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RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 10:07:14 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		i already know one day this will happen. he knows how i feel. as long as its a 1 nite stand deal i'm ok with it. he knows i'm not bi but i'd do it for him. it's highly unlikely he'd bring in another man.

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 11:00:14 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned
...Master can't force me to like anything...

Just as a point of clarification, I can't force Carol to like anything either. If we'd gotten down to that level, then our dynamic would already be so damaged as to be unrecognizable and totally useless to me. Dominance is not aggression. Carol had some hesitations about expanding our horizons out of the safe little nest of monogamy. For that matter, so did (and do) I. But I didn't "force" her to get past those. As is always true with us, I merely set the goal and then started walking there. She, being her, followed. It's a teamwork thing.

Interestingly for us, I don't really have much interest in sharing her OR in any way opening our marriage. But it IS a possible thing (as in... not astronomically unlikely) and so it became a relevant part of "total". We experimented somewhat and I'm confident that her mental state would now allow for it, but for me this was always more about "total" than it was about sex. I do, however, take the total word pretty seriously. I don't worry about limb-chopping since I can't conceive of me EVER wanting to do that. But I CAN conceive of sharing her, swinging, and various forms of poly assuming the right circumstances came up.. So a command that I might want to give was occluded by her old mindset and so I changed it.




_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to starshineowned)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 11:38:41 AM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline 		because it has been a natural part of our dynamic from the very start, i would be more concerned if suddenly my Master didn't want to "share" me with other men. but we are not swingers...we are not equals and the goal in these things is not mutual fun and pleasure. it's about me fulfilling as many of my Master's needs and perversions as i possibly can, and reinforcing the fact that i am a servant, a submissive, a slut...not simply "his" servant, submissive and slut. He has no interest in owning a woman who would resist a man. if there is a particular circumstance or person which would be bad for me, he firmly feels it is his job and his job alone to protect me from such things, not mine. my place is simply to serve and continue to be the submissive woman he adores and values so much.

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 11:40:32 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

I've read enough posts to get a good feel for some of you. I'm wondering what your thoughts, especially if your in a monogamous relationship, would be if your Master/Dom one day said he wanted to share you, or wanted to bring a 3rd party in. I'm not talking poly...I'm talking swinging I guess, for the lack of a better term?

Would you do it if he felt strongly about it? What if it put a certain risk factor into your relationship?


The theory is that if I ordered my girl to throw herself under a speeding freight, she'd be expected to comply.

The fact (I hope) is that neither of us are that insane. Ok, a bit extreme, but the principle is the same. That is that if the relationship is monogamous (and that's the only kind I do), then the guy in the mirror doesn't allow me to make such drastic changes to our personal dynamic. Or that the girl was entitled to know the likelihood of such things *before* the relationship was established and emotional connections were made.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to anniezz338)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 12:24:02 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		You know Focus, I think there is a timing thing going on here. When I read your post I wanted to argue with it. But as I thought it through more, I think that what you wrote is appropriate for the early parts of a relationship.

For Carol and I though, it's been 15 years now. Both of us have changed. We cannot cling indefinitely to things said a full third of our lifetimes ago. Carol absolutely expects that over the course of a lifetime I will end up altering the course of our marriage in fundamental ways. My obligation to her is to care for her, not to cling to the past.

By the way, the "speeding train" argument is also debatable for us. I don't expect Carol to be second guessing my judgement about what is and is not good for her. Obviously, at some level of certainty that BAD THINGS(tm) will happen if she obeys, then she would disobey. But that's where trust happens, neh?

