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Naked pics - 11/7/2010 9:43:24 AM   
smartsub10


Posts: 865
Joined: 4/23/2010
Status: offline 		I have been chatting online and on the phone with a Dom in another state and we really seem to have connected.  We've exchanged conservative pics and he's seen the pics I've posted on my profile.  We are talking about meeting soon.

He has been pressuring me to send him more explicit photos of myself and I've complied - to a point.  I don't want to show any more than what any one would see while walking around on a beach.  Anything more than that until a relationship has been absolutely established makes me very uncomfortable.

I told him this and his response is that I should be flattered that he wants to see naked pics of me and that to send him these pics is something that I would be doing for him and ME.  I don't get that.  

I don't want to ruin what we have so far but I also don't want to compromise my own values and rules.  Am I being too prudish?  Why would it be unacceptable to wait until we've met and feel a true connection in the flesh?   I've had great chemistry with someone on line in the past and for whatever reason it disintegrated on meeting.

Thanks for any and all thoughts.


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RE: Naked pics - 11/7/2010 9:45:54 AM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline
If he won't respect you on this, something kind of tame what else won't he respect you on?
quote:

ORIGINAL: smartsub10

I have been chatting online and on the phone with a Dom in another state and we really seem to have connected.  We've exchanged conservative pics and he's seen the pics I've posted on my profile.  We are talking about meeting soon.

He has been pressuring me to send him more explicit photos of myself and I've complied - to a point.  I don't want to show any more than what any one would see while walking around on a beach.  Anything more than that until a relationship has been absolutely established makes me very uncomfortable.

I told him this and his response is that I should be flattered that he wants to see naked pics of me and that to send him these pics is something that I would be doing for him and ME.  I don't get that.  

I don't want to ruin what we have so far but I also don't want to compromise my own values and rules.  Am I being too prudish?  Why would it be unacceptable to wait until we've met and feel a true connection in the flesh?   I've had great chemistry with someone on line in the past and for whatever reason it disintegrated on meeting.

Thanks for any and all thoughts.



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RE: Naked pics - 11/7/2010 10:13:39 AM   
Rexeena


Posts: 11
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I find his behavior disrespectful. For me it would be a yellow flag and I would definitely proceed with caution. If he keeps pressuring you, tell him how uncomfortable he's making you feel. If he doesn't stop, then you may need to find someone who will be more respectful. Being a dom (and not yet your dom) doesn't give him the right to pressure you into showing him something for which you are not ready.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)
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RE: Naked pics - 11/7/2010 10:26:01 AM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline 		I'm going on the assumption that you haven't committed to being his submissive yet. If I'm wrong, please correct me.

If you were in an established relationship where you have given yourself to him and you allow and invite him to take control, then yes, I could see how you doing this could be for him and for you. But now? When you haven't met him and haven't committed to being his submissive? No...you're not being prudish. You don't have to do what he says....yet. I would be polite and respectful when refusing...and wait and see that he is just as polite and respectful back.

(in reply to smartsub10)
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RE: Naked pics - 11/7/2010 10:33:11 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		You should be flattered that he wants to see your pictures? lol Why flattered? Why such a need to be flattered that someone would wish to see us naked? He isn't the first to pull this type of thing.

It is only my assumption here, but I wouldn't be so worried about the pictures. I would be worried about his concept of women that he feels he can use what he might see as a weakness to pull a power play. What is so flattering that a man would want to see a woman naked? Like he wouldn't and it isn't natural for a man to do so? Like you have some need to expose yourself for both your benefit because you need to be flattered by some online attention? I bet if you keep protesting and not sending and don't flow with his need to get a lil action, you won't be meeting. He can't respect you enough to wait until you are comfortable and assured of his intentions?

