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Sharing - 11/22/2010 10:11:05 PM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline

I've read enough posts to get a good feel for some of you. I'm wondering what your thoughts, especially if your in a monogamous relationship, would be if your Master/Dom one day said he wanted to share you, or wanted to bring a 3rd party in. I'm not talking poly...I'm talking swinging I guess, for the lack of a better term?

Would you do it if he felt strongly about it? What if it put a certain risk factor into your relationship?

Post #: 1

RE: Sharing - 11/22/2010 10:16:46 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

Yes. It's all a part of that word "total" to us. Carol is not poly and she's not a swinger, but she is mine. If I wanted her to "swing", then she would. If I wanted her to like it, so she would. Honestly, there's very little that isn't in that category (nothing actually that I know about that isn't in the horrific categories) assuming I'm willing to put the effort into making the change happen.

Insofar as the "risk factors"... those are mine to manage and worry about.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 2

RE: Sharing - 11/22/2010 10:21:35 PM

crystalclarinet

Posts: 31
Joined: 10/29/2009
Status: offline

For me personally I think it can go either way. I have done the swinging thing without the BDSM aspect really young for that I know, but anyways... I think that ultimately swinging was what brought that relationship to an end... although in retrospect we got into it for all of the wrong reasons... We thought we were in love and just couldn't deal with one partner for the rest of forever, but adding additional people into the mix didn't work.

Swingers are nice people and I'm guessing in your area they have clubs or meet and greats and that is generally a great place to get a feel for how it is and how it works... although just like here if you're looking for the single female it will be hard to find.

My Dom always talks about bringing in another some day, but the possibility of finding someone perfect to match us is prolly slim to none. As with anything communication is key. I certainly would not jump right in and certain boundaries would need to be established first. I go back and forth on this issue because as the sub I get very wishy washy and upset over the thought of another woman, but it excites me all at the same time. I think time and communication is the best way to deal with this one, but I wouldn't just do it for him, I'd make sure you had a valid reason for doing it as well.

(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 3

RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 12:24:02 AM

phoenixmoonn13

Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline

i am not poly or a swinger however if master wanted to then i would i am lucky in that he doesn't wish this he is poly but defiantly not a swinger. however he does have online subs i do find it difficult at times but its something he does that helps fulfil his poly side of himself. He knows i have difficulty with poly this is an ideal way to work it for him.

(in reply to crystalclarinet)

Post #: 4

RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 2:05:43 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

If my Husband of 20 years would suggest we go swinging i would be flabberghasted as i am under the impression that He is a man who won't share...
I however would love to be shared and have put all our neighbours and aquaintances and even our dentist in my fantasies

Truth is though... if He would suggest we'd do this thing for real i would quite poo my pants i presume... i am a bit of a whimp really

I would be most worried that i would not beable to relax and enjoy it because i would be too worried about if He would really like it or just do this thing for me...

(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 5

RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 2:53:10 AM

WestBaySlave

Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline

I make it very, very clear before I involve myself with someone that I'm not into that and that's not going to change.

quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338
Would you do it if he felt strongly about it?

Begin the process of saying our farewells, sadly but with the knowledge that it was the best for both.

quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338
What if it put a certain risk factor into your relationship?

It would put a risk factor in our relationships the way U-20 put a risk factor in the Lusitania. For me, monogamy is the single most important thing in a relationship; without it, the relationship can't stay afloat.

(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 6

RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 3:19:59 AM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

I've read enough posts to get a good feel for some of you. I'm wondering what your thoughts, especially if your in a monogamous relationship, would be if your Master/Dom one day said he wanted to share you, or wanted to bring a 3rd party in. I'm not talking poly...I'm talking swinging I guess, for the lack of a better term?

Would you do it if he felt strongly about it? What if it put a certain risk factor into your relationship?

I'd tell him sure but I get to pick the guy :D

Nah to be honest I'd tell him it's extremely risky, because if I didn't enjoy it I'd feel really grossed out and resent him, and if I did enjoy it he'd probably get insecure that I was so into sleeping with a guy other than him. Especially if the other guy was better.

(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 7

RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 4:06:30 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WestBaySlave

I make it very, very clear before I involve myself with someone that I'm not into that and that's not going to change.

quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338
Would you do it if he felt strongly about it?

