RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (Full Version)

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lizi -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/5/2010 6:13:34 PM)

One other thing....I'm not actually interested in 'licking' you in some kind of contest- the other kind of licking might be fun though, lol. My total point was that it seems strange to skewer others for something and then do it yourself. I'm very glad that it seems as though some of your initial frustration has dissipated and that you are finding assistance in what some of the other posters have offered.



DarkSteven -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/5/2010 6:20:30 PM)

Alaskan, to be honest, I DO give some people a hard time.  Usually that's when some fool comes on and asks right out something like, "So where are all the horny sluts?"  Or someone with no experience whatsoever tries to pretend he's a major authority on things.

But I looked at your profile and it's completely honest and not disrespectful to anyone.  I have no idea where any hostility could come from.



alaskan1961 -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/5/2010 6:21:36 PM)

Thank you... If you knew me you would know that it is just frustration.... Patience has always been an issue for me...lol Well, that and manners.....lol My point was more that a few people have approached me, not me approaching them and have offered up their idea of who I should be after I had told them what I liked and what I had desired... DOn't get me wrong, I am open to discussion on a lot of areas in my life.... I love the Grey area.... I try to stay away from the black and white....lol I try to take what people offer if it doesn't conflict with what I have told them before.. Does that make sense? I hope so... Shit, now I am confusing myself....lmao



wandersalone -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/5/2010 6:25:50 PM)

Alaskan the difficulty is going to be that a lot of people will read that first post of yours in this thread and they will form an opinion of you, it sucks but that is the way it happens at times.  Something to maybe remember for the future, if you are writing a post which is maybe a little negative...write it, walk away and do something else for half an hour and then come back and imagine you are a stranger reading it.  What would you think about the author? Would your thoughts be positive or negative?  And only then hit enter [:)]

Living in an area with few bdsm groups would be very frustrating when starting out, especially when you have finally taken the huge step of acknowledging that this is an interest of yours.

All I can suggest is that you post your questions here on the boards, prepare yourself to be judged and to receive some comments you may not like or want to hear but also, I am sure that you will get some gems from people as well.  Just like real life, there are some people you will connect with and a hell of a lot that you won't.  It doesn't make them any mean or users or anything, it just means you both don't gel and that is ok.

A lot of us here have made real life friends and more from hanging out in the message boards.  I live in Australia yet have made real life friends in the US and Canada whom I  met when I went there last year and we all got to know each other on the message boards here.



alaskan1961 -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/5/2010 6:26:46 PM)

Thanks Steven.... I am respectful of people and want the same in return... Well, would like anyway....lol I look at peoples profiles and I write to the poeple who I think could impact my life and I write personal, unique emails to them... I never cut and paste, which I find distasteful... I treat people in the same manner as I would like to be treated... Maybe is too much to ask, but that is me... Take it or leave it...lol



subinlife -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/5/2010 6:29:35 PM)

Welcome to the forums, but please calm down lol.
We are not all bad, I have been here 3 years and it's ok.



alaskan1961 -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/5/2010 6:30:37 PM)

Thanks Wanders... I get what you are saying and had I thought about it I would have did exactly what you proposed and that is write it, step away, read it again, edit and enter... But, me being me, which I am not always that bright, made a misteke lumping "everyone" in, when in actuality it was only a "few" people....lol



alaskan1961 -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/5/2010 6:32:23 PM)

subinlife... I know not all are bad.... Please read everything... I think I am pretty calm now



NocturnalStalker -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/5/2010 6:36:41 PM)

Personally I just let people message me. I dislike reaching out, and that is probably seen as negative by most people.

Oh well, c'est la vie.



alaskan1961 -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/5/2010 6:40:37 PM)

Stalker, damn i don't mean that in a bad way....lol I have always been someone who wan't afraid to talk about my feelings or to reach out to people.... I was raised on this saying " A Closed Mouth Don't Get Fed" lol



AquaticSub -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/5/2010 6:42:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: alaskan1961

I treat people in the same manner as I would like to be treated... Maybe is too much to ask, but that is me... Take it or leave it...lol


In which case, your responses to a few people on this thread could explain why you having some hostile interactions. Not meant as an insult just... you seem a little eager to jump when people are disagreeing with you or when you believe they haven't done what you think they should have, ie. if you think they haven't read the whole thread.

In general... there are always going to be people in the lifestyle/community/*insert your term of choice here* who think you are doing things wrong, who are going to attempt to label you, etc. It doesn't matter how much experience you have - it's just human nature I think. And it's not just online either. The question is really how you respond to it.

