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ORIGINAL: VMac

I notice that a lot of the people that join this communityare either not truthful, or will not commit to their wants and needs [brevity]

We are mature people, at least that is the way i look at it and the way i would expect things to be handles.

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ORIGINAL: VMac

We are mature people,

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ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit
It's your advertisement, not your therapy session.)

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This is a lifestyle

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This is a lifestyle and once you have recognized that, then you must give yourself a chance to fully explore what is offered.

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ORIGINAL: littlewonder

so you're 50something years old and this is the FIRST time in all your life that you've ever run into this with human beings?? Woooww.....

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ORIGINAL: VMac

I notice that a lot of the people that join this communityare either not truthful, or will not commit to their wants and needs as they have determined in their profiles and blogs, and i don't understand why. We here are supposed to be grown-ups with desires that have not, cannot and will not be met with by any other means than to join a community such as this.

This is a lifestyle and once you have recognized that, then you must give yourself a chance to fully explore what is offered. If you have truly engulfed your headspace in the life, and are not satisfied then at that time move on, but let the person know that you didn't find what it is you were looking for with them and say "i am moving on, or something".

We are mature people, at least that is the way i look at it and the way i would expect things to be handles.

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If I want to say I live in Antarctica and am 99 years old, that's not lying.

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ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

In my experience there are five types of people here. Only one class never comes off as flaky. In order of my personal estimates of commonness.

4. People with serious attractiveness issues. Whether they are overweight women short men, poor men, rude, or just plain socially awkward. Some of them are flaky - say about 40%. (Hint, if you whine/complain about anything in your profile - as opposed to simply stating "no x", you are almost certainly socially awkward to some degree. It's your advertisement, not your therapy session.)

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ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

In my experience there are five types of people here. Only one class never comes off as flaky. In order of my personal estimates of commonness.

1. Scammers that are here because it is free to create an account, and there are just enough stupid people in the world to actually fall for their crap. My personal favorite are blond women that claim to be "Native American". They are clearly flaky, 100% of the time.

2. Normal BDSM people, who usually hook up fairly quickly. Not flaky.

3. Newebies/testers/unsure. These are people that have never actually done anything in real life -yet. Some of them will never do so more than once (if that.) Either they are afraid or they discover they really don't enjoy it in real life. But others eventually 'graduate' into other categories. Often these people take a long time to progress and even back out. More 'flaky' people - about 50%

4. People with serious attractiveness issues. Whether they are overweight women short men, poor men, rude, or just plain socially awkward. Some of them are flaky - say about 40%. (Hint, if you whine/complain about anything in your profile - as opposed to simply stating "no x", you are almost certainly socially awkward to some degree. It's your advertisement, not your therapy session.)

5. Women with overly specific desires/rare kinks. Frankly, given the numbers here, women have to be very picky not to find someone they are interested in. If they are not very clear in their profile, they also come off as flaky. This doesn't happen with men, because they quickly realize that no they can't specify the race, height, weight, age, income, and get ANY woman, let alone one that likes their same kink, so usually this is only woman. Women on the otherhand fool themselves by seeing how many men reply, without realizing that most are unsuitable.

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ORIGINAL: Arpig

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If I want to say I live in Antarctica and am 99 years old, that's not lying.

Yeah it is

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ORIGINAL: poise

[sm=dunno.gif] Beats me.

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ORIGINAL: hausboy

Personally--I truly believe that the internet RUINED the leather/BDSM community. It used to be, if you were a coward, you stayed away from the dungeons--and if you were ignorant enough to try to fuck with a good person's reputation, head or anything else--you paid dearly. Now the cowards hide behind computer screens, don't care if they post crap about others, and they use their anonymity as an excuse to behave poorly towards others.

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ORIGINAL: Tantriqu

Welcome to the internets!
Let's give an example of internet truthiness:

Discreet = married
Casual = married
Some evening or weekends = married
Bi-curious = married AND contagious
Unsure = married
Separated = married
Experiment = married
Switch = married
No strings attached = married
Leaving answer blank re: 'single' = married

There ya go!

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ORIGINAL: curiouscuriouser

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This is a lifestyle and once you have recognized that, then you must give yourself a chance to fully explore what is offered.

So basically you're butthurt that the laydeez aren't dropping their standards (and trou).

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ORIGINAL: Manawyddan

I disagree. I go to local munches or play parties and they certainly don't seem ruined by the internet. If anything, they have benefited by having the ways of attracting new people being expanded. The only thing that's been ruined is that aspect of the community which only existed online in the first place.

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ORIGINAL: RapierFugue

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ORIGINAL: curiouscuriouser

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This is a lifestyle and once you have recognized that, then you must give yourself a chance to fully explore what is offered.

So basically you're butthurt that the laydeez aren't dropping their standards (and trou).

That was my first thought too, I must say. That and the fact that, whenever someone tells me what is the “correct” way to define or go about an activity, I’m more than liable to tell them to go boil their head.

Talk of "lifestyle" is a red herring. The vistas of the BDSM "community" are so wide, and its participants so diverse, that to make blanket statements concerning this “community” or that “sector” is to miss the fact that many, many people can, and do, participate on a level that suits them and their needs. Some are full-on into it, actively participating in local “events”, and generally living their particular definition* of it 24/7. Others are keen on it, practice it daily, or many times a week, are committed to living their version of it, but don't wish to participate in what others have termed “the lifestyle”. And yet others see it as something they dip in and out of, as and when the fancy takes them. ALL of those versions of “lifestyle” are valid, because they're ”correct” for those individuals.

As someone else pointed out, the people within the BDSM “lifestyle” are normal, everyday people; they have normal, everyday lives, some of which preclude them taking things to the degree that some others would wish them to. That doesn't make them “wrong” or insincere or “not truthful”, it makes them sensible, pragmatic human beings.

And, though it pains me to say it, whenever I read one of these “the internet’s ruined BDSM!” or “people who aren’t into the lifestyle 24/7 are fake!” or “everyone lies!” rants it just make me think either a) someone’s got issues or b) someone didn't get the fuck they were after. And, often, c) all of the above.

*and please note how dangerous that is; , one person (or a small number of people) are welcome to define what they consider to be the “correct” or “true” version of a given “lifestyle”, but if they think everyone else should then follow that version of events as the one true way then they've liable to fall foul of my “go boil your head” clause.