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RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/1/2010 5:08:02 PM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		Ironically, the answer really is as simple as:






I know its hard for people to WANT to admit it, the the differences are as different as Men and women are different.  They see the world differently, they interact with people differently, they think and do things differently and many times have different motivations etc.

angel

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< Message edited by barelynangel -- 12/1/2010 5:09:32 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/1/2010 6:18:16 PM   
UmbraDomina


Posts: 491
Joined: 7/22/2008
From: SE Michigan
Status: offline 		I am one of those fabled female dominants, and just for the record, I do not do any humilation play, I do not do cross dressing. I share my kinky interests with strong well rounded, consensual adults who I have no desire to break down or erase their gender.

The difference between male and female dominants is generally their gender, anything else is not based on anything beyond their (and their partners) preferences.

Sooner or later people will relize dominants and submissives, male or female are not their online stereotype.

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Alexandra ~

~~ And I will show you something different from either your shadow at morning striding behind you Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you; I will show you fear in a handful of dust..... T.S. Elliot ~~

(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/1/2010 6:26:45 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Atropos19

Quoting this from another thread:

"I find it interesting that male domination brings with it - more often than not - the expectation of growth, protection and nurture while femdom is almost exclusively about exploitation, denigration and humiliation."

Is this true?  What does everyone think of this?



It only takes one example to prove a sweeping generalization false. We know many Female Dominants who have "the expectation of growth, protection and nurture" and many Male Dominants who thrive on "exploitation, denigration and humiliation".

In the end, it's up to the people involved and most don't let their genitalia dictate what role they must play.

Master Fire


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(in reply to Atropos19)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/1/2010 8:58:01 PM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
When you say "this community" exactly which community would you be referring to as far as geographic location?
  I'm being specific about CollarMe.  I'm not connected to, nor do I have any desire to interact with the scene.

quote:

I'll have to differ with you here.  There are a number of female Dominants that want absolutely nothing to do with feminizing their male submissives.
  Of course.  None of these things is universally true, it's more about tendencies and statistical odds.  I speak of a tendency I've noticed which causes me to wonder at the minds and causes behind it.

quote:

How many of these interactions are you seeing at your local BDSM group?
Is this perception coming across at the munches or discussion groups that you attend?  I can't say that I've seen much of this in My personal experience.
  Why?  Because femdom only shows its true face at local events?   Don't be stupid.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/1/2010 9:08:27 PM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness
quote:

How many of these interactions are you seeing at your local BDSM group?
Is this perception coming across at the munches or discussion groups that you attend?  I can't say that I've seen much of this in My personal experience.
  Why?  Because femdom only shows its true face at local events?   Don't be stupid.



No, because there is much higher percentage of scam artists and professional Dommes on the internet than there would be at a munch.

But anyway, femdom has shown its true face on this site too.

Check out this recent thread on the Mistress board. A male sub brings up cuckolding (arguably one of the more traditional humiliation/degradation fetishes) and the majority of Dommes were like "Meh. Not my thing." There were a few Dommes who were into it, of course, but if you're going to draw generalizations you'd have to go with the majority.

Here's one about being a toilet slave - same thing, started by a male sub, Dommes not that interested.

Forced bi thread - started by a male sub, Dommes not that interested.

If you look over the Mistress board, you'll see it's a fairly common pattern. Most of the humiliation and degradation threads are started by male subs who are into that sort of thing, and lifestyle Dommes just don't seem to respond well to it.

ETA - also read this thread where Dommes say for themselves what makes a good slave - hint, it's not about humiliation or degradation, it's about, to quote LadyNTrainer, "being a better partner to the one you're with, and there is no single magic formula for doing that other than asking her and listening very carefully to the feedback. "

< Message edited by Elisabella -- 12/1/2010 9:13:50 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/2/2010 1:14:26 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness
I'm being specific about CollarMe.  I'm not connected to, nor do I have any desire to interact with the scene.

In other words, you are basing your assumptions on things that people type up on the screen that you have no recognizable proof to know if they are accurate or not.  I thought as much.

quote:

Of course.  None of these things is universally true, it's more about tendencies and statistical odds.  I speak of a tendency I've noticed which causes me to wonder at the minds and causes behind it.

Which is what helps to perpetuate such myths to begin with.  You are basing your conclusions on what you think, rather than what you know.  I could easily assume another screen name and type up fairy tales that could be absolutely believable.  None of which would be based in reality, but I'm willing to bet I could have some folks thinking that was what a female led dynamic was really about. 

quote:

Why?  Because femdom only shows its true face at local events?   Don't be stupid.

I am a lot of things, but I can promise you that stupid is not one of them.  Considering that you don't have a shred of actual knowledge on the subject, other than what you've read on the internet, you might want to think about the source.  What you might see, if you were actually acquainted with any female Dominants away from the screen, is based much more in reality.

