Not Poly, then no sub? (Full Version)

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cuddleheart50 -> Not Poly, then no sub? (4/27/2006 3:34:47 AM)

I have had several Doms tell me over the last few weeks that if I don't want to live a poly lifestyle, then I'm not a true sub.  I know that is not true.  Are they trying to make me feel guilty? 



IronBear -> RE: Not Poly, then no sub? (4/27/2006 3:39:50 AM)

Yes they are and fit into the wanker box with me.... You be what fits you best. If monogomy is your thing then go for it if not go for that too..... I've seen sub.slaves (females) told they are not true submissives unless they are bisexual and/or agree to group sex.. People who make these sort of statements, need bending over and fucked up the kyber with a length of rough sawn three by three hard wood with multiple splinters aiming at the insertio end



Wulfchyld -> RE: Not Poly, then no sub? (4/27/2006 3:43:13 AM)

*References the great Golden Guide Book of Kink*
 
Hmm… seems you going to burn in hell for eternity… no wait… that is for lying and manipulating subs.
 
Your good girl, stick to your guns.
 
Smiling
Loki



puella -> RE: Not Poly, then no sub? (4/27/2006 3:44:37 AM)

cuddleheart... all I can say is... if you are not poly, don't try to change yourself into it for another. It will not work, and will more likely than not, carve giant pieces out of yourself as you try to give something that is not a part of who you are, and not the way you love.

As a monogamous woman, which is every much as legitimate as being poly, you can love in a very different way.  If a man does not want you for the way you love, then what does he want you for?

Your specific question, does not being poly make you any less submissive.... the answer is no, of course not.. not if 'submissive' is something you ARE and not something you 'DO'.  Does being gay make you any less submissive?  Does being intelligent make you any less submissive?  Does being kind make you any less submissive?  These are all traits of self, just as being submissive is.  They are a part of who you are as a person, not some sex service you perform to get yourself and others off.

Take care.



cuddleheart50 -> RE: Not Poly, then no sub? (4/27/2006 3:50:54 AM)

I feel much better now.  I knew they were wrong, but I just don't understand why some people want to make you feel guilty for something you believe in....I am submissive to one and one only, thats just the way I am, and it makes me happy.  Now, its just a matter of finding or Him finding me. 



Wulfchyld -> RE: Not Poly, then no sub? (4/27/2006 3:56:14 AM)

cuddlebear, I am an advocate for candid profiles. I would like to recommend a few to you and maybe, by example, you could apply the same principles to yours. Your profile has a good list of interests but lacks in warding off your don’t wants. Specifically that you are not poly and want no part of it. That said have a good look at Ironbear he has a damn fine Dom profile, and slaverosebeauty has the most honestly brutal profile I have ever seen.
 
Wishing you the best
Loki



twicehappy -> RE: Not Poly, then no sub? (4/27/2006 3:56:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cuddleheart50

I have had several Doms tell me over the last few weeks that if I don't want to live a poly lifestyle, then I'm not a true sub.  I know that is not true.  Are they trying to make me feel guilty? 


I do not believe they are trying to make you feel guilty, i think the Doms are just being what they are, dominant.

Some, not all Doms/Dommes feel if you are going to submit to their desires you should be willing to submit to this one to. What you need to realize is this does not make you less of a submissive. 

What this makes you is a submissive that is just not into poly. This also makes you not the submissive for those Doms/Dommes who are into poly. Think about it, that is no different than somebody telling you that if you are not into caning or enemas you are not submissive.




cuddleheart50 -> RE: Not Poly, then no sub? (4/27/2006 3:57:40 AM)

Thank you Loki...I will work on that this evening, have to go to work now.



LadyMorgynn -> RE: Not Poly, then no sub? (4/27/2006 4:03:46 AM)

Not precisely. They're trying to manipulate you into doing what they want you to do.  Basically, it's the same old "if you don't believe like I do, you're not a 'real' sub (or Dom... or Christian/Republican/American/cat lover/dog lover/you name it."  Just ignore them, and move on!

quote:

ORIGINAL: cuddleheart50
I have had several Doms tell me over the last few weeks that if I don't want to live a poly lifestyle, then I'm not a true sub.  I know that is not true.  Are they trying to make me feel guilty? 



bandit25 -> RE: Not Poly, then no sub? (4/27/2006 4:06:48 AM)

Yep, just ignore them...that's what I do.



UtopianRanger -> RE: Not Poly, then no sub? (4/27/2006 4:24:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cuddleheart50

I have had several Doms tell me over the last few weeks that if I don't want to live a poly lifestyle, then I'm not a true sub.  I know that is not true.  Are they trying to make me feel guilty? 


Stick to your guns and never succumb to their pressure. Be in the relationship you want to be in. Not to belittle those in poly relationships, but from my vantage point, poly is for the birds. I've had many women message me who speak to the whole poly thing -- I reply back with no words, just a great big *wink* LMAO!!!



 - R





fastlane -> RE: Not Poly, then no sub? (4/27/2006 4:28:46 AM)

cuddleheart.....all the advice is good and I know your listening. The next time you get an altimatum like that simply tell the Dumb....I mean Dom    that you are allergic to parakeet feathers, before telling him to Fuck himself!

