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RE: what punishment would you gave a bad slave - 4/29/2006 11:38:34 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

My Question:

Is this guy real or is he just having fun at all of our expense??? If he is real I will say 150 Our Fathers for his sub, and I am not even Catholic.... dang

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to CanadianGuy)

Post #: 21

RE: what punishment would you gave a bad slave - 4/29/2006 11:39:29 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: omahadom68

i like to say hi to all here ..i have something i like to ask .if your slave and you were in a 3 was and she was to push you a way and not have any thing to do with you and then aftr it was over she would not talke a bout any thing you ask her tel 2 or 3 days aftr and you had to push her in to talkeing a bout it and she would try to lie a bout how she was feeling a bout it and why she push you a way .....but she said i was feeling so good and i didt want any thing to stop the feeling i was haveing and thats why she would not talke to you a bout it ...what would you do or what punishment would you gave her

Let the punishment fit the 'crime'. The crime was pushing you away then not talking about it, so a lengthy essay on why she pushed you away would seem to be in order.

Good luck.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to omahadom68)

Post #: 22

RE: what punishment would you gave a bad slave - 4/29/2006 11:49:43 AM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

*Pulls up his chair. Passes out popcorn and candy bars to the interested spectators. Watches omahadom68 sew his field. Stuffs wrappers in pockets of unwary spectators. Smiles devilishly at mist.*

“Care to hand the refreshment?”

*kiss’s mist gently on the cheek*

“Thanks luv.”

