New sub seeks advise

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

New sub seeks advise

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Introductions] >> Introduce yourself >> New sub seeks advise

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

New sub seeks advise - 11/9/2010 6:01:52 PM

jjjkat

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/9/2010
Status: offline

In first meeting between respective sub(f) /dom (m) (not lifesstyle), would it make sense for dom to kiss sub. In everthing I thought that this relationship would be, kissing never entered into my mind. I didn't react well and now he probably thinks this 40+ year old women doesn't even know how to kiss. Am I looking at this wrong?

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: New sub seeks advise - 11/9/2010 6:16:17 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

Im not sure I understand the scenario. You meet face to face for the first time
and he swoops in to kiss you and you punch him? say a safe word? run for the hills?
Maybe your initial reaction wasn't one either of you expected, but did it end the meeting?
You will have many different answers to this. What's important is how did he react to your reaction?

< Message edited by poise -- 11/9/2010 6:18:26 PM >

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to jjjkat)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: New sub seeks advise - 11/9/2010 6:22:56 PM

jjjkat

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/9/2010
Status: offline

First time meeting, safe place (yes, I'm totallly that new) and he kissed me (after I walked round the park with my hands bound for an hour under my coat.) His reaction was that it was something that we need work on. Basically, I'm over reacting yes? I'm basically giving you permission to violate me in the near future, but kissing me freaks me out?

(in reply to poise)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: New sub seeks advise - 11/9/2010 6:40:47 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

I dont know if you are over reacting....maybe you just don't like kissing?
Is it the act of kissing that freaks you out, or is it only because he is a
Dominant man that wants to kiss you that you find unappealing?
Maybe you have preconceived ideas that a Dominant man is supposed to be
rough and rugged, and kissing to you seems to ruin that appeal for you?

Edited to add: Since this is not really an introduction anymore, this thread may be
moved elsewhere soon, but will be available for others to comment (Sorry mods!)

< Message edited by poise -- 11/9/2010 6:42:07 PM >

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to jjjkat)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: New sub seeks advise - 11/9/2010 7:28:19 PM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

jjjkat, it was a first meetup.

I'm on the other side of the kneel and often I am a bundle of nerves during a first meetup. I can't even eat something at a restaurant, lol. You showed up and submitted to some mild public bondage...you are worried about what he thinks of you. <grins and thinks this is cute>

quote:

I'm basically giving you permission to violate me in the near future, but kissing me freaks me out?

Ok, I want to tell you this...I have seriously "violated" guys and enjoyed every minute of it, but it was surprising to find out that pain and rubber gloves and bondage do not freak them out as much as...being blindfolded does. You are normal. Each person has different hard and soft limits...and we all learn things unexpectedly while exploring.

Sounds like this meetup gave you a lot to think about, and other than worrying if he thought you were a bad kisser...did you have fun??? How did it feel to have your hands bound? Were you too nervous to get a buzz or have any wow moments? <no need to answer, just think about it>

Btw, a vanilla kiss I had years ago...our first, long awaited kiss...lol...he caught me so completely by surprise that it was over before I registered that it was happening. Sometimes the element of surprise is fun, but at other times it can cut down on the enjoyment. Think things over and let him know how you feel, if you need more time or will simply freeze up if caught unprepared. I wonder how it would have gone for you if he had tied up your hands and then told you he was going to kiss you sometime in the next hour or two. <WEG>

As for the question of...have I kissed a sub? The answer is no. Not yet. Though I felt amazing tenderness and adoration for each one, I wasn't in love and they were not in love with me. I know it's a strange dividing line I have...but it's MY line that I choose not to cross.

My clothes have also stayed on, though I cannot say the same for the guys.

What I'm saying is this...each of us have expectations and this is why I spend so much time talking with someone before scening. Talk with him more, tell him how you feel. Maybe you were expecting pain play and service...and he might be planning on having a sub who is also a girlfriend.

Welcome to CollarMe. :)

(in reply to jjjkat)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: New sub seeks advise - 11/10/2010 3:57:06 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

The kiss on a first "date" isn't so unusual. But walking around with hands bound for an hour is. Since it was a public place, you weren't in real danger. But it still is moving very fast before the trust is there fully.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: New sub seeks advise - 11/10/2010 6:15:58 AM

Takeylarose

Posts: 300
Joined: 9/12/2010
From: Alba, TX
Status: offline

I have to agree with DS here.. But good luck and welcome to the forums!

_____________________________

An improper mind is a perpetual feast.....

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: New sub seeks advise - 11/11/2010 10:22:58 AM

OohAahMrs

Posts: 7723
Joined: 7/14/2010
Status: offline

Well you could tie her up first and then back all kinds of feisty and ludicrous suggestions unless she cooperates!

_____________________________

You may choc the choc.........Oh forget it......

(in reply to jjjkat)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: New sub seeks advise - 11/11/2010 6:02:35 PM

tiggerspoohbear

Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline

Welcome to CM and the boards. And what Steven said goes double for me. Take you time, get to know him as a person, leave the bondage stuff for when you have more trust and can build on that. Friendship is usually a good place to start.

_____________________________

"RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE".

"I'm a baaa-aaad pussycat".

(in reply to OohAahMrs)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: New sub seeks advise - 11/12/2010 2:16:04 AM

jjjkat

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/9/2010
Status: offline

Thank you all for the comments. I have a lot to think about.

(in reply to tiggerspoohbear)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: New sub seeks advise - 11/12/2010 7:34:51 AM

BurntKitty

Posts: 3340
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: Here To Eternity.
Status: offline

Was this a date, or a play date?
Have I played on a first date? Yes. Was I fully comfortable, trusting, etc? Yes. First thing he did when we met was kiss me, deeply, yanking back my hair and consumed my soul. It was the most intense 3 year relationship ever. (Starting with the kiss.)

OP- let your body and brain and instinct guide you. (Not necessarily in that order.)

_____________________________

Cat Quotes

Count Boogie's Foot Fetish Anti Creepy Training video

(in reply to jjjkat)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: New sub seeks advise - 11/17/2010 1:46:46 PM

russmeister

Posts: 19
Joined: 9/19/2004
Status: offline

Well as a Southern Gent i think it was rather inappropriate unless you 2 connected. Now a spanking on a first date is different lmao. JK. I ran into the same scenario with a sub i have known for YEARS its really to long a story to type out here. But it was the same deal so much i thought you were she at first lol. And i told them BOTH i thought it was in appropriate. I mean he could have AT LEAST yanked you by your hair looked deep into your eyes and walked away w/o kissing you lol. But i kissed several on the first meat but it was ok i felt that they wanted it and they did, So no i stand with Steven on this one as well

(in reply to BurntKitty)

Profile

Post #: 12