Ladies, need to ask a question, how do you know if a Dom is for real ?

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Ladies, need to ask a question, how do you know if a Dom is for real ?

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Ladies, need to ask a question, how do you know if a Do... - 12/1/2010 6:25:55 PM

wantu2bemine

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/20/2010
Status: offline

wanted to ask the ladies how do you know if a dom is for real, or if it is just some guy out there trying to get laid, what gives it away, I have been browsing the profiles and see that alot of the ladies are putting some trust in a person and then finding out that what they thought was for real turned out to be a real fake,

thanks

Post #: 1

RE: Ladies, need to ask a question, how do you know if ... - 12/1/2010 6:51:35 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

Gut instinct.

_____________________________

(in reply to wantu2bemine)

Post #: 2

RE: Ladies, need to ask a question, how do you know if ... - 12/1/2010 6:57:57 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

He's real if you're attracted to him.
One person's fake is another person's real.

It really IS that simple.

This ain't any different than getting to know a guy in any walk of life. Talk to him, get to know him. Do you like him? Do you want to meet him? Do you find him someone you want to spend time with? Then he's real for you.

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 3

RE: Ladies, need to ask a question, how do you know if ... - 12/1/2010 7:07:04 PM

ncbabe

Posts: 1060
Joined: 4/19/2009
Status: offline

You state in your profile you are new to this, and it sounds like you are looking for tips on what not to do. Honestly, the only tip I can give you is to just be yourself when talking to a sub. She will see what you are, and chemistry (or lack thereof) will take care of the rest.

_____________________________

As we think, so we become.

Nichts ist unmöglich

(in reply to wantu2bemine)

Post #: 4

RE: Ladies, need to ask a question, how do you know if ... - 12/1/2010 7:09:09 PM

nikkino

Posts: 19
Joined: 11/21/2010
Status: offline

I tend to stay away from cock shots in the profile... unless of course they are stating up front that they don't want a partner, just a playmate from time to time.... then that may be pertinent.... if they're saying they want long term or 24/7 and post a cock shot, I tend to believe they're insecure or their priorities aren't right. Just my opinion...

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 5

RE: Ladies, need to ask a question, how do you know if ... - 12/1/2010 7:45:53 PM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wantu2bemine

wanted to ask the ladies how do you know if a dom is for real, or if it is just some guy out there trying to get laid, what gives it away, I have been browsing the profiles and see that alot of the ladies are putting some trust in a person and then finding out that what they thought was for real turned out to be a real fake,

thanks

Hold off on sex until marriage.

Okay okay...just until a committed relationship. And that's not "you're my girlfriend" on the second date. Give it a few months of actual relationship (where you see each other regularly without it being a 'date') The ones just looking to get laid won't put in that much time.

(in reply to wantu2bemine)

Post #: 6

RE: Ladies, need to ask a question, how do you know if ... - 12/1/2010 8:48:07 PM

subkatslut

Posts: 81
Joined: 9/14/2010
Status: offline

I can't speak for anyone else but the biggest tell for me is when a guy cannot articulate what it is he wants clearly. Oftentimes he looks to me to tell him what I want so he can morph into that person and hopefully get what he wants as well. Also wishy-washy guys are a dead giveaway.

Also someone who doesn't want to take the time to talk. In real life that happens in other ways but online why is it a big deal to exchange some good conversation via email? It's a good way to learn the basics and get to know someone at a beginning level and it's also where the fakes tend to give themselves away for what they are.

The first thing I want to see in a dom is confidence which means him being who he is. Which is why wishy-washy doesn't work. That kind of stuff signals a guy not wanting to ruin his chance of getting an easy lay.

(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 7

RE: Ladies, need to ask a question, how do you know if ... - 12/1/2010 8:54:53 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

Pinch them.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to subkatslut)

Post #: 8

RE: Ladies, need to ask a question, how do you know if ... - 12/1/2010 9:23:25 PM

jujubeeMB

Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline

OP -

Are you asking because you want to appear "real" to hide the fact that you're "just trying to get laid," or are you asking because you want a serious connection with someone and are afraid you're not going to stand out in the crowd? If it's the former, I don't want to help you, and if it's the latter, other people have said it: just be yourself. Be the best self that you are, and think of it as a vanilla dating site until D/s comfortably comes up. So no talking about how much you want to spank her ass until after you've shared a few laughs and had a political debate

(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 9

RE: Ladies, need to ask a question, how do you know if ... - 12/1/2010 9:37:53 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Same way I know if a vanilla guy is "for real". See if he sticks around, keeps his word, etc.

It helps if he remembers my birthday.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to wantu2bemine)

Post #: 10

RE: Ladies, need to ask a question, how do you know if ... - 12/1/2010 10:13:57 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

UGH! I hate it when the man in my life forgets my birthday!