*Watches omahadom68 reap what he sewed*

Well, I’m set. Shall we go?

````When in doubt, see my first post.`````

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 23

RE: what punishment would you gave a bad slave - 4/29/2006 11:57:08 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

To paraphrase a line from the movie Hook, "You need a Mentor very badly!"

Seriously, you do. Not to mention a spell checker, not trying to put you down but if you want to be understood, try to make it a little easier for us who are trying to understand what you want to say.

That said...

Apparently you got your slave into a threesome with a third party (gender unknown, but not really relevant at this point either). For reasons unknown to you at the time she become unresponsive to you during the "scene" and this bothers you (understandably).

Secondly she remained unresponsive and refused to talk with you afterwards and this also bothered you (also understandably).

You feel you need to punish her.

My first question to you is... why do you want to punish her? Is it...
a) you're offended by her behavior and want to make her feel your hurt through punitive measures?
b) you're the dom and you believe punishing her will make her obey you?
c) you're trying to change her behavior because her reactions were inappropriate and created problems?

If you answered A, you're just out for vengeance, and that's never a reason to punish. If you answered B, you'll get a short term immediate result, but over the long term you're probably headed for more trouble. She's already withdrawing from you (avoidance) and punishment tends to prompt further avoidance behavior, so you'd actually be compounding your problem rather than solving it. If you answered C, you're on the right track but using the tool incorrectly for the situation.

You need to define to her what her incorrect behavior was and why it was incorrect. In this case we have two incorrect behaviors, one was not responding / obeying / pleasing you during the scene. She lost her focus and got caught up in her own pleasure and forgot about yours. The second incorrect behavior was not communicating with you openly afterwards. If you are going to punish her for anything, it would be these two behaviors. She should know exactly what she is being punished for, what she should have done in both instances (establishing expectations) and once punished she should know she is forgiven and that you aren't angry with her for it, although you do expect her to work at correcting her behavior in the future.

But you don't stop there, you have to make sure she knows how you do expect her to behave, and you have to encourage her to behave in that way until she acquires the desired behavior, at which point further encouragement should become intermittent to maintain the behavior.

So next question... what behavior did you want or do you really know yourself (well enough to put it into words)? Have you explained this to her in calm, unaggressive (meaning you are not and do not appear to be angry, mad or hostile), clear terms? Have you done anything to encourage that desired behavior? You wanted her to communicate with you, what have you done to both encourage and provide her with the means to do so? Simply put, have you created an environment where she feels she can safely talk openly with you about her feelings, without fear of you reacting angrily? Or have you simply expected it of her without doing anything to cause that to happen; or worse still actually discouraged it through overuse of punishment, being hostile, etc.?

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to omahadom68)

Post #: 24

RE: what punishment would you gave a bad slave - 4/29/2006 12:07:20 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear OmahaDom68, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I admit I had to read, re-read and re-read again but, I hope I have an understanding of the circumstances that transpired to which you feel punishment is needed.

These are my opinions upon the matter based on what has been written to which is only one side of the story.

1. Each individual involved in an intimate sexual experience brings more than sex to the “scene.” There are emotions that are manifested. Some of the emotions trigger memories of the past, present and what may be wished for in the future.

2. It is unwise to “control” another’s emotions. If you do, you take/rob from the other their soul and or spirit, which makes them who they are. If you continue the course, you might as well be having sex with a plastic blow up doll as neither will have feelings, emotions, spirit or soul.

3. A slave/submissive places THEIR trust, their body, their mind, their total self into a dominant’s hands to protect, defend, comfort and cherish them in all respects, to include sex and not to exclude their emotional, spiritual and or mental realms. The betrayal hurts deeply.

4. Emotions at times require time to “register” and or “put into logical understanding and or words.” Profound emotions, such as love, hate, grief and pain to name a few, takes time to put to words and express them honestly. To force emotions before they are ready to be shared is very unkind and is disrespectful to another (in this case your submissive). The submissive is within their rights to protect themselves, even protect themselves from their dominants. Perhaps, that feeling of protection was lost and that was faith broken.

5. Have you considered, that there is a chance, that the submissive has made you jealous or caused you insecurity, as to appreciate someone’s gift through a sexual experience, that you have to ruin it for her by pressing her and or robbing her of the feeling? You should be happy that she had some pleasure from someone, even if it wasn’t from you. It is a quest for dominants to see their charges “live” and “love life,’ to be free and feel no guilt for feelings, emotions and experiences.

