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Un-Dommely? - 4/27/2006 1:48:17 PM   
MistressMisaki


Posts: 2
Joined: 4/27/2006
Status: offline 		Hello, I am new to the scene and this is my first time on collarme. I have a question that I'm a bit embarassed about to ask, but if I never ask, I'll never know the answer and so here goes.

Is there anything that is considered "un-Dommely"? hmm.. how to explain exactly.  I'll just cut to the chase and be specific. I very much enjoy anal sex and I am wondering if this could be a potential problem.  Should I try switching? Perhaps I am not as dominant as I originally thought? Maybe I have a hard time wrapping my mind around being dominating and recieving at the same time. I am worried that I may lose potential sub's respect if they feel I might not be as dominating as they would like me to be.

I am wondering if anyone can relate to this feeling of doubt.. aaaand I hope I phrased this in a manner that makes sense.

Cheers!

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Un-Dommely? - 4/27/2006 1:55:42 PM   
WeeIttyBitty


Posts: 115
Joined: 4/24/2006
Status: offline 		Why should it be a problem?

You're allowed to enjoy your sessions as much as the sub is.

(in reply to MistressMisaki)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Un-Dommely? - 4/27/2006 1:58:00 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressMisaki

Hello, I am new to the scene and this is my first time on collarme. I have a question that I'm a bit embarassed about to ask, but if I never ask, I'll never know the answer and so here goes.

Is there anything that is considered "un-Dommely"? hmm.. how to explain exactly.  I'll just cut to the chase and be specific. I very much enjoy anal sex and I am wondering if this could be a potential problem.  Should I try switching? Perhaps I am not as dominant as I originally thought? Maybe I have a hard time wrapping my mind around being dominating and recieving at the same time. I am worried that I may lose potential sub's respect if they feel I might not be as dominating as they would like me to be.

I am wondering if anyone can relate to this feeling of doubt.. aaaand I hope I phrased this in a manner that makes sense.

Cheers!




Look at it this way, if he said he didn't like doing it would you give a fuck?  It's your asshole and he is servicing it...........end of joke.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to MistressMisaki)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Un-Dommely? - 4/27/2006 2:00:26 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Whatever you do, someone is going to tell you that it's wrong.

Actions are neither dominant nor submissive.  It is your motivation and perspective which shapes things.

If you want to do something- do it!  I know a lot of people equate passive to submissive, but they aren't at all.  You're being served, you're allowing them the pleasure of giving to you their time and energy.



_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MistressMisaki)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Un-Dommely? - 4/27/2006 2:13:02 PM   
Reasonable


Posts: 459
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline 		Do what you like.

The only one you need consider is who you are with.

(in reply to MistressMisaki)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Un-Dommely? - 4/27/2006 2:13:48 PM   
valeca


Posts: 403
Joined: 1/9/2006
Status: offline 		If Master had me serve Him in that way, I wouldn't feel He was less Dominant for it.  It's still me doing what He wants--no different than any other 'sexual command' He'd give me.

If you're concerned because of positioning--the physical aspect of being on the 'bottom'--keep in mind that anal can be done with the receiver on top controlling  how fast and how deep.



_____________________________

~valeca, Owned and Operated by Loraith.

(in reply to MistressMisaki)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Un-Dommely? - 4/27/2006 2:22:01 PM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressMisaki
I am wondering if anyone can relate to this feeling of doubt.. aaaand I hope I phrased this in a manner that makes sense.
Cheers!


Sure can.  the quickest way to get into trouble, especially as a domme is to have character, mental health, or avarice issues.  Aside from that it really is whatever kind of life you create for yourself and sig other.  It is a matter of finding someone who likes the same things the same way you do or at least is benevolently tolerant of it.  

There will always be someone who will tell you that you are not domme enough for them and frankly thats their problem and it means you and them are not a match, nothing more.

Being a domme just means you like taking the riens and directing the show, being a leader.  nothing more. so you have a fresh slate to start with and you can write any script you feel like and be right for you.  just keep in mind to play safe tho.

Oh and i am sure there are literally hords of guys out here self included that like anal both ways ;)

Welcome to the boards and cm

r1


_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to MistressMisaki)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Un-Dommely? - 4/27/2006 3:08:04 PM   
MistressLorelei


Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		Only things that make you feel less 'Dominant' are "un-Dommely".   It's about the mind, not the activity. If you enjoy anal sex, find someone compatible who will enjoy giving it to you when you want it... and feel satisfaction in that he is doing it for your pleasure.

Have fun.

(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Un-Dommely? - 4/27/2006 4:05:35 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		You get to make the rules.  If you like it you like it.  If you want it, you want it.  That pretty much covers it as far as I'm concerned.  At least it does for me.