Begin the process of saying our farewells, sadly but with the knowledge that it was the best for both.

This.
The rest wouldnt even be a factor at that point.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to WestBaySlave)

Post #: 8

RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 4:12:58 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

It would end the relationship. For both of us as both of us do not share/swing/whatever you call it. We're monogamous.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 9

RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 5:32:52 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

I don't share and make it clear from the beginning that I am not interested in anything other than monogamy. If we can't meet enough of each other's needs then it's time to say goodbye because I just can't do anything other than monogamy. I would be absolutely miserable.

I had started seeing someone at one point who was told straight away that I was monogamous but he didn't listen to me and he kept pushing at me to 'bring a friend' at some point in the future. I got sick and tired of standing my ground and dumped his ass fairly quickly. I guess he thought with enough pressure that he could make me change my mind. Also the fact that he just assumed that I had female friends that would do this type of thing at the drop of a hat was too hilarious. Like every woman has a friend or two hanging around that'll just screw her and her guy whenever she asks....

(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 10

RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 5:41:33 AM

CaringandReal

Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

I've read enough posts to get a good feel for some of you. I'm wondering what your thoughts, especially if your in a monogamous relationship, would be if your Master/Dom one day said he wanted to share you, or wanted to bring a 3rd party in. I'm not talking poly...I'm talking swinging I guess, for the lack of a better term?

Would you do it if he felt strongly about it? What if it put a certain risk factor into your relationship?

What do you mean by risk factor? If you mean threatening the emotional solidity of my feelings for the master/dom, there would be none. If you mean STDs, it wouldn't change my behavior (which would be to obey all commands). I'd assume my owner knew what he or she was doing, and I'd trust them...becuase to not do that would be worse (for me) than contracting an STD.

I'm not in a monogamous relationship at this time, and I do not know if I ever will be in the future as monogamy isn't one of my "must haves" for a relationship. So these responses may not be relevant to what you are looking for.

How I would feel would depend a lot on who or what the third party was. Another dominant (or even power-neutral) male? Emotionally this would, initially, be very hard for me because I have some hot buttons in that area (past rape experiences). But I also like challenges, and I imagine that if the expereince repeated enough I'd get used to it. I'd also feel safe as long as my master/dom was present. But left alone with someone strange? I'd be very frightened. I don't think I would enjoy it. Some aspects of the experience (the humiliation, the awareness of having no control or choice, even over who I fucked) would be very good.

Another submissive as the third party? No issues with that except this: I do not know if I could feel erotic feelings for another submissive, I'm just not wired that way. I would try though, if that were expected of me. But if they had just some little bit of switch in them, it would make the whole process immensely easier from my end!

A female power-neutral person? Again no problems, as I have no past rape history with women. I would also find such a person easier to feel erotic toward, if that were required of me, than another submissive.

There are other third-party sharing options than the above, of course, but there are also some terribly good reasons not to speak of them here. :-p

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 11

RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 5:49:02 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

You know, it's a hot concept. Fantasy can be wonderful - and fun! (Funtasy?) But in reality?... not so much (for me).

If a man I was involved with (read - loved) wanted to do that, I'd realize that there was something haywire in our relationship and do my damnedest to fix it. If it was unfixable, I'd say good-bye. Not something I could handle. Frankly, I'm glad I've at last realized and accepted it.

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to CaringandReal)

Post #: 12

RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 5:50:56 AM

BurntKitty

Posts: 3340
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: Here To Eternity.
Status: offline

I'm in the "no sharing" group. I make it clear in my profile and when talking to anyone that I'm a one man woman. I like the idea of a man who "doesn't share his toys".

I was dating someone who revealed to me after a few months that he was a swinger. I am not a party favor to be passed around.

_____________________________

Cat Quotes

Count Boogie's Foot Fetish Anti Creepy Training video

(in reply to CaringandReal)

Post #: 13

RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 6:05:38 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Um... when you say "bring in a third party", that could mean several things.

I will not share my woman sexually with another man. Period, not gonna happen, end of story. That said, I might let another man do nonsexual stuff - bondage, whip her, spank her under certain conditions.