6. Putting the submissive in a position that they are not physically, emotionally, mentally and spirit ready, is planting the seeds of "fear" and "doubt" into themselves and destroys faith in the dominant who lacks patience and paces themself to the pace of the slave/submissive. For example, if I knew you had a fear of water, as a dominant I pushed you onto the end of a spring board/platform/plank and then asked if you were ready, you said no but, I pushed you off without any thought to your feelings or failed to listen; you are put into the deep waters and thrash in panic until someone/something rescues you from the situation. How would you feel? Perhaps that is what your submissive might feel.

I will have to agree with the majority of those who responded. The submissive shouldn’t be punished for attempting to spare your feelings or delaying her response as to savor a special moment in her life. As a dominant you placed her into the situation and you need to suffer the consequences of your control/dominant choices. Just because you did not get the results you wanted, it is not fair to have a case of sour grapes and take it out on the submissive.

Personally, I would not punish the submissive but, praise them for exceeding the limits and apologize for any misdeeds done as a dominant to betray the sacred trust. Communication is important. To admit to being human is realistic.

Respectfully submitted;
Lady Hugs

(in reply to omahadom68)

Post #: 25

RE: what punishment would you gave a bad slave - 4/29/2006 12:19:15 PM

herwhim

Posts: 5
Joined: 2/20/2004
Status: offline

Have the strength as a dominant to encourage your sub to post about the experience in this community, or another similar one. If she can't talk to you, she needs to talk to someone. This is a place she can find the support she needs. Please encourage her to post in this conversation.

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 26

RE: what punishment would you gave a bad slave - 4/29/2006 12:21:24 PM

omahadom68

Posts: 11
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline

i would just like to say thinkyou to ganadian guy out of all you he is the ony one that got it right ......some time,s you have to look past your feeling and see what is there to look with out seeing to here with out talkeing ..see its not that i didt want her to have fun it,s that she didt not go by the rules and that she refusing to talk a bout the things .. iam not new to this way of life i have been in it for 14 yres but i want to get info out of some of you i didt want to go by my feeling,s her and i have beentogether for 9 mo and deep down she is a good slave and girlfriend

(in reply to CanadianGuy)

Post #: 27

RE: what punishment would you gave a bad slave - 4/29/2006 12:29:53 PM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

The D/s M/s life for 14 years?

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to omahadom68)

Post #: 28

RE: what punishment would you gave a bad slave - 4/29/2006 12:30:26 PM

LaMalinche

Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline

Let me get this straight. . .

1. You all had a threesome. . . which like communism, tends to look a lot better on paper.
2. There was a threesome rule broken (I am guessing that it was something to do with you got the most attnetion and who did what to whom)
3. Sub/slave enjoyed it.
4. Sub/slave was then confused about her feelings (Did something "bad" but it felt "good") and was not ready to talk about it.
5. Sub/slave "pushed you away" because she was confused about her feelings and could not/ would not/ was not ready to talk about her feelings.
6. Now you want to punish her for being confused and not ready to talk to you.

Hmmm. . . I would not talk to you either. I get punished for telling you what I was feeling once I work up the courage or even began to understand it in the first place. . . I get punished for not talking to you and keeping it to myself. . . hell I am already trying to sort through emotions and feelings and then I get punished and I am confused as to exactly why.

Gee. . . you sound like a really safe guy to talk to about what is going on in my head. *oh that WAS scarcasm*

Okay. . . feelings, emotions, and reasons can be intense issues to deal with. Sometimes it takes a few minutes, sometimes a few days, and for some it takes years. There is a virtue called patience. . . I suggest that you try it out. (and NO, it has nothing to do with going to the doctor).

I also suggest that you learn to listen to your Sub/slave instead of just "hearing" her. Listening is a skill, it takes practice, but is very useful.

Another useful thing that you might incorporate into this. . . Letting her say, "I do not have an answer for that (emotions/feelings/actions) right now. I need to think about it."

One more, and then I am going back to bed (even if I have to take drugs to fall asleep). Do not EVER pester someone about how they are feeling or their thought processes UNLESS they are behaving in a way that you worry about them endangering themselves. Someone's outer dialogue and yapping is not conducive to the other person's inner dialogue sorting through just what is going on within themselves. Shut up and give her some space.

The Hebrews had it right. . . we need the Red Tent back.

Oh and BTW. . . to whoever said it. . . this "Dom" is in Omaha NE, according to his profile, and so I do not think that this is an ESL issue. . . it is an issue of not being able to write and think in a coherent manner. I work with ESL people, it is the idioms and quirks of a language that trip them up, not confusing a comma for an apostraphe.

