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Slapping a slave - 12/6/2010 12:36:25 PM   
Jaybeee


Posts: 532
Joined: 2/2/2010
Status: offline 		This is a pretty vanilla question from me, but I'm still not entirely comfy with slapping my slave's face. I'll be open about it, we've only just established the dynamic and I'm considering breaking myself in, as it were, with "controlled slaps".

In order to overcome my conditioning never to hit a woman, I've proposed that I start off with a 5 minute session every few days where I slap her face very, very softly, as if I were patting her cheek, then progressively get a little harder during and between sessions.

Anyone done this? Experienced comment welcome.

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RE: Slapping a slave - 12/6/2010 12:39:11 PM   
APainfulDesire


Posts: 14
Joined: 8/30/2009
Status: offline 		Seems like a logical start. Just remember you're not reconditioning, you're making an exception. Keep in mind she ENJOYS it. She's the exception to the rule in your controlled environment. You're not just hitting a woman, you're helping your slave enjoy her submission. Though granted, as you're the dominant, if it's something you're not interested in, why do it?

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RE: Slapping a slave - 12/6/2010 12:41:51 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline 		I do quite a bit of rough body play including face slapping.  I always, ALWAYS fully support the head while slapping to avoid whiplash type neck injury.  I impact using only the tips of my fingers (top two knuckles) on the lower cheek, avoiding the cheekbone and eye socket area and taking it easy on the jaw hinge.  Starting with light tapping and practicing this slowly is a good idea.  

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RE: Slapping a slave - 12/6/2010 12:44:30 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I think what you have in mind will probably work well.  I will say that I agree with the poster above that this is as much about reconditioning the way you look at it as it is about breaking years of social training.  This is something that fulfills her.  That is the one reason that a dominant may do something that doesn't necessarily float his boat.  Finding ways to overcome limits is not just the responsibility of submissives after all.

lovingpet


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RE: Slapping a slave - 12/6/2010 12:48:30 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Face slapping was something that I had to become accustomed to at first.  I had a serious hang up about it for the reasons that people will often recount.  This was reinforced by My first slave, who actually stated it as one of his hard limits, even though I had no interest in sadism at that time.

Years later when I had My dynamic with pet, who absolutely loved face slapping, I had to deprogram Myself.  In conjunction, I also had to learn how to do the activity right.  The good news on this is that the two go very well together.  As you are practicing how to land your palm and fingers in the right place, doing it softly will help your mental attitude.  It will allow you to begin getting past the negative connotations that you have associated with face slapping as you start small and escalate.  It's an excellent way to ease you as the top into the activity.


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RE: Slapping a slave - 12/6/2010 12:52:24 PM   
Jaybeee


Posts: 532
Joined: 2/2/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: APainfulDesire

Seems like a logical start. Just remember you're not reconditioning, you're making an exception. Keep in mind she ENJOYS it. She's the exception to the rule in your controlled environment. You're not just hitting a woman, you're helping your slave enjoy her submission. Though granted, as you're the dominant, if it's something you're not interested in, why do it?


I appreciate the initial agreement, but you're placing a lot of emphasis on the underlying goals which I don't agree with. This is also to help me break my conditioning not to hit ANY woman - whether she enjoys/agrees to it or not.

I WANT to hit her - it just so happens she wants it too, but that is just a happy coincidence. I want to be CRYSTAL clear on that.

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RE: Slapping a slave - 12/6/2010 12:56:38 PM   
ownedbyPF


Posts: 126
Joined: 2/18/2010
Status: offline 		I agree with everyone else, it sounds like a good plan... and my Master went through something similar. He just hadn't ever done it... He could inflict all kinds of pain, but somehow (social programming) that was different. One night i was kneeling on the couch in front of him and he slapped me quite softly, then a little harder and so on. Giggle... uh yeah, I think he discovered he thought it was pretty great by the third slap I really do adore him! Anyhow, that was years ago and now, now I never know when one is coming and they can make me see stars! (Good stars... oops i'm getting all squishy...!) So, start slow and you may find you take to it, well, like, immediately!
~s

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RE: Slapping a slave - 12/6/2010 1:03:58 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		This is a copy from an old post of mine:

          "I love face slapping, but I am careful about it. Before I do it with anyone new, I always ask if it is OK, if the recipient has any negative connotations attached to it. Some people just don't like things in their face. Others it triggers something bad. Not to mention that there are far too many people who carry trauma from the past that it triggers. Nothing can ruin the experience quicker than running into one of the trip wires we all carry in our heads. Instead of being something that is erotic, it sends everything spiraling sideways quickly.

