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Pretending to be normal ;-) - 11/14/2010 8:13:52 AM   
subjeremy2


Posts: 26
Joined: 11/13/2010
Status: offline 		I hope you'll excuse a new guy on here writing about his thoughts, but this particular topic bugs me.
I recently moved to my new home for work reasons and during the week I am a mild mannered, very busy engineer working for a highly respected company, and if you met me there you wouldn't think I was the sort of person that the Daily Mail warns you about.I don't even own a long leather coat or a Gothic style beard and my head isn't shaved. EEeeek !!! I know its shocking, I should be spanked.
So anyway come the first Tuesday of the month I went to check out the local munch at a pub near me, hoping for interesting people, friendly welcome and the rest of it, as it turned out there was no welcome, no body there I could relate to just a bunch of people in standard issue long leather coats and Gothic face fungus, so I left without further ado.It just seems strange there must be other people who like me have to at least pretend to be normal.
I am not sure what the question is but it just annoys me so I ranted a bit.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Pretending to be normal ;-) - 11/14/2010 8:21:54 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Gothic face fungus - SCORE!!!

I had the same experience recently with a Book Exchange. 

They are poopheads.

that is all.

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RE: Pretending to be normal ;-) - 11/14/2010 8:38:14 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Odd.  All the munches I have attended, the folks there all looked totally vanilla.

No matter how you were dressed, the regulars should have at least said hello to make you feel welcome.

That said, the wimmins there musta looked odd in their beards.


_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: Pretending to be normal ;-) - 11/14/2010 8:39:44 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		I fail to understand how not wearing a long leather coat and face fungus makes you less "bdsm"y.    

Of course the local custom may be long leather coats and face fungus, but they just sound sort of dorky.   The local dommes must have it tough   -  what do they do? Fake mustaches and beards?

Keep looking  -  somewhere there will be a group that wears jeans and are clean shaven.

and for me   -  i don't wear leather - too hot  -  and i am not pretending to be normal, just cool.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
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RE: Pretending to be normal ;-) - 11/14/2010 8:42:11 AM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subjeremy2

It just seems strange there must be other people who like me have to at least pretend to be normal.


Normal is relative.

For some folks, gothic face fungus (which, by the way, I'd love to see a photo of...for scientific purposes only ) is completely normal.

Sometimes it's just not the right fit and you need to step out of your local comfort zone to find one that is. I've been to munches where people are very welcoming and I've been to those that appear closed off completely to any newcommer...especially one who doesn't fit the "image" they expect.
It all comes down to the right fit, not to mention how you perceive people and situations.


The FAQs thread has a link at the bottom of the page for groups/munches/organizations worldwide. It's a start.


(in reply to subjeremy2)
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RE: Pretending to be normal ;-) - 11/14/2010 9:00:49 AM   
curiouscuriouser


Posts: 55
Joined: 11/1/2010
Status: offline 		I'm sure that if you look through Yahoo Groups you'll find a group of mundanes in your area. It's probably just that they're not as willing to make asses of themselves in public as these leather-wearing, tabletop gaming nerds with their silly cliques.

For the record, I'm a pierced, pink-haired, boot-wearing weirdo and think from the tone of your post and pic on your avatar that you're a QTpie. ;D  Good luck to you.


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RE: Pretending to be normal ;-) - 11/14/2010 9:48:34 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		I've been to a number of munches and play parties etc and mostly came away with a feeling of "Yikes; this is the greater lifestyle I belong to...?"

Of course there was rarely a fem/sub in attendance; and two that were doubled as pro dommes for cryin' out loud. Then there was the professional fem/sub who didn't just smoke, she rolled her own - classy! And male subs, of course; dozens of them not really socialising so much as looking to get noticed by the dommes.

Throw in posturing dom/mes looking all severe and couples in fetish wear - the whole atmosphere was just seedy and alround depressing; a borderline freak show. And "discussions" were almost exclusively toys and technique.

Dunno what I really expected but this scene just wasn't me. I stopped going years ago....

Focus.

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RE: Pretending to be normal ;-) - 11/14/2010 9:50:05 AM   
81song


Posts: 293
Joined: 1/22/2005
Status: offline 		I hear you as to going to munches and yes some might be I think a bit closed to someone new.But I have also gone to a gathering of D/s folks at a hotel whee we all met up at for a weekend. And had a lot of fun. Keep in mind going to lunch was funny as hell and people were very talkative and open. So I would say do not give up.

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RE: Pretending to be normal ;-) - 11/14/2010 10:00:24 AM   
subjeremy2


Posts: 26
Joined: 11/13/2010
Status: offline 		well all I can say is curiouser has clearly got good taste ;-) and I suppose its all down to what you are used to I suppose and I agree with Focus people who stand around looking stern and stuff just make me laugh.
I shall check out some other munches in the area and see if there are any a bit more open and friendly.

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RE: Pretending to be normal ;-) - 11/14/2010 10:48:15 AM   
Nineveh


Posts: 1299
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline 		Were the folks in trench coats actually unpleasant to you?  or did you just assume that you wouldn't fit in based on how people were dressed/presented themselves?  I can understand a lack of attraction to gothic chicks if that is not your thing, but it does sort of surprise me that you wrote off the whole gathering based on the way people were dressed.

