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RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/1/2010 9:57:29 AM

Awareness

Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
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Actually, my opinion is based upon observation, including those in this community.

Dommes almost exclusively speak about and to their slaves or submissives in humiliation mode. In one sense it's monotonous, but in another it really does provide a fascinating contrast with Doms. I was discussing it with a slave the other day and she agreed. Femdom seems to be exclusively about humiliation, denigration, forced feminisation, the destruction of identity, the elimination of every identifying gender characteristic that makes a man into a man.

In contrast, while similar things can and do occur on the flip side of the gender coin, I can't ever recall seeing a Dom wanting to destroy his sub's femininity. And on the message boards I see Doms express themselves with a much more positive set of attitudes in regard to their slaves or subs.

Yes, it's an opinion. However this is what is very clearly coming across from the way those in the community speak and apparently think. I find it an amusing situation laced with a good deal of irony.

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 21

RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/1/2010 10:06:24 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

Actually, my opinion is based upon observation, including those in this community.

When you say "this community" exactly which community would you be referring to as far as geographic location?

quote:

Dommes almost exclusively speak about and to their slaves or submissives in humiliation mode. In one sense it's monotonous, but in another it really does provide a fascinating contrast with Doms. I was discussing it with a slave the other day and she agreed. Femdom seems to be exclusively about humiliation, denigration, forced feminisation, the destruction of identity, the elimination of every identifying gender characteristic that makes a man into a man.

I'll have to differ with you here. There are a number of female Dominants that want absolutely nothing to do with feminizing their male submissives.

quote:

In contrast, while similar things can and do occur on the flip side of the gender coin, I can't ever recall seeing a Dom wanting to destroy his sub's femininity. And on the message boards I see Doms express themselves with a much more positive set of attitudes in regard to their slaves or subs.

How many of these interactions are you seeing at your local BDSM group?

quote:

Yes, it's an opinion. However this is what is very clearly coming across from the way those in the community speak and apparently think. I find it an amusing situation laced with a good deal of irony.

Is this perception coming across at the munches or discussion groups that you attend? I can't say that I've seen much of this in My personal experience.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Awareness)

Post #: 22

RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/1/2010 10:10:35 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I don"t know you, Awareness, and you obviously don't know any of my femdom friends... who bear no resemblance to what you describe.

I have met some local men who are into what TO ME seem to be entirely sexual-play based relationships centered around chastity, ass play, and other things that do not say "submission" to me. They are very happy, their dominants are very happy.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 23

RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/1/2010 10:20:47 AM

RapierFugue

Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Atropos19
The vibe seemed to be getting a bit argumentative, though, so I wanted to make it clear that I wasn't attempting to provoke anyone by saying it.

While I'm prepared to take that statement at face value, the thing is, given how derogatory towards Dommes the original statement was, you can't be surprised at the somewhat negative response, surely?*

It's a bit like walking into a bar containing a 50/50 mix of black and white people, saying "hey! Have you heard what that fellow down the road said about black people being arseholes, whereas white people are really great?", and then being surprised when 80% of the room decides to stove your head in.

*"Don't call me Shirley!" - RIP Leslie Nielsen

(in reply to Atropos19)

Post #: 24

RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/1/2010 10:26:42 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Atropos19
I realize not everyone shares the opinion. In fact, the whole purpose of my post was to *determine* how widespread the opinion may or may not be.

Well, I'm the first to admit that I know near nothing about the ACTUAL femdom world other than what I read here. And, for that matter, I am only loosely connected to "the lifestyle" as a whole. That being said, I think there are different KINKS that are of interest on the femdom side of the world. But my impression is that those kinks are driven largely by the sub side (just as I think that a lot of facets of the maledom world are driven by the female side). And, in the end, they are just kinks.... it's not reasonable to extrapolate a scene out to "life". So my impression is, "Perhaps a bit true at the surface level. No more than that."

Put differently, Carol blows me. But attempting to characterize our marriage as "almost exclusively about blowjobs" would be a pretty much total miss. I think your post makes the same mistake.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Atropos19)

Post #: 25

RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/1/2010 10:48:46 AM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Atropos19

It's a direct quote... I didn't "extrapolate" anything. Here's the URL... it's post #22, I think.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3471172/mpage_2/key_/tm.htm#3486633

By "he" I meant Awareness, not you.

