How do you work on improving yourself outside of a relationship?

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How do you work on improving yourself outside of a rela... - 11/14/2010 10:24:42 PM

IsaNova

Posts: 23
Joined: 9/28/2010
Status: offline

To all on the submissive side, and any Dominants with ideas or who wish to make comment...

What kinds of things do you work on to improve yourself, in the hopes of making yourself more attractive to a Dominant? How do you work on yourself, and perhaps more importantly how do you motivate yourself in doing so? Are there specific things which you seek to get better at or learn about?

What can one do to live a submissive or servile life when you are on your own, in preparation for the day Tops, Dominants or the like enter your life? How do you live a life that would be attractive to Them?

Post #: 1

RE: How do you work on improving yourself outside of a ... - 11/15/2010 1:06:04 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

You don't live a "submissive or servile life" (or a dominant one) when you're on your own. Real life, esp for the submissive side, will eat you alive - the Dom will probably just get arrested... lol Each (D or s) is one half of a dynamic that requires the presence of the other to function or even make sense.

While I identify as Dominant, the truth is that on my own, I'm just another fella getting by. But what both D & s can do is at least demonstrate they've got their shit together through how they live and maintain their single lifestyle for when that special someone comes along. And as the one looked on to lead by example, I'd hold the dom/me to a higher standard in that regard.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to IsaNova)

Post #: 2

RE: How do you work on improving yourself outside of a ... - 11/15/2010 4:55:12 AM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IsaNova
What kinds of things do you work on to improve yourself, in the hopes of making yourself more attractive to a Dominant? How do you work on yourself, and perhaps more importantly how do you motivate yourself in doing so? Are there specific things which you seek to get better at or learn about?

I can't see a dominant man being attracted to me based soley on my having any
additional skills or accumulation of knowledge. That's like saying DominantMan4You has
found interest in me simply because I know how to dance flamenco and SuzyQ doesn't.

I believe a woman who is ambitious in the pursuit of self improvement and who shows an
eagerness to learn (anything) would be someone that attracts the attention of most men
regardless of their dynamic.

My personal motivation to be the best I can be is to benefit the relationship I have with myself.
Loving yourself, emotionally and physically, makes it easier for others to join in.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to IsaNova)

Post #: 3

RE: How do you work on improving yourself outside of a ... - 11/15/2010 5:03:21 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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My feeling are more along Focus' in this case. Simply living a positive life will help to attract potential mates to you.

However... if you REALLY want to work on improving yourself for your future owner, I suppose you could sit down and think a lot about the sort of owner you are looking for. If you are, for example, looking for an owner who is really into high protocol, you could take a lot of etiquette classes and learn how to serve a formal dinner. Take ballet and learn how to be more graceful, etc.

Though, frankly, I'd say don't worry about it. You won't know what they will really want until you met them. And focusing on it too much can be a term off. You know the old cliche of the woman who just wants to be married? Same thing can go for just wanting to be owned.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to IsaNova)

Post #: 4

RE: How do you work on improving yourself outside of a ... - 11/15/2010 7:31:36 AM

YSG

Posts: 1001
Joined: 8/6/2010
Status: offline

Improving myself is something that I find myself almost constantly doing. Right now, the biggest is that little, tiny, life consuming grind known as "college". Even before I started back, though, I was always reading, always trying to learn new things, and experience as much as possible.

Another big way that I am almost constantly improving is my cooking. I honestly dont like cooking classes, too structured for my style there, but Im always experimenting with new recipies. I also work out 5 or 6 days a week.

I also think, though, that self improvement can come from being in a relationship as well. Again, my cooking. When I am in a relationship, I try to learn what foods my lady likes, if there are any dishes I can learn to make, the way she likes it. etc.

_____________________________

Our duty is to hold ourselves responsible to the people. Every word, every act and every policy must conform to the people's interests, and if mistakes occur, they must be corrected - that is what being responsible to the people means- Mao Zedong

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 5

RE: How do you work on improving yourself outside of a ... - 11/15/2010 9:49:20 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

I probably can't offer the kind of response you are looking for, because when I was single, I worked on making myself more attractive to me. It was my life, I owned it, and I focused on really getting to know myself and finding happiness within.

This resulted in attracting the type of man who wanted the type of woman I am. Worked out pretty well.

Because I spent time and energy getting to know myself, now when I have issues or concerns, I can pinpoint exactly why I have them, and exactly what I think and feel about them. Self awareness is a good thing, in that it eliminates the guessing game my owner may have been burdened with, were I not able to communicate the what's and why's of what's going on in my head.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to IsaNova)

Post #: 6

RE: How do you work on improving yourself outside of a ... - 11/15/2010 10:04:16 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

I graduated from massage therapy school this past year.

I've learned home reno/maintenance skills such as laying floors, hanging new light fixtures, etc.

