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Male Dominant Tributes - 4/27/2006 7:19:57 PM   
darq


Posts: 443
Joined: 4/21/2006
From: under a rock
Status: offline 		OK, I originally asked this question in the tributes thread on the ask a Mistress forum ... It was suggested that I ask the men themselves ...

I included the posts I made in regards to this topic ...

quote:

ORIGINAL: darq

So, here's a new thought ...

How come it seems that only female dominants ask for/recieve tributes?

I've never seen or heard of a male dominant requesting a tribute. Nor have I ever heard of him receiving one ... At least not in the monetary or toy supply sense of the word.

I have heard of submissives asking for new ideas so they could suprise their male dominant with something. I suppose that could be considered a tribute. Although, with that in mind, you could also call it a tribute when a vanilla boyfriend gets his girlfriend a necklace just because ...

Why is it such a big deal for the female set?

I realize women like gifts ... I'm a woman and I love gifts. But I dont think of those gifts as tributes ... (I guess submissives don't get tributes.) I also like to give gifts ... I love to surprise my signifigant other with an 'unbirthday' ... I'll just randomly pick and day and go with it. The entire day is all about that person. I dont do it for any reason other than that I love them and want to make them happy.

By the way, men like gifts too.


quote:

ORIGINAL: darq

I've never bought a man flowers either ...

My point was ... You'd never hear a male dominant say "I EXPECT someone who claims to worship and adore me to provide me with things that make my life comfortable be it service, help with bills, support, whatever."

He might say that he expects his submissive to make his life more comfortable but the idea of her paying his bills or supporting him financially is a speedy way to get a horde of people calling him a fraud and accusing him of trying to manipulate unsuspecting submissives out of their money.

Why is it "ok" for a female dominant and not for a male?

Women are just as capable of working and earning money as men. Female submissives and slaves are just as capable of providing monetary support as males are. So whats the difference?


quote:

ORIGINAL: darq

Here's another way to put it ...

When a male dominant mentions recieving money or bill payment from his submissive many people will immediately accuse him of being lazy and ask why he's trying to have a submissive when he can't even provide for himself. Yet when a female dominant mentions the same thing, its acceptable and in fact defended as simply being part of her due.

Why is that? Is she somehow less capable of providing for herself and those she accepts responsibility over? Is it acceptable for her to be less capable and still 'own' other people? And if it is acceptable, *why* is it acceptable?


Please be honest. I'm genuinely curious.

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RE: Male Dominant Tributes - 4/27/2006 7:23:41 PM   
darq


Posts: 443
Joined: 4/21/2006
From: under a rock
Status: offline 		Now, I'll be the first to add my two cents worth ... *grins*

I've heard a lot of it is supply and demand ... But I don't totally buy that.

I think its got more to do with accepted traditional roles ... Throughout history men have paid for women in one fashion or another. Crude jokes have been made about it ... (The one where the little girl looks at a little boy and informs that with 'one of hers' she can have 'as many of his' as she wants comes to mind.)

Thats just my opinion though ... I really want yours.

_____________________________

So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts ...
Tell me, whats so amazing about really deep thoughts?

I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.

(in reply to darq)
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RE: Male Dominant Tributes - 4/27/2006 7:38:55 PM   
sylphgossamer


Posts: 383
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline 		Ed.
quote:

ORIGINAL: darq

I think its got more to do with accepted traditional roles ... Throughout history men have paid for women in one fashion or another.


i don't think the traditions pass muster with many men today; they expect the girl to pay at least her share if not more, otherwise she's labeled a golddigger or such.

i've also read many profiles where the guys expect the girl to work and turn over her check to him. just what i've seen.

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RE: Male Dominant Tributes - 4/27/2006 7:44:57 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Throughout history men have paid for women in one fashion or another.


Times have changed though.  Many women are in the workforce, with more than jobs -- they have careers.  I think it makes for a more level playing field.  Where there are big discrepancies in income, or where one partner is carrying the larger burden for the expense of travel, these things should be negotiated between the parties.  I've never liked the idea of "pay to play".


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RE: Male Dominant Tributes - 4/27/2006 8:01:36 PM   
sylphgossamer


Posts: 383
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Throughout history men have paid for women in one fashion or another.


even women without jobs are expected today to contribute 50% or more of the costs. perhaps this is a level playing field, but things have definitely changed. negotiations to share the burden of expenses proportionate to incomes are seen as being materialistic.

the old traditions just don't pass muster with many men today; they expect the girl to pay at least 50% if not more. if she does not, she risks being labeled a golddigger or such.