(in reply to Atropos19)

Post #: 26

RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/1/2010 10:53:10 AM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

Actually, my opinion is based upon observation, including those in this community.

Dommes almost exclusively speak about and to their slaves or submissives in humiliation mode. In one sense it's monotonous, but in another it really does provide a fascinating contrast with Doms. I was discussing it with a slave the other day and she agreed. Femdom seems to be exclusively about humiliation, denigration, forced feminisation, the destruction of identity, the elimination of every identifying gender characteristic that makes a man into a man.

In contrast, while similar things can and do occur on the flip side of the gender coin, I can't ever recall seeing a Dom wanting to destroy his sub's femininity. And on the message boards I see Doms express themselves with a much more positive set of attitudes in regard to their slaves or subs.

Yes, it's an opinion. However this is what is very clearly coming across from the way those in the community speak and apparently think. I find it an amusing situation laced with a good deal of irony.

I actually haven't seen that at all. Most of lifestyle Dommes who post on CM are in loving LTR's with their subs/slaves and the two most common things I read about are service and discipline (in the "instilling good habits" sense not the "corporal punishment" sense).

Most of the humiliation/degradation/forced fem posts are by male subs. Not all, of course, but easily the majority.

(in reply to Awareness)

Post #: 27

RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/1/2010 10:53:28 AM

Atropos19

Posts: 56
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

Not saying the statements made by Awareness about femdom are true, but *if* they are (and I'm just throwing this out there)...

Since, in "traditional" relationships, the male is generally expected to be (at least somewhat) dominant and the female (at least somewhat) submissive... could it be that the whole breaking down, "stripping male subs of their masculinity" dynamic is based on the idea that, whereas it's "natural" to some degree for a woman to be submissive, for a man it's not, and therefore before a man can truly be a sub, his natural dominant tendencies have to be overpowered and subjugated? He essentially has to be "shown who's boss," if you will, more aggressively than the average woman would be. (Or at least, as I said, that's the expectation).

I honestly think it's a combination of that, plus the fantasies of men who tend to seek out professional dommes (which tend toward degradation and humiliation anyway), not to mention the proliferation of so-called "financial dommes" who really are contemptuous of submissive men, and their words and actions unambiguously demonstrate that.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 28

RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/1/2010 12:17:52 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Atropos19

Quoting this from another thread:

"I find it interesting that male domination brings with it - more often than not - the expectation of growth, protection and nurture while femdom is almost exclusively about exploitation, denigration and humiliation."

Is this true? What does everyone think of this?

Greetings Atropos,

In my personal experience the female dominant that Mentored me had a greater impact and influence (positive) on my disposition and person than any man I ever served prior to our arrangement. The associations you've levied towards women were things I've undergone with the male counterpart. The individuals I've encountered with a similar demeanor, level of proficiency, and moral compass have all been female dominants.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Atropos19)

Post #: 29

RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/1/2010 12:25:01 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: Atropos19

Quoting this from another thread:

"I find it interesting that male domination brings with it - more often than not - the expectation of growth, protection and nurture while femdom is almost exclusively about exploitation, denigration and humiliation."

Is this true? What does everyone think of this?

Greetings Atropos,

In my personal experience the female dominant that Mentored me had a greater impact and influence (positive) on my disposition and person than any man I ever served prior to our arrangement. The associations you've levied towards women were things I've undergone with the male counterpart. The individuals I've encountered with a similar demeanor, level of proficiency, and moral compass have all been female dominants.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

I'm here to concur with porcelaine! There have been some very nurturing and loving female dominants in my past that had a very positive influence in my life, and some very exploitive male dominants who were not so much. In fact, I've seen many many instances where male dominants used their authority to take advantage financially.

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 30

RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/1/2010 12:26:15 PM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

The difference bewteen Doms and Dommes

Lean in cause Ima gonna whisper this.