Hopefully, since you are new, you will hang around the forums awhile. There will be some people here you like and some you don't. But a lot of answers can be had here and it never hurts to follow people's posts, find someone you respect  and then send them a personal question or two. Most of the regulars are happy to help when they can. I know I have sought the advice trusted posters here and have been flattered when people asked for my thoughts for something.

Welcome to the forums - I hope your experience is a positive one.



alaskan1961 -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/5/2010 6:48:23 PM)

Thank you Aquatic.... I get what you are saying, and I know it to be the truth.... I do search out people whom I think can answer questions, and help me along in "my journey" Believe me when I say it has been a journey and it has just started for me... At 49 my life is just starting again... To everyone who has posted, I take everything on board... Maybe I am just a bit fragile today? lol



NocturnalStalker -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/5/2010 6:50:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: alaskan1961

Stalker, damn i don't mean that in a bad way....lol I have always been someone who wan't afraid to talk about my feelings or to reach out to people.... I was raised on this saying " A Closed Mouth Don't Get Fed" lol


"Stalker" is better than "Hey you, in the bushes." Har-har.

Yeah, I see what you mean. Though it is most likely in your personality to be more outgoing than someone more introverted such as myself.



AquaticSub -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/5/2010 6:52:48 PM)

Everyone has their days and all this can seem overwhelming. [:)]

Hopefully you'll learn a lot and find a lot of friendly faces here.



subinlife -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/5/2010 6:59:50 PM)

I always read all of a thread, I was teasing you.
I still consider myself new here and new to the life.
I remember my first post, I almost didn't come back, but I'm glad I did.



Rule -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/5/2010 7:08:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: alaskan1961
Thanks...... One thing about me I am honest with my feelings and with people...... My profile says what I think I want, me being new of course there is room for improvement, and I am open for people helping... I actually want help.... I guess it's like everything else, weed through the good and bad.... Just seems there are loads of bad...lol

Hi. Welcome, maybe.

Please ease up on the dots: they make reading your posts very unpleasant to me. Eventually they might make me end my suffering by hiding your posts from my view. (In the left lower corner of each post are three buttons, one of which is the Hide button.)



angelikaJ -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/5/2010 7:12:23 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: alaskan1961

subinlife... I know not all are bad.... Please read everything... I think I am pretty calm now


alaskan,

A few thoughts/tips/hints... however you see them.

Just within this thread I am observing that you tend to react.

You made a post that was a reaction, people responded to that post and then you reated because they had only read your first post or were only responding to your first post... getting yourself in the direction towards being upset all over again.

My suggestion is that even though it is difficult, to try not to take things so personally.

You like the sensations of anal play.
Someone either made the wrong assumptions about what that meant (that you couldn't like those sensations AND be straight) or they were provoking you with the "Well, that just means you're gay." bit.
In either case, does it really matter what strangers think about that, or about you?

Going back to when I was new? That kind of thing tended to matter a lot, because I wanted to be understood. I still do sometimes and butt heads over it. The difference between then and now, is that I have gotten a little bit of perspective.
So, while in the moment it might matter... how important is it really?? Usually, not very.


People were responding to your first post.
You realised it might have been an over-reaction out of frustration and came back and said so.
You know, a lot of people don't do that, so that is a good thing in your favor here.

But then you reacted to everyone not seeing your other posts.

Relax!
We will catch up.

We are not all bad.
A whole bunch of us are helpful.

if someone says something and it makes you uncomfortable, don't do yourself the disservice and assume it was meant as something non-constructive until you take some time and see if you might be jumping the gun a little.


It's great that you are honest and open about your feelings.
Just try to keep in mind that feelings aren't facts.



alaskan1961 -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/5/2010 7:21:17 PM)

Thanks for your post AngelikaJ. I do try to keep an open mind.....



angelikaJ -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/5/2010 7:34:45 PM)

Happy belated B'day!
[sm=candles.gif]



Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/5/2010 7:56:29 PM)

There's your first mistake, thinking that kinky people are more accepting of others. I have found it to be  very oposit that sometimes kinksters tend to be  MORE judgmental of kinks they don't like, than vanillas, And mistake number two, is letting what people say bother you.

Shoot, it needs to roll off your back like water off a duck.

If you know your body and you know what feels good, and that happens to be ass play, but you're strait, well whomever wants to pooh pooh the idea that strait men wouldn't like anal play, can just shout it to the breeze for all I wouldn't be listening.



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