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HOW TO: Requesting sub to do things without using plse - 11/16/2010 6:26:57 PM   
mmmistress


Posts: 6
Joined: 11/2/2010
Status: offline 		Ways to ask subs/slaves to do chores with asking plse = NO
can you, would you, should you,=NO
Whats the ideal way of asking without sounding too soft. My sub is a delight, and I need to be more aggressive while still being loving


< Message edited by mmmistress -- 11/16/2010 6:28:06 PM >
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RE: HOW TO: Requesting sub to do things without using ... - 11/16/2010 6:35:10 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Work with your tone of voice.

Women use a lot of "questioning" inflection, where the tone goes up at the end of a sentence. Avoid that--and it will take practice! Speak kindly, and definitively.

Think of speaking to an animal that you are training. You are not saying, Would you like to sit now? You're saying SIT, calmly and firmly.

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RE: HOW TO: Requesting sub to do things without using ... - 11/16/2010 6:35:13 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Why do you feel you need to be more aggressive?

I am most often polite and ask... yes ask... which is an expectation. I even say please and thank you, sometimes before it is done because I expect it to be done and it tends to get done. However, in play where someone might need more aggressiveness... that is a different story! I've even set up days where everything was an aggressive/kinky day.

If someone needs me to bark orders all the time, we wouldn't be a good fit.


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RE: HOW TO: Requesting sub to do things without using ... - 11/16/2010 6:39:46 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		"I want....." tends to work for Me.  It's rather straight forward.

Sometimes, I will say please and thank you and other times I won't.  It may have everything to do with the type of head space that I'm attempting to create.


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RE: HOW TO: Requesting sub to do things without using ... - 11/16/2010 6:43:37 PM   
mmmistress


Posts: 6
Joined: 11/2/2010
Status: offline 		I'm not sorry, you make me laugh with that comment.
I appreciate your reply, just new to this and not sure of the correct language to use when asking slave to do for me.

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RE: HOW TO: Requesting sub to do things without using ... - 11/16/2010 6:48:06 PM   
PeonForHer


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Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
If someone needs me to bark orders all the time, we wouldn't be a good fit.


Lockit!  The OP didn't mention barking.  I can see I'm going to have to teach about using imperious tones with subs.  And if you don't learn sharpish, you're going to be in trouble with me, young lady. 

Seriously, is it really that hard for a woman to sound commanding?   All it requires is just to order and not to ask, as Lady Hib says.  No drill-sergeant growling or bellowing required.

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RE: HOW TO: Requesting sub to do things without using ... - 11/16/2010 6:48:26 PM   
mmmistress


Posts: 6
Joined: 11/2/2010
Status: offline 		Thanks for your help, I'll take that under advisement

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RE: HOW TO: Requesting sub to do things without using ... - 11/16/2010 6:49:52 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
Seriously, is it really that hard for a woman to sound commanding?  

No.

(See how simple that is?)


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: HOW TO: Requesting sub to do things without using ... - 11/16/2010 6:51:29 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
If someone needs me to bark orders all the time, we wouldn't be a good fit.


Lockit!  The OP didn't mention barking.  I can see I'm going to have to teach about using imperious tones with subs.  And if you don't learn sharpish, you're going to be in trouble with me, young lady. 

Seriously, is it really that hard for a woman to sound commanding?   All it requires is just to order and not to ask, as Lady Hib says.  No drill-sergeant growling or bellowing required.


Kiss my ass and then go paint my bathroom!

Happy now? hehe


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RE: HOW TO: Requesting sub to do things without using ... - 11/16/2010 6:51:50 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline 		I can't speak to the parameters of your relationship or your particular submissive's desire to be commanded more aggressively, that's an issue that you and your sub need to communicate and negotiate on.  For me, I do say please and thank you, because courtesy pleases me more than rudeness and I see no reason to lower my standards in my own household. 

Now if what I ask for isn't done, then my courtesy is quite likely to be replaced by letting a hard wooden paddle do the talking.    


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RE: HOW TO: Requesting sub to do things without using ... - 11/16/2010 6:54:52 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Kiss my ass and then go paint my bathroom!

Happy now? hehe



Lose the exclamation mark and you'd be there.  See?  Easy-peasey!

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RE: HOW TO: Requesting sub to do things without using ... - 11/16/2010 6:55:50 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		mmmistress, I think a lot of it with me isn't what I say, but how I say it. The tone of my voice, the look on my face and how I move/stand, etc. I have a look or two that need no words! lol Then again, I have words that need nothing but the word... you know, just in case they are blindfolded! lol

You have to be comfortable and yourself or is just won't work.


