RE: Financial Considerations in Choosing to Submit (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

jj292 -> RE: Financial Considerations in Choosing to Submit (11/15/2010 9:29:49 AM)

My opinion on this is any relationship that is based on financial issues is doomed to fail because it is a very weak foundation.

Even in good economic conditions, people go bankrupt. People get layed off. If you find a partner with financial security, that security could disappear at anytime. There is no guarantee that person will have financial security his/her enire life nor even 5 years from now. So if money is the foundation of your relationship, once that foundation starts to crumble, the rest of the relationship will collapse.

Polls are consistant that the #1 thing couples argue about is money. Take money out of the situation, and I think the divorce rate would plummit.



jujubeeMB -> RE: Financial Considerations in Choosing to Submit (11/15/2010 8:01:48 PM)

I don't need a wealthy partner, but I sure as hell can't afford to support someone else. If a Dom can't take care of himself financially, how am I supposed to think he's going to take care of me when push comes to shove? I crave responsible leadership, and financial security is part of that.



sunshinemiss -> RE: Financial Considerations in Choosing to Submit (11/15/2010 8:13:20 PM)

~FR~
Hello folks,
I do think there is something to be said about choosing someonebased on their bank acount. Not necessarily how big it is so much as - does he have one?  I wouldn't want to be with someone who did not have a financially positive future (as much as the economy and things out of our control can predict it).  I don't want to be with a man who stays at home with his family and doesn't get training if his job has been phased out.  I don't want to be with a man who doesn't act on his ability to fill his time with useful things. 

There is a "least possible" line that is important to me.  I don't want to have to stay in a job I hate because to do so means that we will be homeless because he chooses not to work.  No thanks.  I want a man who can pay his bills, have a little fun and who saves for the future as well.

I want to be that person, too.

best,
sunshine



jj292 -> RE: Financial Considerations in Choosing to Submit (11/15/2010 8:34:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

I don't need a wealthy partner, but I sure as hell can't afford to support someone else. If a Dom can't take care of himself financially, how am I supposed to think he's going to take care of me when push comes to shove? I crave responsible leadership, and financial security is part of that.


I never said it couldn't play a role, and I never said you have to support someone. But look at the present state of the economy. It hit a lot of people very hard and very fast. If you marry someone who is "financially secure." What will you do when during a downturn he loses his fantastic job, and all his assetts lose value? What happens to the relationship? Now for a relationship that was never based on financial matters, that marriage will likely survive. The couple will work it out somehow. But a marriage based on money, you will dump that dead weight the same way you dump a failing business investment.

That's the point Im trying to make.



WolfyMontgomery -> RE: Financial Considerations in Choosing to Submit (11/15/2010 9:04:52 PM)

Hey, I'd get with a 90 year old, rich as fuck Dom who only had a few years to live if he put me in his will ;D

Seriously though,

Finances only play a part in my choosing someone with what they DO with said finances, whether they are as small as a penny or as huge as a million a week or whatever.
If he had $10,000 a month, but blew his paycheck on frivolous, silly things constantly and didn't pay attention to debt or real necessary things in life, then no, I wouldn't be with him.
But if he was responsible with his $100 a month, had savings, made sure to pay whatever bills he had, avoided debt, just.. responsible and sane stuff, yes, I would totally consider being with him. Because that's the way I am, and wouldn't want someone who wasn't like me in terms of money.

Heck, Master and I are living in the upstairs of  his parents house, neither of us have financial means of any amazing degree - but what we do have we're careful with, and he's a wonderful person all around, and so even though we're broke for the last 2/3rds of the month after bills, we're happy, because we're a good match in everything, including our finances - even if we don't have much right now.

It's what the person does with what they have, more than just what they have.



jj292 -> RE: Financial Considerations in Choosing to Submit (11/15/2010 10:02:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

~FR~
Hello folks,
I do think there is something to be said about choosing someonebased on their bank acount. Not necessarily how big it is so much as - does he have one?  I wouldn't want to be with someone who did not have a financially positive future (as much as the economy and things out of our control can predict it).  I don't want to be with a man who stays at home with his family and doesn't get training if his job has been phased out.  I don't want to be with a man who doesn't act on his ability to fill his time with useful things. 