I've learned some new cooking/baking techniques that I hadn't used before.

I've learned how to do business taxes.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 7

RE: How do you work on improving yourself outside of a ... - 11/15/2010 10:05:20 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I probably can't offer the kind of response you are looking for, because when I was single, I worked on making myself more attractive to me. It was my life, I owned it, and I focused on really getting to know myself and finding happiness within.

This resulted in attracting the type of man who wanted the type of woman I am. Worked out pretty well.

Because I spent time and energy getting to know myself, now when I have issues or concerns, I can pinpoint exactly why I have them, and exactly what I think and feel about them. Self awareness is a good thing, in that it eliminates the guessing game my owner may have been burdened with, were I not able to communicate the what's and why's of what's going on in my head.

P.S. and I love what NuevaVida said :)

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 8

RE: How do you work on improving yourself outside of a ... - 11/15/2010 10:07:30 AM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

You don't live a "submissive or servile life" (or a dominant one) when you're on your own. Real life, esp for the submissive side, will eat you alive - the Dom will probably just get arrested... lol Each (D or s) is one half of a dynamic that requires the presence of the other to function or even make sense.

i must respectfully disagree with this. for some of us dominance or submissiveness are just innate qualities of our personalities, in all aspects of life, and not dependent on a partner of any kind. before i was owned, as a submissive person i was absolutely living a submissive life...not because i was trying to or wanted to (didn't even know the terminology at the time), but because it was just who i am. you are correct however on the point that it can cause a lot of problems...it certainly led to a painful, difficult life for me where i was constantly feeling taken advantage of and abused. but again, unless i had somehow just locked myself away from the world altogether, it could not be helped.

anywho, to the OP, the first bit of advice i'd give you is to NOT focus on a future Dominant partner. if it is meant to be, it will be...life doesn't need your manipulations in order to happen. as others have said, work on improving yourself for you. if there are areas where you have let yourself down, where you know you can be better...focus on those. but again, appealing to a potential Dominant should be the furthest thing from your mind.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 9

RE: How do you work on improving yourself outside of a ... - 11/15/2010 10:14:03 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I lived my life on my and now his terms. I went back to school for me beecause i wanted a change. I met Master while i was still in college and he totally supported me because it was something i wanted to do. I am always reading and learning new things if you don't continue to learn you grow stale. You could try a cooking class i have heard they are fun. If not that find something the interested you and go for it. Keep you self active and involved in thing when the Dom for you comes along (he finds you or you him) you can show him all the things you learned while you were single.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 10

RE: How do you work on improving yourself outside of a ... - 11/15/2010 11:08:37 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I probably can't offer the kind of response you are looking for, because when I was single, I worked on making myself more attractive to me. It was my life, I owned it, and I focused on really getting to know myself and finding happiness within.

This resulted in attracting the type of man who wanted the type of woman I am. Worked out pretty well.

Because I spent time and energy getting to know myself, now when I have issues or concerns, I can pinpoint exactly why I have them, and exactly what I think and feel about them. Self awareness is a good thing, in that it eliminates the guessing game my owner may have been burdened with, were I not able to communicate the what's and why's of what's going on in my head.

This is a delightful post!

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 11

RE: How do you work on improving yourself outside of a ... - 11/15/2010 12:12:53 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

I highly recommend taking the time to be physically healthy. It gives something back to you first of all and you have a lot then to offer someone else. Take up an activity you enjoy such as biking and/or go to a gym. I go myself 6 times or more a week. That type of commitment has favorably impressed the Doms that I come in contact with. They like knowing that I take care of myself, that I have the drive to accomplish such a thing on an ongoing basis (I have logged over 950 workouts at one gym), and that I want to present myself attractively. It also reflects well on them because who doesn't like owning fit, healthy, appealing property?

I honestly think this is one of the best things you can do. It is nice to learn new skills or techniques and as others have said those almost need to be tailored to the person you will be with. I think that improving and maintaining your physical condition is one of those universal things that is admired by anyone and looked upon as a huge plus in your favor.

(in reply to IsaNova)

Post #: 12

RE: How do you work on improving yourself outside of a ... - 11/15/2010 1:52:02 PM

Behness

Posts: 16
Joined: 9/17/2005
Status: offline

I agree with what other's have said about making yourself attractive to you, and work on self improvement for yourself, not for anyone else.
But, a few ideas
- Eating healthy, and exercising often
- Learning how to cook well
- Keeping your place clean at all times
- Making sure you look your best every day (regardless of how you do this)
- Take a course in a skill that could be used to please a dominant (massage springs to mind).
Ultimately do them for yourself, but I personally always keep in mind that what I am is who I have to offer. If I look great, feel great, and can make my Master feel great as well, then that's always a huge incentive for me to keep going. Without an Owner or Dom, just keep in mind the same philosophy, but this is an investment for the future, rather than the now.

