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ORIGINAL: Elisabella
IMO 'be what you want to be' is better advice, if what a person wants to be is thin and smooth with women, and they're actually fat and awkward with women, what good is 'be yourself' to them? Better to create yourself than just passively be.

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ORIGINAL: Elisabella

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ORIGINAL: SpaceSpank
Be yourself, but be the best yourself you can be, don't be what you think everyone and their aunt Petunia wants you to be.

Good advice, so long as he's not trying to seduce Aunt Petunia.

I'm always confused by this 'be yourself' thing, as if there's some sort of inherent 'self' that isn't dependent on the life choices we make.

IMO 'be what you want to be' is better advice, if what a person wants to be is thin and smooth with women, and they're actually fat and awkward with women, what good is 'be yourself' to them? Better to create yourself than just passively be.

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella
IMO 'be what you want to be' is better advice, if what a person wants to be is thin and smooth with women, and they're actually fat and awkward with women, what good is 'be yourself' to them? Better to create yourself than just passively be.

Ahh... but I've run into so many problems with people trying to 'create themselves'. Usually to get into my pants/a friend's pants.

They make every effort to be something that they just aren't. IMHE, at best it ends up with me or the person in question losing respect for the person who maintaining a poor facade and at worst it ends up with a tearful and miserable break-up when the charade can't be maintained any longer.

Losing weight, gaining confidence, learning how to talk to women... I fail to see how improving one's skills is different than being true to yourself. Being true doesn't require being stagnate.

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ORIGINAL: SpaceSpank

That, to me, is simply part of being yourself. If a person wants to be thin and smooth with the ladies then they should work towards that. Likewise some people want to be rich more than anything, so they should take action and make choices towards that end. If it is your goal you are working towards, then it's part of being yourself, no matter what your current state is.

But what if someone does not want to be a real ladies man, or they don't want to be rich? Should they still work their asses off towards those goals if they hold no interest in them?
Many people do exactly that, not because they want to do it, but because that is what they are expected to do. Or in some cases just what they are told they should be doing.

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ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh
The question is (or so I thought), can a fat guy be dominant?

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ORIGINAL: Elisabella

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ORIGINAL: SpaceSpank

That, to me, is simply part of being yourself. If a person wants to be thin and smooth with the ladies then they should work towards that. Likewise some people want to be rich more than anything, so they should take action and make choices towards that end. If it is your goal you are working towards, then it's part of being yourself, no matter what your current state is.

But what if someone does not want to be a real ladies man, or they don't want to be rich? Should they still work their asses off towards those goals if they hold no interest in them?
Many people do exactly that, not because they want to do it, but because that is what they are expected to do. Or in some cases just what they are told they should be doing.

Of course they shouldn't try to be something that they think they 'should' be, unless being totally 'socially acceptable' and fitting in is important to them.

But at the same time things like "But I'd still like to think that my intelligence, sense of humor, personality and whatnot count for *something.* All too often I'm left feeling as though they don't. :(" shows that there's a disconnect between what he thinks is enough to balance being overweight and what the women he pursues thinks.

So there's a choice to make - either become what the women you pursue want, or pursue different women.

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ORIGINAL: barelynangel

The whole post is within context. Again go back and read the post. I say that line a couple different ways in the whole post all with qualifiers. And those qualifiers are pretty much IF he wants to be accepted and THAT is what is a priority to him. He will have to change to become what the people he wants attention and acceptance from want. Not sit here and demand they give him attention and acceptance simply because he wants it. Again the qualifiers are threw out the whole post. So taking the last line as you have and saying what you have puts a very different spin on what I have said. Don't quote me unless you do so in context that will alleviate your taking things out of context. As intelligent as you believe you are. You should be able to say what you have to say without taking one line from the context of a whole post.

Angel

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ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

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ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh
The question is (or so I thought), can a fat guy be dominant?

Since I've said my piece about the other stuff (which was absolutely off topic, I'll grant you, though I think it's an important issue), yes, a "fat guy" can be dominant. Obviously. A big part of being dominant - and I think others have said this already - is believing that you deserve what you want when you want it, and overindulgence tends to come with that mindset. So no, there's nothing that says you can't be overweight and dominant.

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ORIGINAL: barelynangel

The concept isn't deciding if you will be who you are or if you will decide to change for others to accept you. The point is deciding what matters most to you. Being accepted and therefore needing to change to be so or if being who you think is you and therefore shrinking the playing field of who will accept you. The world is full of both types. It's about what is a priority to u. And in the end both are fine to choose if you find fulfillment in your choices.

Angel

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ORIGINAL: barelynangel

The concept isn't deciding if you will be who you are or if you will decide to change for others to accept you. The point is deciding what matters most to you. Being accepted and therefore needing to change to be so or if being who you think is you and therefore shrinking the playing field of who will accept you. The world is full of both types. It's about what is a priority to u. And in the end both are fine to choose if you find fulfillment in your choices.

Angel

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ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh
...now I'm curious to know if that dominance, or lack thereof, can be determined by a photo or numbers listed on a profile (again, in keeping with the original question.)?


I guess I'm just trying to figure out why there seems to be a need for this to become a preachy thread about weight loss/health/right/wrong.

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And personally, I feel there's always a need for preachy posts about being healthy. It's kind of like preachy posts about not being homophobic. Yeah, they may not be totally on topic, but the only way society is ever going to change is if we keep talking about it.

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ORIGINAL: Icarys
I'd rather have an "unhealthy" physical slave than an "unhealthy" mental slave as it pertains to bad and overly judgmental attitudes.

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ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

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ORIGINAL: Icarys
I'd rather have an "unhealthy" physical slave than an "unhealthy" mental slave as it pertains to bad and overly judgmental attitudes.

Yeah, and I'd rather have neither, which is also an option.