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/2/2010 4:24:52 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
When you say "this community" exactly which community would you be referring to as far as geographic location?
  I'm being specific about CollarMe.  I'm not connected to, nor do I have any desire to interact with the scene.

quote:

I'll have to differ with you here.  There are a number of female Dominants that want absolutely nothing to do with feminizing their male submissives.
  Of course.  None of these things is universally true, it's more about tendencies and statistical odds.  I speak of a tendency I've noticed which causes me to wonder at the minds and causes behind it.

quote:

How many of these interactions are you seeing at your local BDSM group?
Is this perception coming across at the munches or discussion groups that you attend?  I can't say that I've seen much of this in My personal experience.
  Why?  Because femdom only shows its true face at local events?   Don't be stupid.




Dearest Awareness, you have glaringly shown the error of your screen name. You forgot two small, but quite important, words..... Lack of

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/2/2010 10:40:39 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

It only takes one example to prove a sweeping generalization false.


Welllll, maybe if you subscribe to a theory that a glass is 0.1% empty (or full).

Not me but, I'm cursed with being practical, logical and even realistic. You don't hafta like sweeping generalisations to appreciate they come about for a reason - a common theme that is NOT proved false just because it isn't absolute.

What I don't like is that this "anti-logic" is a great way to derail discussions, which helps no-one and achieves nothing of benefit beyond someone knowing someone who's that one in a thousand exception to the "rule"....

Errrrm, just generalising myself (lol) and not disputing the pro's and cons of dom vs domme differences posted here.

Focus.

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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/2/2010 11:08:01 AM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
In other words, you are basing your assumptions on things that people type up on the screen that you have no recognizable proof to know if they are accurate or not.  I thought as much.
  Yes, because self-testimony in person is always so much more accurate.  And when we meet people we're all gifted with instantly recognisable proof of what they say and do, how they think and what they had for lunch.  Christ, you're a worry.

quote:

Which is what helps to perpetuate such myths to begin with.  You are basing your conclusions on what you think, rather than what you know.  I could easily assume another screen name and type up fairy tales that could be absolutely believable.  None of which would be based in reality, but I'm willing to bet I could have some folks thinking that was what a female led dynamic was really about. 
  Oh for fuck's sake.  Reality is inherently subjective, everyone makes conclusions based upon what they think.  The only knowledge it's possible to have is self-knowledge.  The rest is a construction of beliefs - the value of which is their ability to synthesise based upon current perception and predict the future.  You don't "know" anything, you simply have beliefs which are stronger than others based upon the value you've ascribed to them.  What you consider 'facts' are pieces of data which your belief structures have weighted accordingly, but they're true in a subjective sense, not an objective one.

quote:

I am a lot of things, but I can promise you that stupid is not one of them.
  The jury's still out.  Based upon what passes for reason in your mind, I'm not prepared to buy your self-testimony on this.

quote:

Considering that you don't have a shred of actual knowledge on the subject, other than what you've read on the internet, you might want to think about the source.  What you might see, if you were actually acquainted with any female Dominants away from the screen, is based much more in reality.
  Ah, I see.  So... what you're saying is "True femdom only shows its true face at local events".  I seem to recall covering this.  Basically, what you're saying - despite the proliferation of indications to the contrary - is that perceptions of femdom are entirely the fault of the individual doing the observing.  Everything online is a screaming bunch of lies, people fake up profiles, write journals and interact online in ways which dramatically mis-represent poor femdom while a core of true believers keeps the faith alive at local gatherings - much like the Tea Party in the USA.

I find your contention ridiculous and your automatically defensive response reveals a mind ill-equipped to consider opposing points of view.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/2/2010 11:11:33 AM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
Dearest Awareness, you have glaringly shown the error of your screen name. You forgot two small, but quite important, words..... Lack of
  Why Miss Tigress, that's savage criticism indeed coming from such a workmanlike thinker like yourself.  I shall immediately go on sabbatical and ponder your deep insights into my character.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/2/2010 11:17:17 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
Dearest Awareness, you have glaringly shown the error of your screen name. You forgot two small, but quite important, words..... Lack of
  Why Miss Tigress, that's savage criticism indeed coming from such a workmanlike thinker like yourself.  I shall immediately go on sabbatical and ponder your deep insights into my character.



Excellent idea. Enjoy.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Awareness)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/2/2010 11:17:24 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
quote:

Considering that you don't have a shred of actual knowledge on the subject, other than what you've read on the internet, you might want to think about the source.  What you might see, if you were actually acquainted with any female Dominants away from the screen, is based much more in reality.
  Ah, I see.  So... what you're saying is "True femdom only shows its true face at local events".  I seem to recall covering this.  Basically, what you're saying - despite the proliferation of indications to the contrary - is that perceptions of femdom are entirely the fault of the individual doing the observing.  Everything online is a screaming bunch of lies, people fake up profiles, write journals and interact online in ways which dramatically mis-represent poor femdom while a core of true believers keeps the faith alive at local gatherings - much like the Tea Party in the USA.