They got tits. We don't

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 31

RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/1/2010 12:47:09 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

In reply to that, one word...... moobs.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 32

RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/1/2010 12:56:44 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

I'm here to concur with porcelaine! There have been some very nurturing and loving female dominants in my past that had a very positive influence in my life, and some very exploitive male dominants who were not so much. In fact, I've seen many many instances where male dominants used their authority to take advantage financially.

Greetings WinsomeDefiance,

Perhaps I've been looking in the wrong pasture. I have to admit, I've encountered more awesomeness on the female side than I ever did on the other end.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 33

RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/1/2010 1:03:24 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Atropos19

Quoting this from another thread:

"I find it interesting that male domination brings with it - more often than not - the expectation of growth, protection and nurture while femdom is almost exclusively about exploitation, denigration and humiliation."

Is this true? What does everyone think of this?

I have a couple of female dominant friends. Both are married to their submissives and...so far...their marriages appear to be holding up. One is 5 years old and the other is brand new.

Lady Pact is an example of a female dominant who encourages growth in her male submissive. Lockit is an example of a female dominant who encourages the growth of, and who nurtures, her submissive.

So, I would say the statement is a generalization that only MIGHT fit some female dominants. Just like the generalization that male dominants are only interested in sexual use of their female submissives. Some...maybe. All? Never.

(in reply to Atropos19)

Post #: 34

RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/1/2010 1:37:57 PM

submitting4U

Posts: 64
Joined: 8/16/2010
Status: offline

One man's experience here. Professional dominas often use exploitive strategies, hence they are selling an image to a vulnerable population. That being men with poor self esteem who do not feel worthy in light of her powerful essence and good looks. And the lady needs the money, no?

Dominant women outside of the professional venue use a variety of techniques to secure their booty, but NO worse than what dominant men do to subs/slaves. Having served both men and women, I can say that dominant men are more violent and cruel, which is consistent with national criminal statistics, it's a gender/testoterone thing ... and many mother's raise their boys to feel less and think more ... even with their fists ....

A dirty little secret ... if you remove the sexual excitation, the behaviors of the BDSM world, could be seen for its implicit depravity ... sites like CM, shine it up and wrap it with a bow. D/s is archaic and primordial violence of the powerful over the powerless. We enjoy it like the Romans enjoyed the lion fest.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 35

RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/1/2010 2:07:59 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Atropos19

Not saying the statements made by Awareness about femdom are true, but *if* they are (and I'm just throwing this out there)...

Since, in "traditional" relationships, the male is generally expected to be (at least somewhat) dominant and the female (at least somewhat) submissive... could it be that the whole breaking down, "stripping male subs of their masculinity" dynamic is based on the idea that, whereas it's "natural" to some degree for a woman to be submissive, for a man it's not, and therefore before a man can truly be a sub, his natural dominant tendencies have to be overpowered and subjugated? He essentially has to be "shown who's boss," if you will, more aggressively than the average woman would be. (Or at least, as I said, that's the expectation).

I honestly think it's a combination of that, plus the fantasies of men who tend to seek out professional dommes (which tend toward degradation and humiliation anyway), not to mention the proliferation of so-called "financial dommes" who really are contemptuous of submissive men, and their words and actions unambiguously demonstrate that.

I believe that a pro is supplying what men demand. I can't tell you how many have said I am not a dominant woman because I didn't act like that. And yet, I find few that understand the type of dominant I am simply because they compare me to a pro, fantasy or porn.

I've said it before and am sure to say it repeatedly... I am a dominant woman and I don't need to humiliate or steal my dominant stance in life from someone by beating them down. I am what I am and don't need to weaken another to be what I am.

I had one say I wasn't a dominant, right on these boards. Why? Because I wouldn't have sex with him or play with him the way he tried to manipulate it. I didn't need him so badly that I would give him all he wanted, right now... rather than go the route of building a foundation I find worthy of dominance and submission along with a relationship. The domina that needed him desperately and played quickly and with sadism, was the dominant and I was just a feeble old woman playing a game, no dominance in me.

