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RE: More Sharing... - 11/26/2010 6:22:11 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

in our relationship if I asked for second dom he'd say "sure but you can do it without me around".
if I asked for a submissive for myself he'd say "Sure but she'd be my sub, not yours". It would never be a male. Another male just isn't going to happen with him.

Thankfully I have no interest in either situation.

(in reply to Aynne88)

Post #: 21

RE: More Sharing... - 11/26/2010 8:46:52 PM

CaringandReal

Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance
I believe a slave can serve two masters just as easily as a master can own two slaves. To say one can but one cant is saying that slaves aren't as capable as human beings as masters are...... which is utter and complete bullshit.....

Well I think the quote comes not from a situation of having three demanding things you call masters (job, family, and school) plus a dominant but actually having two dominant partners who are both controlling enough to be masters. The problem with the latter situation is that their orders (unless they live under the same roof and communicate closely) tend to contradict one another. You aren't a time-share condo, after all! :) Let's say one lives across town and the other lives with you. They're both equally your masters. Cross-town guy orders you to meet him at a coffeshop at exactly 8pm and DO NOT stand him up or be late. You agree. Then live-in Master orders you, at 7:55pm to give him a full-body massage. Which one do you obey and how do you square it away with the master you do not obey? Let's say you decide to disobey coffeshop guy. What if you can't reach him by phone to tell him you aren't going to be there? To juggle something like that, you'd have to have an understanding with both masters about whose orders come first, and unless one or both is fine with being a part-time master and ceeding their control of you over to the other guy... well, one may not have two masters for very long.

It has nothing to do with a slave's capability but rather the contradictions that arise naturally from situations like the one I described above. The same logistics problem does not occur in reverse (master of two slaves) except in the relatively rare situation where both slaves are quite needy for their master's attention--and seriously, if they are obedient slaves, even when they are upset, they're going to understand and survive being told to, "Wait, I need to deal with slave b first. You are next in line."

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)

Post #: 22

RE: More Sharing... - 11/27/2010 1:14:20 AM

DMFParadox

Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Happened to me. My sub wanted to try being topped by another Dom. She ended up with him.

If she wanted to bring in a female sub, no problem. If she wanted to bring in another man, sub or Dom, the answer will be No.

Ouch.

I had a similar thing happen - I introduced a sub to collarme, she found herself the belle of the ball and split with me shortly after. Oddly - and this is just what happened, not chest beating - she found that the other 'doms' sucked in comparison and asked to come back. But since quite a bit of time had passed, and I was really busy with work at the time, I had to take a pass. The whole situation didn't sit right with me anyway.

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 23

RE: More Sharing... - 11/27/2010 1:17:36 AM

DMFParadox

Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline

OP - I frequently don't have time to spare, or didn't, and the situation came up a few times. Concern over health and time-sharing usually led me to say 'go to him with my blessings, but go.'

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to DMFParadox)

Post #: 24

RE: More Sharing... - 11/27/2010 2:06:20 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY
You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din.

Well sheez, as I sit here leering at your photo, I sure hope I'm a better man than you.

Yup, done some leering myself. A pic that's both hot and tasteful; a dying art in this age of graphic hardcore sleaze....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 25

RE: More Sharing... - 11/27/2010 8:09:53 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

Well I think the quote comes not from a situation of having three demanding things you call masters (job, family, and school) plus a dominant but actually having two dominant partners who are both controlling enough to be masters. The problem with the latter situation is that their orders (unless they live under the same roof and communicate closely) tend to contradict one another. You aren't a time-share condo, after all! :) Let's say one lives across town and the other lives with you. They're both equally your masters. Cross-town guy orders you to meet him at a coffeshop at exactly 8pm and DO NOT stand him up or be late. You agree. Then live-in Master orders you, at 7:55pm to give him a full-body massage. Which one do you obey and how do you square it away with the master you do not obey? Let's say you decide to disobey coffeshop guy. What if you can't reach him by phone to tell him you aren't going to be there? To juggle something like that, you'd have to have an understanding with both masters about whose orders come first, and unless one or both is fine with being a part-time master and ceeding their control of you over to the other guy... well, one may not have two masters for very long.

It has nothing to do with a slave's capability but rather the contradictions that arise naturally from situations like the one I described above. The same logistics problem does not occur in reverse (master of two slaves) except in the relatively rare situation where both slaves are quite needy for their master's attention--and seriously, if they are obedient slaves, even when they are upset, they're going to understand and survive being told to, "Wait, I need to deal with slave b first. You are next in line."

the example you raise above is the issue of one serving two Masters... However, I can see there being a protocal that is followed when conflicting orders occur. The said slave could provide the information of the conflict... and such conflict is in the hands of the Masters to resolve between them. Multiple people own the same property all the time.... their arrangement between them on the use of such property is critical for it to be successfully done and one of the most important issue to have is a process to resolve those conflicts that you showed above.

but realistically... it's difficult enough to find two people that can make a relationship work.... to find three is far harder... but to find two dominants making a co-ownership agreement over a slave in this lifestyle sounds like winning the lottery type odds to me.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to CaringandReal)

Post #: 26

RE: More Sharing... - 11/27/2010 9:54:10 AM

jujubeeMB

Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal
Cross-town guy orders you to meet him at a coffeshop at exactly 8pm and DO NOT stand him up or be late. You agree. Then live-in Master orders you, at 7:55pm to give him a full-body massage. Which one do you obey and how do you square it away with the master you do not obey?