Nope, she is saying that there are as many reasons that Dominatrixes (my word I like, even if it pisses most of the Dommes off) do shit the way they do for as many reasons as there are stars, is not an equivalence to you watching male centered porn about dominatrixes and saying AH HA!!! I am now enlightened to the way they feel or do things.  I have certain knowledge now.



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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/2/2010 11:31:00 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		I'd rather be a workmanlike thinker than an effete snob with no practical experience.

-- BlueCollarDom


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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/2/2010 11:59:27 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Atropos,

At CM I have seen a large group of dommes who have mainly been about 'exploitation, denigration and humiliation'.  This group, though, is quite distinct from that which hasn't been like that.  It becomes easy to tell them apart and you soon learn how to erase the former from your life if you don't want them in it.

For me, this comes down to good old sexism.  One of the pains of sexist attitudes is that you end up being lumped together with everyone else of your own gender.  Thus, I'm not one of the men who likes to kill people in wars and I don't want to be grouped amongst them as sharing that attribute just because I'm male.  Similarly, I don't assume that every woman is a self-centred, vain ninny.

Likewise, I suspect that lifestyle femdoms find it as annoying, frustrating and tiresome to be lumped together with those 'exploiters, denigrators and humiliators' as I would be to be lumped in with the many unpleasant sorts of malesubs that I've seen at CM.

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/2/2010 2:54:10 PM   
LadyRian


Posts: 486
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Atropos19

Quoting this from another thread:

"I find it interesting that male domination brings with it - more often than not - the expectation of growth, protection and nurture while femdom is almost exclusively about exploitation, denigration and humiliation."

Is this true?  What does everyone think of this?



I know it's not true.



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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/2/2010 4:21:33 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Atropos19

Quoting this from another thread:

"I find it interesting that male domination brings with it - more often than not - the expectation of growth, protection and nurture while femdom is almost exclusively about exploitation, denigration and humiliation."

Is this true?  What does everyone think of this?


~FR~
Sorry for the late input -- it's been a busy week.

I know that it's not true of my House, the female dominant members who are a part of it, or for myself. I'm pretty sure you can review my posts over the past couple of years and find places where I've discussed how the whole "growth, protection and nurture" thing has worked in our household.... unfortunately, you won't find a lot about exploitation and denigration from anyone in our household... we =do= have a couple of dominant members who are into humiliation... but that's a good thing... since we have several submissive members who really enjoy humiliation (not my thing... I'm just not drawn to it--but my companion is quite skilled).

Calla

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 12/2/2010 4:22:08 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/2/2010 4:44:27 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline 		Disclaimer: I'm reluctant to get into this argument because of your manner, and if you talk to me in the aggressive tone you've been using in this thread I will not reply because you're juuust on the verge of giving me heebie jeebies and I've promised myself I won't talk to people who do that. But:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

Because femdom only shows its true face at local events?   Don't be stupid.


I reckon you could make a pretty good case for this, actually. At real life events there are no cam girls or findommes, and the professionals make it pretty clear who they are-it's fair to assume that most people who are there are there for social reasons rather than for business (and that includes a lot of the pros who are there in a lifestyle capacity).

In real life you see firsthand how people treat their partners (rather than how they tell you they treat their partners, or how they treat people who are paying them), and I have to say that most of the time the dominants I've met treat their partners with great affection and respect, and that's independent of gender. So I'm going to take that over the business bumpf of pros and cam-girls any day, because it's what I've seen with my own eyes rather than what they're projecting because it sells.

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/2/2010 4:54:36 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		We've encountered men on the boards who vehemently protest that their "theories" trump out reality. Is there a point to arguing with them?

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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/2/2010 4:58:59 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

We've encountered men on the boards who vehemently protest that their "theories" trump out reality. Is there a point to arguing with them?


You know I love ya, Hibsterella, but this place is largely pointless. It's my 1am timekiller. All these discussions are pointless and have been had and will be had a thousand times, but we keep having them because the a then b then c of logical debate is satisfying on some level. Especially at one in the morning.


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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... - 12/2/2010 5:02:27 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness
Why?  Because femdom only shows its true face at local events?   Don't be stupid.


Well, duuh.  Real life generally only shows its face in, you know, real life.  If you actually believe everything you see on the Internet and in bad porn movies, especially if everyone who knows what they're talking about in real life says it doesn't work that way, you certainly would be stupid.

Oh wait.  That's what you are saying. 

< Message edited by LadyNTrainer -- 12/2/2010 5:03:01 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 60
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