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RE: What mistakes do you make and get punished for? - 11/29/2010 2:50:02 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

No punishment dynamic. I'm allowed to be human, to have a bad day. If problems occur, we try to solve them for the next time so it doesn't recur.

I know many subs have been punished for answering with a less than sweet and subby tone. I'm not. I get asked why I have an attitude. After having to find an answer repeatedly, we discovered that it usually comes down to low blood sugar. So now, instead of being punished for not feeling good after running errands all day without eating, he remembers to schedule in a lunch stop. It prevents the problem which beating me for not feeding me would not do.

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(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 21

RE: What mistakes do you make and get punished for? - 11/29/2010 2:52:27 PM

petmonkey

Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RapierFugue

I don't usually class it as a "mistake" when it's down to carelessness or being inattentive.

i'd get punished for carelessness and inattention--i'd be denied compliments (normally, i'd hear a lot of them) and politeness. For example, no pleases or thank yous from them, i wouldn't be allowed to carry anything or open doors for them nor would they carry anything or open doors for me. No physical affection initiated by me allowed, either. It'd last from a day to a week, depending.

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Be excellent to each other.

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Post #: 22

RE: What mistakes do you make and get punished for? - 11/29/2010 3:03:25 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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I'm rarely punished. Suits me as I have the same attitude with my children. I DO understand that if I do a certain thing or two, then almighty consequences will ensue.

As he's made it easy enough NOT to do those things, then I can hardly complain about it.

agirl

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 23

RE: What mistakes do you make and get punished for? - 11/29/2010 4:04:36 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
Honest mistakes are not punishable in my relationship. We talk about what happened and why, and how to correct it going forward.

... and dishonest mistakes just don't happen.

Yup, that's our relationship too.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 24

RE: What mistakes do you make and get punished for? - 11/29/2010 4:06:57 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

... and dishonest mistakes just don't happen.

Yup, that's our relationship too.

Well, yeah. Dishonest mistakes aren't actually mistakes.

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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 25

RE: What mistakes do you make and get punished for? - 11/29/2010 4:52:12 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I've been punished for moving when he told me not to move.
I've been punished for not having more control over myself when he felt I should.
I have been punished for not finishing a project or something assigned to me on time.
I've been punished for not listening as well as I should have.
I'm sure there are other things if I really sit here and think about them all.
Yes I'm human and I make mistakes but Master expects the best from me and when he feels I'm not giving the best of myself for him then of course he's going to punish me. He does so, I'm absolved and we move on and I try to do better next time.
I knew of his high expectations when I met him.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 26

RE: What mistakes do you make and get punished for? - 11/29/2010 4:59:59 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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Ladypact said it well, "I only punish for acts of willful disobedience." Except I don't punish for that either. Such an event would instantly mean that we are no longer "total" in my eyes so it'd cost her the slave collar. Honestly though, it's hard to imagine how Carol and I could get so far out of sync that an act of willful disobedience would even be a possible thought. We'd surely have come on hard times for her to even think that way.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to yellowroses)

Post #: 27

RE: What mistakes do you make and get punished for? - 11/29/2010 6:46:18 PM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Yes I'm human and I make mistakes but Master expects the best from me and when he feels I'm not giving the best of myself for him then of course he's going to punish me. He does so, I'm absolved and we move on and I try to do better next time.
I knew of his high expectations when I met him.

the same goes here. He has high expectations of me, and will punish me for failing to meet those, not because he is so harsh or mean, but because he knows i am capable of better. and i have to say, it feels pretty awesome to know that someone on earth has so much faith in me and believes in me so much. He has made demands of me i never believed i could meet, where i've felt certain i would fail, but he knew better...he knew i could do it. and i did!

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 28

RE: What mistakes do you make and get punished for? - 11/29/2010 6:55:26 PM

AnimusRex

Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
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FR-
As the Dom half of yellowroses, I have to say that the lack of punishment mostly has to do with the intimacy we enjoy- she is intensely perceptive of my needs and desires, and reacts quickly to even the most subtle cues and instruction. For instance, if I pick at a certain food at dinner and leave it aside, I know I will never see it again, without a word being uttered. A casual comment about how I prefer seeing her in dresses has resulted in her never wearing pants (or panties) in my presence.

Which may explain her curiousity- we have interacted with other submissives wh get frustrated with my lack of interest in punishment- as with all things in WIITWD, they just need a different dynamic- maybe it isn't that they enjoy punishment per se, but enjoy the occasional reminder (forcefully administered) of their own limits and boundaries.

Kim herself needs an occasional demonstration of control even if it is simply a command softly spoken that requires her to say "yes, Sir".

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 29

RE: What mistakes do you make and get punished for? - 11/29/2010 7:06:22 PM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Lord knows I make mistakes, but no punishment dynamic here. I'm sure he gets irritated with me at times, but I can't really think of any time he's ever raised his voice or even given me the cold shoulder treatment.

Of course, I've probably "ignored" him more often out of irritation... but he probably never even noticed.

