RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool!

RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (Full Version)

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littlewonder -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/5/2010 8:00:53 PM)
I will never understand why people who find bdsm think that everyone into is somehow better, less judgmental, opinionated, more nicer than than the average being, etc.... Hate to break it to ya but bdsm people are exactly like everyone else. There is zero difference. Stop thinking that you and everyone else into bdsm is special and magical and sprinkled with fairy dust and you'll find life much easier.

Zevar -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly some people aren't too cool! (12/5/2010 8:43:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: alaskan1961 Hi ya'll, Do people just not read? Or are they so far up their own arse that they can't comprehend someone that is not as "experienced" as themselves? Fuckin' hell...lol Sorry about the rant, but all you have to do is ask me what I like and I'll tell you.. If I don't know, I'll tell you so.... I had someone today say that because I like ass play that I must be gay and I should be looking for someone who is either gay or bi? Oh, and that is AFTER I told them that I am straight? Hmm, maybe they should read my emails and my profile, journal entries? To be honest the Vanilla life is so much easier than BDSM? Why is that? Are you not more liberal in your views and sexuality? I find people much more opinionated, and judgmental... WTF? I thought I could be myself and find likewise people, and apart from 4 people so far that I have chatted with your all fucked up.... Get a grip... How in the hell is someone supposed to feel comfortable expressing themselves when all everyone is doing is judging....I hope for my sake and my well being that I meet more people who are grounded in BDSM and know how to bring people into the life... Greetings alaskan1961: With all inter-relating there will be encounters with others that are not in unison with what one might believe and value. It is imperative to mirror an attitude in a way that is demonstrative of being receptive to another perspective and at the least to have an attitude that allows others to be clear that you are approachable to discuss who you are and what you believe. So much for idealism, aye! Pragmatically speaking, not everyone chooses to conduct themselves in a way that is indicative of common respect. It is good to know regardless of how others choose to act, in ways that lack common respect, this does not mean that everyone encountered will behave similarly. A bit of hope does remain when considering this topic from a perspective such as the preceding, if one chooses so. As you more than likely know not every one shares in the same ideologies. Being criticized in a way that is devoid of constructive input seems to be common-place amidst not only of some among the CM Community but likewise within other Virtual Reality Communities on the Web, unfortunately. When I have encountered those who, for reasons unbeknownst to me, tend to act out in ways that are questionable at best, in reference to common courtesy one to another, all one can do is decide how to reply in the most dignified courteous manner and then discard the entire issue into the meaningless file where the waste paper shredding file dwells, then proceed to Live life fully. Welcome to the Message Boards. Take care!

alaskan1961 -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly some people aren't too cool! (12/5/2010 9:48:34 PM)
I thank everyone for their input. Hopefully I will find who I am searching for? I am an eternal optimist.

soul2share -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/5/2010 11:01:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder I will never understand why people who find bdsm think that everyone into is somehow better, less judgmental, opinionated, more nicer than than the average being, etc.... Hate to break it to ya but bdsm people are exactly like everyone else. There is zero difference. Stop thinking that you and everyone else into bdsm is special and magical and sprinkled with fairy dust and you'll find life much easier. Well said, Wonder! As for the OP, something to keep in mind.....myself, I very rarely read profiles. If they say something intelligent, I may go check their profile out, just for kicks. But I tend to hang out here on the boards, as do many, many other folks.....therefore, the impressions I get about a person comes from the boards, not the profile. And you only get one chance to make a good first impression. And, in all honesty, the first impression I got wasn't a good one.....even the second or third one had me rolling my eyes and thinkingWTF?? Just because I discovered that I am submissive doesn't mean that I changed my personality overnight. In fact, it hasn't changed at all.....so being involved in the lifestyle has had absolutely no effect on how I judge people. I'm willing to bet that it hasn't changed you either. Grow a thicker skin, and don't let the idiots out there yank your chain so. Most of the folks here call a spade a spade, and if feelings get hurt, oh well.....chalk it up to a learning experience. We're all adults, if you can't take the heat, then get out of the kitchen. I have made some good friends here on the boards, and learned a lot by just lurking and reading the different threads. I didn't even post for the first 6 months I was here, just to get a feel for things. I have posted questions in the various areas, and have always gotten good and bad responses.....take the good, toss the bad, it's that easy. But posts like the one you made here tend to alienate folks who would be more than happy to answer questions for you...just something to keep in mind. There is an endless supply of knowledge here, and believe it or not, it even extends to other areas than BDSM. Just my .05 worth....take it for what you will.

