Just dont have it in you?

Just dont have it in you? (Full Version)

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YSG -> Just dont have it in you? (11/4/2010 1:31:14 PM)
I have reached an odd point in my life. For the first time, I cannot see myself really caring what my lady may want, much less actually being submissive. I just dont have it in me right now. Has anyone else here felt this way, and does it go away?

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/4/2010 1:36:45 PM)
Well speaking from the dominant side, I am RIGHT WITH YOU! I have absolutely no desire to seek out or train anyone. Just offering a cheer! [;)]

SorceressJ -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/4/2010 1:42:07 PM)
Life happens. Everyone feels this way sometimes. Whether or not it goes away, or grows into something else, may remain to be seen, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. Be who you are, roll with your own flow, and trust your gut, for it will never lie to you. I wish the OP peace. )O(

YSG -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/4/2010 1:44:05 PM)
hahahaha LH, thank you. idk, I just cant deal with someone elses bullshit right now. Obviously its time for a break, Im just wondering if the desire to please will come back.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/4/2010 1:47:55 PM)
I think it will come back, Geoff, it's just a sign that you need to focus on your own stuff for awhile. Your life is going well, and you have other stuff to do. It's possible that the motivation will come back with a new person, or you wake up one day and there you are.

LaTigresse -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/4/2010 1:47:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Well speaking from the dominant side, I am RIGHT WITH YOU! I have absolutely no desire to seek out or train anyone. Just offering a cheer! [;)] I am saying a massive "DITTO!" to this.

BonesFromAsh -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/4/2010 1:49:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YSG I just dont have it in me right now. Has anyone else here felt this way, and does it go away? Female switch here, but I can very much relate to your words. I went through a period of time, about a year, where my desire to lead or be led within a relationship was pretty much nonexistant. I gave a couple half-hearted attempts, but I finally had to accept that I needed to step back and take a good hard look at what I really wanted. I've just recently decided to give this type of dynamic another shot. I'm taking it slow and learning to listen to what I need along with what I want. Life has a way of happening and maybe it's not so much that you don't care but that you've just lost track of what drew you to this type of dynamic in the first place. It's ok to step back and reassess. Funny thing....after taking a break, I'm starting to get a better understanding of what drives me. Good luck.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/4/2010 1:49:31 PM)
Well if my Bulgari Twin feels the same way, it's a SIGN. Of what, I am not sure. Life is cyclical, and while I am a Leather person all the time, because it's one of those "code" life paths, I am still myself even if I am not being directly served. There are other ways for me to express my dominance, and my service to the community. I am sure it is the same for others.

BonesFromAsh -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/4/2010 1:50:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus There are other ways for me to express my dominance, and my service to the community. I am sure it is the same for others. This is so very true. Regardless of what community you're a part of.

YSG -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/4/2010 1:52:12 PM)
I think its a sign that its almost winter, and its hard to give a fuck this time of year lol

LaTigresse -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/4/2010 1:53:57 PM)
I think so also. Another thing I have discovered in the past, when I am not actively IN any sort of power exchange relationship and I am not even communicating with someone on a 'let's see' basis, that really interests me..........I just don't have any sort of 'give a damn'. I know that, if someone right comes along, that trigger gets flipped and it's all good.

LadyNTrainer -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/4/2010 1:54:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YSG I have reached an odd point in my life. For the first time, I cannot see myself really caring what my lady may want, much less actually being submissive. I just dont have it in me right now. Has anyone else here felt this way, and does it go away? You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. If you have unmet needs, you won't have the energy to offer very much to another person. If you were in a relationship, I'd suggest you ask for understanding and support until you felt better, but I don't think you are talking about not having the energy to care what an existing partner wants. I think you are saying that you do not feel highly motivated to be submissive and of service to a partner who doesn't exist yet. And that isn't surprising; it takes a LOT of energy to maintain that kind of mindset in the absence of a dominant partner. Rest well. Take care of yourself. Make friends in and out of the lifestyle. When you meet someone who can give you the energy and inspiration you need, the submissive you will be born again. But you're going to have to listen to the human you first.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/4/2010 1:54:16 PM)
It's not that it's winter. Trust me on that one. [;)]