Trick question. What are you doing still at your house at 7:55pm if you're supposed to be across town at the coffee shop at 8pm, five minutes later??! Ah HA!

(in reply to CaringandReal)

Post #: 27

RE: More Sharing... - 11/27/2010 10:20:27 AM

Shadow-tiger

Posts: 1775
Joined: 6/8/2008
From: California
Status: offline

Good answer!

_____________________________

Just some guy (profile)
Just a tiny bit evil
My kind of love song

(in reply to jujubeeMB)

Post #: 28

RE: More Sharing... - 11/27/2010 11:12:24 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

We truly do not regard my wanting to be involved with another dominant male as any sign of a deficiency. To even suggest that is simply... beyond us. I'm poly. I'm only attracted to dominant men just as he is only attracted to submissive women.

I suppose because I'm not poly or even poly-minded, I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea of bringing others into our relationship. I'm guessing that the chances for problems is greatly reduced when both partners are truly open to it... and that is what it sounds like for you and Val.

It's entirely possible. All these comments about competing don't even make sense to me because it was not competing in any way. In fact whose who know me personally know I never compete for partners and never have. Either they want me or they don't.

Valyraen and the other man never had to compete for my time just I as never had to compete for Valyraen's time when he was involved with another submissive.

There was no competing, only more affection.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 11/27/2010 11:15:30 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to TreasureKY)

Post #: 29

RE: More Sharing... - 11/27/2010 3:32:11 PM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

...All these comments about competing don't even make sense to me because it was not competing in any way. In fact whose who know me personally know I never compete for partners and never have. Either they want me or they don't.

Valyraen and the other man never had to compete for my time just I as never had to compete for Valyraen's time when he was involved with another submissive.

There was no competing, only more affection.

I think this is just a difference in how the word "compete" is being used, and how competition can be viewed. Firm has a new phone that I often feel I'm in competition with... in other words, he spends a great deal of time looking at it and playing with it. When he's busy doing that, he's not looking at and playing with me!

I've said before, if they ever get the damn things to give blowjobs and pick up dirty socks, I'd be outta business.

I think there's room to see active, passive, and no competition... just depends on the people involved.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 30

RE: More Sharing... - 11/27/2010 3:33:34 PM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Well sheez, as I sit here leering at your photo, I sure hope I'm a better man than you.

Yup, done some leering myself. A pic that's both hot and tasteful; a dying art in this age of graphic hardcore sleaze....

Focus.

Awww... you guys make me blush!

Thank you.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 31

RE: More Sharing... - 11/27/2010 3:56:31 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

When he's busy doing that, he's not looking at and playing with me!

Eh... by the line of thinking, I'm competing against his job, our pets and his family as well. G-d knows the first one gets more attention than me. But he uses the money from said job to take care of me so I don't view it as competing. I care about our animals and his family so I want them to get his attention too. Exactly the same as I cared about the women he was involved with and I wanted them to have his attention too. We never got involved with anyone that the other didn't like so if one person was busy with their phone, the other two got attention from each other.

Besides, I already know from personal experience that any woman trying to actually take him away from me gets the boot. So.... no need to worry on my part. No competing. Just sharing and loving. I just can't fathom it being anything a resembling a competition. I understand intellectually that other people see it that way inherently but I guess that strikes me as unfortunate. That people see it as it must be a competition rather than something that just isn't for them - like the choice to be in a power dynamic or not.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to TreasureKY)

Post #: 32

RE: More Sharing... - 11/27/2010 8:25:28 PM

SpiritedRadiance

Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

It has nothing to do with a slave's capability but rather the contradictions that arise naturally from situations like the one I described above. The same logistics problem does not occur in reverse (master of two slaves) except in the relatively rare situation where both slaves are quite needy for their master's attention--and seriously, if they are obedient slaves, even when they are upset, they're going to understand and survive being told to, "Wait, I need to deal with slave b first. You are next in line."

in this statement you are saying exactly that it has to do with the slaves capabilities. You are saying a slave cannot open their mouth and say, well this is a contridiction. Or to allot the time as its necessary, any Dom like any slave is going to survive with being told no.. their ego might not like it but it will not kill them to be put on the back burner... or to be denied. I have a published calander that both my lifestyle and vanilla friends can access, to make plans with me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

but realistically... it's difficult enough to find two people that can make a relationship work.... to find three is far harder... but to find two dominants making a co-ownership agreement over a slave in this lifestyle sounds like winning the lottery type odds to me.

how are the odds ANY greater then to find two submissives that can get along and can work together towards a v type poly or a bisexual female poly slave who wants to join your family... while it might be HARD its sure as fucking HELL not impossible.

I give my job my 90% focus, my family, any event that im at.... I dont see how it would be so complicated or so unfathomable to handle more then one Dominant at a time.... If Im able to work two full time jobs have a social life thats both kink and non kink and a relationship...

