RE: Just dont have it in you?

RE: Just dont have it in you? (Full Version)

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YSG -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/4/2010 3:46:49 PM)
... that post made 0 sense... I LOVE IT! [:D]

Aileen1968 -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/4/2010 9:08:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YSG I have reached an odd point in my life. For the first time, I cannot see myself really caring what my lady may want, much less actually being submissive. I just dont have it in me right now. Has anyone else here felt this way, and does it go away? I risked so much in order to have this type of relationship. I can't imagine it not in my life from this point on. The day I find myself not caring about what and how I can better his day means that our relationship is all kinds of fucked up. He makes me a better person by example and for that one reason alone, I will always want to be by his side. Serving him allows me to remain there. For me...it's not a matter of serving just to serve someone. It's the simple fact that I'm serving him and I'm incredibly in love with him. It's the fact that I am in love with him that makes me want to do more and more for him.

DesFIP -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/5/2010 6:16:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus It's not that it's winter. Trust me on that one. [;)] Actually it could be. If he feels worse every winter, then I'd suspect S.A.D. and it's hard to be actively submissive and filled with energy for another when you're suffering from depression. I need sun.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/5/2010 6:19:27 AM)
Excellent point, Celeste. I work in a windowless office, and I try to get as much natural light as possible the rest of the time.

YSG -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/5/2010 6:44:47 AM)
I know for a fact that we have not seen the sun here in NE Ohio for about... 4 days. So yes, it may be S.A.D., or its just my recent experiences with what I would classify as a textbook narcissitic personality. Either way, Im staying away from the whole D/s thing for awhile. I am, however, exploring a new avenue that Im very excited about. Maybe, if you're lucky, Ill update you all later [;)]

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/5/2010 10:28:33 AM)
My most recent sub is in a doldrums, too. Maybe it's sunspots!! I still say that life is cyclical, and don't force it. When you find the right person, it will come back, then you will be all icky like Shore and Aileen, and we will just want to puke when we see how sticky-happy you are! [:D]

sexyred1 -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/5/2010 11:59:55 AM)
LadyHib, LaT and Lally all gave answers that I would have given. To me, your needs change as you evolve as a person. Life sometimes gives you stressful times that you have to focus on and your interest in kink or whatever waxes and wanes. I find that the older I get my need for kink has been replaced by my need for a true connection with someone that "gets" me. I get approached constantly and asked why be so against casual activity? Someone asked me today, "don't you just want to be with someone sexually and submissively?" And my reply was nope. I only would want that if I was truly, truly interested in someone who felt the same. So my needs for submission have been put on the back burner while I deal with the changes in my life that have occured the past 2 years and while I miss it, I don't have that frantic urgency that used to accompany it. Now I am much calmer and cooler about just being me and living day to day. I know that if it comes back to me it will be because of the wiser choice I will make next time and if it does not, then I am fine in my own skin and better for not wasting time just having one part of a relationship instead of the whole package.

YSG -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/5/2010 6:50:57 PM)
Life is cylical... god, LH, you have no idea. Last night, a vanilla ex of mine, one I was dating this spring-ish, messages me on FB. Odd how people come in and out of your life right out of the blue sometimes. Red, I absolutely agree. For someone to gain my submission, they must first win my heart. Anyway, we're getting our first snowfall of the year here. Anyone want to go sledding this weekend?

LaTigresse -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/6/2010 7:09:11 PM)
Snow is a 4 letter word. I want sun and 60's. In looking at the forecast, I will get it tomorrow!

xXsoumisXx -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/6/2010 7:50:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YSG Life is cylical... god, LH, you have no idea. Last night, a vanilla ex of mine, one I was dating this spring-ish, messages me on FB. Odd how people come in and out of your life right out of the blue sometimes. Red, I absolutely agree. For someone to gain my submission, they must first win my heart. Anyway, we're getting our first snowfall of the year here. Anyone want to go sledding this weekend? I love snow!! I really miss it! It is something toget excitrd about when it is fresh and new..the world awash in white... Life is like that, our excitement waxes and wanes about different things. It doesn't mean we are less submissive, or that we want vanilla. It just means we are good not being in a relationship right now. be well... [sm=pompom.gif]

sunshinemiss -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/6/2010 8:44:03 PM)
Sends love and sunshine to everybody who needs it!!!!!!!!

KatyLied -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/7/2010 6:15:14 AM)
~fr~ I think this becomes easier when we acknowledge that we are not always responsible for our submission and all of the effort should not be on us. The dominant is responsible for understanding who we are, what it is we need, and how to shape these things into an environment in which we actively wish to submit. I go through periods of questioning whether I am submissive or whether I will ever meet someone whom I want to serve. I blame myself for this as I have set an incredibly high bar and it has been years since I have met a man who can come close to being near it.

littlewonder -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/7/2010 7:16:13 AM)
I think that you've just had bad experiences with others and so you are ready to give up. When you find the right person you'll want to give your all and more. The very thought that you don't have it in you anymore won't even be a consideration then. Good luck.

daddysliloneds -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/7/2010 8:27:37 AM)
sure, i've found myself in the same spot as you and for me, no, it hasn't gone away. submission for me, comes from inspiration; if i'm not inspired, i don't submit or give a rats ass what they think or feel... in other words, the feelings will go away for me on the day that the dominant partner makes me desire to submit to them.

delicatelydirty -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/7/2010 10:56:58 PM)
I find that I lose all interest in submission when my emotions are in turmoil and I am recovering from serious hurt and /or upheavel in my life .... during those times I seek friendship and maybe some limited play with trusted friends ... but to fully submit ... my emotions need to be healthy... So just give it time would be my advice

YSG -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/10/2010 3:43:05 PM)
Already, I am beginning to miss it. I miss the intimacy, not just physically but emotionally. I miss being able to be open and honest with her about my thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc. I miss knowing that I mattered, and that my service made her life easier. I miss knowing that she is happy, because of my love for her. Due to this narcissistic person, it will be some time before I serve again. However, my heart is mending, and when I am ready, the right Lady will show herself to me.

WestBaySlave -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/10/2010 6:46:20 PM)
I am so in this state right now. I just don't have the motivation to involve myself in this... And I tend to find my happiest times are the ones I spend on my own, doing stuff I like, just for me. I'm still submissive inside and open for something to work out, but the last few years have been some form of emotional aversion therapy to D/s relationships. Now, half the time the very thought of serving a guy just makes me angry and depressed, even though I don't inherently dislike dominants. I used to live for this - now? I can take it or leave it. I'm not sure if it's a permanent shift but I suppose only time will tell.

porcelaine -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/11/2010 2:31:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YSG I have reached an odd point in my life. For the first time, I cannot see myself really caring what my lady may want, much less actually being submissive. I just dont have it in me right now. Has anyone else here felt this way, and does it go away? Greetings YSG, Your feelings aren't odd at all. I've been there a time or two myself and restricted my activities and associations when it occurred. Much like other things in life our wants and needs change. We pick up something which requires us to set down something else. Although I didn't experience that often while in a relationship, the mindset typically came about when I was vehemently opposed to establishing one. I've noticed another manifestation which typically occurred when the individual in question has let me down in a fashion that is truly irreparable. It's usually a sign that I'm done. Best of luck. Namaste, ~porcelaine

trueshadow -> RE: Just dont have it in you? (11/22/2010 8:00:06 PM)
Can't relate but a little to this. I've known I was a sub/slave since I was a child. It is what I am, who I am, why I am. Yet, I can understand stepping back. When one of my parents was ill or needed help, or something else demanded attention, I had no interests in anything else. And there are varying degrees of this. It's called adaptation.

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