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Application for Servitude? - 11/4/2010 11:47:43 PM

Rexeena

Posts: 11
Joined: 8/8/2010
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Hello!
I'd like to know how common these are. I'm currently considering a Master in my city, and he emailed me one. It seems more as a survey to see some of my thoughts/overall experience, etc. since he isn't considering other subs at the moment. Of course, it's all tentative at this point, as we have yet to meet in person. Has anybody completed one of these apps or had a sub complete one?

I appreciate any relevant responses. Thanks!

Post #: 1

RE: Application for Servitude? - 11/5/2010 1:26:24 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
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From: Newcastle, Australia
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Seems a tad "Net Geeky" to me. Kind of thing the clueless, inexperienced or relationship-challenged might set you.

For whatever posturing nonsense that goes on within this lifestyle, I've found the best way for Dom & sub to kick off on the right foot is just talk to each other. About any and all things, not just the lifestyle....

If the guy isn't good at communicating on a human/social level, do you really think a healthy, happy and fulfilling relationship has potential?

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Rexeena)

Post #: 2

RE: Application for Servitude? - 11/5/2010 1:31:41 AM

DMFParadox

Posts: 1405
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I've done this. As a joke. Damn me if the girl didn't fill it out, too. She turned out to rock hard, so I almost endorse the practice.

But... eh. No buts. Just have fun, darlin'. Only one life, here.

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 3

RE: Application for Servitude? - 11/5/2010 1:48:12 AM

crazyml

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[miss-posted]

< Message edited by crazyml -- 11/5/2010 1:49:11 AM >

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Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 4

RE: Application for Servitude? - 11/5/2010 1:49:35 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
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Early on in my kink career - before the likes of ALT turned up, I regularly sent people a checklist to fill in. But that was early days before I came to the conclusion that finding out how happy I'd be with a partner in nilla time was just as important.

I don't think there's anything wrong with it per se. but it's for you to decide whether he's interested in you as a person as opposed to your kinks/fetishes, having done so you need to decide whether that works for you.

Focus (as usual) nails it when he says -

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

If the guy isn't good at communicating on a human/social level, do you really think a healthy, happy and fulfilling relationship has potential?

Focus.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Rexeena)

Post #: 5

RE: Application for Servitude? - 11/5/2010 3:08:06 AM

Aileen1968

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From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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I'd send it back to him and tell him thanks but no thanks.
It's not a job interview to me.
You'll learn far more about each other over a 20 minute cup of coffee without ever discussing kink.

_____________________________

(in reply to Rexeena)

Post #: 6

RE: Application for Servitude? - 11/5/2010 3:28:27 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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I've used checklists before and that sounds like what it is likely to be under the bullshit label. Usually when discussing other more important bits, given We are looking at a relationship that does have kink... a quick exchange of checklists can highlight anything of that nature that might need careful discussion without it getting in the way of finding out about the rest of who each other are.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 7

RE: Application for Servitude? - 11/5/2010 5:12:51 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Then shouldn't he be filling one out also? A sentence is enough for me to describe my kink. What I'm mainly interested in is how well we mesh overall. Do you have the same life experiences? Do you share common morals and ethical values? And that won't show up in a survey.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 8

RE: Application for Servitude? - 11/5/2010 6:26:42 AM

Rexeena

Posts: 11
Joined: 8/8/2010
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That's what I'm thinking! He agreed to answer a few questions. There are definitely some need-to-knows I would like answered.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 9

RE: Application for Servitude? - 11/5/2010 6:39:57 AM

RavenMuse

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Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rexeena

That's what I'm thinking! He agreed to answer a few questions. There are definitely some need-to-knows I would like answered.

That's the first bit that gave Me pause here 'FEW' questions????? There are as many questions as there needs to be to give the girl a clear picture of what she is walking into.... and as many as it takes for Me to be sure its someone I want to put the time and effort into.... on ALL subjects, not just kink.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Rexeena)

Post #: 10

RE: Application for Servitude? - 11/5/2010 6:44:21 AM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
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When I first started exploring wiitwd, I had a friend who identified as a Dom. He became sort of a mentor in that when I had a question, he would answer as best he could and we would discuss various aspects of D/s power dynamics and bdsm activities.

At one point early on, he sent me a checklist, which is what it sounds like you're talking about, and suggested I look it over and check off the things i liked or that I had an interest in exploring and to, contrayiwise, tick off the activities I saw as a limit and to what extent. This wasn't for him, but for me to use as a visual tool.

He told me if I was interested in play with someone, discuss the list. However, if I was interested in getting to know the person as a long term partner I'd be better served by putting the list on the back burner and addressing meatier topics.

My opinion is that these types of documents are simply tools...one of many... to gain insight into a person's kink and not a viable option for actually getting to know a person on the whole.

Just my $0.02...good luck.

On a side note...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rexeena
... He agreed to answer a few questions...

A few and not all?

< Message edited by BonesFromAsh -- 11/5/2010 6:48:03 AM >

(in reply to Rexeena)

Post #: 11

RE: Application for Servitude? - 11/5/2010 8:10:15 AM

sweetsub1957

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Joined: 4/28/2009
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~FR~
No one has ever asked me to fill one out, no. But if presented with one, I think I would read it and fill it out, even if I never sent it back, because the kinds of questions asked might give me a window into what the Dom is like and what He really wanted. And it would make me think if I wanted the same-or not. That way, I would know whether I want to take a chance on Him or not. lol See, there are ways to make that questionnaire work for the sub too.

~sweetsub~

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Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)

Post #: 12

RE: Application for Servitude? - 11/5/2010 11:28:53 AM

sexyred1

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Joined: 8/9/2007
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This is not a job interview with an application process. I consider that to be a lazy way of getting to know someone.

