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How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 8:40:45 AM

LadyPact

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Just something that I'm curious about from another thread. There are no right or wrong answers here. Just personal opinion.

Do you engage in casual play? I'm defining casual play as BDSM with others who you have no romantic/emotional attachment (outside of friendship) with those that you enjoy bondage, discipline, sadism, and/or masochism.

Please note that the above question does not necessarily have to mean that you are engaging in physical sex with any bottom or top that you might be playing with. That's a different angle. I also don't care if it's private or public. I'm just curious about how the numbers stack up among our forum participants.

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Post #: 1

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 8:53:20 AM

LadyHibiscus

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It's pretty much you and I, isn't it?

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RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 8:54:50 AM

LadyNTrainer

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Me, me. I used to hunt my local femdom group's orientation meetings looking for tasty fresh meat, but my personal plate tends to be pretty full these days with two collared partners and some regular play buddies in the rotation. My enjoyment is limitless but my time and energy is not. A pretty one can still tempt me though, especially if I think he might be open to bisexual play.

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RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 8:59:34 AM

PeonForHer

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Hah! Just answered this on that other thread.

I used to be into casual play, but not so much now. I began to notice too much of a hole in my life. At the same time, clubs where play went on diminished in number rapidly in my area some five or so years ago. Still, I wouldn't be averse to it were the opportunity to arise. 'As empty, meaningless experiences go, it's quite a good one', to paraphrase W. Allen.

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RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 9:06:36 AM

VaguelyCurious

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

It's pretty much you and I, isn't it?

Iz not! Mememememe too!

(I run full the range from 'deep inside-your-head properly in tune with each other' scenes to 'I like to hurt people! You like to be hurt! Let's *do* this!' play. Variety is the spice of life, and all that...)

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RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 9:07:56 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Ah, the vitality of youth!

(Insert lulz emo here)

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RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 9:10:42 AM

YSG

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Personally, I'm not one for casual play. It has alot to do with emotional attachment and fucking with my head, yadda yadda yadda, kind of like sex. Its something I reserve for that special lady in my life.

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Post #: 7

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 9:13:49 AM

LadyHibiscus

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~derailing thought inspired by Geoff's post~
LOTS of folks say they need that "attachment"...which makes me wonder how many launch into relationships so they can play!

/derail

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Post #: 8

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 9:18:33 AM

YSG

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Honestly, Im not sure, but I know thats why I go a long time without playing lol

OK, back on topic or the admin will come in and spank us all lol

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Post #: 9

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 9:20:08 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: YSG

Honestly, Im not sure, but I know thats why I go a long time without playing lol

OK, back on topic or the admin will come in and spank us all lol

As far as I'm concerned, that is the topic. I didn't really expect people to just say yes or no without bothering to mention their reasons for it.

(Yes or no would still be fine, too, but that doesn't make for much of a conversation.)

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Post #: 10

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 11:01:06 AM

LaTigresse

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I am just not a casual sort of person.

I don't love people enough to want to spend much of any time with anyone I don't have a connection with. Obviously, it doesn't have to be a romantic connection but there has to be something, or the promise of something, before I want to get intimate in any sort of way. BDSM play is very intimate for me. Even the idea of that sort of intimacy with someone I don't feel an emotional connection with, squicks me.

I am weird.

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RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 11:01:42 AM

Takeylarose

Posts: 300
Joined: 9/12/2010
From: Alba, TX
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I don't typically engage in casual play, however if I was to meet someone who lit that spark I would definitely do it. The same with casual sex, if I meet someone who I just want to get it on with I will, and that is rare for me, not to say it doesn't happen Lol.. I'm generally looking for the whole package and someone who sets all those fires blazing.

Hopefully not considered a derail, but I think it goes hand in hand with the topic-- how often how often casual turns to into more? And for people who do engage casually but are in relationships otherwise, what does your casual play partner spark in you that your SO doesn't? Is it because they have different limits or what?

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Post #: 12

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 11:16:02 AM

Reform

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Takeylarose
I don't typically engage in casual play, however if I was to meet someone who lit that spark I would definitely do it. The same with casual sex, if I meet someone who I just want to get it on with I will, and that is rare for me, not to say it doesn't happen Lol.. I'm generally looking for the whole package and someone who sets all those fires blazing.

Hopefully not considered a derail, but I think it goes hand in hand with the topic-- how often how often casual turns to into more? And for people who do engage casually but are in relationships otherwise, what does your casual play partner spark in you that your SO doesn't? Is it because they have different limits or what?

I can play casually, but I haven't in a while. On the other hand, I do not engage in casual sex or genital contact.

To answer your question, I'm in a relationship, but when I play with someone else it's to get my needs fulfilled that my partner doesn't fully meet. I'm a masochist, and my bf is not a sadist. He can hurt me, but it's not quite the same. Plus, playing with someone else is kind of thrilling. I get all worked up and get to go home and spend that energy on my boy.

(in reply to Takeylarose)

Post #: 13

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 11:33:51 AM

Takeylarose

Posts: 300
Joined: 9/12/2010
From: Alba, TX
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I can respect that, but I have to ask a couple questions along with that (just because I am curious) - When you play casually do you tell your partner? And since your bf isn't a sadists do you feel like you need to compartmentalize who you are and have different partners (I'm talking casual play partners) to meet all your needs or could you find that all in one person?

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An improper mind is a perpetual feast.....

