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Age Sought On Profiles - 10/30/2010 2:44:18 AM

SPIT00N

Posts: 6
Joined: 10/26/2010
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As an older guy I feel I may be intriding on many when I message them because I may be far too old for them.

I have no way of knowing because they do not state an age range, the come back and tell me I am too old.

There therefore should be a field whereby anyone setting up a new profile should include their age range so that if I use the search facility I do not become deluded into making futile contact.

That said, if such a thing is set up we should not have a default age in it. With Gaydar, for example, their default is 18-99 which inevitably results in loads and loads of profiles from guys with an age range from 18 to 99 because they can't be arsed to deal with it resulting in more time-wasting.

If an age range is introduced on here then it should be a compulsory field without default so everyone actually has to state their requirements.

I know I'm old; I don't have a chip on my shoulder about being too old for many but I have a right to know surely if I am out of their range over such a fundamental thing before I bother both themselves and myself.

Post #: 1

RE: Age Sought On Profiles - 10/30/2010 2:53:37 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

If someone does not have their preferred age range on their profile, then a natural assumption would be that they aren't fussed about age.

But having said that, are you targetting people who are a lot younger than you? You state that people say you are "far too old" for them - that would lead me to assume you're messaging people who are a lot younger than you.

If this is a problem for you, then try a bit of "reality checking". Try messaging only people whose age range you fall within, or people around your own age, give or take a few 'sensible' years.

Then again, saying "you're too old" is maybe a soft way of letting you down. It's an easier option than saying you're too tall/short/fat/thin/ugly/whatever. Just a thought....

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RE: Age Sought On Profiles - 10/30/2010 3:28:15 AM

MissAsylum

Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

But having said that, are you targetting people who are a lot younger than you? You state that people say you are "far too old" for them - that would lead me to assume you're messaging people who are a lot younger than you.

This was my immediate thought. What is the average age of the people you show interest in? According to your profile, you are 58, so if these men are in the 20s to 30s (maybe even 40s), then maybe its the idea of potentially being with somebody who could be in the same age range as their parents or grandparents that may be a turn off.

This is just my personal opinion, as I would be more than a little bit put off by a man my father's age (63) showing that type of interest in me.

Or as myotherself has suggested, it may be the easiest excuse they feel they could use for turning you down for other reasons,

And that is something we will probably never know.

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RE: Age Sought On Profiles - 10/30/2010 3:35:02 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
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You also have a very specific fetish as shown by your name and profile so this would also reduce the chances of finding someone compatible and maybe people are trying to let you down gently by saying it is your age that is the issue

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Post #: 4

RE: Age Sought On Profiles - 10/30/2010 3:43:26 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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Actually, I'd like to suggest a variant of what the OP suggests: if someone has a filter in place, whether age, geography, gender, orientation, etc., having the filter rules visible would save writers time.

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RE: Age Sought On Profiles - 10/30/2010 4:01:27 AM

BBBTBW

Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline

I have a minimum age, geographical area etc in my profile and no one pays attention to it. Having a filter is only as good as the people who are supposed to use it.

With that said, the mail options allow you to block people with certain criteria but I don't think age is one of them.

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Post #: 6

RE: Age Sought On Profiles - 10/30/2010 4:17:47 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SPIT00N

If an age range is introduced on here then it should be a compulsory field without default so everyone actually has to state their requirements.

Quite possibly the worse 'suggestion' I've seen on here in a long time.

If someone has stated on their profile that they are searching for someone between say 30-40 if they make no other proviso I take than at face value and move on, it wouldn't matter if I fell out of that range by a month, I wouldn't write and try to convince them otherwise. They set out their stall and if it doesn't match I move on.

Others like Myself, may search in a given range BUT state that it is only because it is where We feel it more likely to find what We seek BUT that We don't rule out the possibility of someone outside that age range IF they come to our attention and We spot that elusive chemistry.

I may normally only search upto the age of 30... but the young lady who has captivated Me, who I have spotted that chemistry and potential with to be the third in this household..... is almost the same age as Myself.