Dayuum. . . I likely do not make sense right now, but my excuse is 50 hours without sleep. . . I am going to bed.

Best,

LaMalinche

Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear. Honorifics and formal politeness provide lubrication where people rub together. Often the very young, the untraveled, the naïve, the unsophisticated deplore these formalities as "empty," "meaningless," or "dishonest," and scorn to use them. No matter how "pure" their motives, they thereby throw sand into machinery that does not work too well at best.

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 29

RE: what punishment would you gave a bad slave - 4/29/2006 12:36:54 PM

krikket

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

Well, i'm not sure the OP's last post really cleared things up for me..(wipes glasses clean, rubs eyes, puts glasses back on..and still confused..lol) but..i might like to stress one point that has been made here in the excellent advise given, in the area of communication. You said that your g/f didn't communicate with you the way you wanted, etc., but... did you communite with her - before, during and/or afterwards? It's important for most subs, i think, to want to please their partner, and one way they know that is to be told, as well as shown. If you decide on punishment then the sub also needs to know specifically what was done wrong, and what you, as the top, hope to accomplish by such punishment, and perhaps what rewards she might hope for in the future with more pleasing behavior. i also don't think that punishment is always needed to make a point. The worst punishment my late Master ever handed out was looking in my eyes and saying.."i am disappointed in your behavior." The pain in my heart and soul was much worse than any physical punishment i ever received.

just my 2 cents...

jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to omahadom68)

Post #: 30

RE: what punishment would you gave a bad slave - 4/29/2006 12:42:11 PM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

F ucn rd ths u re kwalifyed too bee a Dmnant too. Ce Me to git yrass whopped.

Whether it is ESL or illiteracy or laziness doesn't really matter. We communicate here through written English. If you want advice, have something to say, or just want to blow your horn, you should do so in at least competent, if not eloquent, written English. I think in this case, Omaha is just lazy. Forgive Me in advance If I'm wrong. Although I give kudos to the mostly intelligent answers posted, I think we all are being led on a bit.

quote:

The Hebrews had it right. . . we need the Red Tent back.

UH...yah. LaMalinche. That's right. and...can we bring back concubines, too? And slavery? Pleeeeze? *GRIN*

-E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to LaMalinche)

Post #: 31

RE: what punishment would you gave a bad slave - 4/29/2006 12:52:54 PM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

op
...what would you do or what punishment would you gave her

quote:

op
what i need to do at the time was to get her by the hair pull her little ass out and gave her a paddling that she wouldt for get

quote:

Canadian guy

He said that he wanted to punish her for pushing him away during a threesome,

op

quote:

i would just like to say thinkyou to ganadian guy out of all you he is the ony one that got it right

I think I am detecting a pattern here. I think you are looking for us to justify abuse. However, I am looking at it objectively and without bias. Just your posts telling us what is going on.
Loki

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to Emperor1956)

Post #: 32

RE: what punishment would you gave a bad slave - 4/29/2006 1:05:01 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

I think Loki's right. In light of the second post this gentleman does not really seem to be asking for advice as much as he is validation. At least from what I can decipher of it.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

Post #: 33

RE: what punishment would you gave a bad slave - 4/29/2006 1:12:22 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMalinch

Oh and BTW. . . to whoever said it. . . this "Dom" is in Omaha NE, according to his profile, and so I do not think that this is an ESL issue. . . it is an issue of not being able to write and think in a coherent manner. I work with ESL people, it is the idioms and quirks of a language that trip them up, not confusing a comma for an apostraphe.

What is ESL?..Is it a specific USA term?....I'm on a steep learning curve in these forums.....Are there any /many others from UK posting/reading?......Apologies for hijacking the thread .....lol

Regards, agirl

(in reply to LaMalinche)

Post #: 34

RE: what punishment would you gave a bad slave - 4/29/2006 1:14:01 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

ESL=English as a Second Language

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 35

RE: what punishment would you gave a bad slave - 4/29/2006 1:26:56 PM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

You know, I am dying to hear the girl’s side of this. I would even be tickled to death if she would speak with any number of women who post here.

Loki

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 36

RE: what punishment would you gave a bad slave - 4/29/2006 1:28:10 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

Smiles devilishly at mist.*

“Care to hand the refreshment?”

*kiss’s mist gently on the cheek*

“Thanks luv.”

OMG...How did I miss this???? Totally blushing here...and now I have new plans for my Saturday night....steam cleaning the chair!!! Is it hot in here or is it just me?????????

