4 or 84. In a family, the care of the neediest members, and the protection of the most vulnerable members is, IMO, the first responsibility of every family member capable of providing such.

Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to January)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Children - 10/29/2010 5:36:46 PM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Um, wow.


OK. I explained my reasoning. It's the word "presence".

And you? Your reasoning is what? That the OP didn't mention the Master disliking the child? So clearly he loves and values the girl? Do you think her question is merely how do we steal a few moments away, alone? Like that's not a problem for every parent? It's only a BDSM issue?

We don't know if these people have even met in real life. If the Master has doubts about a new, or potential, difficult relationship, because of a child, he should be the one asking us for advice. He's the one in control, yes? He's the rock in the relationship, yes? Otherwise it's the poor slave who struggles to make things right--very likely at the expense of the child. Tragedy is absolutely a possible outcome. Until the OP returns to explain--your conclusions about her post are no more legitimate than mine.

I like a good discussion and enjoy civil disagreements, but I prefer to voice my point of view with something more substantial than "wow".

January

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(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Children - 10/29/2010 6:23:24 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: January

OK. I explained my reasoning. It's the word "presence".


Yes and you apparently decided that "presence" meant he did not want her to even exist - and that it left nothing to the imagination.  You want substance?  How about that she just meant "physical presence in the house when he is home?"  Or that he actually really likes the kid but "has some difficulties" in dealing with her presence, as the OP said.  SOME difficulties.  Maybe he tripped over a shoe and stubbed his toe. Maybe he's struggling with keeping up with a toddler.  Maybe he's working through sharing his slave's attention with her (my own owner had to work that out, himself). It could be anything.  That - what is it you said?  "It's inconvenient for him that the girl is alive."  That's such a stretch I honestly couldn't even think of a response other than "Wow."

quote:


And you? Your reasoning is what? That the OP didn't mention the Master disliking the child? So clearly he loves and values the girl?

Clearly nothing.  As most of the responders have stated, there is nothing clear about her post, and she hasn't returned to clarify. 

quote:


Do you think her question is merely how do we steal a few moments away, alone? Like that's not a problem for every parent? It's only a BDSM issue?


I don't think her question is merely anything.  Where are you getting that I think her issue is only about stealing a few moments away, alone?  Or that it's only a BDSM issue?  I certainly didn't state that.  I stated that we don't know what the issues are.


quote:


We don't know if these people have even met in real life.


Exactly.  We don't know anything about her situation.  That's why I stated I was curious as to why he chose to own a slave without working these details out.

quote:


If the Master has doubts about a new, or potential, difficult relationship, because of a child, he should be the one asking us for advice.

Why?  Mother's and/or slaves can't ask questions and opinions, too?  Maybe he's asking other people.  We don't know.

quote:


He's the one in control, yes? He's the rock in the relationship, yes? Otherwise it's the poor slave who struggles to make things right--very likely at the expense of the child. Tragedy is absolutely a possible outcome.


It seems the poor slave agreed to being owned by a man without first working out something as important as living together with a child.  I have no clue if he's the one in control.  I have no clue if he's the rock of the relationship.  She hasn't said.  Maybe he's a blithering idiot who doesn't know what he's doing.  Maybe he's an incredible human being who is in perfect control and doing everything right, and she's not liking his way of controlling. I repeat:  We don't know.

quote:


Until the OP returns to explain--your conclusions about her post are no more legitimate than mine.


What are my conclusions?  I have said repeatedly that we don't know enough to make a conclusion. The only thing I said re: the OP is that yes, it is possible to have a 24/7 relationship with a little one, and that we don't know enough to make any conclusions about their situation.

quote:


I like a good discussion and enjoy civil disagreements, but I prefer to voice my point of view with something more substantial than "wow".


Cool for you.  It's Friday and has been a tough week.  Wow was all I could muster when I read your post.


Edited to clarify:  You may be absolutely right - maybe he hates the kid and doesn't even want her around, ever.  I would hope that is not the case.  I am not saying this is NOT a possibility, just that we don't know, either way.  We so often see people jump to the harshest conclusions here, and I simply wanted to point out that without knowing any details, there are other possible conclusions, too.

< Message edited by NuevaVida -- 10/29/2010 6:31:16 PM >

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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to January)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Children - 10/30/2010 1:06:52 AM   
Jaybeee


Posts: 532
Joined: 2/2/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dorota

My master is 55 i m 29
i have a daughter (4y/o)from a previous relationship
My master have some difficulties to deal with the presence of my daughter in our 24/7 relationship
What are yours opinions about this,is it possible to have a 24/7 relationship with children?
ty for your answers
Dorota


He probably doesn't want your daughter, and I'm almost certain he doesn't want her around 24/7. Just how long into the relationship here you before you disclosed to him that you had one?

Stop complicating this gentleman's life with your hunt for a provider.