< Message edited by sylphgossamer -- 4/27/2006 8:05:01 PM >

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RE: Male Dominant Tributes - 4/27/2006 9:42:09 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline 		I have often received tributes from my slaves or prospectives when meeting on-line. It's an excellent way of putting your money where your mouth is in this medium.


(in reply to darq)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Male Dominant Tributes - 4/27/2006 9:49:17 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I think there are a few reasons doms do not receive tribute the way dommes do

!) Men make more than women do. This is doubly true for subs rearing kids by themselves.... Thos who have more are usually the ones that give more

2) Men in this society tend to equate power with money.. those with the money tend to have the power,  so I think they would like to show subs they are into that they can afford them often

3) There are more dom men looking for D/s relationships than sub women, and I think you would see more tribute if there were a glut of sub women looking for dom men...

I am sure there are other factors that my pea brain can't think up



_____________________________

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RE: Male Dominant Tributes - 4/28/2006 1:01:33 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Julia brings up several good points. especially number 2.  The whole power thing.  I believe they like to show subs that they can afford them.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Male Dominant Tributes - 4/28/2006 4:04:27 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		I would expect a partner to work full time.
 
They would not "give me money",  but I would make sure they spent their money somewhat wisely, helped with the household finances, and saved a certain amount (in their own account..... kink or vanilla, I'm a die-hard believer in seperate accounts).
 
Want to give me a tribute? Do so by your actions and words.... make me proud to call you mine.
 
Level


< Message edited by Level -- 4/28/2006 4:05:58 AM >

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RE: Male Dominant Tributes - 4/28/2006 4:40:36 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Want to give me a tribute? Do so by your actions and words.... make me proud to call you mine.


That's how I see it as well.  And it shouldn't need to be said. 
There is nothing wrong with expecting a sub to work; or if that isn't an option, working in other ways to support the household (bartering, providing other services, etc).


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RE: Male Dominant Tributes - 4/28/2006 6:32:57 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'm agreeing with the traditional roles.  Most female subs think it's the right thing for a dom to pay for/provide for the relationship in monetary/material ways and that it's inappropriate to use their money in service.

The doms get tribute in other ways- usually sexual service, or telling a slave how to dress on a first date, rather than just asking for money.

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RE: Male Dominant Tributes - 4/28/2006 6:37:05 AM   
darq


Posts: 443
Joined: 4/21/2006
From: under a rock
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level 
Want to give me a tribute? Do so by your actions and words.... make me proud to call you mine.
 
Level



I essentially said the same thing on the Mistress side ... That if I wanted to 'tribute' my Dom and show him how I felt about him and my role as his submissive that I would try to be more creative than by simply handing him money or sex toys and was swiftly informed that I was wrong.

Now I am an old fashioned kind of girl ... If I'm going to submit to a man, he'd damn well better be able to take care of himself, his household and me since he accepted me into his household. Which is not to say, I'm in it for all I can get ... I personally enjoy working and having some kind of job. But I don't believe in this 50/50 equality stuff.

Its hard to explain, I guess. I was raised in a household where my father was very much the head of everything. He and Mom both worked ... But their money went for different things. Dad was responsible for the things we needed ... With 8 daughters there were a lot of needs ... Mom was responsible for the things we wanted; pretty dresses for special occassions, spending money if we wanted to hang out with our friends, birthday and Christmas gifts.

I wouldn't say the money was divided 50/50 and they didn't have seperate accounts. But my point is, for the things we had to have ... Food, water, shelter, etc ... Dad was responsible and Dad provided. Mom was his companion, his helpmate, and to a large degree his submissive. (I'm not going to speculate on their sex lives because thats just icky.) Observing their relationship and how they handled things taught me a lot about how to make things work over the long haul.

After I left home I got a huge culture shock when I discovered that men want to label women as gold diggers simply because she expects him to step up and be a man. To me, a gold digger is a woman who specifically seeks out men who can support her expensive tastes, keep her in jewelry and clothes and cars and various other things. I'm not interested in those sort of things ...