There is a "least possible" line that is important to me.  I don't want to have to stay in a job I hate because to do so means that we will be homeless because he chooses not to work.  No thanks.  I want a man who can pay his bills, have a little fun and who saves for the future as well.

I want to be that person, too.

best,
sunshine



Although perhaps a little off topic, I would like to add this... Age discrimination exists. Some people who is in their 50s or even in their late 40s who's job has been phased out, is going to have a lot of trouble getting back into the workforce in a different field. They either have to go back to school or relocate in many circumstances. The kids coming out of college are also getting screwed. Now, the youth likely will be OK in the long-term because they are young enough to adapt to whatever economy rises out of this mess. But in the short term they arn't going to have any money at all. Experts are already calling it the "Boomerang generation" because more than half of college grads the past couple years end up moving back home with parents or family after they graduate. CNN says 33% of 22-34 year olds are living with a parent or parents. Now that's high but not a serious problem in my opinion because that number will drop drastically once the economy improves. Its a short term problem. You would just hopefully expect those youngsters have some kind of employment even if its minimum wage, are starting to pay their own bills, and trying to pay off debt in the very least. If they are just sitting home playing XBOX all day...now that's a problem. But if they are trying, you can't hold it against them.

But in modern times, very few households can survive on one income any more. At work, I am amazed at how pregnant women are working through most or all their pregnancy, then out a short while when they deliver the baby, and then they are right back on the job working as hard as ever. I don't know how those women do it. But that's apparently the new norm. And their husbands have decent jobs. They arnt married to dead-beats.



jujubeeMB -> RE: Financial Considerations in Choosing to Submit (11/15/2010 11:02:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jj292
quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB
I don't need a wealthy partner, but I sure as hell can't afford to support someone else. If a Dom can't take care of himself financially, how am I supposed to think he's going to take care of me when push comes to shove? I crave responsible leadership, and financial security is part of that.

I never said it couldn't play a role, and I never said you have to support someone. But look at the present state of the economy. It hit a lot of people very hard and very fast. If you marry someone who is "financially secure." What will you do when during a downturn he loses his fantastic job, and all his assetts lose value? What happens to the relationship? Now for a relationship that was never based on financial matters, that marriage will likely survive. The couple will work it out somehow. But a marriage based on money, you will dump that dead weight the same way you dump a failing business investment.


We have different definitions of financial security. I make less than $20,000 a year, I spend only money that I have and I have zero debt. That's financial security to me. Someone who makes $150,000 a year and is $100,000 in debt, I would not consider financially secure. It's not how much you make, or what your job is (yes, I realize it's a crappy economy), it's purely what you do with the money you DO have. And I think that's a reasonable stance for me to take.



myotherself -> RE: Financial Considerations in Choosing to Submit (11/15/2010 11:16:07 PM)

I don't particularly care how much a man earns, as long as he is either earning or doing his absolute best to get back into the workplace.

What has stopped a couple of relationships for me is when a guy is so financially illiterate that I can't see myself ever trusting him with my future. One guy had a good job and earned a decent salary. But every penny was spent every month on unnecessary stuff. He had plasma screen tv in every room, top of the range car every year, and yet he had nothing in the way of savings or pension. I asked him what he'd do if he ever lost his job, and he just shrugged his shoulders.

This other guy is divorced, and has been for a couple of years. Yet his ex-wife STILL runs his bank account! They have a couple of kids and the wife has never worked and refuses to work. She also has a new boyfriend, but the ex-hubby thinks it appropriate that she has an ATM card for his bank account, which she is free to use. And she has no problem using it. He has no idea how much money he has in the bank at any time, and doesn't really care.

Again, it shows (to me anyway, YMMV) a lack of personal control that is a big turn-off in a potential power exchange relationship.



jj292 -> RE: Financial Considerations in Choosing to Submit (11/15/2010 11:27:49 PM)

Yeah we are just arguing over semantics.

And there is personal preference involved obviously. Money has never been a big issue to me. I've had gf's in the past that had a lot of debt. It wasn't money that caused those relationships to fail, they failed for various other reasons. I've always been more concerned about whether or not I could actually live with this person and keep sanity.

