BDSM Clubs pros cons

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

BDSM Clubs pros cons

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> BDSM Clubs pros cons

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

BDSM Clubs pros cons - 11/28/2010 10:41:14 PM

hotnatalya1

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/22/2010
Status: offline

My husband and I are interested in going to a local BDSM Club and we were wondering how to approach this? Are there any pros and cons to beware of before we go? We will be going to one in the Washington DC area.

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: BDSM Clubs pros cons - 11/28/2010 11:35:52 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

Everything you need to know about attending a BDSM club, you should have learned in Kindegarten!

...Play (safe.)
Don't hit people. (without their consent)
Put things back where you found them. (but clean them first)
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take (touch) things (people) that aren't yours.
....

ETA:

The actual poem that I used (butchered) as a reference:
© Robert Fulghum, 1990.
Found in Robert Fulghum, All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten, Villard Books: New York, 1990, page 6-7

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 11/29/2010 12:06:58 AM >

(in reply to hotnatalya1)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: BDSM Clubs pros cons - 11/29/2010 3:24:58 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hotnatalya1

My husband and I are interested in going to a local BDSM Club and we were wondering how to approach this?

Check if you need to buy tickets in advance (and buy them if you do).
Check if there's a dresscode (although I understand they're less strict in the states...?)
Check if there's a pre-club meet-up anywhere that you might want to go to, so you can meet people first.

The pros and cons are going to differ wildly depending on where you go. But IMO the pros outweigh the cons-you'll have fun! :D

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to hotnatalya1)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: BDSM Clubs pros cons - 11/29/2010 4:01:05 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Just go and watch and have fun. Don't interrupt any ongoing scenes.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: BDSM Clubs pros cons - 11/29/2010 5:58:08 AM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline

I've found a club in my area and am considering attending. The weekly meetings in a local restaurant includes some drinking but at the parties they say no alcohol or drugs involved. That made me feel a little better. I would have seen alcohol as an issue for obvious reasons.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: BDSM Clubs pros cons - 11/29/2010 7:07:40 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

Some clubs require an orientation session before you will be allowed to attend an event. Check the rules of the club. Don't touch what doesn't belong to you. Most important of all, have fun.

(in reply to hotnatalya1)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: BDSM Clubs pros cons - 11/29/2010 7:45:24 AM

yellowroses

Posts: 167
Joined: 6/12/2009
Status: offline

All very good advice so far. The 2 things I woud repeat are-

Find out the rules in advance and don't interrupt anyone else's scene.

The second one includes talking too loudly or laughing when you are standing/sitting near people that are in the midst of a scene.

yellowroses

(in reply to peppermint)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: BDSM Clubs pros cons - 11/29/2010 8:02:52 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

Also, you get to use all that delicious equipment. I live in a motor home full time and don't have room for a St Andrew's cross, but we use one when we're in a club. You can also watch what others do and maybe decide you'd like to try that.

(in reply to hotnatalya1)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: BDSM Clubs pros cons - 11/29/2010 8:11:56 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Just about every club out there has a website where you can read about the place before going. That will cover things such as open hours, price to attend, dress code, and dungeon rules (the rules of behavior that patrons must abide in play areas). Do your research before you go. This will help to avoid spoiling your evening due to plans being made for a night that isn't open play or in case they do have an orientation that is required prior to attending the club.

Along with the club's own website, a lot of clubs have their own group on Fetlife. Often, you can find comments from people who are planning to attend certain events discussing the calendar for the club, nights they are looking forward to attending, or threads where people who are planning on going are getting together for dinner before the club opens. It's a great way for you to read comments that people have about the club or events that are taking place.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to yellowroses)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: BDSM Clubs pros cons - 11/29/2010 8:35:47 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Jolly good advise thus far. My only comment to add is that some clubs are very welcoming to new members and some are run by cliques so if you don't meet their personal standards you can be ostracized and find in virtually impossible to joining the scene like munches etc. Over all it is or can be a great place to meet folks and learn by observation.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: BDSM Clubs pros cons - 11/29/2010 11:44:03 AM

Miyani

Posts: 248
Joined: 12/4/2007
Status: offline

If you're going to the club I imagine you are, they have a "newbies night," the first Friday of every month. It's very much worth going to, just to meet people, and maybe I'll see you there. :) It's by no means required, just fun.

Generally speaking, do your research. As others have said, find out about the dress code, ticket requirements, special event nights. Like I said, if it's the club I think it is, I'm happy to answer those questions for you. Also, don't go expecting to be the center of attention. I've seen too many people, and too many couples, decide never to return because they weren't instantly adopted into the "inner circle." Just as with any other group, it takes time to make friends and influence people.