           Once that information has been ascertained, I am careful about how I do it. One of the things that I like most is that despite all the toys, the floggers and ropes and cuffs and everything else, for me the most sensual thing about BDSM still comes down to touch, and face slapping can be the most intimate touch of all, mixing pleasure and pain, fear and arousal. I cradle her one cheek in my hand, usually caressing it, bringing her down with the touch, and then I start slapping, soft at first, slowly building. Safety is a concern, one of the reasons I cradle her cheek is to prevent any harm from coming to her neck. The other thing I am careful of is how my hand is cupped when I strike. I am fortunate in that I took a whole lot of martial arts when I was kid so I know something about how to strike.

           When done right it can take a girl down quicker than about anything else that I know. To look her in the eye and begin to slap and watch her glaze over has to be one of the greatest feelings I know…yummy."


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RE: Slapping a slave - 12/6/2010 1:07:46 PM   
Darkfeather


Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jaybeee


quote:

ORIGINAL: APainfulDesire

Seems like a logical start. Just remember you're not reconditioning, you're making an exception. Keep in mind she ENJOYS it. She's the exception to the rule in your controlled environment. You're not just hitting a woman, you're helping your slave enjoy her submission. Though granted, as you're the dominant, if it's something you're not interested in, why do it?


I appreciate the initial agreement, but you're placing a lot of emphasis on the underlying goals which I don't agree with. This is also to help me break my conditioning not to hit ANY woman - whether she enjoys/agrees to it or not.

I WANT to hit her - it just so happens she wants it too, but that is just a happy coincidence. I want to be CRYSTAL clear on that.



If it is as you say, then you have the wrong perspective on your problem. There is a clear and marked difference between violence towards a woman (or anyone for that matter) and what we concider pain for pleasure's sake. In this instance, slaping someone's face for their enjoyment is no different than slapping their behind. You hit them, cause them pain, they enjoy it. Violence is a whole other kettle of fish, with its own emotions, triggers, etc. Comparing the two is like apples and oranges. If you are comfortable spanking someone, you can become comfortable slapping someone. It's just a matter of switching your perspective and your safe zone.

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RE: Slapping a slave - 12/6/2010 1:15:42 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		Hi Jaybeee

my Domme always made sure I knew it was coming so that I could relax my jaw...

only the fingertips, never palm or fist.  Enough to sting, not enough to physically move the head/neck.  Use your other hand, as suggested, to support the head--typically, my Domme placed the one hand on the opposite cheek (and supported my head) and struck me in the other.  By placing your hand there first, she'll know what's coming--train her to relax her jaw.

I was trained to relax my jaw, part my lips just slightly to allow me to exhale upon the slap.  The hit should land on the "hollow" part of the cheek--not on the bony prominence of the cheekbone, never on the eye sock or lower jaw or mandible.

You'd be surprised how much you can make it sting without hitting hard--try it on yourself or have a trusted friend do it to you first.

For me--I only let one Domme ever slap my face--it was used on very rare occasion (thankfully) and instantly brought me to a completely different and serious headspace.

< Message edited by hausboy -- 12/6/2010 1:16:55 PM >

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RE: Slapping a slave - 12/6/2010 1:15:56 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		Dunno if it's any help but I had the same problem, I'm a sadist but I never liked face slapping as it was for me always something that came with a negative connotation, a sign of essential disrespect, now the thing is I got to like somebody to actually want to play with them. So some people I played with really liked it and I thought I give it a try, it's very powerful and you connect on an emotional level and yes, the craddling/supporting the head with the other hand helps. What helped me too was I was using a soft leather glove which I took off and used to slap them with first, seeing their reaction to it "eased" me in and overcame the negative connotation I had with it, I now enjoy it quite a bit!

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RE: Slapping a slave - 12/6/2010 1:39:57 PM   
ownedbyPF


Posts: 126
Joined: 2/18/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

This is a copy from an old post of mine:

          "I love face slapping, but I am careful about it. Before I do it with anyone new, I always ask if it is OK, if the recipient has any negative connotations attached to it. Some people just don't like things in their face. Others it triggers something bad. Not to mention that there are far too many people who carry trauma from the past that it triggers. Nothing can ruin the experience quicker than running into one of the trip wires we all carry in our heads. Instead of being something that is erotic, it sends everything spiraling sideways quickly.

           Once that information has been ascertained, I am careful about how I do it. One of the things that I like most is that despite all the toys, the floggers and ropes and cuffs and everything else, for me the most sensual thing about BDSM still comes down to touch, and face slapping can be the most intimate touch of all, mixing pleasure and pain, fear and arousal. I cradle her one cheek in my hand, usually caressing it, bringing her down with the touch, and then I start slapping, soft at first, slowly building. Safety is a concern, one of the reasons I cradle her cheek is to prevent any harm from coming to her neck. The other thing I am careful of is how my hand is cupped when I strike. I am fortunate in that I took a whole lot of martial arts when I was kid so I know something about how to strike.