I might allow her to play sexually with another woman. That has SO many possible triggers and what-ifs that I'm not going to speculate. And of course, I'd let a woman play with her nonsexually if I were there.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to BurntKitty)

Post #: 14

RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 6:06:35 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

I've read enough posts to get a good feel for some of you. I'm wondering what your thoughts, especially if your in a monogamous relationship, would be if your Master/Dom one day said he wanted to share you, or wanted to bring a 3rd party in. I'm not talking poly...I'm talking swinging I guess, for the lack of a better term?

Would you do it if he felt strongly about it? What if it put a certain risk factor into your relationship?

Depends on how he went about it.

Once upon a time we were monogamous. If, at that time, he had told me that he wanted to share me with his friend out of the blue I probably wouldn't have gone along with it happily. Our thinking is very simple - our relationship is built on certain foundations or conditions. That he is dominant, that I am submissive, that he likes sex with women, I like sex with men. And, at that time, that we were monogamous. If he suddenly swapped foundations on me, what other aspects are up for change without warning?

Now, that said, we obviously don't feel that you are required to stick with those foundations forever. Simply that if you enter the relationship with an agreement when one or more people want the agreement to change, a lot of discussion needs to take place. If he took the time to talk with me, get my feelings about it, etc.... I'd probably be excited about it. Nervous as hell but excited!

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 11/23/2010 6:08:19 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 15

RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 7:30:40 AM

OrionTheWolf

Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline

I nominate leadership527 to answer for me in these areas from now on.

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Yes. It's all a part of that word "total" to us. Carol is not poly and she's not a swinger, but she is mine. If I wanted her to "swing", then she would. If I wanted her to like it, so she would. Honestly, there's very little that isn't in that category (nothing actually that I know about that isn't in the horrific categories) assuming I'm willing to put the effort into making the change happen.

Insofar as the "risk factors"... those are mine to manage and worry about.

_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 16

RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 7:58:08 AM

dory007

Posts: 40
Joined: 7/2/2009
Status: offline

i am mono. it is part of my basic makeup. Master is poly, it is part of his basic makeup. He respects my need for my own monogamy and i respect his need to be poly. he wouldn't try to share me because of the harm it would cause me. i don't try and force monogamy on him because of the harm it would do him. If either of us tried to change the other it would show a lack of respect and would cause the downfall of our relationship.

(in reply to OrionTheWolf)

Post #: 17

RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 9:26:32 AM

starshineowned

Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Yes. It's all a part of that word "total" to us. Carol is not poly and she's not a swinger, but she is mine. If I wanted her to "swing", then she would. If I wanted her to like it, so she would. Honestly, there's very little that isn't in that category (nothing actually that I know about that isn't in the horrific categories) assuming I'm willing to put the effort into making the change happen.

Insofar as the "risk factors"... those are mine to manage and worry about.

This is pretty much spot on in Masters house as well with the exception of "wanted her to like it, so she would". Master can't force me to like anything, however I am blessed with a Master that takes the time to know and learn me and bring about the mindset changes he desires and then sometimes finds himself fighting me off for wanting to do it more. Funny how that works..lol.

starshine

_____________________________

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --Abraham Lincoln

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 18

RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 9:34:44 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

No not in a million years. I told Master right from the start if i am to be yours i have to be the only one and you sharing me is out of the question. If worked out well for us because Master only wants me , and he does not share what belongs to him.

If he bought this up out of the blue we would have to sit down and talk about what bought this on. If he was dead set on doing this it would break my heart but i would have to say goodby. I am not worried it will ever come to this though cause like i said Master does not share and he is not going to be with anyone else either.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to starshineowned)

Post #: 19

RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 9:51:41 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

If I had a partner who after a few years of monogamy wanted to share me with a man, I would tell my mate that I was never wired for swinging, fuck that new guy silly and walk out the door without so much as a backward glance. The moment the man who was in my life told me he wanted to share me, would be the moment I had to rethink who he was and why the hell I would want to be with him. Detachment would be immediate. Fucking the new guy would be the punctuation. If my mate had told me he wanted to share me with a female, I would not even say a word. I would pack his stuff, tell him to find someone who wouldnt mind playing with women because he would damned well know I would never change my mind on that one.
Either way, I would end things if sharing became part of the deal.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 20

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