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RE: Pretending to be normal ;-) - 11/14/2010 11:19:47 AM   
subjeremy2


Posts: 26
Joined: 11/13/2010
Status: offline 		It wasnt the way they were dressed so much as the fact that nobody bothered to speak to me. i don't care how people dress or look as long as they don't dismiss people who don't dress the same.If your expectation of someone who enjoys an 'alternative' lifestyle is that they will look the same as you then that's a bit sad.

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RE: Pretending to be normal ;-) - 11/14/2010 11:25:04 AM   
playfulotter


Posts: 2195
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I think you will find that most people into this are more normal looking than the average person and most don't want to attract attention to themselves in public as they don't feel the need for it...I never really understood when people write on the message boards or on profiles here that they are not normal or consider themselves perverts...to me that is like being ashamed of yourself for what you enjoy and enjoying yourself  is always a good thing if what you enjoy is consensual.

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RE: Pretending to be normal ;-) - 11/14/2010 11:29:55 AM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subjeremy2

It wasnt the way they were dressed so much as the fact that nobody bothered to speak to me.



Just curious, but did you 'bother' to speak to them? Did you try to make contact with the group leader before going?

What were your expectations?

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RE: Pretending to be normal ;-) - 11/14/2010 12:04:01 PM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline
quote:

i don't care how people dress or look as long as they don't dismiss people who don't dress the same.


Why are you assuming that's why the folks at the munch didn't talk to you? Just because they dressed similarly? I think you are jumping to conclusions.

Of course, going to another munch is reasonable, if you can, but you might have an easier time with strangers if you didn't assign motivations they may not have.

January

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RE: Pretending to be normal ;-) - 11/14/2010 12:30:52 PM   
sofldan


Posts: 150
Joined: 11/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Odd.  All the munches I have attended, the folks there all looked totally vanilla.

No matter how you were dressed, the regulars should have at least said hello to make you feel welcome.

That said, the wimmins there musta looked odd in their beards.




Wimmins with beards holy cow DS, I only seen that at the freak shows at the carnivals. Now wimmins with beards and whips thats scary!!!!


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RE: Pretending to be normal ;-) - 11/14/2010 12:42:44 PM   
Nineveh


Posts: 1299
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subjeremy2

It wasnt the way they were dressed so much as the fact that nobody bothered to speak to me. i don't care how people dress or look as long as they don't dismiss people who don't dress the same.If your expectation of someone who enjoys an 'alternative' lifestyle is that they will look the same as you then that's a bit sad.


That was the point I was trying to make too, I just didn't understand from the first post that they had been rude to you.  That's a shame.  I know that whenever I am in a group in which everyone has a similar style the person with a different style is the first one I am going to want to talk to.  Whether that's the mundane in the midst of freaks or the freak in the midst of mundanes.  It takes courage to look different.

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RE: Pretending to be normal ;-) - 11/14/2010 4:16:15 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		*shrugs* There are. but we don't hang out at munches because... get this... just like you we don't own enough leather trench coats.

Carol and I don't pretend to be normal. We ARE normal. I personally don't see much abnormal with her obeying me... it happens all the time.

Another point to ponder though. We DO go to MAST meetings even though there's a large amount of black leather in evidence there too. Sometimes, you just gotta look past the surface crap. In the end, it's just a coat/vest/pants/whatever. It doesn't mean that these people have nothing useful to say to me. It just means they identify with an aesthetic I do not.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Pretending to be normal ;-) - 11/14/2010 4:31:53 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		This topic reminds Me of what I try to tell folks going to a munch when they are new to the area or even going to their first one.  I move more often than most people do, so this is advice that I take Myself.

When I go to a munch, I keep in mind that it is a new group to Me.  The people who are attending that munch have already been looking forward to seeing people that they already know.  Maybe folks that they only get to see at that particular munch, so they are catching up as friends on what's been happening the past month.  When they are looking forward to going, they aren't saying to themselves how much they hope a new person shows up so they can skip all of the conversation plans they had already made.  They are looking forward to attending with their own friendships and acquaintances that they have in mind.

I'm the new person.  That means that I have to be the one to extend Myself to get to know people.  It's not their responsibility.  I see it as Mine.  Just the same as it would be if I was in a new work environment, book club, or anything else. 


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

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RE: Pretending to be normal ;-) - 11/14/2010 7:32:14 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		~FR~
That must have been some munch! lol I've been to munches here locally in the U.S. and all the people look pretty 'nilla with the exception of a couple corset-wearing femsubs, one cross-dressing guy, and a Domme in leather and chains. There were a lot of male Doms and female subs and just a smattering of Dommes and male subs. I think I'd feel kind of weird in a situation like you describe, but then I'm shy anyway. I have to force myself out of my shell and say hello to people because I'm the newbie there and don't want to seem anti-social. It's just something you have to do. I'm totally 'nilla-looking 99.9% of the time and the only thing that might cause anyone pause is the dainty collar around my neck. It's not even that flashy, very small silver chain with a very small strip of black leather woven through the links.

~sweetsub~

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Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

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In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

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RE: Pretending to be normal ;-) - 11/14/2010 8:46:27 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		Sorry you had that experience! I'll compare notes with you--I'm going to a munch for the first time where I live to meet some new folks.  Thanks for a new term--"face fungus"....lol.   I'll just state for the record, subjeremy, that I shave my head because I'm bald, and my moustache is neatly trimmed--not one of the fumanchu fungi you describe.

And I'm leaving the leather biker jacket in the closet--the local munch does specify vanilla casual attire.

frederich

(in reply to subjeremy2)
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