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 1:22:38 PM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527


By the way, the "speeding train" argument is also debatable for us. I don't expect Carol to be second guessing my judgement about what is and is not good for her. Obviously, at some level of certainty that BAD THINGS(tm) will happen if she obeys, then she would disobey. But that's where trust happens, neh?


greetings Jeff...pardon my butting in, this bit sparked some questions if you don't mind: as your slave, is it really Carol's place to worry about the inevitability of those BAD THINGS?...and as her Master, is it not your place to do such worrying as well as be prepared and equipped to deal with the fallout when those BAD THINGS occur?

an example: let's say slave has a serious allergy to shellfish. Master, knowing his property and that she has this condition, orders property to eat a shrimp. slave eats shrimp without hesitation, because that is what the slave is supposed to do. slave assumes the inevitable result is at least in part the desire of the Master at this moment. disobedience is not an issue, and trust not a thought.

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 1:31:44 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		If I had a bisexual sub (I have in the past) I would share her with another female occasionally. Sometimes I'd be there and taking part, sometimes I wouldn't. Demends on what the girls were into. I have no problem with it and don't see a woman as competition. I was friends with a les Domme who had a sub that had needs in that direction so sometimes the 4 of us would swap for a weekend or evening. We were both confident enough in ourselves that we knew our partner was ours and not going anywhere.

If my sub was totally straight, then it would be a monogamous thing.

(in reply to daddysprop247)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 1:46:27 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I would be devasted if it ever happened with either of us. He knew from day one that I was not into polyamory or swinging.
It is the only thing that would cause me to leave him....whether he wanted me to be with another or he wanted to be with another.

_____________________________



(in reply to anniezz338)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 2:35:33 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Carol does not consider her life mine in that way. If I commanded her to kill herself, she would not. (which is a very different command then handing her a gun and telling her to pull the trigger). If I did things which led her to believe that I placed little to no value on her life, she would not only not be my slave, but also not be my wife.

To use your analogy, I could tell Carol to eat the shrimp and she would... the first time. But fundamentally, unlike you, she was trusting me to somehow handle things such that her life wasn't in immediate peril. When it became clear that I had voided that trust, we'd have a real problem as we should given the expectations on both sides.

This is the place where you and your Daddy are different than Carol and I.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to daddysprop247)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 2:56:21 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		If my Sir wanted to bring in a third, i would certainly consider it - if it was a man that i liked and admired.

No women for me  - ever. Can't see anything sexy in another woman.  Pity really, because i have had opportunities with some really nice and hot women. but they totally don't do anything for me.

and unfortunately (grins) he has indicated that it would be a cold day in hell before we bedded another man. *sighs*  Another fantasy unmet.

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 6:24:34 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

I've read enough posts to get a good feel for some of you. I'm wondering what your thoughts, especially if your in a monogamous relationship, would be if your Master/Dom one day said he wanted to share you, or wanted to bring a 3rd party in. I'm not talking poly...I'm talking swinging I guess, for the lack of a better term?

Would you do it if he felt strongly about it? What if it put a certain risk factor into your relationship?


He's already done so. It was fine, I was fine, he was fine and the other guys were fine.

They were very civilised experiences.

It's not something he looks for; he rather likes having me to himself...but the circumstances were right at the time and the opportunities arose.

He's been pretty sensitive about our relationship for more than a few years so I suppose I expect that to continue.

I can't think of much that would damage our relationship of the *in it together* type of thing. The only thing likely to damage *us* is if either of *us* acted as if there wasn't an *us*.

agirl

(in reply to anniezz338)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 6:34:52 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		Master has expressed a desire to bring another girl into the bed, so to speak. But he doesnt feel its a need for him, more just a kinky want. If i find a girl i want to bring into our bed, he will be all for it. And i cant rule that out... every once in a while, another female is nice. I just havent found one yet.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to anniezz338)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 6:34:54 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Carol does not consider her life mine in that way. If I commanded her to kill herself, she would not. (which is a very different command then handing her a gun and telling her to pull the trigger). If I did things which led her to believe that I placed little to no value on her life, she would not only not be my slave, but also not be my wife.

To use your analogy, I could tell Carol to eat the shrimp and she would... the first time. But fundamentally, unlike you, she was trusting me to somehow handle things such that her life wasn't in immediate peril. When it became clear that I had voided that trust, we'd have a real problem as we should given the expectations on both sides.