(in reply to yellowroses)

Post #: 30

RE: What mistakes do you make and get punished for? - 11/29/2010 7:13:19 PM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

Which may explain her curiousity- we have interacted with other submissives wh get frustrated with my lack of interest in punishment- as with all things in WIITWD, they just need a different dynamic- maybe it isn't that they enjoy punishment per se, but enjoy the occasional reminder (forcefully administered) of their own limits and boundaries.

greetings AnimusRex, and thanks for bringing your perspective from the other side of yellowroses' OP. it's true that different submissives thrive under different environments. i don't think i would be "frustrated" if i interacted with a Dominant who did not believe in punishment, but it would definitely be a bit off-putting. while i consider myself to also be very intuitive, a quick learner, and of course very obedient, i'm certainly not perfect and will inevitably mis-step at times. i don't need a punishment in order to never repeat the mistake again, but it does show me that my actions matter and that he actually cares about my progress. not to mention, punishment can be a huge de-stresser on both sides: on his, because he gets a release from whatever irritation i have caused, however minor, and on mine, because i will be absolutely wracked with guilt and won't be able to snap out of it without some finality to things. punishment provides that quite well, and rather quickly.

(in reply to AnimusRex)

Post #: 31

RE: What mistakes do you make and get punished for? - 11/29/2010 8:10:37 PM

HisEvelyn

Posts: 252
Joined: 1/21/2010
Status: offline

The only time I've ever really been punished was one time when I masturbated without Master's permission, in a big fit of hormones. The punishment was not very severe, because it was a bit of a miscommunication rather than an outright 'trying to defy or misbehave'. Basically, I am instructed to call and ask permission if I really want to masturbate, but I had the fit at an ungodly hour of the night (about 4am). So the only reason I didn't call was because I was afraid of waking him up and disturbing his rest for my 'silly request'. I felt awful as soon as the hormones calmed, and immediately called him as soon as it was a reasonable hour.

He assured me that he doesn't care if it's an ungodly hour, he still wants me to call. He reminded me that having control and power over me is not ALWAYS a fun thing, and occasionally it will mean that he is inconvenienced in his control of me by things like this. But he wants the say in my sexuality, and that includes when it's inconvenient.

So I was punished for it, but it was not severe because my intention was good. I just had to write a public log entry on my CollarMe profile about how I had disobeyed and how I felt about it. He also retracted a special event we had planned, but gave me a chance to earn it back by being a good girl between then and the time of the event (which I did!).

The very idea of displeasing him is more than enough to keep me rom ever intentionally trying to displease him. If I ever begin to get out of line with my speech or mannerisms, all he has to do is look at me a certain way or say, "Oh really?" in that tone of his, and it's like an instant course correction for me. So while the potential for a punishment dynamic is there, I'm so eager and devoted to pleasing him that it doesn't often come up.

< Message edited by HisEvelyn -- 11/29/2010 8:12:03 PM >

(in reply to daddysprop247)

Post #: 32

RE: What mistakes do you make and get punished for? - 11/29/2010 9:02:33 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

I've never been punished in the almost 2 years we've been together. I asked to be punished once when I felt that I did something horrendous...he declined. Which was worse of course.

Another time we had an incident where he thought about it, but in the end decided against it. That was this summer when I was recuperating from severe injuries and I felt well enough to have sex...he did not think it was a good idea yet. I pushed a little too hard and he felt that was over the line, but as I said in the end he changed his mind. If I'd known how he was feeling I'd have certainly stopped trying to get him worked up - it's rare when I don't read the situation correctly.

(in reply to HisEvelyn)

Post #: 33

RE: What mistakes do you make and get punished for? - 11/29/2010 11:57:45 PM

phoenixmoonn13

Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

The sadist in me tends to enjoy the opportunity to discipline her. Pulling her up onto her toes with a pinch of pubes to enquire about poorly chosen words is a personal favourite. The logic being that I'm quite tall and that perhaps I didn't hear her properly and she needs to get closer.... However, if she overdid it to a point I feel she's manipulating me for attention (even when she knows it'll sting), then that'd likely make me angry - and, welllll, you get the idea....

Focus.

i dont usually swear it has to be something big for me to but once i swore when he was twisting my nipples i learnt a lesson very well do not swear when master has his fingers on certain parts of my anatomy.

but as for punishments i dont get many usually if i forgot to do something he asked me to do once i had to write lines. if i make him angry and he doesnt do angry and hates it he will banish me to the bedroom till hes over it but he hates it as well so only does it if he really has to. if i feel i have done something wrong or disappointed him ( i may not have even done so jsut me feeling) then he will often give a punishment as it closes the incident for me otherwise i tend to dwell on it. if i try to manipulte then i am jsut not allowed to cum for a certain length of time a very good detertent not to manipulate

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 34

RE: What mistakes do you make and get punished for? - 11/30/2010 12:57:48 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

No punishment dynamic here. I chose an obedient slave whose goals, needs and desires fit well with mine-because the idea of punishment bores me. FUNishment= YUM! But true punishment? Nyope. Does nothing for us.

Everybody else who finds it useful, have at it. It just was never my thing.

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(in reply to yellowroses)

Post #: 35

RE: What mistakes do you make and get punished for? - 11/30/2010 1:25:50 AM

SpiritedRadiance

Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline

If i ever engaged in a punishment dynamic again, it would be very carefully, and the punishments would have to regard how my brain thinks.