What is lacking here is respect and I can't see a good meeting or relationship with the lack of respect for what really does flatter you! Self respect and preservation! Your best interest's are not utmost on his mind. I think he is thinking with his cock and expecting you to fall for his weak ass play for manipulation with what he views as a woman weakened by what a woman needs... to be flattered and given some attention so much that we will do most anything to meet our needs like many men do to meet the needs of a hardened cock. What he isn't saying is what he really is saying. That he has a low opinion of women and that he is no rocket scientist... and I would doubt that heart as well.

Personally, that connection would show some stress to me and I would shit can the dude for being so stupid that he would think that would work.

I'm sorry, but I think there is someone much better for you out there... and you ought to be seeking him out. What does your gut tell you? Listen to it...


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RE: Naked pics - 11/7/2010 10:43:52 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		The thing that bothers me is that he should be gearing up for a RL meeting.  After he's played with you, he can take pics himself.

I'd be concerned that he's in it just for nude pics, and nothing else.


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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Naked pics - 11/7/2010 11:27:16 AM   
MrKicia


Posts: 155
Joined: 9/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

The thing that bothers me is that he should be gearing up for a RL meeting.  After he's played with you, he can take pics himself.

I'd be concerned that he's in it just for nude pics, and nothing else.


Thats how it sounded to me aswell. 

Op I think you are nowhere near out of line to keep the nudy pics until later on in your relationship, If you two do take things further.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Naked pics - 11/7/2010 11:55:41 AM   
subkatslut


Posts: 81
Joined: 9/14/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

The thing that bothers me is that he should be gearing up for a RL meeting.  After he's played with you, he can take pics himself.

I'd be concerned that he's in it just for nude pics, and nothing else.



That is my thought exactly. Prior to meeting in RL I don't play the pic game or any other game too much. We can talk to get to know one another but I've encountered far too many men who when it comes down to it...will say they want RL when all they really want are pics and online games.

You don't even need to reject him but can use his desire for nude pics as motivation for a first meeting and it will secretly allow you to see what his true intentions are. ;-)

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Naked pics - 11/7/2010 12:03:54 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Why would someone, at a time of building any form of trust, push someone to a place of discomfort or a place of questioning their motives, ask them for something many online kinksters ask for? Not the brightest bulb.

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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Naked pics - 11/7/2010 12:29:07 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		At this point I'd be wondering if I still wanted to meet this dude. It's like the others are saying, he's not respecting your boundaries and offering juvenile reasons for doing so. You say that you don't want to ruin things with him but I'm not sure things with him would be all that.

Puhleeeze...you're supposed to be flattered that he wants to see you nude?  That's some prime lameness right there.

No, you are not being a prude for not getting naked for him - this is someone you really don't know yet. We've all had those meetings where the other person was much older/heavier than their pictures and that doesn't even cover how things can vary in personality between what you think someone is like and what they are actually like.

I'm with the others that say he seems to be in it for the pics...he does. I wonder if he's been truthful in how he's physically represented himself to you and he knows that he has no intension of meeting, or once you do meet he knows you won't be interested anymore. But...he'll still have your pictures at that point no matter what you want to do with him or without him.

(in reply to smartsub10)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Naked pics - 11/7/2010 12:36:23 PM   
smartsub10


Posts: 865
Joined: 4/23/2010
Status: offline
quote:

But...he'll still have your pictures at that point no matter what you want to do with him or without him.


That's exactly what I was thinking about when he keeps pushing.  He'd have a nice collection of nudey pics to wank to. LOL


_____________________________

Beauty fades...stupid is forever
~ Judge Judith Scheindlin
____________________________________________

“Be that self which one truly is" ~Soren Kierkegaard

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Naked pics - 11/7/2010 1:46:29 PM   
MercTech


Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		I wouldn't mind nakie pics myself but, gad, it is gauche to be a pest about such.

Stefan

(in reply to smartsub10)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Naked pics - 11/7/2010 2:00:44 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: smartsub10

I don't want to ruin what we have so far but I also don't want to compromise my own values and rules. 

You aren't the one ruining this. I would continue to stay true to your beliefs.
If it's really "a good thing" it will survive this petty demand.