allthatjaz -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/6/2010 4:19:34 AM)
Hi Alaskan, I think when you first come to boards such as this or meet someone in rl who is looking for this lifestyle, your much more likely to jump in at the deep end when it comes to a sexual based conversation. In nilla land we tend to talk about most things but sex, perhaps occasionally throwing in a little hint here and there, until we get to know one another. We learn an awful lot about a person before we learn about how they sexually tick. In this world its often reverse. We find out what sexually ticks and then find out more about the person. It doesn't even have to be sexual but some of your first conversations are going to be about the way you and she likes or dislikes very specific things and that in itself is quite alien to someone who has spent most of his adult life doing things in reverse. I have mixed with a lot of scene people. Some are really into the giving or taking of pain, some are just into the control and some are into both. On the whole, I have found that those who are into the giving or taking of pain tend to be more open minded about sexual adventure/experimentation. I tend to be much more guarded in my conversation when I am talking amongst people who just enjoy the control because why wouldn't they be just as shocked as anyone else who is not into that side of things? For those of you that get offended and take this personally, I'm not talking about you or any particular individual but about experience I have personally had whilst talking to people who want the control but not the kink that goes with it. I have heard too many 'OMG how could you do that?' from lifestyle individuals, to know that I need to curb my tongue. I don't think that we should get the impression that everyone here is open minded. Some people have set ideas and they will remain within those set ideas, not because they have been overly sheltered or they are prudish but because they have a very specific vision of what they want and compromising would be impossible. A lot of fem subs believe that a Dom wanting anal is suspicious! a lot of people in general believe that a man wanting anal indicates homosexual tendencies! That is as ripe here as it is in vanilla land but regardless of what people think, there is always going to be a percentage who are happy with it. Thats the benefit of talking early about this sort of thing. Imagine if you had been meeting for months and had really fallen for this person before you broached the subject. Being knocked back would me much tougher, more frustrating and certainly more hurtful.

allthatjaz -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/6/2010 4:22:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: soul2share Just because I discovered that I am submissive doesn't mean that I changed my personality overnight. In fact, it hasn't changed at all.....so being involved in the lifestyle has had absolutely no effect on how I judge people. I'm willing to bet that it hasn't changed you either. Its changed me hugely. I have to say that I was far more judgmental before finding this lifestyle than I am now. It hasn't changed my general personality but I am hugely open minded compared to what I used to be. Geezzz I was a frigging prude once upon a time!

thishereboi -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly some people aren't too cool! (12/6/2010 4:43:08 AM)
Ok, so you have given us a really good example of someone being judgmental. So now are you going to explain why you are like that? Was there a question that I missed?

Aileen1968 -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly some people aren't too cool! (12/6/2010 4:47:04 AM)
I love when grown men throw temper tantrums!

LaTigresse -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly some people aren't too cool! (12/6/2010 7:46:59 AM)
Me also. Gives me something/one else to laugh at.

