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sincerely request advice - 11/28/2010 6:57:39 PM

bratgrowingup

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Joined: 11/28/2010
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I am a former brat trying to mend my ways and atone for treating my mistress disrespectful in many ways including topping from the bottom. I have finally accepted my submissive nature. what words, demeanor, behavior can I adopt to convince her.

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RE: sincerely request advice - 11/28/2010 7:02:25 PM

catize

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You will find the answers that work in your relationship by discussing it with her.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to bratgrowingup)

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RE: sincerely request advice - 11/28/2010 7:02:54 PM

DarkSteven

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Your words and demeanor will not impress her. Your behavior will, but saying that you're ready to change and actually changing are two different things.

The easiest way is to treat another Domme respectfully, and let her hear about it.

Forget about trying to go back to her directly. If you do that, she'll just hear you whining and pleading. Try to get another Domme, and do it better this time.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to bratgrowingup)

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RE: sincerely request advice - 11/28/2010 7:04:29 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bratgrowingup

I am a former brat trying to mend my ways and atone for treating my mistress disrespectful in many ways including topping from the bottom. I have finally accepted my submissive nature. what words, demeanor, behavior can I adopt to convince her.

Ask her. You may have your burned her last bridge with her, she may be done with you. Or she may be willing to give you another shot. But you need to find out what she will consider atonement. Otherwise you will run the risk of topping from the bottom again with the best of intentions.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to bratgrowingup)

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RE: sincerely request advice - 11/28/2010 7:10:32 PM

RealSub58

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you are not a "former" if you are not enlightened with how to behave without asking such silliness in regards to correct behaviour. jmo

(in reply to AquaticSub)

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RE: sincerely request advice - 11/28/2010 9:02:02 PM

LadyOddsworth

Posts: 141
Joined: 1/2/2010
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Most Domme's would be done with you. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

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We all have baggage, the question is; Is it carry on or do you need a U-haul for it?

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RE: sincerely request advice - 11/28/2010 10:09:14 PM

anniezz338

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Joined: 8/17/2010
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Only your behavior could convince her and then that still may not work. If losing her made you discover your true submissive self, I would revisit that. I'm not seeing where someone else actually makes you submissive. It seems more inherent to me.

Edited because I can't spell for chit

< Message edited by anniezz338 -- 11/28/2010 10:31:12 PM >

(in reply to LadyOddsworth)

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RE: sincerely request advice - 11/29/2010 3:07:50 AM

Inthewoods

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I didn't read the OP as saying that the Mistress had released her. The word "former" seems to refer to the bratty behaviour rather than the relationship. Could the OP please clarify?

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RE: sincerely request advice - 11/29/2010 4:19:45 AM

agirl

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Do the opposite of what you've been doing. If you know you've been a disrespectful pain in the arse.........just stop that and behave the way you know you're supposed to. Seems simple enough.

agirl

(in reply to bratgrowingup)

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RE: sincerely request advice - 11/29/2010 4:54:41 AM

lally2

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if youve accepted youre submissive nature then honour that. do as youre asked willingly, if theres anything youre not sure about or not comfortable with ask if you can talk about it. if you feel the brat rising up in you, recognise it, remember youre determination to change and focus on whats needed from you.

if you are submissive then the desire to please and ensure youre Mistress can trust you is all about responding positiviely and willingly. if you cant do that it may be that youre with someone you may clash with or whose expectations of you are too high or impossible for you to reach.

im not a brat, but ive turned bratty when the dominant i was with was insensitive to certain things and continuously failed to recognise his behaviour on certain things. my respect for him faltered because of it. sometimes there are reasons for brattyness, but if its just that youve grown up and finally recognise what you want from this then just do as youre asked.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to agirl)

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RE: sincerely request advice - 11/29/2010 3:21:43 PM

DesFIP

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Figure out why you behaved this way and identify the issues and the solutions. Until you solve the root of the problem, the rest is just addressing symptoms and not the disease.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

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RE: sincerely request advice - 11/29/2010 5:02:23 PM

littlewonder

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Simple....do as you're told and zip your mouth.

It's like when you were a child and you were told to do your homework in class and to be quiet....unless you were the one always sitting in the principal's office and if that's the case I'm sure none of what is said here will help you until you learn to control yourself.

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RE: sincerely request advice - 11/30/2010 9:20:07 AM

windchymes

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It sounds like you took on a "brat" persona to have a good giggle and get in someone's pants or get someone into yours and that didn't work out, so now you want to take on another persona to get in someone's pants......or have someone get into yours.....

You can't just "adopt" behaviors and characteristics. You are who you are. But, if you honestly recognize negative characteristics and behaviors in yourself and would like to improve on them, you can begin to work on that, but true change doesn't happen overnight. It might take years to make an honest change.