(in reply to Dorota)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Children - 10/30/2010 1:56:08 AM   
Dorota


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline 		hello Thank you all for trying to clear my mind
here few more details as asked
i dont live in a big house,any sound ,voices , can be hear
my daughter is very alive from 7 am till 10 pm
and i desire to preserve my daughter from the lifestyle
I cant be slave only from 10pm to 7 am...
a lot of you said that children is number one priority
should not be the Master our first priority ?


< Message edited by Dorota -- 10/30/2010 2:23:10 AM >

(in reply to MIsabelah)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Children - 10/30/2010 2:51:01 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dorota

hello Thank you all for trying to clear my mind
here few more details as asked
i dont live in a big house,any sound ,voices , can be hear
my daughter is very alive from 7 am till 10 pm
and i desire to preserve my daughter from the lifestyle
I cant be slave only from 10pm to 7 am...
a lot of you said that children is number one priority
should not be the Master our first priority ?



A four year old should be in bed long before 10pm...

I have two children (not by Shore). I'm his slave and have had no issue at all with incorporating our relationship with that of my daughters.
You are two grown adults and if you can't distinguish what's appropriate behavior in front of your child then you have no business being in a relationship.
It shouldn't be odd to get up and refill his coffee or do the things that one does to serve. If he expects you to do that in an odd manner, i.e. nude or crawling, etc. while your child is around then he's a douchebag and I would question why you would want to be in a relationship with someone that selfish and self centered.
He is my number one priority and his first rule for me is to be the best mom I can be.



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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Children - 10/30/2010 3:15:12 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

a lot of you said that children is number one priority
should not be the Master our first priority ?


Honestly, I find it more effective to not "number" the priorities -- There are what we call "key priorities" and these are handled according to common sense criteria. If individuals are involved who are dependent, whether due to age or health or whatever, issues involving them are handled as promptly as possible -- you see, they can't take care of themselves.

I am a Keeper (M-type) in our household -- a household containing a number of adult members who did not give birth to the saplings our household raised. It would be not ONLY unreasonable, in my mind, but the mark of a poor leader, if I, as a head of the household, did NOT take those things into consideration.

As a slave, you have yielded authority, but not common sense and intelligence. OF COURSE a sapling in the household should be attended to promptly as hir needs require. OF COURSE xhe should be taught good manners, and to respect closed doors, and to behave well, and to start learning to attend to small things... BUT a child should -also- know that she is safe, have plenty of time to play, and be guided through hir mistakes with patience.

I'll be honest, if an adult in our household could not understand such things, that person would not find themselves a long-term associate, much less a -member- of that household. I understand that you may be VERY caught up in your new understanding of your yielding nature, but I would remind you that you have taken on the responsibility of bearing an offspring -- and by accepting authority over your life, the person who is your Master must also accept that he is responsible for, and must behave appropriately towards, the young life that you've brought into this world and bear responsibility for. That reality is simply not dismissable for -any- reason short of dying.

Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to Dorota)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Children - 10/30/2010 3:24:31 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:


He is my number one priority and his first rule for me is to be the best mom I can be.



This is how to make it work.  People, do not make this difficult, it isn't.  If you are with a man who can not respect your relationship with your children, show him the door.  Seriously. 


< Message edited by KatyLied -- 10/30/2010 3:25:45 AM >

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(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Children - 10/30/2010 3:30:59 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dorota

hello Thank you all for trying to clear my mind
here few more details as asked
i dont live in a big house,any sound ,voices , can be hear
my daughter is very alive from 7 am till 10 pm
and i desire to preserve my daughter from the lifestyle
I cant be slave only from 10pm to 7 am...
a lot of you said that children is number one priority
should not be the Master our first priority ?



Unless your daughter takes long naps during the day, that is less than the recommended 11-13 hrs of sleep most children her age are supposed to need. I mention that for a reason...
I have a friend who allowed her children to determine their bedtimes when they were young. Of the three kids one of them is in bed between 9 and 10pm, she is 14. The other 2 are often asleep well after 1am; their ages are 16 and 8.

If you don't already do this, my suggestion would be to start a new routine with her of shorter naps and an earlier quiet time: a routine beginning at the same time every night so that she is in her room at 8pm. spend 20 minutes with her on reading to her and/or singing to her and then time for cuddles and kisses and bathroom one more time, so that she is in bed with her lights out at 8:30.

See how that goes, it might take awhile to set in, she might be an earlier riser and then you can figure out work arounds for that.

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(in reply to Dorota)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Children - 10/30/2010 3:34:51 AM   
ReginaMirus


Posts: 240
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dorota
a lot of you said that children is number one priority
should not be the Master our first priority ?



GOD, are you SERIOUS?

YES, children are priority over any man! And any man who doesn't understand that and attempts to commandeer your time and resources and enters into a relationship with you knowing your constraints is a completely selfish prick. BAR NONE.

Honestly, not all maledoms are like that. Some of them may actually even have kids of their own. Go find yourself one of them, apparently this one is quite the child, himself.