soul2share -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/6/2010 3:03:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: allthatjaz quote: ORIGINAL: soul2share Just because I discovered that I am submissive doesn't mean that I changed my personality overnight. In fact, it hasn't changed at all.....so being involved in the lifestyle has had absolutely no effect on how I judge people. I'm willing to bet that it hasn't changed you either. Its changed me hugely. I have to say that I was far more judgmental before finding this lifestyle than I am now. It hasn't changed my general personality but I am hugely open minded compared to what I used to be. Geezzz I was a frigging prude once upon a time! snort I don't know, I've always been sort of open minded anyway, and try not to judge people before I honestly get to know them. I don't look at things in black and white, I really never have. I do have high standards, and won't compromise on them, and they are what I judge others by...not their sexual preferences. Having said that, I do know that men DO like anal stimulation....I mean, c'mon, I know it feels grrrrrrreeeeeaaaat, so why wouldn't men like it? Like Ron White says....50 million gay men CAN'T be wrong!!!!! But some others will be all "EWWWWWWW - GROSS!" But my standards include honesty, integrity, compatibility OUTSIDE of the bedroom, BDSM doesn't really enter the conversation until I know that the guy isn't just looking at me as just something he can satisfy his sexual needs for. If I want to get laid, I can get that anywhere.....I want more than just that. Another .05 worth.....

DesFIP -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/6/2010 8:14:46 PM)
I don't understand how something as inconsequential as discovering that there are other ways to have sex than you used to could possibly change a person that much. It's as though you said you changed monumentally once you ate a different cuisine than the one you had growing up. Shakes head in confusion.

allthatjaz -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/7/2010 6:35:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: soul2share snort I don't know, I've always been sort of open minded anyway, and try not to judge people before I honestly get to know them. I don't look at things in black and white, I really never have. Don't get me wrong, joining the mile high club and enjoying watersports has gone on since I was 18. I have always been a filthy bitch when it comes to sex with my partner but I was naive and very shockable. If someone had told me back then that I would one day enjoy taking a guy up the ass with a strap-on or even burying my fist in there I would of been shocked. I would of likely said 'but these guys have to be gay'. Back then I thought that all TV's, cross dressers, transexuals and male anal sluts were gay. quote: I do have high standards, and won't compromise on them, and they are what I judge others by...not their sexual preferences. Having said that, I do know that men DO like anal stimulation....I mean, c'mon, I know it feels grrrrrrreeeeeaaaat, so why wouldn't men like it? Like Ron White says....50 million gay men CAN'T be wrong!!!!! But some others will be all "EWWWWWWW - GROSS!" Actually I have never been over keen on taking anal but I enjoy giving. quote: But my standards include honesty, integrity, compatibility OUTSIDE of the bedroom, BDSM doesn't really enter the conversation until I know that the guy isn't just looking at me as just something he can satisfy his sexual needs for. If I want to get laid, I can get that anywhere.....I want more than just that. Another .05 worth..... Steve (my husband) and me spoke about our likes and dislikes within a few days of getting to know one another. He had, had a bi experience and wanted to know how I felt about that. I don't believe there is anything unhealthy in talking about these things early on. I didn't want to waste my time on someone who wasn't open minded and neither did he and so we both jumped straight in. It wasn't about getting laid, but more about the adventure in a person and where they want or are prepared to go with this. I can do lots of BDSM without sex but you need to understand sexual fantasies before you can properly embark on BDSM play. Before meeting Steve I had met half a dozen men for an evening meal and decided very quickly that I didn't want to take it further than that. There was nothing sluttish about that and I certainly didn't drop my moral values but then BDSM and the talking of it doesn't embarrass me or make me feel like the local slapper.

allthatjaz -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/7/2010 6:52:00 AM)
How did I change? lets see.... It was other people who were into BDSM that changed me. I was no longer a solitary freak that needed to hide away in shame with my dirty fantasies. I became much more open minded and accepting of others that were into things that I wasn't into. I was able to work out and heal from a past abuse issue, which gave me a huge amount of new found confidence. At last I could be me, not just a little bit but completely. As I have already said, BDSM isn't just about sex, its about a thousand other things too.

purepleasure -> RE: Why so judgmental... I'm new, but frankly people aren't too cool! (12/7/2010 7:08:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder <snip> Stop thinking that you and everyone else into bdsm is special and magical and sprinkled with fairy dust and you'll find life much easier. You mean we aren't sprinkled with fairy dust? just kidding [;)]

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