But what I care about is the future. I don't care about the past because everyone makes mistakes. The question is, do they learn from them? If someone runs up $25,000 on a credit card 5 years ago spending money on stupid crap, that was a bad decision. But if they are now paying it off and saying "I'm done with credit cards....never again!" then I have absolutely no problem with that person. It tells me this person will make mistakes, but they won't make the same mistake twice. And in the future, they are more likely to thrink through there decisions.

If someone has a ton of debt, and they keep racking it up...i agree that person has some issues and probably isnt good for a relationship with anyone for the time being.



Zevar -> RE: Financial Considerations in Choosing to Submit (11/16/2010 12:34:53 AM)

Financial security is an important aspect in life. I have worked and continue to work daily to earn a living wage that is satisfactory in meeting the standards of how I choose to live. I am of the thought that finances are to be managed thus do not manage myself. I am a skillful manager of all of my financial resources that include cash, stocks, real property and other financial assets etc..

What I have NO tolerance for is allowing myself to ever succumb to an attitude or belief that money will do anything for my sense of assurance. I have worked diligently to never allow myself to become dependant on money. Instead my money works for me through my skillful management of it.

I understand that the appearance of lucrative finances tend to be viewed by some as a ticket to security. I have not experienced my financial wealth to give me a sense of security. I have though experienced my ability to manage my financial wealth wisely to foster a sensible atmosphere of assurance.

Regardless of the amount of finances one might have the foundation to arriving at a sense of assurance is based in how efficiently the finances are managed. If efficient and effective management of wealth is displaced or absent, the road to security will include countless issues of discontentment and personal failures toward gaining genuine success.

As far as allowing financial wealth to persuade a choice toward submitting is be altogether superficial. If submission is not given from the heart there is nothing noteworthy to embrace.

On the other hand, if financial wealth is the sole reason to submit then the outcome is likened to a form of ill gotten gain, of which I want zero to do with. If I don’t earn my financial wealth I do not value my standard of living. However I have NO problem whatsoever as it is related to providing financial stablity for a lady that I relate with. If she decides to work then that is her choice. Her money is hers to manage. I am not adverse in lending advise in the management of her finances, if she solicits my advise.

I do not though expect a lady to provide for myself or my Household. I am a responsible man. Therefore my financial welfare and assurance is not the responsiblity of a lady, it is 100% mine. If a lady chooses to submit based on my financial wealth she would not gain my attention whatsoever. Subtle or direct hints, I have no one to blame but myself if I allow such hints to pass my way without rejecting them altogether.

Take care!



WyldHrt -> RE: Financial Considerations in Choosing to Submit (11/16/2010 12:58:02 AM)

quote:

If you marry someone who is "financially secure." What will you do when during a downturn he loses his fantastic job, and all his assetts lose value? What happens to the relationship? Now for a relationship that was never based on financial matters, that marriage will likely survive. The couple will work it out somehow. But a marriage based on money, you will dump that dead weight the same way you dump a failing business investment.

Gotta call bullshit on this. Many, many marriages that were 'never based on financial matters' fail when the shit hits the fan... and the bank accounts. Stress over finances is one of the leading causes for the failure of relationships, and not necessarily because either party saw the other as a 'cash cow' from the beginning. Those of us who have been there know how ugly things can get when the financial rug gets pulled out from under a relationship based on love.

That said, as many previous posters have said, I don't really care how 'fat' a man's wallet is. What I do care about is how he manages the money he has. The man who makes $10,000/mo but spends $12,500/ mo is someone I have no interest in. The man who makes much less, but lives within his means and has a plan for the future... that is the guy that will get my attention.



phoenixmoonn13 -> RE: Financial Considerations in Choosing to Submit (11/16/2010 4:29:43 AM)

i used to be married and go on holidays when i wanted buy what i wanted when i wanted and didnt have to worry too much about the balance at the end of the month and i was never happy with him. when we sperated i ahd nothing i had to watch each penny and for my daughter to eat i had to go without. but for the first time i was happy. then i met master the first thing was or connection and our love . he used to be in the same position have loads of money difference was he was happy but his wife became ill and he had to spend so much on care for her he ended up with no savings in the ends he died, he had to already leave his last job to are for her and take less paid work. wind the clock forward to now and we are living together we can just make the bills and have a bit left to buy the kids a half decent xmas and birthday present. but this doesnt matter as its happiness and being able to feel free and content in life and who we are. perhaps we are lucky both having had money and knowing hardship means we can both accept life without spare cash to go round. i dont see it as any way diminishing his strength and dominance by not having money for treats or luxuries. it is who he is inside that counts



LadyConstanze -> RE: Financial Considerations in Choosing to Submit (11/16/2010 7:29:34 AM)

OP, don't you think people should have a choice in how they lead their relationship? In case a couple decides that one partner stays at home and they can afford the luxury of one of them being the housewife or houseman, it's up to them. It's none of my business what they do, just like I don't care if a rich guy gets a trophy wife.