This is the place where you and your Daddy are different than Carol and I.


You also would have stopped mastering her the moment you put her life in danger imo. 

To bring it back to the topic, it is the same as telling someone to have unprotected sex with an HIV+ person.  No, no.  When you put someone's life in danger, knowingly and unnecessarily (I'm thinking versus war / saving another's life) you are no longer the master because you have quite frankly become a buffoon who has a fool following him.

ymmv,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 6:38:58 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		i feel the same, sunshine. Not to mention, how do you know when you get that kind of command that there isnt some organic brain disease going on? lol yeah, im sure many will laugh and say "come on!". But, honestly, a stroke, blood clot, medication reaction... many of these things can have an effect on personality and decision making.

as property, it is also my responsibility to maintain myself.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 6:49:01 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline
Yes indeed sunshine .

I also wanted to add in  that it isn't always the Master/Dom etc., that wants the third. My man had never had a threesome and I wanted him to experience that, so without all kinds of deep drawn out conversations over it *yawn* I took him to a strip club for his birthday, bought him a bunch of lap dances, then I approached the topic. He was enthusiastic. lol..imagine. The only thing for me was it was purely a fling thing with a woman we didn't know, it was with one of the dancers from the club. Yes they do *do* that on occasion..

Anyway, we all three partied at our hotel, used safety measures, and had a blast. Probably won't become a regular occurrence, but I am glad we did it, and did it that way, as 3 equal sexual adults, no M/s or dynamic, just a hedonistic birthday threesome right out of the decadent 80's. 

If he wanted to share me with a male? First of all he wouldn't, but if hell froze over and he did? Outta there.     


_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 7:05:22 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247


an example: let's say slave has a serious allergy to shellfish. Master, knowing his property and that she has this condition, orders property to eat a shrimp. slave eats shrimp without hesitation, because that is what the slave is supposed to do. slave assumes the inevitable result is at least in part the desire of the Master at this moment. disobedience is not an issue, and trust not a thought.



Part of the reason why He is my Master is because he earned my trust. So unless there was someone pointing a gun at both our heads he would never ask me to knowingly do something that would put me into danger.
I didn't choose to be slave to a Master who does things on whims.

As for the OP, because I know Him, it is not something I can envision ever happening. He doesn't share.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to daddysprop247)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 7:28:15 PM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

You know Focus, I think there is a timing thing going on here. When I read your post I wanted to argue with it. But as I thought it through more, I think that what you wrote is appropriate for the early parts of a relationship.

For Carol and I though, it's been 15 years now. Both of us have changed. We cannot cling indefinitely to things said a full third of our lifetimes ago. Carol absolutely expects that over the course of a lifetime I will end up altering the course of our marriage in fundamental ways. My obligation to her is to care for her, not to cling to the past.

By the way, the "speeding train" argument is also debatable for us. I don't expect Carol to be second guessing my judgement about what is and is not good for her. Obviously, at some level of certainty that BAD THINGS(tm) will happen if she obeys, then she would disobey. But that's where trust happens, neh?


This is something I would feel very comfortable with. I would want the solid foundation such as Jeff and Carol have, it would always come first. I have fantasies also, and would be open to expanding and exploring with that foundation. And it would probably also take years to get there. What happens when all your boundaries have been reached? That's it?

I would probably lean towards a couple, one that could be a great friendship and more.

I keep going back to the pleasing and serving. Do I want to be passed around like a party favor? No. But sharing to a reasonable level like another couple I would do for Him.

Basically, the risk factors I was thinking about was leaving the relationship or the possibility of cheating.
Thanks for sharing everyone :)

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 9:10:36 PM   
WolfyMontgomery


Posts: 234
Joined: 9/28/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I've read enough posts to get a good feel for some of you. I'm wondering what your thoughts, especially if your in a monogamous relationship, would be if your Master/Dom one day said he wanted to share you, or wanted to bring a 3rd party in. I'm not talking poly...I'm talking swinging I guess, for the lack of a better term?