You get to decide what constitutes being 'dommely.'  Then you get to find someone who agrees with you.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to MistressMisaki)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Un-Dommely? - 4/27/2006 4:14:05 PM   
Contesaluv


Posts: 173
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		I am dominant through and through and if I want anal, then my subbie(s) and/or slave had better well be ready to do that as much and whenever I please.  Does that make me less dominant.  H E L L   N O!  Actually, the more important question is whether you're willing to take on the responsibility and load of being a dominant all the time.  If that is not the case then yes, you are a Switch.  When it comes to whether something is Un-Dommely or not, anyone can have an opinion, but at the end of the day when I lay my head down to rest, will I be able to live with whatever Dommely thing I've done.  That's how I decide for myself what's Un-Dommely.

"To thine ownself be true"  W. Shakespeare

_____________________________

Mistress C.

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.
William Shakespeare
------------------------
In a world of so many variables, why do you have to be the norm? Anonymous

(in reply to MistressMisaki)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Un-Dommely? - 4/27/2006 4:58:24 PM   
DigitBox


Posts: 154
Joined: 3/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressMisaki

Is there anything that is considered "un-Dommely"? hmm.. how to explain exactly.  I'll just cut to the chase and be specific. I very much enjoy anal sex and I am wondering if this could be a potential problem.  Should I try switching? Perhaps I am not as dominant as I originally thought? Maybe I have a hard time wrapping my mind around being dominating and recieving at the same time. I am worried that I may lose potential sub's respect if they feel I might not be as dominating as they would like me to be.


Being switch isn't the light weight version of being Domme,or sub.  It's still an either or situation.  When I'm the one on top, that's where I am and s/he better remember that.  If I then at a later date switch with my partner then it's up to me to make them happy. 

If you are thinking that it would help you get your need for anal sex met by being sub for that but then being Domme other times, well sure you could do that.  Whatever works.

But if you are going to do this while Domme.

You are getting 'your' pleasure from the sub.  How is that a not being dominant?

If you want it then you tell him to give it to you.

Plus with any kind of penetrative sex, guys who aren't enjoying themselves won't be able to perform anyway.

Getting a guy hard when he doesn't want to be is a major effort.

I mean the other thing you could do is take some time to communicate outside of play time to see if it's working for him.





< Message edited by DigitBox -- 4/27/2006 5:01:25 PM >

(in reply to MistressMisaki)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Un-Dommely? - 4/27/2006 5:37:17 PM   
MochaMistress


Posts: 275
Joined: 1/8/2006
Status: offline 		Your sub or slave should do whatever it takes to please you. Enjoying pleasure from anal sex does not make one undominant.

(in reply to MistressMisaki)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Un-Dommely? - 4/27/2006 5:47:20 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
Who is in control of the act is more important than the act itself. You could end up with a sub being cocky while performing this service for you. To avoid this, exert control during it. Have him chant about serving his Mistress or put a vampire cock ring on him so he doesn't enjoy it. You could also use a collar and lead, pulling on it while he services you.  



_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to MistressMisaki)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Un-Dommely? - 4/27/2006 6:19:15 PM   
MistressLina


Posts: 34
Joined: 3/17/2006
From: Montreal
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress


Who is in control of the act is more important than the act itself. You could end up with a sub being cocky while performing this service for you. To avoid this, exert control during it. Have him chant about serving his Mistress or put a vampire cock ring on him so he doesn't enjoy it. You could also use a collar and lead, pulling on it while he services you.  



 
Oh, nice one....

_____________________________

Mistress Lina...indulge in your fantasy...

(in reply to BeachMystress)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Un-Dommely? - 4/27/2006 7:21:49 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressMisaki

Hello, I am new to the scene and this is my first time on collarme. I have a question that I'm a bit embarassed about to ask, but if I never ask, I'll never know the answer and so here goes.

Is there anything that is considered "un-Dommely"? hmm.. how to explain exactly. I'll just cut to the chase and be specific. I very much enjoy anal sex and I am wondering if this could be a potential problem. Should I try switching? Perhaps I am not as dominant as I originally thought? Maybe I have a hard time wrapping my mind around being dominating and recieving at the same time. I am worried that I may lose potential sub's respect if they feel I might not be as dominating as they would like me to be.

I am wondering if anyone can relate to this feeling of doubt.. aaaand I hope I phrased this in a manner that makes sense.

Cheers!




The only things that makes an activity dominant or submissive are the attitudes and the authority of the partners involved.

Unfortunately a lot of people believe that being the receptive partner is the same as passive or submissive so it could be a problem with a potential submissive. Guess it can one way you measure whether or not they are the correct submissive for you. Be honest about what you like and how you feel about it, if he seems put off by it or considers it undommly then he's probably not the best match you can find.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 4/27/2006 7:22:29 PM >

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MistressMisaki)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Un-Dommely? - 4/27/2006 7:24:25 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: valeca

If you're concerned because of positioning--the physical aspect of being on the 'bottom'--keep in mind that anal can be done with the receiver on top controlling how fast and how deep.