           When done right it can take a girl down quicker than about anything else that I know. To look her in the eye and begin to slap and watch her glaze over has to be one of the greatest feelings I know…yummy."



Quoted the whole thing because, well, it's all so true My Owner will come up to me at random, hold one side of my head and stroke my cheek with his other hand... but see I never know... I never know what's coming, a sweet little stroke, or a stinging, hot slap that will send me spinning instantly into lalala land? Sometimes it's a mix of both. (Geeze, I'm getting all squishy again :) ) He loves my reaction... Hell I think that's what sold him on it. Some times it's when i'm being fun and cheeky and he says something back that makes me go, huh, maybe that was too much?! Eek! (But when I'm just playing I know the lines, it isn't like I ever wind up really in trouble,) so sometimes, it's a stroke and a laugh, and sometimes it's a quick, hard slap that says get a check on yourself, and sometimes nothing leads up to it, he just wants to do it, or see me with that look. It's just really really tasty stuff!
~s

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RE: Slapping a slave - 12/6/2010 1:47:31 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Being slapped is very psychologically juicy for me. I usually have to request it, as other men share your hesitance.

I need more time to process a slap than everything else including the single tail - while I LOVE a hard slap with long pauses in between, I HATE slap slap slap. This is due to the psychological affect rather than the physical.

I'm having problems quantifying "time in between", but it is probably minutes.

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RE: Slapping a slave - 12/6/2010 1:52:55 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		um..., why face slap if you dont like face slapping, it isnt, so far as im aware a prerequisite to every Ds or Ms relationship.  as a sub i positively loathe it, to the point where if someone ever were to they'd have a seriously angry woman on their hands, sub or not, its a very big fat no no to me.  i turn from happy me to furious green eyed monster!  its not at all pretty

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RE: Slapping a slave - 12/6/2010 3:36:41 PM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jaybeee


This is also to help me break my conditioning not to hit ANY woman - whether she enjoys/agrees to it or not.

I WANT to hit her - it just so happens she wants it too, but that is just a happy coincidence. I want to be CRYSTAL clear on that.



Just curious, why the need to be "CRYSTAL" clear on wanting to slap/hit "ANY woman - whether she enjoys/agrees to it or not"?

I thought this thread was about you and your partner/slave. Could you clarify this a bit?

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RE: Slapping a slave - 12/6/2010 8:22:33 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Make sure you know how to hold her so that you will hit safely and that she won't flinch or pull away. Moreover if she has any vision or hearing problems you would be wise not to do this. And of course, be prepared for her to have unexpected reactions, like breaking your nose and walking out. This gets visceral reactions from many people, they go directly to seeing red without passing go.

Oh yeah, forgot to add, better be prepared for the marks to make you labeled an abuser by her friends and family. Which might make holidays quite difficult when they'll make no bones about loathing you.

Me? The idea is hot but the reality is that one wrong slap and I'm blind. I have implants in my eyes and any contact sport is forbidden without protective goggles.


< Message edited by DesFIP -- 12/6/2010 8:26:56 PM >

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RE: Slapping a slave - 12/6/2010 9:36:57 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Remember, as with most of what we do, the mental aspect is often at least as important as the physical side. The advice on how to do it hard in this thread is actually flawless, but since it is about getting YOU over it...try this.

Next time you are having sex and she is close to cumming, LIGHTLY slap her face and trust me, as her body begins to spasm under you, you will now be sharing the erotic charge of slapping with her.

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RE: Slapping a slave - 12/6/2010 9:43:55 PM   
wittynamehere


Posts: 759
Joined: 2/5/2010
Status: offline 		FR

I don't really have anything for, or against, face slapping. I consider it a valid part of the body to smack, but with some obvious safety concerns. I generally go for something better, that I can really whack, anyhow. But I wouldn't hesitate to smack a girl across the face if she needed it.


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RE: Slapping a slave - 12/6/2010 9:44:43 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Please be sure SHE is interested in it as well. Not all of us get into that, and some of us get very PISSED OFF if when people try.


quote:

ORIGINAL: APainfulDesire

Keep in mind she ENJOYS it.

if it's something you're not interested in, why do it?


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RE: Slapping a slave - 12/6/2010 10:15:15 PM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:


Keep in mind she ENJOYS it.


Actually I fucking HATE it.... and will make sure the person slapping me is in a lot of physical pain after doing so...Its one of those do it do me and you no longer have your testicles attached to your body activities for me.

OP If I were you I would try a different area of the body to become more comfortable with, If you both agree it MUST be the face I would suggest as many have above but dont work up to harder slaps until you both are okay with it,

Also if either of you react badly to it. STOP its not required to be a domly dom or to win the uber dom of the world award,


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