What concerns me is my relationship, and nope, I couldn't be happy not working, but that's how *I* want it, though I do know successful couples where one part is just a homemaker and it works for them, and from what I see the homemaker contributes to the general happiness and well being of the couple or family as much as the partner who's working.

I find it a bit odd that we concentrate so much what others do, I don't have to live their life, so why should I tell them what is right for them or not?



HisManegirl -> RE: Financial Considerations in Choosing to Submit (11/16/2010 10:29:04 AM)

i have had many men want to support me, but i wasn't attracted to them at all, and didn't take them up on their offer. To me allowing someone to support me is another avenue of trust and giving up my power. There is only one man I've ever met that I would be comfortable with doing that for- including from a financial aspect, and that is my Dom. i can take care of myself financially and have being successfully self employed for years. But when He told me i don't have to pay for anything in our house, i must admit it was a turn-on knowing that He wants to take care of me totally. i did tell Him i still wanted to help and we agreed i could buy food. i want to help because i'm very giving and want to do what would make His life easier and serve Him. If i'm buying food it saves Him from having to go get it when He's tired after a long day at work. i want Him to come home to a meal i have prepared for Him when He needs it. i agree with daddysprop247, if my Dom found Himself without i would never leave him. i am not with Him for His money, i am with Him because I love him and His taking care of me is only one of the many ways He shows his dominance and power, and i show my submissiveness. i love being taken care of by him!



TheOldMan -> RE: Financial Considerations in Choosing to Submit (11/16/2010 11:46:36 AM)

Amusing thread, valid but none the less amusing



kiwisub12 -> RE: Financial Considerations in Choosing to Submit (11/16/2010 11:56:15 AM)

I'm afraid financial considerations played little part in either of my relationships. I couldn't tell you how much either of my doms made, and didn't really care - just as long as the power didn't get turned off.

And on the other hand, OP, if you choose the local no-hoper for a dom, how do you maintain the white teeth of your avatar?   In the real world fiscal responsibility is important. On several different levels.



porcelaine -> RE: Financial Considerations in Choosing to Submit (11/16/2010 4:04:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

Greetings porcelaine,

While the idea of being kept does have some desirable components, I feel it would soon lose it's appeal for me as well. I am most joyous when I know that I have earned my submission to him. By the way, I love the variety of avatars you have been displaying of late. :)


Greetings poise,

It isn't the idea of being wholly dependent on the individual that I find disconcerting. It's the reality that level of authority would entail and the necessity of engaging in such with an honorable man. I don't believe submission in itself is lessened if I don't earn a wage and I sincerely believe it is the right decision for some. However, based on my personal makeup and propensity to go in a direction that could be harmful in the long run, I'm better of avoiding it altogether.

And thank you for the compliment. I love yours as well. [;)]

Namaste,

~porcelaine



NakedSenses -> RE: Financial Considerations in Choosing to Submit (11/16/2010 7:28:26 PM)

"Yes, I do know very well what financial security is.....
I worked to put myself through college and graduate school
to earn financial security." -  Aislyn
And so did I. And after I became disabled by cardiovascular disease 10 years ago (at age 45), I used my Masters to get appointments as an adjunct faculty member at local universities. After several years of legal wrangling, I won my case against the SSA. Unfortunately, being forced to work while in fact disabled caused me to have a second heart attack, which damaged the right side of my heart (the first was "massive" and took out the left side of my heart). After 6 years I was no longer able to even teach one class per semester. My heart had become too weak for me to stand and talk, and make sense out of statistics to a class of freshman, for an hour non-stop. I took my college teaching very seriously, as my students' future sucess would be based in part on what they could learn from me, and the course was required to graduate.