My partner spanks me because ive misbehaved, every time he spanks me from now until the end of time to me is going to be a punishment, is going to show me he is displeased with me. regardless of his intent...

So Physical is out, Ignoring me will simply make me have to re-evaluate the relationship, because not speaking to me shows you dont wish to communicate or you feel its acceptable to cut off communication no matter how long or short the period of time you do it. I wont be able to trust that you will communicate with me if you choose that method...

So thats out....

I dont disobey to disobey, I dont get joy out of it, If Im making my partner unhappy, Im dying inside thinking of every way possible to make it better. I dont need a reminder that i fucked up, I KNOW i fucked up, and as a responsible adult i do my best to fix it.

If I AM disobeying no amount of beating or ignoring will fix the problem because ive only actively disobeyed when my partner destroyed my trust for him

_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 36

RE: What mistakes do you make and get punished for? - 11/30/2010 7:32:28 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

In our 11 years together I have been punished exactly once. At an event I confronted a "Dom" and told him he was being rude. To which he told me "He didn't take directions from submissives." It lead to a group of people telling him that he was behaving like an ass and him storming out. He spent the next month talking to everyone he could find about us.

The next month: I was going to the social without Master, but with a group of our friends. He told me that if the door knob was there I was to walk away and not say anything. I was talking with a friend, who actually had asked about the door knob when he came up and started berating me two inches from my face. And instead of walking away, I gave my temper full rein. He was then confronted by a wall of dominants, asked to leave and to never come back.

I was punished for letting my temper win and it was not a fun experience for me. I cried long before it started and long after it ended. I felt awful that I hadn't put complete trust that Master was fully prepared to deal with the door knob even though he wasn't present.

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(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)

Post #: 37

RE: What mistakes do you make and get punished for? - 11/30/2010 8:06:36 AM

petmonkey

Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

I dont disobey to disobey, I dont get joy out of it, If Im making my partner unhappy, Im dying inside thinking of every way possible to make it better. I dont need a reminder that i fucked up, I KNOW i fucked up, and as a responsible adult i do my best to fix it.

This, mostly.

i do however, need obvious, quantifiable, explicit reminders that my partner is paying attention, observant of what i'm doing, how i'm responding, etc. While it's much preferred to me that it be positive re-enforcement of "good" behavior not every partner i've been with has chosen this as the only emphasis. Some chose to shine a light on undesirable behavior during the course of the relationship as well. They needed to do so as part of the way they communicate. i viewed it as yet another way to show that they were aware of my actions.

Does that shed any light on punishment dynamics within a relationship for you, Yellowroses?

_____________________________

Be excellent to each other.

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)

Post #: 38

RE: What mistakes do you make and get punished for? - 11/30/2010 8:48:08 AM

yellowroses

Posts: 167
Joined: 6/12/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I was punished for letting my temper win and it was not a fun experience for me. I cried long before it started and long after it ended. I felt awful that I hadn't put complete trust that Master was fully prepared to deal with the door knob even though he wasn't present.

Thank you for sharing this OsideGirl-Trust is important in every relationship. A lesson that you learned that day.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 39

RE: What mistakes do you make and get punished for? - 11/30/2010 9:55:47 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
...but it does show me that my actions matter and that he actually cares about my progress

It would, of course, be a mistake to think that simply because i do not punish Carol that I have no other way to define and enforce boundaries. Carol is typically very clear about it when she's disappointed me. The rule, whatever it was, gets reinforced by jerking on her mental leash. The takeaway in her head is, "Jeff never bluffs and he gets what he wants." With or without any sort of corporal addendum to it, it is plenty for me to work with as a leader.

I honestly don't think there is any answer to "why" and "why not". It certainly has nothing to do with strictness. I doubt it has much (or anything) to do with harshness. I think I don't punish because I don't want to and I don't need to. I don't want to because I'm me. I don't have to because we're us. In some other relationship, who knows what I'd find either desirable to me or needful for the relationship?

My best guess is that this ties into the thing I'm noodling on nowadays... being more focused on control or obedience. Carol and I are focused on obedience, so we don't end up with disobedience because hits in that area would be crippling to our dynamic. But others are more focused on control. It isn't so much that the slave does what she's told as it is that the master will eventually make her do so.. THAT is what's important. So there, the initial act of disobedience is minor, but what would be crippling to the dynamic is the lack of overt expression of control. That divide is rather amusing to me actually in that you can take two couples, both of whom have real life and fairly "extreme" M/s relationships. But if they're on opposite sides of that divide, then it looks pretty "Fake" from both sides. The control people look at me and say, "Sheez Dude! You call yourself a master and you won't even enforce your control." I [am tempted to] look at the control people look and say, "Sheez, Dude! You call yourself a master and your girl doesn't even obey!"

I personally love digging into these little splits... places where things look so similar on the surface and all the same words are being used, yet just one layer into the onion it's an entirely different beast.

< Message edited by leadership527 -- 11/30/2010 9:57:27 AM >

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to daddysprop247)

Post #: 40

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