If you truly desire to make that change, then you need to make that change for yourself and your own personal growth, not for getting into pants.

< Message edited by windchymes -- 11/30/2010 9:22:20 AM >

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Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

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RE: sincerely request advice - 11/30/2010 10:11:19 AM

leadership527

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As others have said, the way to get a new reputation is to behave differently and consistently over time... time meaning months to years depending. Others will eventually come to a new understanding of you, or not. As others have said, were it me that was the dom here, you could not convince me with words... only actions... and it'd take a while.

Out of curiosity, how exactly does one "accept" one's own nature. In my ears, that's a nonsensical statement. Normally we are just who we are... accepted or not... How I think of things, I don't need to do anything in order to be "Jeff". My own nature is just "me" with no effort required.

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~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to bratgrowingup)

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RE: sincerely request advice - 11/30/2010 10:40:38 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
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From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: bratgrowingup

I am a former brat trying to mend my ways and atone for treating my mistress disrespectful in many ways including topping from the bottom. I have finally accepted my submissive nature. what words, demeanor, behavior can I adopt to convince her.

Is this one of those nauseatingly selfish dynamics whereby you (AND ALL OF US) is being punished by being made to join a public forum and tell the whole world what a bad little submissive you've been...?

Anyway, tell her what she wants to hear. I figger you (and her) can relate....

Focus.

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Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to bratgrowingup)

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RE: sincerely request advice - 11/30/2010 1:37:53 PM

sofldan

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Actions speak volumes. Show her you have mended your ways. But also tell her, words have meaning also. Its tough being in a relationship and not being told things you should hear and want to hear.

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Remember the fallen who gave all for our freedom. US Army veteran.

Hey lemme tie you up, all the cool kids are doing it!

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RE: sincerely request advice - 11/30/2010 2:06:13 PM

Lockit

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I believe that topping from the bottom, most often comes from a manipulative place. Being the type of person I am, I am addressing as much as can be done with time limitations and considerations and there should be no need for anything but a talk if needs aren't being met or there is something on my partner's mind. However, when someone resorts to behavior that implies or implicates them of using manipulation, I don't give second chances and your post OP is proof of why I do not give them.

You first tried to manipulate things to be however it was that you wanted them. You now are trying to manipulate to prove you have changed your ways by showing good behavior that is drummed up by the suggestions (hopefully) of others. Rather than get real, you are trying to convince her. I see that as more manipulative than coming clean, realizing what you have done and mending your ways without trying to play a part of good submissive.

In my eyes, from what you have said here, I don't see that you have changed. Harsh, maybe, but what can one expect when they have allowed themselves to act poorly? Even a small child for the most part knows when they are being bad. I expect far more from an adult.

This isn't the same thing as struggling with an issue of submission, that I could understand and work with. Topping from the bottom is manipulative. It is a conscious effort to get what you want without the accountability of honesty. Learn a lesson, focus on why you would do it or need to do it and get real. An act simply doesn't work in my life. If you can think of ways to manipulate, to top, then you can think of ways to clear things up. It's not rocket science.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 11/30/2010 2:08:08 PM >

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RE: sincerely request advice - 11/30/2010 11:44:34 PM

liks2plzlf

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As a former sas, I have been there, even though it was with a group of regulars at munches. Most of the Dommes do not appreciate a smart ass. I just learned, be obedient and keep my mouth shut, and submit to them, and had much more interaction. Still, I am a smart ass by nature and it is hard not to smart off. Being disrespectful is always wrong, even in a vanilla relationship Some dominants like the challenge, which can be exciting, although painful, as I found out. It is exciting to have a Domme,to cause you to have an attitude adjustment. Its that final total surrender to her. Just not many up to the challenge

(in reply to Lockit)

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RE: sincerely request advice - 12/2/2010 12:55:42 AM

Owlet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
Out of curiosity, how exactly does one "accept" one's own nature. In my ears, that's a nonsensical statement. Normally we are just who we are... accepted or not... How I think of things, I don't need to do anything in order to be "Jeff". My own nature is just "me" with no effort required.

I was curious about that part, too. I sort of had to accept my submissive nature as well after going through my life believing it was wrong or dirty. Maybe they mean something like that? But I can't really offer much advice unless that bit is expanded upon.

The only thing I can offer is for the OP to apologize to their Dom/me. In any type of relationship sincere apologies go a long way. Apologize and mean it. Don't just apologize because you think that if you act like a good pet you'll be able to get your rocks off. Apologize because you know that you disappointed and you wish to mend the damage. If you cannot find that within yourself, then you probably need to move on.

(in reply to leadership527)

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