Would you do it if he felt strongly about it? What if it put a certain risk factor into your relationship?


Fast reply =)

Well, for one thing, I would hope that the Master/Dom would have communicated that with his sub/slave long before they had started to seriously commit to one another - because it can be a *major* compatibility issue between two people.

As for Master and me, he was perfectly clear on what he wanted from the beginning - he liked having sex with random people, it was a leisure, recreational, fun thing for him. He wanted a girl who at the very least would tolerate procreation as recreation, and at best someone who would actively participate and enjoy it just as much as he did.
He was lucky that I had an open mind about that sort of thing, and even luckier that I found I liked it - though I am not as active as he is in the swinging style. This tends to mean that I get to pack along my eReader with me to swingers clubs, and once I get exhausted and he's still raring to go, I can snuggle into a comfy seat and read while he enjoys the rest of the night. And then I get to hear hot and sexy stories while we do our closing smut together as he recounts his endeavors for his slave to hear ;D

Though other than those endeavors that he has after I'm tuckered out, our play is very centric to *us* as a couple - heck, even the ones where he goes off alone he is looking for scenes that he can then recount for me to enjoy. It revolves around us - so I guess you could say our 'sharing' is a very selfish sort. He loves all aspects of it, from enjoying recreational sex in and of itself to watching me do any number of things for his viewing enjoyment - he shares me under *his* terms, for him to watch, for his own enjoyment. I enjoy it purely for the aspects that circulate us, I enjoy performing for him and his pleasure, and I enjoy watching him enjoy himself with others (plus, he has a flipping SEXY ass, and I can't see it when it's just us, so it's a total plus for me).

There are few fears of damaging the relationship with us, since there is a VERY different feel in the sex with others versus the two of us. For one - I can't cum without emotional attachments being present, so swinging can never be as good as sex with Master ;P
For another, we don't base our relationships on sex, and there is no emotion being invested in procreation with other people outside of ourselves, thus the act of sex isn't as fulfilling for either of us with other people, beyond the fulfillment of being able to try new things, and fulfilling in the fact that we get to watch each other from totally new points of view. The comfort, ease, and love though is between us, and only us.

As for cheating - why cheat when all you need to do is say, "I really want *suchandsuch* ass, lets go to the club", and you get rid of the need to hide your escapades, no fear of emotional hurt, no consequences beyond a good time that may even be shared WITH your partner?

I can easily see where it's not for everyone - I'm a take it or leave it kind of girl, honestly - but I see nothing wrong with swinging in any degree so long as both parties agree on it, are okay with it, communicate with each other and have trust in each other.

_____________________________

~Eleven

-A Wolf of a Different Color

Fear me and my Gleaming Metal Chompers of DOOM!
..........that means my braces. >_>

(in reply to anniezz338)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 9:56:33 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		This came up in my last relationship. He was very much a swinger and told me one day about 3 months into our seeing each other that he'd made a couple's name on a swinger site for us. I didn't even know we were a swinging that way couple! I tried, in the interest of being open minded, to warm up to the idea of swinging, but I just couldn't get on board with it. We went to a bar on Swingers Night a few times, but it just really squicked me out to know that everyone there was sizing me up as "fuckable or not fuckable" I really hated it. It inevitably ended our relationship. Just too big of a non-compatibility issue. A shame, because he was a lot of fun in and out of bed.

WinD

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Sharing - 11/23/2010 10:36:36 PM   
subinlife


Posts: 263
Joined: 5/20/2008
Status: offline 		For me sharing is not an option. I am a one man woman.
It seems that I have found a Dom who feels the same way, thank goodness.
If He were to change His mind it would be the end of us.
 
I also believe in " to each their own".

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 40
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