Some sort of mandatory range doesn't account for the many different ways people view the age issue, it only panders to the blinkered and narrow minded. People only have to say what they mean in their profile and such is pretty irrelevant.

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(in reply to SPIT00N)

Post #: 7

RE: Age Sought On Profiles - 10/30/2010 5:45:54 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

If someone has stated on their profile that they are searching for someone between say 30-40 if they make no other proviso I take than at face value and move on, it wouldn't matter if I fell out of that range by a month, I wouldn't write and try to convince them otherwise. They set out their stall and if it doesn't match I move on.

Others like Myself, may search in a given range BUT state that it is only because it is where We feel it more likely to find what We seek BUT that We don't rule out the possibility of someone outside that age range IF they come to our attention and We spot that elusive chemistry.

This exactly. It's more complicated than 'x years is too old but x-1 isn't, regardless of the person' (which is the impression a filter like that gives). Which is why I turned the age filters off on my homepage when I was looking-wherever I set it I'd take it off out of curiosity and find an awesome profile I hadn't seen because it was one or two years over the boundary.

<grammar edit>

< Message edited by VaguelyCurious -- 10/30/2010 5:46:57 AM >

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Post #: 8

RE: Age Sought On Profiles - 10/30/2010 6:21:44 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

It's not a terrible idea, but I'm not sure that I would use it. While it does happen that some relationships have a large age gap, I think folks should also have a realistic view that a number of people aren't going to be interested in someone with a twenty year age difference. If you're specifically looking for someone much younger than you, I think you are probably going to have to understand that you're going to have a lot of rejections.

There have been a lot of discussions recently about how to improve features for the users of this site. Some of them are absolutely fantastic. The spam filter is a great example of this and there are some suggestions that are pretty good, in My opinion. At the same time, if you add up all of these little things that people want to see added because such and such site has this and another site has that, it just plain becomes too much hassle and it stops being user friendly.

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RE: Age Sought On Profiles - 10/30/2010 6:39:55 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

LP The part to Me that makes it a terrible damn idea... was the compulsory part.... you wouldn't have the choice to use it or not.

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Post #: 10

RE: Age Sought On Profiles - 10/30/2010 6:48:37 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

RM, I was thinking that since the default would be 18-99, that's pretty much the same option as not using it. Not really a debatable point. Just My opportunity to say how nice it is to see you posting again.

I notice that a lot of these suggestions that people are posting about, boil down to "save time in the search" ideas. People don't want to "waste" time contacting people that won't be interested in them. (I think you've seen the thread on adding a pro designation.) It occurs to Me that much of this stems from people wanting their instant gratification theory in finding someone to be just that much quicker. No matter how many things the site adds, there's still going to be a serious time investment involved, and people need to accept that.

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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Post #: 11

RE: Age Sought On Profiles - 10/30/2010 7:06:24 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

My point was that even that range as a compulsory figure would be misleading in cases such as Mine where I know there is a MUCH higher chance of finding what I seek in a particular range and the further from that range the harder it is for somone to convince Me to look seriously. Much better to not have the range compulsory at all and have people actualy WRITE what they mean, show they have some communication skills rather than yet another 'short-cut'

That said, the young lady who is the focus of My attentions didn't need to try at all.. the chemistry grabbed My attention long ago, and when We recently reconected and the barriers there where last time where not there this time..... I was already looking seriously before she even knew the issue was there to be looked at LOL

I'm mostly over on fet, but do pop back when I find Myself with a little extra time. But there are some wonderful folks I do miss from here (Yourself included).... so I doubt I will ever get around to leaving for good :)

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Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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Post #: 12

RE: Age Sought On Profiles - 10/30/2010 7:21:23 AM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I notice that a lot of these suggestions that people are posting about, boil down to "save time in the search" ideas. People don't want to "waste" time contacting people that won't be interested in them. (I think you've seen the thread on adding a pro designation.) It occurs to Me that much of this stems from people wanting their instant gratification theory in finding someone to be just that much quicker. No matter how many things the site adds, there's still going to be a serious time investment involved, and people need to accept that.