That's another reason why the Dungeon 101 is a great event, though, it's a bunch of people new to the club, all looking to make new friends.

(in reply to IronBear)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: BDSM Clubs pros cons - 11/29/2010 12:11:30 PM

straponprincess1

Posts: 48
Joined: 11/19/2010
From: Tampa
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

Everything you need to know about attending a BDSM club, you should have learned in Kindegarten!

...Play (safe.)
Don't hit people. (without their consent)
Put things back where you found them. (but clean them first)
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take (touch) things (people) that aren't yours.
....

ETA:

The actual poem that I used (butchered) as a reference:
© Robert Fulghum, 1990.
Found in Robert Fulghum, All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten, Villard Books: New York, 1990, page 6-7

Nice I totally agree lol

_____________________________

StrapOnPrincess
Strap On Sessions

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: BDSM Clubs pros cons - 11/29/2010 7:02:27 PM

StrongSpirit

Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline

1. The fact that you are in a BDSM club does not mean everyone is submissive to you. Better to treat everyone wearing clothing as if they were at a normal bar, and everyone not wearing clothing as if they were performers on a stage.

2. Pros: Public. That means safe. You can play with strangers without wondering if they are going to cut your throat/call the police, as you have witnesses.

3. Cons: Public. That means who knows who may show up. You could run into someone you know. You are also likely to be surrounded by people you do not want to play with. Most people are not suave, charming supermodels. Expect your fair share of unattractive people - both physically and unfortunately, socially. There will be at least one fool that simply does not get that you are not interested - unless you are the fool in question.

(in reply to straponprincess1)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: BDSM Clubs pros cons - 11/29/2010 7:55:16 PM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

All I know is that I once took a girl to a club in Atlanta. When we left, she turned to me and said, "Don't look back or you'll turn into a pillar of salt."

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

Profile

Post #: 14

RE: BDSM Clubs pros cons - 11/29/2010 9:17:18 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hotnatalya1

My husband and I are interested in going to a local BDSM Club and we were wondering how to approach this? Are there any pros and cons to beware of before we go? We will be going to one in the Washington DC area.

Eh... it's been my personal experience that there are very few, if any, cons. The only one I can really speak of is that you may walk past a scene that bothers you. However, the only club I've had the pleasure of attending in the DC area had great private rooms where you shut the door and were in your own little world.

As for pros... you have a group of like-minded people. Don't walk in there expecting to like all of them but some of them will probably share some "vanilla" interests. Who knows, you might find a gardening or bird-watching buddy that you don't have to censor yourself around while chatting in the social area?

And, of course, there are the kink upsides. More equipment than most people can afford or have space for. More people around that you can learn from and get exposure to different toys/styles/etc. Expanding one's knowledge base.

It is my humble opinion that clubs, munches, etc tend to be what you make of them. My only real warning is: Remember that it's a group of people. And just because you don't like the general crowd of group doesn't mean you won't like another. Give a few a try, perhaps in different areas if you happen to move or travel.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to hotnatalya1)

Profile

Post #: 15

RE: BDSM Clubs pros cons - 11/29/2010 9:34:58 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

If you are going to the club I suspect, here are a few cons:
1-Lotsa traffic in baseball season.
2-It's kinda tough finding the place in the old industrial park. Follow the directions closely as mapquest tends to be useless due to never-ending construction.
3-Parking can be a bear.
Otherwise, look, do not touch, don't interfere with a scene and you will be fine.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Profile

Post #: 16

RE: BDSM Clubs pros cons - 12/1/2010 7:15:50 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

The only thing I would add to my previous comment, would be, that If you see something happening you can always locate the duty DM (Dungeon Master) and ask him or her about it. The few times I did that I found that in each time the DMs were the epitome of patience and took me to one side and explained what was happening and that yes the knife wielder was both of proven experience and safe in what he was doing. far better to do that than raise a furore in a panic about something you have never seen let alone been taught.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Kana)

Profile

Post #: 17

RE: BDSM Clubs pros cons - 12/1/2010 7:50:13 AM

Seatonstomb

Posts: 71
Joined: 4/7/2005
Status: offline

If you find going to a club a bit daunting why not try a fetish market if there is one near you.
They are a sort of club lite, where: you can but do not have to dress scene, can meet people, see how others dress and acquire your costume and toys and find out more about the local clubs and their boons and pitfalls.
e.g. BBB
Some ares might also have the next intermediate step a Play munch, which are a bit less intimidating than a full club but where people might play.
e.g.
Midland Play Munch

_____________________________

Your humble servant

nick
http://shirerealms.wordpress.com/

(in reply to hotnatalya1)

Profile

Post #: 18