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RE: Children - 10/30/2010 6:35:14 AM

GreedyTop

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Well said, RM!!

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RE: Children - 10/30/2010 6:44:39 AM

RavenMuse

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*Pokes greedy* check your bulk, I sent you a mail and given I heard nothing back I'm assuming it must have got filtered :)

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RE: Children - 10/30/2010 6:45:37 AM

GreedyTop

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*pokes back* will do

ETA: check YOUR bulk.. I did reply :)

< Message edited by GreedyTop -- 10/30/2010 6:47:04 AM >

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RE: Children - 10/30/2010 8:32:45 AM

DesFIP

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10 PM is much too late for a child of that age to go to sleep. Has she been checked for allergies? They are the most common cause of insufficient sleep in children.

As the rest of us said, you can still serve him his coffee while you are pouring your daughter her milk. You just can't do it naked. If what he wants is more free time with you, unless she occasionally spends a night with her father or grandmother, you won't have that. You can do things to lessen noise to prevent her from hearing a sound and waking up. Turn on a tv while she's sleeping and she won't identify spanking type sounds. He could order you to be quiet, keep a hand over your mouth or use a gag on you. Also remember to put a towel at the bottom of your bedroom door to prevent sound going through the gap.

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RE: Children - 10/30/2010 9:23:22 AM

angelikaJ

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I don't know what the building codes are where you live but I have another suggestion. If this is a house that is owned by you or your Master, you can actually work on soundproofing it. It usually involves putting 2 layers of sheetrock on top of the walls you have with a layer of silicone calk or some other material (you may find another product available but if not silicone works) in between. If you look on-line you should be able to find directions. I fould some very easily but don't know how the materials work in Germany.
There are other things that help as well like carpeting on the floor.

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RE: Children - 10/30/2010 9:54:35 AM

phoenixmoonn13

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dorota

hello Thank you all for trying to clear my mind
here few more details as asked
i dont live in a big house,any sound ,voices , can be hear
my daughter is very alive from 7 am till 10 pm
and i desire to preserve my daughter from the lifestyle
I cant be slave only from 10pm to 7 am...
a lot of you said that children is number one priority
should not be the Master our first priority ?

we live in a flat and one of his requirements is in bed i am not to make a sound his son is in the next door room. If i do he has said i am to use a gag and he knows i will hate it. he says no or very little noise so thats what i do and yes it can be hard but its just a form of his control. my 12 year old is in bed for 9-30 weekdays and 10-30 weekends i do think 10 is late but you know your daughter.
she doesnt have to know what you get up to our kids jsut see us as old fashioned i give him his dinner first get his drinks etc, if i have to leave the room and the kids re around i will say it as a statement more than a question and wait for a ok or uh hum or wh t ever is appropriate they do not know i asked anything. i sit on the floor my daughter is used to it his son thinks i am a hippy.
as for priority they both important but when shes awake she has priority her needs will be the first master supports and understands this fully , again this is somthing you talk about with your master how you get signals to each other. i never call him master when the kids are around but i dont use his name either he knows when who mean him just by what i have said. at 12 mine is older and is more self contained but if she needs me then i go sort her out first, i will ask in a disguised way and he will never refuse when its to do with her, he is not her father but takes the responsibly of her as if he was. when shes asleep and his son is in his room then i use protocal correctly.

you can be his slave the dynamic will always be there just how you show and express it is different when shes there it jsut needs thought and a bit of work

< Message edited by phoenixmoonn13 -- 10/30/2010 9:58:56 AM >

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RE: Children - 10/30/2010 10:08:32 AM

phoenixmoonn13

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dorota
a lot of you said that children is number one priority
should not be the Master our first priority ?

girl I am a Master.... I have taken on girls with children of that sort of age before.... Whilst I had her devotion she is also a mother, I knew and accepted that when I took her on. When I took up responsibility FOR her I also took up responsibilitys TO the child. I didn't Own the child I Owned her mother that meant it was part of My responsibilitys to make her a BETTER mother, not a worse one.

In placing the child's needs first she was obeying what I had set as her most important 'rule', there was no conflict in being a good mum and in being a good slave..... part of My job as a Master was to make sure it stayed that way. Find ways of getting what I wanted and needed without detracting from the child.... My presence made the kids life better... a more stable, fulfilled and happier mum as well as another trustworthy adult in his life.

Anyone who would try and step into such a position and not show such regard for the well being of the child... I wouldn't recognise as a Master in any way shape or form!

smiles as i read this as this is also the responsibility my master takes and i have become a much better mother than i was before, i cope better with her (she is adhd) she is calmer she seems to sense his strength and his steadiness and this shows in how she has much more respect for me and people. he gives her much more guidance help understanding than her father ever did. i was in hospital recently as an emergency i was really ill but just wanted to be home with him he couldn't visit as he was looking after her and times didnt work with schoo,l i made a comment when i got out about being so pleased to being back with him he said well i hope your priority was to be back for your daughter.

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RE: Children - 10/30/2010 1:48:45 PM

subsfaith

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dorota

hello Thank you all for trying to clear my mind
here few more details as asked
i dont live in a big house,any sound ,voices , can be hear
my daughter is very alive from 7 am till 10 pm
and i desire to preserve my daughter from the lifestyle
I cant be slave only from 10pm to 7 am...
a lot of you said that children is number one priority
should not be the Master our first priority ?

I also think that 10pm for a small child is too late. Sleep experts suggest 11 to 12 hours sleep for one that age. Why does she stay up until 10pm? Can this be moved (over time of course) to have her in bed at a more appropriate time.