Quoted and bolded for truth!!!

LadyPact, you've hit on a problem I've been having not just with the recent threads you make mention of, but with the majority of emails I've been recieving on the profile side of CM.

I opened an second email this morning from a man who claimed he felt we had many common interests (even though his profile was sparse and only said he was looking for submissive women) and do I have yahoo. I had told him I don't use yahoo chat, asked him what he felt we had in common and if he could offer more about himself besides the brief blip that was his profile.
His response was to say he didn't have time to write emails as he felt they were "hit or miss" and why don't we just meet this weekend.

I wrote back basically saying thanks but no thanks and his response... "What are you waiting for, you're not getting any younger?"

We can take phone calls while driving, send letters (emails) while waiting to be seen in an emergency room and order up an instant meal (fast food) in less time then it takes to peel a potato. Now it seems "ordering" a partner/mate should be just as easy...no effort involved.

OP, if someone is telling you you're too old for them, accept it and move on. If people want to have an age criteria...or not...on their profile, it's their choice. If you're bothered by the fact that people use an 18-99 age range, maybe it's time to just step away from the computer for a while. Maybe it's not your age so much as how you present yourself (that said without looking at your profile and only going by what you've written here). Maybe there could be a whole host of other reason. Regardless, accept it and move on.

Also accept that not everyone wants to fit neatly into a little box...no matter what the label is.

I'm going to say to you the same thing I said to the person who suggested a seperate box for pros... Honestly, I'm always a bit wary of people who need to harp on about this issue. Makes me wonder just how much time they spend online.

< Message edited by BonesFromAsh -- 10/30/2010 7:41:47 AM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 13

RE: Age Sought On Profiles - 10/30/2010 11:45:17 AM

Nineveh

Posts: 1299
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

LP The part to Me that makes it a terrible damn idea... was the compulsory part.... you wouldn't have the choice to use it or not.

You would though. You could choose to intentionally set it to 18-99. I know that for me I prefer someone close to my age but I am not going to rule anyone out and I would set it at 18-99. In both my case and yours I expect that we are the ones sending most of the messages, so this would be something that would give us a better idea if a woman was potentially interested in us, rather than limiting the women who will be messaging us (who are close to nonexistent as it is) I know that I would appreciate knowing if I am too old or too young for a woman (being 33, I can be either) so that I do not waste my time writing her in the first place.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 14

RE: Age Sought On Profiles - 10/30/2010 6:22:57 PM

MIsabelah

Posts: 57
Joined: 9/7/2010
Status: offline

OP: Personally, this is a free country and I can put whatever I want on my profile. If someone contacts me not in my age range (and I have one but not on my profile), I simply say thanks but no thanks. I am not going to change my profile so people's feelings get hurt less. Please I have enough things on my profile. Reality is reality. Everyone gets rejected for one reason or another. Buck up.

(in reply to Nineveh)

Post #: 15

RE: Age Sought On Profiles - 10/30/2010 9:01:50 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

If everybody who wanted the search function tailored to their own personal needs had their way it would take an hour to set up a search....use your head

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Post #: 16

RE: Age Sought On Profiles - 10/31/2010 1:34:57 AM

SPIT00N

Posts: 6
Joined: 10/26/2010
Status: offline

It is amazing the way one person misses the point and other are pedantic seeking to personalise it in relation to what one puts in ione profile when the same applies to all irrespective of age and kink.

I will use the two latest posting as examples.....

MIsabelah <<OP: Personally, this is a free country and I can put whatever I want on my profile. If someone contacts me not in my age range (and I have one but not on my profile), I simply say thanks but no thanks. I am not going to change my profile so people's feelings get hurt less. Please I have enough things on my profile. Reality is reality. Everyone gets rejected for one reason or another. Buck up.>>

I did not suggest changing what you put in your profile. I suggested a filter the same as we have one both in the search facilty for age and in our own profiles for things including non-BDSM stuff!!!