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Post #: 14

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 11:40:37 AM

Reform

Posts: 151
Joined: 1/11/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Takeylarose

I can respect that, but I have to ask a couple questions along with that (just because I am curious) - When you play casually do you tell your partner? And since your bf isn't a sadists do you feel like you need to compartmentalize who you are and have different partners (I'm talking casual play partners) to meet all your needs or could you find that all in one person?

I do tell him. Otherwise I'd count that as cheating. I very rarely play with anyone else anymore but I have the ability to, as it were. I don't compartmentalize anyone, my boy is my world, but sometimes I just want some frosting on top of my cupcake. If that makes any sense.

(in reply to Takeylarose)

Post #: 15

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 11:49:37 AM

LadyNTrainer

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Joined: 5/20/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Takeylarose
And for people who do engage casually but are in relationships otherwise, what does your casual play partner spark in you that your SO doesn't? Is it because they have different limits or what?

Different energy, different interests and activities. Usually my SO's are right there in the room or nearby if I'm doing casual play with someone else, and they make a great peanut gallery. Sometimes they put their heads together and giggle a lot over how someone else is really getting it. Sometimes it turns one or both of them on. Depends on what I'm doing and who I'm doing it to.

My motivation for trolling on the fresh meat is usually as simple as, "Nice. I want to get my hands on that ass." My SO's are quite lovely creatures and I enjoy getting my hands on them also, but I can do that regularly at home. The lure of a nice piece of hot new tail to spank can tempt me into at least a brief foray away from my own home pastures, which certainly do not lack for lushness and attractive furnishing. There really isn't a downside to it for us, as any erotic energy raised in casual public BDSM play goes home with them.

As to how often casual turns into more, I met both my current SO's this way. I will say that with both of them I knew from the start that we were compatible enough that we could at the least end up very good friends, and potentially a lot more. I also play casually with people I don't have that level of compatibility with, and that's fun too.

< Message edited by LadyNTrainer -- 11/15/2010 11:54:35 AM >

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Post #: 16

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 12:02:46 PM

Takeylarose

Posts: 300
Joined: 9/12/2010
From: Alba, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Reform

I do tell him. Otherwise I'd count that as cheating. I very rarely play with anyone else anymore but I have the ability to, as it were. I don't compartmentalize anyone, my boy is my world, but sometimes I just want some frosting on top of my cupcake. If that makes any sense.

It makes sense to me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

Different energy, different interests and activities. Usually my SO's are right there in the room or nearby if I'm doing casual play with someone else, and they make a great peanut gallery. Sometimes they put their heads together and giggle a lot over how someone else is really getting it. Sometimes it turns one or both of them on. Depends on what I'm doing and who I'm doing it to.

Do your SOs engage in casual play as well, or do they just watch you?

_____________________________

An improper mind is a perpetual feast.....

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Post #: 17

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 12:21:04 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Takeylarose
Do your SOs engage in casual play as well, or do they just watch you?

Yes, but they are my collared property. If another dominant wants to borrow them for something I'm almost always up for a loan-out within negotiated limits. I just require being asked first. If either of them likes the energy of another dominant and mentions this to me, I don't mind asking him or her to come join us for a scene, or to negotiate a scene on their behalf. My primary is pansexual and we enjoy co-topping bisexual bottoms; my beta sub likes being a pegging demo model and I've pimped him out freely as such, because it turns him on and I get the benefit of his being turned on later.

What they can't do is approach other dominants directly; all negotiations go through me. If these protocols of courtesy are met, then pretty much any form of safe play is fair game and all in good fun. I have no problem pimping for either of them, so they can play with pretty much whoever they want. All of our play with others must be safe (zero body fluid contact of any kind), no-drama (no bringing home the crazy, no playing with people who are unpleasant or disrespectful to any of us) and is usually public.

Same rules pretty much apply for all of us, though we don't call what they have "veto power" to assuage my domly ego. LOL The reality is that if either of my committed partners was seriously uncomfy with a new person, or if a new person was rude to either of my partners, I don't care how hot they are, I'm not having any. No piece of ass is worth the drama of making anyone in my nice stable poly family unhappy.

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Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

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Post #: 18

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 12:27:53 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Takeylarose
Hopefully not considered a derail, but I think it goes hand in hand with the topic-- how often how often casual turns to into more?

Actually, clip started out as a casual play partner. The person in My life right now who 'may turn out to be more' was the same. The person that was in My training collar prior to My move last year, yep, same deal.

quote:

And for people who do engage casually but are in relationships otherwise, what does your casual play partner spark in you that your SO doesn't?

It isn't necessarily something that he doesn't. I engage in sadism because I enjoy it. I have different energy with different people.

quote:

Is it because they have different limits or what?

It has been that, at times. That doesn't make it always necessarily true. Sometimes it's just because I like different bottom's reaction to different activities.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Takeylarose)

Post #: 19

RE: How Many Of You Are Casual Players? - 11/15/2010 12:51:49 PM

Takeylarose

Posts: 300
Joined: 9/12/2010
From: Alba, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Actually, clip started out as a casual play partner. The person in My life right now who 'may turn out to be more' was the same. The person that was in My training collar prior to My move last year, yep, same deal.

Do you allow clip to play casually or loan him out like LNT?

Also, if you have a casual play partner turned SO, do you stop playing casually and focus your energy on that person or do you continue to play casually with others? Time and energy aren't limitless and if you want to have a successful relationship with that person, they deserve most of your attention, right?

_____________________________

An improper mind is a perpetual feast.....

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Post #: 20

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