Now I subside on S.S.D.I. alone with Medicare. I point out very openly in my profiles on ALT and BDSM: "Yo! - I'm a financial loser, you may want to skip this one. No offense taken, and good luck to you!" I might as well have leprosy. I am self-supporting, if modestly so. Here on CM, my profile talks candidly about my plans and dreams for the future, as adapt is all I can do, and change is never ending. There are still some things that I can do well. But I know damn well that, as Cyndi Lauper expressed so well many years ago, "Money changes everything." 

This the sad truth that I have seen in the past decade. I live alone now, and not unhappily so. I'd still like to have a healthy and mutually beneficial relationship, rich in all the good things that money can't buy, but do I pin my hopes on it? Sorry, but no; I'm a realist. There is a chance, yes, but it's slim. The truth is hard, it's cold and hard; it's like a concrete sidewalk in November in Baltimore City where I lived for 44 years. But I have no complaints, as many are far worse off than I am. At least I can sit here and write this. It gives my life a modicum of meaning. And I might get lucky.




littlewonder -> RE: Financial Considerations in Choosing to Submit (11/16/2010 8:45:15 PM)

quote:

Now I subside on S.S.D.I. alone with Medicare. I point out very openly in my profiles on ALT and BDSM: "Yo! - I'm a financial loser, you may want to skip this one. No offense taken, and good luck to you!"


ya know just a thought here but it's not that you don't have a lot of money that makes women turn off from you, it's the view that you think so little of yourself to say that in your profile. By saying that women will think you have so very little self esteem or that you think all women care if you even have any money at all and it will make you look bitter and jaded.

As for the topic at hand I simply need to know that He is financially responsible. I could care less how much money he has. I just need to know that he's doing what needs to be done with what he  does have.





Lockit -> RE: Financial Considerations in Choosing to Submit (11/17/2010 8:55:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

Now I subside on S.S.D.I. alone with Medicare. I point out very openly in my profiles on ALT and BDSM: "Yo! - I'm a financial loser, you may want to skip this one. No offense taken, and good luck to you!"


ya know just a thought here but it's not that you don't have a lot of money that makes women turn off from you, it's the view that you think so little of yourself to say that in your profile. By saying that women will think you have so very little self esteem or that you think all women care if you even have any money at all and it will make you look bitter and jaded.

As for the topic at hand I simply need to know that He is financially responsible. I could care less how much money he has. I just need to know that he's doing what needs to be done with what he  does have.





I can see why you would say this, but at the same time, I see how I often joke about being a Jerry Springer Special. In no way do I believe that, but others think that of me and so I am in a way, laughing at my situation, what people make of it and having a good attitude about it. In no way do I believe I am a Jerry Springer Special! I will have fun with the silliness of some people that will look at a few things and sum me up though. When dealing with long term health situations, you can get a sarcastic, ironic, dry, or silly sense of humor going, to deal with it all day in and out. There are a lot of stages that seem to come before that. lol

You get real, real. It is what it is. Now what do I do with that? You can cry or you can laugh. It isn't that you don't take it seriously because it is far too real not to take seriously. You just chose to look at it in ways that are more balanced for who you are and your situation. It isn't like accepting that you are a loser or a Jerry Springer Special... I doubt very seriously that one could be somewhat content or even happy thinking that. That would be denial of some real truths unless you really were those things and it would take more to be one of them. No, you joke once enough people have treated you as such and then you are laughing at it all because you can't change that and you might as well... it sure as hell beats crying over being treated that way... and they do treat you that way. I live it every single day.

It doesn't seem to matter how you explain it, how you talk or handle it, someone is going to think the worst. It is best to be comfortable in your own skin and go from there. Actually if you have to explain every little detail of how it goes with you and someone doesn't kind of get it to start with, the day to day may be a bit more challenging in relating to one another. I believe that those that do make it, had some understanding that others didn't. So many have told me how to do it, what I am doing wrong and how I should talk and act and I would get a man. WTF? Okay some modification might be worthwhile and still be true to who I am, but wtf do they know about it? One can't simply say that with health and or money issues that being single is a sign of what you are doing isn't working. lol

So while many do reject us for many reasons... most don't have a good idea of what it is like to be us unless they have lived it themselves or know someone close and have watched it day in and out with them or are very compassionate and really pay attention and catch on quickly. Most that understand even a little, have never done anything but laugh when I talk Jerry Springerish. lol



Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.109375