Arpig

If everybody who wanted the search function tailored to their own personal needs had their way it would take an hour to set up a search....use your head

DUH! Instead of being so full of yourself with your "use your head" comment you could start by using your eyes and reading what is put in front of you, i.e. the suggestion being for stating ones age range, NOT in search but in profiles, and if you were not so keen to misuse your head in your reply you might of course not conveniently overlook the fact that there is an age range filter already in search. DOUBLE DUH!

There are however two general points both of which have been totally ignored...

The first is the suggestion that people can place their age range in their profile if they have one. That is not the problem. The problem is that a great many of them do have an age range but don't bother and as the Gaydar experience shows, there are hordes of 18 to 99ers who similarly cannot be bothered.

Also, if age range should not be compulsory for the reasons any of you state then why should the "sexuality" and "orientation" fields be, if it should not be voluntary then why should we have voluntary fields for the weight, height and kind of people we are seeking to say nothing of the scores of questions on outside lifestyle etc like does anyone really think an interest in mathematics, wood-working, golf or knitting is a turn on or turn off.

Perhaps we should have nothing other than a blank field to fill for some of you.

Perjhaps it is best to end this by a review of this comment from BonesFromAsh

OP, if someone is telling you you're too old for them, accept it and move on. um, that is not the issue and I stated quite clearly that I do not have a chip on my shoulder about it AND if you bothered to relate to what I wrote rather than score points you would have appreciated that my suggestion was for people to pre-state that I am too old be default so that I can move on anyway, so no point in that comment. If people want to have an age criteria...or not...on their profile, it's their choice. If they want to have a profile at all that is their choice so according to your logic why have a profile at all? why should they state their gender, orientation and sexuality then? That is no less their choice but that is compulsory but you fail to say that is wrong. If you're bothered by the fact that people use an 18-99 age range, maybe it's time to just step away from the computer for a while. A bit idiotic that comment. If you are bothered by something stepping away from it solves nothing. If you are bothered by postings on here then maybe you should too. You end by saying

I'm going to say to you the same thing I said to the person who suggested a separate box for pros... Honestly, I'm always a bit wary of people who need to harp on about this issue. Makes me wonder just how much time they spend online.

if you end a 17 line posting incorporating an irrelevant anecdote about some guy's personal conversation by saying that you are going to say the same thing to me as you said to somebody in a separate thread then you should be more wary of yourself obsessively harping on your one-liners about others harping on about different issues and you should also stop looking at others and start wondering about just how much time YOU spend online!

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 17

RE: Age Sought On Profiles - 10/31/2010 2:18:44 AM

MissAsylum

Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline

the thing is, there already is an age range on here however, if the change you had suggested was implemented, not everybody is going to fill it out, not everybody is going to use it... you are going to have to do some of the work yourself.

people gave their two cents on this topic- THEIR OPINION. and really, it would behoove you to not act so butt hurt about the feedback somebody has given you.

i figured you would be old enough to know that. You may not have a chip on your shoulder about your age....supposedly...but you certainly have one in regards to...oh, let's say...everything else.

if you feel like people may have missed the point, how about you try clarifying your OP, instead of trying to debase another person's intelligence?

you end up looking idiotic, not the people who may have missed the point.

ETA: in regards to the statement

quote:

I'm going to say to you the same thing I said to the person who suggested a separate box for pros... Honestly, I'm always a bit wary of people who need to harp on about this issue. Makes me wonder just how much time they spend online.

if you end a 17 line posting incorporating an irrelevant anecdote about some guy's personal conversation by saying that you are going to say the same thing to me as you said to somebody in a separate thread then you should be more wary of yourself obsessively harping on your one-liners about others harping on about different issues and you should also stop looking at others and start wondering about just how much time YOU spend online!

the common sense thing here is to get up and go to a munch. its quite the same concept. get out and try to meet people in your local scene who may be interested in what you are as well.

however, i doubt your surly attitude would help much in that aspect, especially with young men, as stated in your profile.