Actually I like being in the bottom position -- takes me longer to come requiring more work and attention from my slave while I get to relax and enjoy the ride.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to valeca)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Un-Dommely? - 4/27/2006 8:15:12 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
Dear Mistress Misaki, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I come from an old system of things; known as Old School and or for Gay males they would say Old Guard.
 
That said; in my day--our sexual behavior was not exposed to the public domain as to trifle with, as it was a private enjoyment between the dominant and submissive. Other posts are seemingly agreeable with that as well.
 
As health and age becomes a factor, to gain sexual gratification, at times a dominant would have to place themselves into a submissive position. Such as the even more antiquated laws of “Missionary” position man over woman. If prosecutors attempted to prosecute couples for not doing missionary positions these days, they be laughed out of the courtroom unless they were just using law to harass and or “get” someone.
 
There are ways to keep the D/s dynamic in which you can keep the dominant power. Position yourself in a manner that the lad is aligned up but have his wrists bound behind his back. Mummify him perhaps and create him into a dildo. Have fun with it, have nipple clamps on him and tug them for each stroke in. Horse whisk/horse tail whip wraps around him/her as she strokes, you can reach their bum/bottom with a free hand. Blindfold him. I’m sure you see the creative imagination at work. Do what works for you.
 
As to the “Un-dommely” -- As far as my opinion on what is un-dominant like is behaving in a manner that destroys the trust, respect, reputation and or communication between the dominant and or submissive; and or the larger D/s community. Since submissive/slaves put their faith, trust and respect into the role of the dominant, to betray that would be abandoning the responsibilities of a dominant.
 
Respectfully submitted,
 
Lady Hugs

(in reply to MistressMisaki)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Un-Dommely? - 4/27/2006 9:42:14 PM   
ServiceNTucson


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressMisaki

Hello, I am new to the scene and this is my first time on collarme. I have a question that I'm a bit embarassed about to ask, but if I never ask, I'll never know the answer and so here goes.

Is there anything that is considered "un-Dommely"? hmm.. how to explain exactly.  I'll just cut to the chase and be specific. I very much enjoy anal sex and I am wondering if this could be a potential problem.  Should I try switching? Perhaps I am not as dominant as I originally thought? Maybe I have a hard time wrapping my mind around being dominating and recieving at the same time. I am worried that I may lose potential sub's respect if they feel I might not be as dominating as they would like me to be.

I am wondering if anyone can relate to this feeling of doubt.. aaaand I hope I phrased this in a manner that makes sense.

Cheers!




I have a slightly different take on this than I've seen reading the thread so far.  That is, whether or not it is "un-Dommely" doesn't matter a whit.

You're twenty four years old and say you're new to the lifestyle.  I've known many people who entered the lifestyle thinking they were Doms, only to discover that they were much more comfortable as subs.  I've also seen the reverse happen many times.  I know one Woman who first thought she was submissive, then thought she was a Domina and now is submissive again.  I've known more than a few who start off thinking they were Tareyton Doms, who'd rather fight than switch, who ended up being devoted switches.

Don't be too quick to slap a label on yourself, Dom, sub, slave, switch, whatever.  Take your time.  Make real life friends.  Get mentors.  Explore the lifestyle and explore yourself.  Find out what you like in real life, not just what you like in fantasy.  People often find their fantasies disappointing once they realize them.  And they often find that they love things they didn't think they'd like.

Most importantly, don't let ANYBODY tell you, online or in real life, that you're wrong to like what you like and be who you are.  Don't buy into other people's versions of "The Rules."

It's your life.  It's your BDSM.  Make your own rules as you gain experience, then don't be afraid to break them on a whim.

_____________________________

Harry

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."

Groucho Marx


www.desertdominion.org

(in reply to MistressMisaki)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Un-Dommely? - 4/27/2006 9:45:21 PM   
ServiceNTucson


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/3/2006
Status: offline 		Speaking of labels.  I first got involved in BDSM back when it was just plain SM, before the internet.  And collarme calls me a "Newbie?"

Sheesh

_____________________________

Harry

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."

Groucho Marx


www.desertdominion.org

(in reply to ServiceNTucson)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Un-Dommely? - 4/27/2006 10:01:00 PM   
unpantsed


Posts: 13
Joined: 12/10/2005
Status: offline 		Nobody's keeping score out there. At least, nobody who matters. As long as you're in charge of yourself, you're as dominant as you need to be.

Enjoy!

(in reply to MistressMisaki)
Profile   Post #: 20
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