lally2 -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/4/2010 1:55:08 PM)
funnily enough ive just answered a thread on fetlife about more or less the same thing: for me right now im just not at all interested. ive taken myself off the internet dating scene and was hitting the local scene more, wont be for a while now, but thats all it seems i want right at this moment. i dont particularly want to turn my life or myself inside out for another person. ive recently turned down a really genuine guy because, ive just realised today, apart from anything else, i just dont have it in me to put the effort in. i have no idea why. ive been here before and it does pass. speaking for myself i can say that i know im changing. the horney, sexy motivation that used to be there isnt anymore. submission isnt about my sexuality anymore, its about expressing myself in a loving relationship with a man who understands me. so the very fertile, physical need of sexual desire has been replaced by a very gentle, passive, reflective, sensual but 'no need to prove anything to myself anymore' phase. i have submission sussed, pretty much, im sure there are some wide curves still out there and some hills yet to climb, but so far, from what ive experienced and learned - i have it sussed. maybe its that i need to be challenged more now, i dont know, i have to think it through. but i think youre just morphing, altering in what you need from this. dont despair, youre stilll a kinky fuck just like the rest of us, but i think maybe some of us go through this from time to time. its all about growing and chaning and this way of being is all about that.

LaTigresse -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/4/2010 2:01:13 PM)
Lally touched on a very good point also.......... when our hormones change a bit and the sexual overdrive chills out a bit, our needs sometimes become more complex and also, less urgent.

curiouscuriouser -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/4/2010 2:04:52 PM)
Lobster thermidor is good, but no one wants it every night. It's just healthy to crave variety, and even people in "vanilla" relationships function on that same dynamic-- to require a step back to be selfish for a while.

DMFParadox -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/4/2010 2:05:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Well speaking from the dominant side, I am RIGHT WITH YOU! I have absolutely no desire to seek out or train anyone. Just offering a cheer! [;)] I am saying a massive "DITTO!" to this. Ditto here. I just... don't care right now. The world is too big and I was focused on one little piece of it... fuck that nonsense. I want to do things, and finding anyone to keep up - sub or not - is beyond practical. This part of my path, I walk alone, unless someone finds me.

YSG -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/4/2010 2:13:50 PM)
you all make some very good points. I guess the only thing I can do is live my life and see what comes up. Im definetly gonna start pushing harder w school next semester. Im doing great for only taking 3 classes, so Im gonna try taking a full 5 or 6

kiwisub12 -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/4/2010 2:59:33 PM)
I went from a relationship heavy on the submission, to one that is light on submission anywhere but the bedroom. It took some getting used to - not jumping up when he wanted a drink, but i grew into it. Life changes. I've changed. My current relationship is wonderful , it isn't better than my last one, it's just different - and thats ok. I'm not the same person in this relationship - he brings out different things, and i feel different with him. I realise that this is not quite what you are talking about, but it is a different aspect of who i am, and think it can be related to you. It may be that you need to experience a different sort of relationship for a while, or forever. No-one said that we have to be one way for the rest of our lives.

DMFParadox -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/4/2010 3:26:52 PM)
http://xkcd.com/137/ http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dreams.png A: You should be more careful what you write. Future employers might read it. B: When did we forget our dreams? A: What? B: The infinite possibilities each day holds should stagger the mind. The sheer number of experiences I could have is uncountable, breathtaking, and I'm sitting here refreshing my inbox. We live trapped in loops, reliving a few days over and over, and we envision only a handful of paths laid out before us. We see the same things every day, we respond the same way, we think the same thoughts, each day a slight variation on the last, every moment smoothly following the gentle curves of societal norms. We act like if we just get through today, tomorrow our dreams will come back to us. B: And no, I don't have all the answers. I don't know how to jolt myself into seeing what each moment could become. But I do know one thing: the solution doesn't involve watering down my every little idea and creative impulse for the sake of some day easing my fit into a mold. It doesn't involve tempering my life to better fit someone's expectations. It doesn't involve constantly holding back for fear of shaking things up. B: This is very important, so I want to say it as clearly as I can: FUCK. THAT. SHIT. .... Amen, brotha.

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