I consider myself to be a very old fashioned sort of woman. I realize what that means in regards to my love life. I accept that. I don't *need* a man to support me and take care of me but if I'm going to surrender my will to his and wrap my life around his axis, it just seems that he should be in a position to take care of what belongs to him. Otherwise, I'll take care of myself and do what pleases me.

*waits for people to start telling her she's not really submissive ... lol*

_____________________________

So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts ...
Tell me, whats so amazing about really deep thoughts?

I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.

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RE: Male Dominant Tributes - 4/28/2006 7:04:06 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I'm agreeing with the traditional roles.  Most female subs think it's the right thing for a dom to pay for/provide for the relationship in monetary/material ways and that it's inappropriate to use their money in service.

The doms get tribute in other ways- usually sexual service, or telling a slave how to dress on a first date, rather than just asking for money.


I'd like to have a tribute, but the Roman government won't allow me to close the via Appia for a ten mile stretch for my army, booty and slaves. LA would you like to perch on the back of my chariot?  All you have to do is  whisper "Thou art a man... but what a Man"  (OK so I'm not completely traditional.)

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RE: Male Dominant Tributes - 4/28/2006 8:06:13 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darq

 
I wouldn't say the money was divided 50/50 and they didn't have seperate accounts. But my point is, for the things we had to have ... Food, water, shelter, etc ... Dad was responsible and Dad provided. Mom was his companion, his helpmate, and to a large degree his submissive. (I'm not going to speculate on their sex lives because thats just icky.) Observing their relationship and how they handled things taught me a lot about how to make things work over the long haul.

After I left home I got a huge culture shock when I discovered that men want to label women as gold diggers simply because she expects him to step up and be a man. To me, a gold digger is a woman who specifically seeks out men who can support her expensive tastes, keep her in jewelry and clothes and cars and various other things. I'm not interested in those sort of things ...

I consider myself to be a very old fashioned sort of woman. I realize what that means in regards to my love life. I accept that. I don't *need* a man to support me and take care of me but if I'm going to surrender my will to his and wrap my life around his axis, it just seems that he should be in a position to take care of what belongs to him. Otherwise, I'll take care of myself and do what pleases me.

*waits for people to start telling her she's not really submissive ... lol*


I was raised this way too and it makes sense to me. If you have kids and regular bills then you need one income to count on and another income to play on. It is just being rational, they did not count on your mom's income, but she contributed. Anyone that thinks having as many kids as your mom had as not working is just an ignorant person.

My son is grown almost so I do not have that sort of issue, but I too want a man that can take care of himself economically, I have already reared my child, and I do not want to pay for any more..smiles. But I WANT my career and I have worked hard to get to where I am to pursue it. Ideally I would like to be able to contribute financially as is not only necessary, but for the "fun" things too. My ideal situation would be to work at a job that gave me plenty of flexibilty and time to take care of my Man too. I think that someone needs to be looking out for the homefires and that if both are too busy then the fire gets outta control and destroys everything

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 4/28/2006 8:07:39 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Male Dominant Tributes - 4/28/2006 8:08:08 AM   
BrianSenior


Posts: 88
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		My wife is a Switch, and has her personal collar on her slave. Also, she has a few others that she plays with. The one who is in her personal collar, on a monthly basis, will contribute somthing to her. Be it taking her out to a restaraunt, buying her a new toy or gadget, something. The ones that she just plays with, will bring her ciggarets, take her around town, and again out to eat if she is hungry. They do not just give money openly as a contribution to her- but they are giving her items of ?apprecitation?. Me- I have not had anything given to Me to from any one I have had under Me, or as Mine. I pay for the dinners, the motel rooms, I buy My own toys (or make them). It does not bother Me that I do for Me while she has things done for her. I see it in this way- Not that I have more money then she does, that it gives Me more power or power over the ones I am with- I see it that the ones she is with, have more money. The ones she is with are normally singel, on thier own selfdependant and though it is not much, have extra money that they can spend. The ones I am with tend to be single, yes, but they normally have unmentionables, that they care for. I do not want nor would accept something from them that could be or IMO should be going to them. Is that chivarly, or just looking into the personal life, understanding the personal life, of the one I am with. ~BK~
 
P.S. Wouldnt say no to any one that has some cash, whips floggers they would to send Me  
                                                                                  

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RE: Male Dominant Tributes - 4/28/2006 8:19:05 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren
I'd like to have a tribute, but the Roman government won't allow me to close the via Appia for a ten mile stretch for my army, booty and slaves. LA would you like to perch on the back of my chariot?  All you have to do is  whisper "Thou art a man... but what a Man"  (OK so I'm not completely traditional.)