But then again, laziness is rampant in online dating. Today I got a perfect example of this. A Dominant wrote me with two words. It said: Daddy/Dom.

I wrote back, and said what is your point? He said, "that is what I am." I said how about a more compelling introduction and did you read my profile?

He said: "I don't need to do either, I am a Dominate".

Lazy. Just like an application request is.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 11/5/2010 11:29:38 AM >

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 13

RE: Application for Servitude? - 11/5/2010 12:40:24 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

About the only thing that We really got out of Our application process was a feeling of how important whatever it was they were looking for was to them. But, We learned over time that it doesn't matter how important it is to them if what We find important isn't amongst that list! So, We stopped the practice. We do, however, have better filtering techniques now, do perhaps that also plays an important factor to not needing them.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Rexeena)

Post #: 14

RE: Application for Servitude? - 11/5/2010 12:58:49 PM

SpaceSpank

Posts: 244
Joined: 10/3/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

This is not a job interview with an application process. I consider that to be a lazy way of getting to know someone.

But then again, laziness is rampant in online dating. Today I got a perfect example of this. A Dominant wrote me with two words. It said: Daddy/Dom.

I wrote back, and said what is your point? He said, "that is what I am." I said how about a more compelling introduction and did you read my profile?

He said: "I don't need to do either, I am a Dominate".

Lazy. Just like an application request is.

I don't do this myself (application), but depending on the nature if the relationship and the Dom, it could be simply part of the power play they have. I agree it's lazy if it's simply a generic form they send to everyone early. But if it's something they give thought to with every sub/slave and make it part of a more robust process, I see no issues with it.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 15

RE: Application for Servitude? - 11/5/2010 1:13:33 PM

HisEvelyn

Posts: 252
Joined: 1/21/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

This is not a job interview with an application process. I consider that to be a lazy way of getting to know someone.

But then again, laziness is rampant in online dating. Today I got a perfect example of this. A Dominant wrote me with two words. It said: Daddy/Dom.

I wrote back, and said what is your point? He said, "that is what I am." I said how about a more compelling introduction and did you read my profile?

He said: "I don't need to do either, I am a Dominate".

Lazy. Just like an application request is.

I find it impressive that he could be a verb. Aren't we usually nouns?

As for an application? I think it would depend on what was in it. How it was written, what it entailed. If it was just a checklist of sexual kinks, no. If it was a short list of questions that could lead to interesting discussions? I might.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 16

RE: Application for Servitude? - 11/5/2010 3:06:55 PM

LookWhatICanDo

Posts: 2
Joined: 11/5/2010
Status: offline

Rexeena,

He should answer any questions you have b/c you have as much of a right to know to ensure that you feel comfortable with Him. If He is for real about the survey then He should have n/p answering any questions you have. I recommend playing 21 questions where He and you both take turns asking and answering questions. it’s a nice ice breaker. Good Luck

(in reply to HisEvelyn)

Post #: 17

RE: Application for Servitude? - 11/5/2010 4:08:46 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I'd send it back to him and tell him thanks but no thanks.
It's not a job interview to me.
You'll learn far more about each other over a 20 minute cup of coffee without ever discussing kink.

yep Yep YEP...uh what she said. You have got to be fucking kidding. Uh take your quesitons and shovem where the sun dont shine FURTHERMORE dont contact me again.

That's how I roll. BadOne

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 18

RE: Application for Servitude? - 11/5/2010 5:11:56 PM

hausboy

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Joined: 9/5/2010
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Common, no?
But have I? yes.

Back when they were typed on a manual typewriter so there was only one copy.

I have filled them out...and I have asked my bottoms to fill them out. They are never copied and returned or destroyed (their choice) once the relationship is terminated.

I found them HIGHLY useful, especially with novice players (I didn't need them with the more experienced ones--they were always good at negotiating what they wanted, didn't want, limits etc.) New players were sometimes too shy to tell me what they really wanted....had really tried before....or wanted to explore. They had NO trouble filling out the application, it allowed them to feel comfortable to tell me things that they were too embarrassed to discuss. And it gave me a crystal clear snapshot of what was okay, what was off-limits, what parts of the body were "no-fly zones" and what were her erogenous zones.

On the back, they were asked to write down a fantasy. VERY helpful.

I kept my wife's in our security deposit box. During the divorce, I returned it to her (we started our relationship with her bottoming to me) to her in a box with her collar and other personal effects. She couldn't believe I had kept it all these years--but I was true to my word til the end.

If I did this again today with another novice, I would NOT do it electronically--I would STILL do it on a typewriter and they would have to fill it out by hand. You can tell a lot by handwriting...

call me a geek. don't fill it out. Me and my size 7 glove will find a good time elsewhere.

(in reply to Rexeena)

Post #: 19

RE: Application for Servitude? - 11/5/2010 7:42:08 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

I think questionaires are fun to fill out - call me a geek, it would be spot on. I think they can wake people up to possibility. But do I want to share that with someone? Not so much. If we can't have a conversation, then why are we together? People often send me those questionaires that go around occasionally on email (Beatles or Rolling Stones? I always answer "both").

There are times when, for some people, writing can be a much easier way to communicate. Nothing wrong with that. However, as Red pointed out, it can be laziness. It can also be a flag for spotting social incompetency. Some people are uncomfortable talking about stuff. Nothing wrong with a bit of social incompetence, it's just good info to have.

The problem I have with these things is the limitations of them. Other than that, they certainly can be tools. But hey! They are not the whole toolbox!

best,
sunshine

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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Post #: 20

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