Birds of a feather, Kevin



meatcleaver -> RE: Not Poly, then no sub? (4/27/2006 4:30:52 AM)

This comes back to when is a sub not a sub issue. I think subs who want a monogamous relationship (which I respect is their right) are really looking for a relationship where they are equals and are playing out the role as sub. I think it is a perfectly legitimate and laudable aspiration. As for myself, I'm into kink purely for the hedonism and if a sub wanted me to be monogamous I would see it as her wanting to control me but I doubt anyone wanting a monogamous relationship would give me time of day so there really isn't an issue.

It's all in the head at the end of the day. I'm not aware of any official BDSM council that writes up official definitions of when someone is something they claim to be or not.



TheProtector -> RE: Not Poly, then no sub? (4/27/2006 4:34:11 AM)

I think there wrong, after all I know what I seek in a girl, if she is not polly (or anything else I need from a girl) then I will not go after her, and in no way will I start knocking her for it , ended up with many good mates this way, yes I will look to see if I can change her as needed, but hard limits must be respected.



Sirandlittle1 -> RE: Not Poly, then no sub? (4/27/2006 4:37:14 AM)

I didnt share well as a kid, i didnt share well as a teenager, i still dont share well as a woman. I'll be damned if ill give 100% of myself to a man, that is only giving me 50%. No ifs, no buts. No poly.
Poly is fab, if everyone wishes for things to be that way, that is their way. Not yours, not mine and not a lot of peoples. We are each different.
litttleone



krys -> RE: Not Poly, then no sub? (4/27/2006 4:38:00 AM)

Some people will say laughable things to get laid.  Some people, sad delusional people, think that calling themselves a "Dom" will submit the entire world to their whim.  Those are usually the kind of people that use the words "true sub" and "true Dom" and the like, because they can't see the world beyond the tip of their own noses. 

When someone tells you that you are not a "true sub" because you're not interested in poly, I suggest responding that a "True Dom" would so completely and instantly bend you to their will that a debate or discussion would not even be necessary.  However, as they do NOT make you feel this way, and have chosen to enter into manipulative tactics commonly used on the playground to bring you around to their view (You're not cool if you don't participate in the foodfight, or the poly, its all the same "you're not cool" bullshit), they are clearly not a "True Dom". 



shimmerUK -> RE: Not Poly, then no sub? (4/27/2006 4:39:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cuddleheart50

I feel much better now.  I knew they were wrong, but I just don't understand why some people want to make you feel guilty for something you believe in....



They probably aren't trying to make you feel guilty, just stuck in their ways and believing that they are right.



Level -> RE: Not Poly, then no sub? (4/27/2006 4:42:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cuddleheart50

I feel much better now.  I knew they were wrong, but I just don't understand why some people want to make you feel guilty for something you believe in....I am submissive to one and one only, thats just the way I am, and it makes me happy.  Now, its just a matter of finding or Him finding me. 


Because they are manipulative shitheads. Of course, there is nothing wrong with poly, as long as that's what you want.
 
Level



MadamShy -> RE: Not Poly, then no sub? (4/27/2006 4:46:27 AM)

alright ... the person is wrong ... you don't have to be poly ... I am looking Myself for a female pet but I already own a male pet ...I do not expect the female to be poly just because I am and certianly do not think they are Not a good sub if they turn Me down for not wishing to be in a poly lifestyle ... now if they say "I have Nothing to do with men" I get a little upset because .... THEY don't have to but be friends ... heck don't prejudge unless you met them.. .... But you see .. I am a strange poly I happen to be Bisexual and only have sex with anyone unless there is a long courtship so that is why I look to add to the family I am missing a part of My life even if sex was not involved I want girl cuddle time LOL.... 

but trying to change a Mono to a Poly is foolish and all it will bring about is heartache.





foxnotinsox -> RE: Not Poly, then no sub? (4/27/2006 5:08:32 AM)

 
quote:

I do not believe they are trying to make you feel guilty, i think the Doms are just being what they are, dominant.



Hmmmm .... being dominant means that there is a submissive counterpart .. and unless I am mistaken, cuddleheart did not give them any indication that they were dominant to her. This is something that really bothers me about so-called dominants .. and that they believe that they have a right to dom-over anyone who identifies as a submissive, rather than a privilege that is granted.

I do not believe that this guy is a dominant .. perhaps has dominating tendencies, but not a dominant. A dominant is only created when they have their submissive partner to make them so.. otherwise, he is *just* a guy ... [heheh a guy with a puffed-up chest and an ego to match]. If he already has a partner (since he is poly-oriented, I am ASSuming so), then he is dominant to that partner. Nobody else.

I put into my profile a limit <evil grin> ... that I offer my submission first before any dominance is exerted. It has helped in cutting out responses from creeps like that .. because =) really! who is some stranger on the internet to tell me who I am and how to think .. without my consent. That is abuse, and deserves nothing more than a D&B [delete&block]

Stick to your guns girl ... heheh or just the gun if you're a single shooter



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