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(in reply to smartsub10)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Naked pics - 11/7/2010 2:06:36 PM   
CeriseNin


Posts: 286
Joined: 4/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: smartsub10

I have been chatting online and on the phone with a Dom in another state and we really seem to have connected.  We've exchanged conservative pics and he's seen the pics I've posted on my profile.  We are talking about meeting soon.

He has been pressuring me to send him more explicit photos of myself and I've complied - to a point.  I don't want to show any more than what any one would see while walking around on a beach.  Anything more than that until a relationship has been absolutely established makes me very uncomfortable.

I told him this and his response is that I should be flattered that he wants to see naked pics of me and that to send him these pics is something that I would be doing for him and ME.  I don't get that.  

I don't want to ruin what we have so far but I also don't want to compromise my own values and rules.  Am I being too prudish?  Why would it be unacceptable to wait until we've met and feel a true connection in the flesh?   I've had great chemistry with someone on line in the past and for whatever reason it disintegrated on meeting.

Thanks for any and all thoughts.


No. In my opinion, if he respected you, he'd take "No" for an answer. Huge red flag. What else might he ignore? Like a safe word, for example.

< Message edited by CeriseNin -- 11/7/2010 2:07:14 PM >

(in reply to smartsub10)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Naked pics - 11/7/2010 3:23:43 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		yeahhhh...men who pull this line usually will disappear the minute you send them. I'd be very surprised if he actually shows up for the real life meeting after you send the pics. Sorry but hngs use this line to get their jerk off.

(in reply to CeriseNin)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Naked pics - 11/7/2010 6:25:25 PM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline
quote:

I don't want to ruin what we have so far but I also don't want to compromise my own values and rules.  Am I being too prudish?  Why would it be unacceptable to wait until we've met and feel a true connection in the flesh?   I've had great chemistry with someone on line in the past and for whatever reason it disintegrated on meeting.


No you're not being too prudish at all.

Remember - you're not just looking for a partner, you're looking for a compatible partner. He has to impress you as much as you have to impress him.

If the relationship ends because you were unwilling to force yourself to do something that made you uncomfortable, better it ends now than a year from now. The rebound time will be shorter.

(in reply to smartsub10)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Naked pics - 11/7/2010 6:40:34 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I made it a rule for myself to never compromise who I am.  Had my owner pulled that on me, I would have declined to meet him.  I wouldn't even have conversations of a sexual nature until we were well on our path to an established relationship.  Had he pressed for pics like that, he'd have ruined it for us and I would have moved on.

And the "flattered" remark was just a line.  99.99% of dominant males out there would dig naked pics of chicks. It's not like his is a unique request.


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(in reply to smartsub10)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Naked pics - 11/7/2010 6:46:53 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: smartsub10

quote:

But...he'll still have your pictures at that point no matter what you want to do with him or without him.


That's exactly what I was thinking about when he keeps pushing.  He'd have a nice collection of nudey pics to wank to. LOL



Not only that, but once you hit send you have no control over where those photos end up.

If he wanted to get to know you, once you said no he would have dropped it if it was just a curiosity thing, or whatever.
Instead he tried to manipulate you.

When I was new I might have gone along too.
Be smarter than that.

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Naked pics - 11/7/2010 6:57:58 PM   
dory007


Posts: 40
Joined: 7/2/2009
Status: offline 		he wants a porn fix. he wants the power. what he probably doesn't want is a real relationship. why meet someone who is disrespecting you in chat? if someone can't be civil on line, what will they be like in person? 

(in reply to smartsub10)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Naked pics - 11/7/2010 9:10:33 PM   
Twoshoes


Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline 		Why wouldn't these men just visit a site containing what others have informed me is deemed p-o-r-n-o-graphy? (not sure i spelled that right; I'm more innocent than dew, mist and snowflakes combined)

< Message edited by Twoshoes -- 11/7/2010 9:14:57 PM >

(in reply to dory007)
Profile   Post #: 20
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