(in reply to Dorota)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Children - 10/30/2010 3:38:23 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dorota

hello Thank you all for trying to clear my mind
here few more details as asked
i dont live in a big house,any sound ,voices , can be hear
my daughter is very alive from 7 am till 10 pm
and i desire to preserve my daughter from the lifestyle
I cant be slave only from 10pm to 7 am...
a lot of you said that children is number one priority
should not be the Master our first priority ?



Based on this addition of information, it seems as though the concern is primarily on
how to practice your kink without waking up the neighbors...and the daughter.
This is not only an issue in the lifestyle, but also for many sexually healthy vanilla relationships.
Of course, lifestyle sex tends to be a little louder, which means the both of you will have to
be a little more creative. Roll up some towels or blankets and place them under her door
and your bedroom door to help muffle some of the noise. Arrange a play date for the two of you,
and find a good sitter. Make it a weekly date. The anticipating of that alone can be very exciting.

< Message edited by poise -- 10/30/2010 3:42:09 AM >

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(in reply to Dorota)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Children - 10/30/2010 4:00:26 AM   
elleX


Posts: 161
Joined: 10/24/2009
Status: offline
quote:

a lot of you said that children is number one priority
should not be the Master our first priority ?


we are not talking here about an older kid ,, we talk here about a toddler ,,you are probably the only constant adult in her life ,,so you are her security . She is at age where she built esteem, confidence , and security ,, If that come in second place YOU but YOu will break her and could make her miserable for the rest of her life

A real Man, a real Master should have enought wisdom to make you available for her in first !!!

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Children - 10/30/2010 4:03:48 AM   
elleX


Posts: 161
Joined: 10/24/2009
Status: offline 		Also , i might sound rude and uncompromising ,, but i beleive i tell the truth
i am a professionel in mental healt ,, and SO often   i have in my office people that are unable to function with their full potential ,, and then they tell me about their childhood ,,,IN EVERY  case ,they were feeling insecure , unwanted and unsafe,,
does that ring a bell ?????

(in reply to elleX)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Children - 10/30/2010 4:38:04 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Just a friendly reminder, folks.  English is not her first language.  We really want to be careful about word definitions.  "Lost in translation" is a real thing.   Also, there will be cultural differences. 

To the OP:  (that's you, Dorota),

Here is what people are confused about:

What is the problem?
What is he thinking?
What are you worried about?

It sounds like you are saying this:
We are worried that my daughter will hear us.
and
We are worried because I can't "act" like a slave when she is around.

Is that right?

What people have said is, "This is actually really simple."

1.  A good dom wants you to be a good mom.
2.  A good dom wants you to care for your child FIRST.
3.  A good dom will have things you must do.  He will say, "You must be a good mother." 
4.  A slave is not just a sex slave.  A slave does not walk around the house in a corset, stockings, collar, and leash.
5.  A dom or master is the boss of many things, not just sex things.

If he does not fit these things (especially 1-4), he is not a good man.  Someone who is not a good man is not a good dom. 
People are scared that he wants you to forget your daughter.  That is a bad man.  People think that he told you something bad.  He told you that you have to forget her.  Did he tell you that?  That is why people are worried about you.

[edited to add:  Dorota, I just read your journal.  You say,  "He is my number one priority and his first rule for me is to be the best mom I can be."    That is what Aylee said.  Is it true?  Is that your rule from him?  If it is his rule, it is very very good.]

Dorota, there is a very active BDSM community in Germany.  (You lucky girl!)  You and he should talk to people there.  You will find many woman who are similar.  There are many ways you can be a slave.  You don't have to be dressed up, getting tied up.  You can be a slave without that.

Good luck.
If you want to talk, you can write to me on collar me.  I will email you, too. 

sunshine


< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 10/30/2010 4:40:37 AM >

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(in reply to elleX)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Children - 10/30/2010 5:02:52 AM   
Masterpaul55


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/2/2006
Status: offline 		Yes you can,

But the Master has to respect the presence of the child and accept that there are times that the child asks time of the slave and that being a slave for the Master at that moment isn't possible. This sometimes can be very difficult but as Mr you have to accept that.

(in reply to Dorota)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Children - 10/30/2010 5:34:01 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dorota
a lot of you said that children is number one priority
should not be the Master our first priority ?


girl I am a Master.... I have taken on girls with children of that sort of age before.... Whilst I had her devotion she is also a mother, I knew and accepted that when I took her on. When I took up responsibility FOR her I also took up responsibilitys TO the child. I didn't Own the child I Owned her mother that meant it was part of My responsibilitys to make her a BETTER mother, not a worse one.

In placing the child's needs first she was obeying what I had set as her most important 'rule', there was no conflict in being a good mum and in being a good slave..... part of My job as a Master was to make sure it stayed that way. Find ways of getting what I wanted and needed without detracting from the child.... My presence made the kids life better... a more stable, fulfilled and happier mum as well as another trustworthy adult in his life.

Anyone who would try and step into such a position and not show such regard for the well being of the child... I wouldn't recognise as a Master in any way shape or form!


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Dorota)
Profile   Post #: 40
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