Two doms is a peice of cake.

_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to CaringandReal)

Post #: 33

RE: More Sharing... - 11/28/2010 9:47:10 PM

jujubeeMB

Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
but realistically... it's difficult enough to find two people that can make a relationship work.... to find three is far harder... but to find two dominants making a co-ownership agreement over a slave in this lifestyle sounds like winning the lottery type odds to me.

how are the odds ANY greater then to find two submissives that can get along and can work together towards a v type poly or a bisexual female poly slave who wants to join your family... while it might be HARD its sure as fucking HELL not impossible.

You know, not to sound smug (I'm really not) but I could find several Doms to serve faster than any guy could find two subs to serve him. All I would have to do is explain that they would not be 24/7 Doms, and that whenever I was there with them I'd be serving them, but if I wasn't, I wouldn't. It's easier to meet men as a woman than it is to meet women as a man, and it's a lot easier to meet men who aren't jealous than it is to meet women who aren't. You would definitely run into Dominant headbutting problems at some point, but not any more so than the conflicts that seem to arise between two submissives serving the same Dom.

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)

Post #: 34

RE: More Sharing... - 11/28/2010 10:11:14 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Besides, I already know from personal experience that any woman trying to actually take him away from me gets the boot. So.... no need to worry on my part. No competing. Just sharing and loving. I just can't fathom it being anything a resembling a competition. I understand intellectually that other people see it that way inherently but I guess that strikes me as unfortunate. That people see it as it must be a competition rather than something that just isn't for them - like the choice to be in a power dynamic or not.

Its truly wonderful that you have that assurance based upon personal experience, AS. And i do mean that because i have yet to feel that assurance through any of my relationships... even my current one. Instead, what i have witnessed over the shoulders of men are the manipulations that would have put Falcon Crest to shame ( lol... showing my age here i guess)

Its my natural tendency to simply shut down. A self-defence mechanism, if you will.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 35

RE: More Sharing... - 11/29/2010 6:17:42 AM

Plasticine

Posts: 260
Joined: 6/9/2010
Status: offline

Maybe its wacky California but... most of the people I associate with seem to share and share alike. Not necessarily for sexual activity, but still. Its somewhat commonplace for Dom/me's to negotiate for their subs to scene with or be 'protected' by others. People act pretty honorably and respect the limits set. I'd let a friend tie my girl up or flog her if they wanted to and she did. If you're gonna lose them over that you have bigger problems.

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 36

RE: More Sharing... - 11/29/2010 6:43:28 AM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

Naaaa.. my ex is in California... ex Master... he was one of the worse. Guess its another california trait.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Plasticine)

Post #: 37

RE: More Sharing... - 11/29/2010 2:42:15 PM

Plasticine

Posts: 260
Joined: 6/9/2010
Status: offline

It was an FR. But this isn't. Spiteful much?

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 38

RE: More Sharing... - 11/29/2010 2:45:58 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

No... this isn't about the stereotypical dominant wanting to bring in another submissive. Rather, how would you as a dominant feel if your submissive requested a second dominant? Or a submissive of their own?

This question stems from a comment I posted in a thread in "Ask A Submissive". While musing about what I would do if Firm decided to move our monogamous relationship to one where we "swing", I wrote that I would probably question why he would want to change the terms of our relationship. Most likely, I wouldn't be able to keep from thinking that in some way I wasn't meeting his needs, and that would bother me greatly.

It also made me think about and post the following:

"Interestingly enough, Firm has always said that I should have a male submissive. I'm not entirely certain that wasn't just in jest... or he may just be supremely confident that I would never want to be involved in any way with another man. Perhaps he believes I'd only be interested in a service sub..."

It brought to mind a question about what he would think if I actually took him up on that offer. Of course, I wondered then if other dominants who would easily share their submissives for their own pleasure, would be just as willing to share when it wasn't to meet their own desires. Would it raise questions in mind as to whether there was a deficiency within your dynamic that made your submissive want to supplement his or her life with someone else?

I have no problem with it..........as long I am still the one making the decisions about all of it. The dynamic that works for me is more M/s rather than D/s.......I would consider them both mine.

There have been several switch women I've come to know and toyed with the idea of owning. None of my reservations about the relationships had anything to do with their switch aspects.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to TreasureKY)

Post #: 39

RE: More Sharing... - 11/29/2010 9:28:50 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

You know, not to sound smug (I'm really not) but I could find several Doms to serve faster than any guy could find two subs to serve him. All I would have to do is explain that they would not be 24/7 Doms, and that whenever I was there with them I'd be serving them, but if I wasn't, I wouldn't. It's easier to meet men as a woman than it is to meet women as a man, and it's a lot easier to meet men who aren't jealous than it is to meet women who aren't. You would definitely run into Dominant headbutting problems at some point, but not any more so than the conflicts that seem to arise between two submissives serving the same Dom.

Maybe you've got skills I don't but that sure as HELL hasn't been my experience.

Find men to fuck? Yeah sure. Find poly doms willing to share? Not so much.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to jujubeeMB)

Post #: 40

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