< Message edited by MissAsylum -- 10/31/2010 2:26:11 AM >

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Post #: 18

RE: Age Sought On Profiles - 10/31/2010 4:50:44 AM

SPIT00N

Posts: 6
Joined: 10/26/2010
Status: offline

quote:

the thing is, there already is an age range on here however, if the change you had suggested was implemented, not everybody is going to fill it out, not everybody is going to use it... you are going to have to do some of the work yourself.

The age range is only in the search facility so you can search your age range. What I propose is that one should be obliged to state what range one is seeking, since the vast majority of people have one, in order to alert those considering contacting them that their effort might be futile. If compulsory that still would not debar anyone putting in an "any age" option but whatever anyones opinions why is it so hard to get into people's skulls on here that what I am not talking about the search engine but proposing is that age preference age preferences should be a compulsory field when filling in profiles?

quote:

people gave their two cents on this topic- THEIR OPINION. and really, it would behoove you to not act so butt hurt about the feedback somebody has given you.

Ok, what other things. list them or withdraw that statement. Another vacuous statement from someone with nothing constructive to say.

quote:

if you feel like people may have missed the point, how about you try clarifying your OP, instead of trying to debase another person's intelligence?

you end up looking idiotic, not the people who may have missed the point.

If they have missed the point they have little intelligence to debase. Using your original response as a good example of that all you have to offer is an analysis of my personal situation which contrasts with the opposing, but relevant opposition of Ravenmuse... How come he can grasp the straw and reject it while you are only trying to draw attention to yourself either in the absence of comprehending the bleeding obvious... and if you did understand what I meant in the first place then that says even less about you.

I am not hurt because nobody has said it would be a bad idea but their replies have consisted of (i) misconstruing it as a suggestion regarding the search facility which is already there, (ii) opposing it on the grounds that it will be too much hassle or that one can state it in one profile, but so can one state anything so why have any fields... (iii) attempt to relate either the issue or my posting of the issue speculatively to me personally or my feelings in the ansence of any cogent opinion as you just have.

quote:

i figured you would be old enough to know that. You may not have a chip on your shoulder about your age....supposedly...but you certainly have one in regards to...oh, let's say...everything else.

Okay, so what is the "everything else" I am supposed to have a chip on my shoulder about? If you do not have any then how come you are replying at all without relating to the issue in hand?

quote:

the common sense thing here is to get up and go to a munch. its quite the same concept. get out and try to meet people in your local scene who may be interested in what you are as well.

If you are so patrronising at your age I dread to think of what you'll be like at mine!

quote:

however, i doubt your surly attitude would help much in that aspect, especially with young men, as stated in your profile

.

On a site like this surly would attract as many it it would turn off... however flicking back and forth between your posting and mine it would appear that on the "surly" scale they are fairly evenly matched.

More of interest and relevant is why you would be opposed to such a facility considering your previous statement:- that

quote:

This is just my personal opinion, as I would be more than a little bit put off by a man my father's age (63) showing that type of interest in me.

because you do not even state an age preference in your profile at all which clearly indicates that you are just saying that for the sake of it.

Since getting personal is within your genre of reply I am sure you would not object to me quoting from your profile where you say:-

quote:

FOR THE TIME BEING, I WILL ONLY BEING ACCEPTING PAID SESSIONS DUE TO TIME CONSTRAINTS. THIS IS LIKELY TO CHANGE DURING HOLIDAYS.

This clearly means that you are "for the time being" here not as a domme but as a prostitute to use the correct terminology and as such I'd be very surprised if you turn anyone away with a big fistful of dollars! Maybe your escorting on here puts you off stating an age range since doing so would be bad for business.

(in reply to MissAsylum)

Post #: 19

RE: Age Sought On Profiles - 10/31/2010 5:02:28 AM

tabbz

Posts: 26
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline

just adding my 'twopennorth'....
i have my search set between the parameters that suit me...but get messages from all ages...

and have chatted to quite a few...lol..

but...do tend to want to stick to people closer to my age...so need to say...adjoining decades preferred..lol

(in reply to SPIT00N)

Post #: 20

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