Just because your child is up doesn't mean you have to drop your slave habits. Although you do have to be more covert and more considered with what you do. Doing as you are asked or told can be done in front of a child or anyone without any pomp or ceremony.

What exactly are you hoping to preserve your daughter from? That you are in a loving and respectful relationship? That there is one person that makes decisions? That the person who makes the decisions is the best person to do so?

As far as who is number one, well that will depend on the moment. There will be times when your master will want to be your priority and there will also be times when the kidlet comes first, after all, she is tiny and cannot survive alone. Understanding and acceptance is needed, and also a fluid attitude.

As for a small house and sounds, well, either move to a place where there is separation between bedroom space, or adapt. There are plenty of things that can be done on the Ds or S&M spectrum that involve no noise at all.

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RE: Children - 10/30/2010 6:09:47 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

a lot of you said that children is number one priority
should not be the Master our first priority ?

that is going to be a rather subjective answer... but in my opinion... You are your number one priority.

If you are not taking care of you..... you wouldn't be much good to either your daughter or your Master.

But, taking care of you just might me being a Mother and being a slave and being a daughter and being a friend and being.......

The world is not all that black and white in my eyes... alots of shades of grey that you have to manage yourself within.

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RE: Children - 10/30/2010 6:17:12 PM

KatyLied

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quote:

The world is not all that black and white in my eyes... alots of shades of grey that you have to manage yourself within.

Exactly. And it is up to you to decide how to navigate this world and where your priorities reside. With any luck you find a mate with similar vision and goals and it becomes an easy, affirming experience for all involved.

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RE: Children - 10/30/2010 7:09:45 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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a friend of mine used to let her 2 year old choose when to go to sleep, and often she wasn't in bed till 11-11-30. this poor child was so tired and tore up in the morning she couldn't wake up to go to daycare, her momma had to carry her out of the house in her jammies, clothing in a back pack, take the kid to day care The child would sleep the whole way to day care sleep some more once she got to day care, , an then the day care would dress S.

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

the day, that is less than the recommended 11-13 hrs of sleep most children her age are supposed to need. I mention that for a reason...

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RE: Children - 10/31/2010 6:45:23 PM

January

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~Fast Reply~

Hi Dorota,

Thanks for returning to post.

I guess I still have some questions. How long have you been in a relationship with this man? Is the conflict of children vs BDSM a new one? What has changed? Do you now suddenly have custody of your child? Have you moved to a smaller house? Does your master suddenly have more time on his hands?

What is it that you both want in the "lifestyle" that you cannot do in front of the child? Is it a new desire?

Perhaps if I know these things, I (and the other readers of this forum) might be able to offer some suggestions.

January

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RE: Children - 11/1/2010 12:52:17 AM

crazyml

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dorota

hello Thank you all for trying to clear my mind
here few more details as asked
i dont live in a big house,any sound ,voices , can be hear
my daughter is very alive from 7 am till 10 pm
and i desire to preserve my daughter from the lifestyle
I cant be slave only from 10pm to 7 am...

As a couple of others have suggested - there's absolutely no reason you can't be "slave" when your child is up and about! Sure, you'd have to dispense with the latex maid's uniform and the collar.. but you ought to be able to hook up with a master who is capable of exerting his authority with enough subtlety that it didn't appear in any way obvious.

In all of my D/s relationships, we've been discrete in public (at work events, weddings, out with nilla friends etc), and if anything there's more satisfaction (speaking from my personal perspective) from exerting control in those situations than there is when we're completely alone! When you're dressed, no-one can tell what underwear has been chosen for you. A momentary glance should be able to remind you of the dynamic even when you can't be completely overt.

I've been to formal dinners with partners who managed to ask permission to go to the bathroom without anyone else having the faintest clue.

quote:

a lot of you said that children is number one priority
should not be the Master our first priority ?

Crikey.

Your children are your number one priority, and I'll admit that I'm boggled at the idea that this should even surface as a query.

Yes, being single with children can really suck. It's true that it can really limit your ability to find a partner. But that's just life. If you find a master who can't (or doesn't want to) cope with the fact that you have a little'un then you've got two choices I suppose...

You could carry on regardless - Do you have a cupboard you could lock the child in while you play? Have you considered fostering or adoption?

Or you could explain that no matter how lovely the dynamic, you have real (and legal) responsibilities to your child that are absolutely non-negotiable, and if that doesn't work for him then - with no blame attached to either party - it may be that the relationship isn't going to work.

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RE: Children - 11/1/2010 2:23:48 AM

HeidiAnn

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Joined: 12/16/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse
girl I am a Master.... I have taken on girls with children of that sort of age before.... Whilst I had her devotion she is also a mother, I knew and accepted that when I took her on. When I took up responsibility FOR her I also took up responsibilitys TO the child. I didn't Own the child I Owned her mother that meant it was part of My responsibilitys to make her a BETTER mother, not a worse one.

In placing the child's needs first she was obeying what I had set as her most important 'rule', there was no conflict in being a good mum and in being a good slave..... part of My job as a Master was to make sure it stayed that way. Find ways of getting what I wanted and needed without detracting from the child.... My presence made the kids life better... a more stable, fulfilled and happier mum as well as another trustworthy adult in his life.

Anyone who would try and step into such a position and not show such regard for the well being of the child... I wouldn't recognise as a Master in any way shape or form!

FTW! Reading posts like this always make my day. :)

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