Ugh you know how sore I'd be after perching on a moving chariot for that long?

Now, get me a litter and I'll go anywhere.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Male Dominant Tributes - 4/28/2006 8:41:20 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		In my poly-home, I expect EVERYONE to contribute to the house. Dom/me/slave/sub women as well as men. But in my experience, I have found that more women look for a free ride then men. Men are always expect to work and hold a job for the family. Those that don't are look down upon and flamed for doing so. Here's an example:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_250252/mpage_1/key_work/tm.htm


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Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

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RE: Male Dominant Tributes - 4/28/2006 8:44:37 AM   
Reasonable


Posts: 459
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline 		Tributes are made in effort,as far as I am concerned......

All others are superficial.

(in reply to darq)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Male Dominant Tributes - 4/28/2006 9:38:31 AM   
darq


Posts: 443
Joined: 4/21/2006
From: under a rock
Status: offline 		This is probably all kinds of obnxious and wrong to bring quotes from other threads into a current one but I really liked this quote so I'm going to do it anyway.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Let's see, what is more "dominant"?

Sitting at a desk in an office, keeping CM as an open window on a computer reading and posting between phone calls and meetings. Going to business lunches and having a single malt while discussing the Fed's last interest rate change, the latest trade the Yankees made, global warming, or an infinite number of other possible world event subjects. Coming home to some hors devours, a beverage, and a naked slave. Later enjoying a nice dinner home or away, a session of playing with the dog on the front lawn, maybe a walk, or a dip in the hot tub, then off to bedroom, or the playroom, and whatever.

versus...

Waking up early, making coffee, serving Master in the way he likes. Kissing him goodbye, starting on the days choirs. Cleaning up the dog poop in the yard, making the bed, washing clothes, cleaning the bathrooms, straightening the house, vacuuming, dusting, sweeping and completing any other assignments Master may assign. And of course keeping an eye on the clock to make sure things are prepared and ready when Master walks through the door.

Call me a "traditionalist" but I enjoy it. I'll keep things status quo.


I get irritated when people say 'contribute' and what they really mean is 'bring money into the home' ... Money is not all that is required to turn a house into a home and a home into a sanctuary. I've always taken it upon myself to beautify and maintain any home I've ever lived in. Its one of the many things I'm good at ...

I've been hurt in many relationships though because at some point it seems that the Dom gets offended at the thought that I'm not earning as much money as he is. (I like to have at least a part time job of some kind. Theres really only just so much cleaning you can do before you start wear away surfaces.) Then it turns into him accusing me of being lazy and me asking him (sometimes not as respectfully as I could) if it wasn't his idea to have a live in submissive/slave/human pet in the first place. I've never been able to make things work once that question comes up.

With one Dom I actually had 3 jobs at the same time ... And it still wasn't enough for him because he was making about twice as much as I was. Now he had the benefit of a college education whereas I did not so it stood to reason he'd make more. He said I wasn't contributing to his household ... Even though on my busiest days I would work anywhere from 12 - 16 hours, come home and clean his house, cook his meals, do his laundry, etc and then pop back out for a 4 hour stint at my third job and then come home with just enough time for about three hours of sleep before doing it all over again.

Really though, this thread wasn't intended to be about 'contributing' in a household ... It was more about male dominants recieving tributes in the sense that female dominants do. It kind of seems to me that most male dominants just don't want tributes of that nature ... Makes sense. I never got it either. Even if it *would* be nice to have some random guy send me cash every so often just because he worshipped the ground I walked on. (I could be a submissive godess!)

_____________________________

So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts ...
Tell me, whats so amazing about really deep thoughts?

I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.

(in reply to Reasonable)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Male Dominant Tributes - 4/28/2006 12:42:42 PM   
MstrTiger


Posts: 417
Joined: 1/14/2006
From: UK
Status: offline
I like to receive tributes/gifts from slaves though I am gay so my slaves are exclusively use men, I don’t equate that money equals power, a slave is a slave it does not matter how much money he has.

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(in reply to darq)
Profile   Post #: 20
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