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ok, here's question. - 11/28/2010 9:36:15 PM   
NotSoLilOne


Posts: 10
Joined: 11/21/2010
Status: offline 		If you are in a strictly PLAY relationship with a sub, what are your boundaries? Can she touch herself? Are you taking her and everything else is second? What about positions? What if your sub wanted to ride you? What if SHE showed you what would make her cum?

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RE: ok, here's question. - 11/28/2010 9:56:12 PM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline 		My boundaries?  It's all about hers, not mine.  She does as she's told and simply trusts that she'll get what she needs. 

If she doesn't, I imagine she'll look elsewhere.  I get the impression you're cautious about this because you're concerned about being trapped in a negative situation which leaves you unsatisfied.  Living on the submissive side of the power equation doesn't mean your brain or will turns off - not permanently anyway.

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RE: ok, here's question. - 11/28/2010 10:00:05 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Tricky question.  If it is strictly a play relationship, then I am in control during play and nowhere else.

She can do what I tell her during play.  But if she grows restive, she may well leave - the bond between us will not be as strong as a full relationship.


_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: ok, here's question. - 11/28/2010 10:12:57 PM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline 		I would see less formality in a PLAY sub situation. Seems like it would just flow....with both doing what feels good. I could be wrong but I'm not seeing a right or wrong in this.

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RE: ok, here's question. - 11/29/2010 12:13:31 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I agree with Steven, but I just wanted to add that although this is a casual thing, she's looking to play with you because you are dominant. Part of what she wants WILL be your dominance, as well as any of the other stuff she might enjoy.

I would suggest sitting down with her over a cup of coffee and discussing what it is that you are both looking for from this situation. Once you know the needs, wants and limits then you can relax a bit more and start enjoying what you have.

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RE: ok, here's question. - 11/29/2010 3:35:26 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		If it's just a play relationship then surely two mature adults shouldn't have too much trouble working out the "do's & don'ts". And yeah, of course I'd wanna know what specifically rocks her world etc, so she can tell or show me the intricates as long as she accepts I'll still be the one who decides when and how I go about it....

My D/s relationships require an ownership dynamic whereby my girl is generally expected to dress, groom and present herself to *my* ideals of a feminine woman. This includes such things as hair length, other body hair, that I prefer my girl wearing underwear etc.

Point is, such rules imply mutual committment and since a "strictly PLAY relationship" doesn't meet that standard, they wouldn't be imposed or enforced and thus greatly limit where such a relationship could go with me. I'd likely pass altogether - I'm the possessive type....

Focus.

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RE: ok, here's question. - 11/29/2010 3:04:11 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Talk about what you both want in the relationship. Set up guidelines that work for both of you. But if you don't orgasm easily and he's uninterested in knowing what does get you off, then why be in a relationship with someone that selfish?

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RE: ok, here's question. - 11/29/2010 7:26:56 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

What if SHE showed you what would make her cum?


Hopefully you would want that info, it is power, afterall.  You can help please her or she will find someone who will.  It's easy, common sense stuff. 


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RE: ok, here's question. - 11/29/2010 8:00:40 PM   
NotSoLilOne


Posts: 10
Joined: 11/21/2010
Status: offline 		Well thank you for the responses. This is a play relationship but he controls things in my life outside of play. So I am his in some form or another 80% of the time. When we are together sometimes I get nervous and I'm not sure if he wants me to touch him. (casual or otherwise) Don't want to be topping from the bottom, which some of the things I may do could be misunderstood as that.

Was just curious if you require your subs to ask permission to do these things.

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RE: ok, here's question. - 11/29/2010 8:13:25 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NotSoLilOne
he controls things in my life outside of play.

Then you're not just playing.

It sounds as though what you are doing is not consistent with what you say you are doing.  That, by itself, will lead you to feel unsure and nervous -- especially if he is also calling it something it is not.  People post all the time about the "importance of communication," but some of the couples who communicate the least are the ones who talk the most.  How does the song go?  "I'm tense and nervous, can't relax.... You're talking a lot, but you're not saying anything."

Why do you want to call it play if you belong to him 80% of the time?  Is he the one who insists it is just play, or are you?  Do you want to "just play" indefinitely, or would you rather see this "go somewhere?"


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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
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RE: ok, here's question. - 11/29/2010 9:22:16 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NotSoLilOne

If you are in a strictly PLAY relationship with a sub, what are your boundaries? Can she touch herself? Are you taking her and everything else is second? What about positions? What if your sub wanted to ride you? What if SHE showed you what would make her cum?




Does he own you in any way? I ask because - as a sub who engages in strictly play with d-types who have no power dynamic with me - the boundaries are what my owner and I tell them they are. In turn, they tell me theirs. We negotiate something in the middle we're all happy with and have our jollies.

My real question being... why the hell are you asking us? Go ask him and figure it out

Edited to add because I didn't realize the roles in question - my apologies. Though seriously.... I'd worry less about topping from the bottom and more figuring out what your relationship is with each other. You can always get on your knees and say "I don't want to top from the bottom but I would really like to know if you want/like X, Y, and Z as I'm still feeling things out."

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 11/29/2010 9:26:08 PM >

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to NotSoLilOne)
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RE: ok, here's question. - 11/30/2010 4:32:59 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Forget about topping from the bottom. You can't force him to do things your way. You can ask, demand, stomp your foot, whatever. All he has to do is laugh and say too bad, it ain't happening. You can only take control if he gives it to you.

My question is that since he is in charge of most of your life, why is this a play relationship only? Because if that's his description of it, if he isn't committed to you, then you are making a mistake by allowing him to control you. Sounds like you're making him a priority while he's making you an option, and that's wrong.


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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: ok, here's question. - 11/30/2010 9:05:14 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		In our dynamic he loves knowing the things I crave, the things I might like to try in the future.
He wants to know all of that. That's his job.
Telling him is my job.

And then he gets to make all the decisions; the wheres and whens, the whats and hows... .

It is a delicious blend.

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RE: ok, here's question. - 12/3/2010 2:41:41 AM   
DMFParadox


Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline 		A strictly play situation with a sub? Couldn't say; it always seems to shade over into other parts of the relationship.

...And I love it when that happens.

But then, I tend to work things in cycles... say, 3-6 days where it's just a 'use the girl whenever' situation, followed by 1 or 2 days where the focus is on her; longer bondage sessions, going for that rolling 'subspace' state, and while I'm doing that frequently part of it will be demands that she pleasure herself. If she knows a particular position or trick that gets her off, that's the time I'll use it.


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bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

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