In terms of preparation, things like above.. practice keeping the house clean, get into the habit of looking your best whenever possible... Really, you can only practice general things, as every Dom is different, and will have different expectations. Just try to do things that any person would like... such as home cooked meals, a clean house, and a sexy woman to come home to.

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 13

RE: How do you work on improving yourself outside of a ... - 11/15/2010 2:04:11 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

i must respectfully disagree with this. for some of us dominance or submissiveness are just innate qualities of our personalities, in all aspects of life, and not dependent on a partner of any kind. before i was owned, as a submissive person i was absolutely living a submissive life...not because i was trying to or wanted to (didn't even know the terminology at the time), but because it was just who i am.

(Takes a little DNA sample to add to cryogenic storage, when cloning to adulthood is viable)

< Message edited by Icarys -- 11/15/2010 2:05:04 PM >

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

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(in reply to daddysprop247)

Post #: 14

RE: How do you work on improving yourself outside of a ... - 11/15/2010 3:48:10 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I never did any of that when I was single. I simply lived my ordinary life, improving myself, enjoying the things I enjoy for me, not for someone else. He would like me for who I am and He does.

(in reply to Icarys)

Post #: 15

RE: How do you work on improving yourself outside of a ... - 11/15/2010 7:07:16 PM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline

Well, since most men my age are still dating girls the same age they did in their 20's, I can't do anything about the age thing....lol

But I was raised on the phylosophy to make myself a good catch, not to go find a good catch. Become the woman you want to be. I want to be in shape, take care of my appearance and my personal property, be generous in nature, positive, self sufficient, humble yet comfortable in my own skin, and someone people genuinely like to be around.

Ok, a Dom will never want me for my cooking but he will want me for some sexual skills that I have been working on (that's been fun).....I won't get graphic :D. Hopefully, overall I'm ready. If not, who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Wanna bet? lol

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 16

RE: How do you work on improving yourself outside of a ... - 11/15/2010 9:13:55 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

Thank you for the kind words, windchymes and LaTigresse.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 17

RE: How do you work on improving yourself outside of a ... - 11/16/2010 1:00:50 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

You don't live a "submissive or servile life" (or a dominant one) when you're on your own. Real life, esp for the submissive side, will eat you alive - the Dom will probably just get arrested... lol Each (D or s) is one half of a dynamic that requires the presence of the other to function or even make sense.

i must respectfully disagree with this. for some of us dominance or submissiveness are just innate qualities of our personalities, in all aspects of life, and not dependent on a partner of any kind.

I'm not entirely sure what you're disagreeing with.... My dominance absolutely comes from within.

What difference is there whether you're dom or sub when you're single? Or whether hetero or gay? When it's just you, none of this is relevant to your everyday life.

Your sexuality (including D or s) is defined by the partner you seek/desire, not by you on your own.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to daddysprop247)

Post #: 18

RE: How do you work on improving yourself outside of a ... - 11/16/2010 2:19:48 AM

ownedbyPF

Posts: 126
Joined: 2/18/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I probably can't offer the kind of response you are looking for, because when I was single, I worked on making myself more attractive to me. It was my life, I owned it, and I focused on really getting to know myself and finding happiness within.

This resulted in attracting the type of man who wanted the type of woman I am. Worked out pretty well.

Because I spent time and energy getting to know myself, now when I have issues or concerns, I can pinpoint exactly why I have them, and exactly what I think and feel about them. Self awareness is a good thing, in that it eliminates the guessing game my owner may have been burdened with, were I not able to communicate the what's and why's of what's going on in my head.

This was a great post! I would like to add on that the benefit in knowing yourself, developing yourself, allows you to know what it is you really seek, and what it is you really offer.. You know your value. When you know what you truly need you don't waste a lot of time trying out relationships that aren't ever going to work. When you know what your worth, you don't have an interest in settling. My Master told me there were two things he found quite appealing about me right off the bat... One, that I had managed to carve out a life in which I found happiness. It wasn't that I didn't want to be Mastered, but I had figured out how to be happy/fulfilled without it. Two, that alot of women he had met didn't know what they offerred beyond an ass to spank and a pussy to fuck; they didn't understand why those things in and of themselves weren't enough to make him want to take them home. So, ask yourself, what do I offer? What do I want to be able to offer? The answer needs to be more than.. submission. Just as, I assume, or hope, that you are looking for someone who offers more than... weeeelllll I dominate!

~ownedbyPF

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 19

RE: How do you work on improving yourself outside of a ... - 11/16/2010 3:36:01 AM

lapgirl

Posts: 116
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline

i just work on making myself happy, which in return makes Him happy as well.

(in reply to ownedbyPF)

Post #: 20

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