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RE: HOW TO: Requesting sub to do things without using ... - 11/16/2010 6:57:18 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I have no problem being the boss of everyone.

The voice thing is for reals though, record yourself speaking and listen for inflections.

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RE: HOW TO: Requesting sub to do things without using ... - 11/16/2010 6:59:23 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		FR

I guess everything boils down to knowing that what you want him to do, he'll do.  But there's something of a chicken and egg dilemma about this, I suppose.  I used to be scared of dogs - but not after the first time I gave an order to a dog and it obeyed.  Sudden revelation, knack acquired in an instant. 

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RE: HOW TO: Requesting sub to do things without using ... - 11/16/2010 7:49:53 PM   
CynthiaWVirginia


Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Work with your tone of voice.

Women use a lot of "questioning" inflection, where the tone goes up at the end of a sentence. Avoid that--and it will take practice! Speak kindly, and definitively.

Think of speaking to an animal that you are training. You are not saying, Would you like to sit now? You're saying SIT, calmly and firmly.


This.
 
Mmmistress, I just expect things, and it reflects in my voice.  I say "would you" and "thank you" as it's polite, and I like this approach. 
 
My mindset reminds me of how I felt when I was one of the managers at a large theater...the place was my territory, and the people under me were mine while they were on duty.  If I didn't watch them, they would stand around all day long talking/flirting.  (Everyone in candy and all the ushers were teenagers, around 8 or more in each group.)
 
They knew exactly what I wanted of them and when, and when they forgot...I would remind them and sometimes stay to watch, inspect their work, and give approval for a job well done.  If it wasn't done right, I pointed out what needed to be done.  If they still didn't get it, they had to stand at my side while I did it for them.  I never yelled, never cussed anyone out...never bothered with chewing someone out...but when supervisors lost control I would be rotated out of the booth if that's where I was (projectors area) so that I could handle that shift. 
 
I have that same territorial feeling with D/s, and that same feeling of being the boss when someone is mine. 
 
If you want to be more "formal", maybe look up some rituals and see which ones you like.

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RE: HOW TO: Requesting sub to do things without using ... - 11/16/2010 8:14:14 PM   
Twoshoes


Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline 		I tend to be soft-spoken. I like it that way.

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RE: HOW TO: Requesting sub to do things without using ... - 11/17/2010 3:19:16 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline 		It's not the sentence structure that's important, it's the tone of voice (as the ladies have said) and the I'm-not-fucking-about attitude.

Part of that is not using euphemisms or skirting around what you want-be direct, keep it simple, know what you want *before* you open your mouth so nobody listens to you dithering-dithering is not a particularly commanding thing to be doing (says the world's greatest ditherer ).

Noises like 'ummm' and 'errrr' are bad-their function in a conversation is to fill the silence so the other person knows you aren't finished speaking, but practice doing that with the tone of your voice instead if you need time to think on your feet (good skill in general), and have the confidence that you won't be interrupted mid-order anyways.

I rarely ever look at people with a straight face, so if I drop the smile and look serious it has a big impact-you don't have to look actively stern if your usual expression is a smile-a straight face is enough (or even possibly overkill, depending on the situation-I only do that if I really feel like I have to push. Don't overuse it).

(Hope at least some of that helped )

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RE: HOW TO: Requesting sub to do things without using ... - 11/17/2010 3:46:16 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		FR

My ideal fantasy-'ordery' voice would be quiet, with or without a smile (doesn't matter).  The point is that she looks sure that she'll be obeyed. 

You can all make recordings of your voices, saying "Peon, pick up my bags and follow me." (or your own choice of command).  I shall grade each voice and announce the winner of the best ordery voice at the end of the week.

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RE: HOW TO: Requesting sub to do things without using ... - 11/17/2010 5:09:14 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		I tend to be very polite, but it is understood that this is courtesy and it is not a request but a politely phrased command that might look to the outside as a request.

Maybe you need to work with your sub on defining the roles, it could be that he gets off on being told sharply, but if it is not in your comfort zone, you both need to work on that.

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Those who do and those who don't!

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RE: HOW TO: Requesting sub to do things without using ... - 11/17/2010 5:48:30 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
I tend to be very polite


Indeed you do, Lady C - and I've noted the dates on which that's happened should anyone require confirmation of it.

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