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 11

RE: Ladies, need to ask a question, how do you know if ... - 12/1/2010 11:04:02 PM

Awareness

Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline

He has a card from the union and can produce his Dom number when required. He also has the names of 3 fellow Doms who can verify his scene-pass.

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 12

RE: Ladies, need to ask a question, how do you know if ... - 12/2/2010 6:01:09 AM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

OP

Truth is, only you will know if he is "for real" enough for you or not. What i consider a dominant, you may not. The answer is too subjective. The answer lies within you.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Awareness)

Post #: 13

RE: Ladies, need to ask a question, how do you know if ... - 12/2/2010 6:59:01 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wantu2bemine

wanted to ask the ladies how do you know if a dom is for real, or if it is just some guy out there trying to get laid, what gives it away, I have been browsing the profiles and see that alot of the ladies are putting some trust in a person and then finding out that what they thought was for real turned out to be a real fake,

thanks

I trust very very few people. It's not something that comes easily, kinda like, and hand in hand, with respect. Spend actual real time with a person. Be aware. Don't ignore red flags. If something feels 'off', it likely is.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to wantu2bemine)

Post #: 14

RE: Ladies, need to ask a question, how do you know if ... - 12/2/2010 8:20:56 AM

shivermetimbers

Posts: 2060
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

UGH! I hate it when the man in my life forgets my birthday!

I can help you out here. I never forget my honey's birthday, because I use it as a password for everything. So, when I try to log into the site, I have to use the thingy that says "forgot password" and I get an email that tells me the password again! Important to print one of these out from time to time, and keep it on hand, so as the day approaches, you have a reminder.

No charge.

_____________________________

I love you Deanna, you make every day a better day.

If we descended from monkeys and apes, why are there still monkeys and apes?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ3CJi0Ih9s&feature=player_embedded

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(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 15

RE: Ladies, need to ask a question, how do you know if ... - 12/2/2010 8:34:37 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

Contact with someone, getting to know them is the key for me. When I first started I couldn't always pinpoint why someone made me uneasy or felt wrong, but I got better at weeding through prospects till I found someone right for me. It takes time. If someone pushes me too quickly, then he isn't the right kind of Dom for me.

Right off the bat though I do have some filtering mechanisms that send up red flags and help me out- like if a profile is empty or just has sex/kink interests listed in it or the text is all about sex. Cock pictures. Pictures of other people, usually women. Someone who goes instantly for wanting to be called Sir, wanting instant obedience (on your knees bitch), wanting nude pics or cam, or pushes for inappropriate detail in my own BDSM interests or sex life. Someone who sends me unsolicited explicit creative writing before I have exchanged more than a couple of emails. If a guy has checked off every type of women from Domme to slave in his 'looking for' area. If a guy talks about collaring me right off the bat. If it's obvious that he hasn't read my profile at all. There are more but I can't think of them right now...
I need to stress that these things filter out what I am not interested in...other women might find any or all of these things to be perfect for them.

(in reply to wantu2bemine)

Post #: 16

RE: Ladies, need to ask a question, how do you know if ... - 12/2/2010 8:46:18 AM

phoenixmoonn13

Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline

everyones real is differnet. its what feels right to you if there is a doubt then listen to it.

when i met my master i just knew he was teh right one for me and he jsut knew i was the right sub for him.

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 17

RE: Ladies, need to ask a question, how do you know if ... - 12/2/2010 8:56:47 AM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wantu2bemine

wanted to ask the ladies how do you know if a dom is for real, or if it is just some guy out there trying to get laid, what gives it away, I have been browsing the profiles and see that alot of the ladies are putting some trust in a person and then finding out that what they thought was for real turned out to be a real fake,

thanks

Who would have thought I would come to despise a simple 4 letter F word such as Fake!

I have received plenty of mail from men that are just looking for a quick fix for their sexual desires,
and while this type of communication doesn't hold my interest, I dont see how that makes them any less
dominant, or fake, as you call it. How more real can one be when they are honest enough to let you know up
front that this is what they are looking for?

Perhaps the women you are reading simply find fake an easier explanation as opposed to them not being able
to fulfill the needs of the Dominant, or vice versa, or there just wasn't enough Umph to hold things together.

I also tend to think the word fake is being used more as an attention getter instead of any real life event.
I think women who post things like that in their profile are almost screaming at you to come prove your realness to her.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to wantu2bemine)

Post #: 18

RE: Ladies, need to ask a question, how do you know if ... - 12/2/2010 9:00:18 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I'm just trying to get laid, yet I'm real enough.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 19

RE: Ladies, need to ask a question, how do you know if ... - 12/2/2010 9:13:17 AM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I'm just trying to get laid, yet I'm real enough.

Ron

I believe in you!

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 20

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