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

Post #: 37

RE: what punishment would you gave a bad slave - 4/29/2006 1:55:03 PM

misfire

Posts: 55
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Greenville, SC
Status: offline

Oh, wow. All those years on AOL couldn't have prepared me for the OP's post. ;)

I'm not going to jump in and assume something's going on, 'cos assuming things .. well, you know. I'm just going to offer my advice to the OP.
If she acted inappropriately during the threesome, perhaps that's a punishable offense; perhaps it isn't. I'm echoing the other sentiments of 'talk to your sub.' She might have acted inappropriately because of something -- maybe even the same something she's not willing to talk about just yet. She's afraid to talk to you -- and since you're ready to punish her without talking to her, finding out what she's thinking, she's right to be afraid. I'd be afraid to come to you, too.

You really need to let her know that you're not going to punish her for what she felt. Let her know that she can come to you with her feelings. Let her trust you. And don't punish her for her feelings. If feelings were punishable offenses, I'd be black and blue constantly.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 38

RE: what punishment would you gave a bad slave - 4/29/2006 1:59:12 PM

cariad

Posts: 943
Joined: 9/25/2004
From: Calgary, Alberta
Status: offline

*shakes her already pounding head, rubs her eyes, puts her glasses back and shakes her head again*

oy vey.......girl thought she has a hard time typing at the best of times, sorry but the OP is really confusing her so she had to read, re-read, re-re-read and so and so on til she figured it out.

as a slave girl would be terrified to come to You knowing that You want to punish her for her feelings, concerns and fears. perhaps what You need to do is like many Others here suggested.

COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE
*ooooops did girl just yell that at the top of her lungs.*....Perhaps it's cause Ya need to learn to talk and not punish for her fears, concerns and feelings.

so she pushed You away... hell girl has done that to her Master when she was collared until such a time as she was ready to talk about what was bothering her.

You need to stand in the corner and then look in the mirror and say "I was wrong for wanting to punish her," at least 50 times until You get it through Your thick skull that she is HUMAN.

sure she may be Your slave/sub but for crying out loud to punish her for wanting to take the time to sort out her feelings is JUST WRONG. (i.g.o. = in girls opinion)

man seriously You need to think about the lines of communication being re-opened and talk about things with her before, during and after a scene.

girl loves to please the one she is with but will not do so when she feels the lines of communication are closed.

in fact, case in point here: girl is going to meet a Dom and His alpha slave for the first time, we have agreed that girl will try somethings that are new to her and some which are a fear for her, on the understanding we sit and talk about it afterwards so He can help girl work on why they are a fear or why they startled her.

get the lines of communication open and talk, talk talk about things...what is expected, why it's expected, what to do when she is not able to talk to You, have her write a daily journal so that when she is not able to talk to You, she can hand it to You saying: "Master i can't seem to speak my feelings today but would like You to read my thoughts, fears, concerns, desires etc etc."

just girl's opinion

goes off to find that thing called a bed mumbling bout being a sick girl and havin the not so smart idea to come online and post........

_____________________________

The Path To Being A Good slave Takes Hard Work, A Willingness To Learn, Ability To Take Criticism and the Ability To Take Punishments Well. i Am Still Learning So Please Be Patient With me, As i Walk the Path to Being A good slave. SLRN: 742 958 000

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 39

RE: what punishment would you gave a bad slave - 4/29/2006 2:09:27 PM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: omahadom68

well thinkyou ....i would like to communicate this.. we have been in 3 ways be for this is the first time she push me a way and out of thing ,s the rule is to not do that. she fuck up .and she cant figure out why she did it all she know,s is she was so in to hem and what was going on with the sex .but after it was over she didt want to inform me of why she did it or on how she was feeling now that been 3 day,s a go ..she said she didt want to inform me of her feeling at that time becos she didt want to stop the feeling she got out of it but now she know,s she fuck up by not going by the rules and by not informed me of her feeling,s and not obeying me when i said come here .....and yes i think amayos is right a giveing my self a punch what i need to do at the time was to get her by the hair pull her little ass out and gave her a paddling that she wouldt for get

So, what you're basically saying is that you suck so badly in the sack that you have to have a rule to make sure you participate in the three-way that you set up. Oh, and paddling is a solution for her enjoying the man you put her with. That makes sense.

"One of these things is not like the others. One of these things just isn’t the same.
If you can tell which one is not like the others, then you win the game."

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to omahadom68)

Post #: 40

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