I know the two men I had relationships with in my twenties, that we considered a role reversal and they were basically my male wives that took care of home and me while I worked to support us, struggled with things people said... mostly family members... that they were not real men. While I think there is a social stigma that many men feed into, some may need to be overtaken or broken in their mind to justify what they feel. I wouldn't want a man struggling with his identity so much that they had to be broken or taken, although many men present to me that is how it has to be done. Even dominant men want to get together with me and say... let's see who breaks whom. I say, no thanks, no need to break anyone here. I build people up, not tear them down and the last man that tried to break me... well, he didn't fair so well.

My men have typically been tough guys, the rough and tumble, or leader, business owner types and believe me there was nothing wimpy about them. I didn't break them and they didn't wish to be broken and they had no problems proudly letting people know I was in charge. Hell, lol, anyone that knows me in real life knows I'm in charge of my life and few wish to cross me and yet they also know that my heart is gentle and kind. I am only tough-bitch-gunna-get-you when you are a threat to someone I love.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to Atropos19)

Post #: 36

RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/1/2010 2:29:17 PM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

Quite an Assumption.

The very fact that some other person is attempting to apply a dualistic set of characteristics between the two genders leads me to question the maturity of the person you quoted.

People are way too complex to fit into tight little categories.

Reality strikes and it says the people are going to have all sorts of quirks, likes, and dislikes. Many idiosyncrasies.

Case in point Milady is focused on 'growth, protection and nurturing' me so I can be a better person in general. Of course she does have her spats of sadism. It works for me and that is what counts.

Do as you please just don't squeeze me into boxes.

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to Atropos19)

Post #: 37

RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/1/2010 2:42:12 PM

jujubeeMB

Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Atropos19
Could it be that the whole breaking down, "stripping male subs of their masculinity" dynamic is based on the idea that, whereas it's "natural" to some degree for a woman to be submissive, for a man it's not, and therefore before a man can truly be a sub, his natural dominant tendencies have to be overpowered and subjugated?

No. It is not "natural" for a woman to be submissive. And no, it's not natural for a man to be dominant. People are unique and their genders say nothing about their inherent dominance or submission.

(in reply to Atropos19)

Post #: 38

RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/1/2010 4:55:05 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Atropos19

Quoting this from another thread:

"I find it interesting that male domination brings with it - more often than not - the expectation of growth, protection and nurture while femdom is almost exclusively about exploitation, denigration and humiliation."

Is this true? What does everyone think of this?

I think it's full of horseshit.

There are some negative or "bad porn" stereotypes of both male and female domination, and they don't work in real life relationships, at least not for long term sustainable relationships. The stereotypical image of the female dominant who basically hates men and is out to take them for all they're worth is one that seems popular with some male fetishists who have perhaps masturbated to one too many bad movies, but the reality is that I simply don't know any women in the RL BDSM community who are like that. The public faces of some pro dominas are like that, but that tends to be more of a fantasy put on in the short term for paying clients who actually want/expect it to be that way.

Generally if you really dislike your intimate partners and you can't respect the acts that you two share together, I think it's questionable whether you can really like or respect yourself.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to Atropos19)

Post #: 39

RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/1/2010 5:07:58 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness
Dommes almost exclusively speak about and to their slaves or submissives in humiliation mode. In one sense it's monotonous, but in another it really does provide a fascinating contrast with Doms. I was discussing it with a slave the other day and she agreed. Femdom seems to be exclusively about humiliation, denigration, forced feminisation, the destruction of identity, the elimination of every identifying gender characteristic that makes a man into a man.

WTF, I don't even. You are smoking crack. No, you are smoking crack laced with PCP. This statement bears absolutely no resemblance to anything I've seen either on the femdom board here on CM or in the BDSM community, not when we're talking about real people in real life relationships.

Now, you *will* find some extremely vocal male fetishists who say they want exactly what you are describing, and some of them have found partners who are willing to give some of that to them, though more often they have to pay for it. They have to pay for it because for the most part, heterosexual dominant women genuinely love submissive men and don't particularly want to humiliate them or tear down someone they share their life and love with.

quote:

In contrast, while similar things can and do occur on the flip side of the gender coin, I can't ever recall seeing a Dom wanting to destroy his sub's femininity.

No, just her self-esteem, dignity and essential humanity. That I have certainly seen on both ends of the gender spectrum.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to Awareness)

Post #: 40

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