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obsession with your Mistress/Master - 12/6/2010 10:44:23 PM   
femdomlover72


Posts: 51
Joined: 7/2/2010
Status: offline 		Is it normal to feel obsessed with your Mistress/Master? Maybe that is a dumb question, but all my life I have been taught that it is bad to be obsessed. I feel I am becoming obsessed with my my Mistress, and she has told me she likes it like that. She says it is normal for her slaves to become obsessed with her, and that it pleases her to know that I think of her all the time. Don't get me wrong, I am still able to function in society, but everything I do I want to do for her. The thought of her makes me want to do better in all areas of life. It bothers me some though. I didn't realize how intense it was until yesterday. Something recently happend that made me think I was not going to be able to see her again. I was completely in tears, and unable to concentrate on anything. Now, I know that I would eventually get over it, but it was eye-opening to see how much she affects me. I mean, in some ways being completely enthralled by someone is intoxicating and blissful, but there is a flipside that is awful. Maybe I am just crazy, but am I the only one?
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RE: obsession with your Mistress/Master - 12/6/2010 11:01:30 PM   
Atropos19


Posts: 56
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		I don't think this is something that is unique to the Mistress/sub relationship, LoL... I think we all deal with this, in all our relationships.  We all have the need to be independent to some agree, as well as the need to give ourselves fully to another person; and we all (like you say) love that intoxicating feeling of being... well... intoxicated... by someone, but along with that comes the inevitable fear of losing that person.

And that being said... it can definitely be taken too far.  If you're calling her twenty times a day b/c she didn't pick up the phone the first time... she's gonna get tired of that real quick (trust me, LoL).  But as long as you're able to keep yourself in line, don't beat yourself up too badly for being infatuated.  You're human; it happens to all of us.  :)

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RE: obsession with your Mistress/Master - 12/6/2010 11:07:20 PM   
vancraft


Posts: 71
Joined: 8/4/2010
Status: offline 		i have had somthing like this for 2 people in a dom role with me, one viciously destructive and one a very good hearted which healed me and taught me alot

do you feel shes a safe person to have these feelings for? does this compromise the other important relationships in your life? if you guys get into a fight do you have someone to talk/vent to? if you like the awnsers you have to these kinda questions then yeah it sounds perfectly fine to me, congrats on finding such a great lady


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RE: obsession with your Mistress/Master - 12/6/2010 11:09:14 PM   
vancraft


Posts: 71
Joined: 8/4/2010
Status: offline 		also stop bragging, ya jerk 

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RE: obsession with your Mistress/Master - 12/6/2010 11:20:23 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~

At the term obsessed all sorts of warning bells go off in my head. The idea of obsession with another person is, to me, quite terrifying because of the violent, destructive and dangerous behaviors it can lead to.

So... no. For me it's completely a-typical for me to become obsessed with my d-type, owner, etc. As soon as anyone, regardless of their relationship with me, starts showing signs of that I immediately cut ties. It's just too damn frightening for me.

Obviously, she's enjoying it. I can't fathom it but she is so... your kink isn't my kink.


_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: obsession with your Mistress/Master - 12/7/2010 5:37:06 AM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline 		Actually, to me, there seems to be some normalacy here, no matter the dynamics. When I have strife with someone very important to me, I get upset, lose a little focus, question what I am feeling, etc. Obsession may be an extreme label when I may be no more than just having plain human emotions. I try not to use extreme labels because it may be just a heat of the moment thought.

I find when I use extreme labels, it takes my focus off the issue at hand and just makes it worse, because I then start stressing about being obsessed, for example. Emotions can run over logic like a freight train. Like throwing gas on a fire. The last thing I want to do is make it worse by overthinking it and calling it an extreme emotion.

In general, I feel obsession is a negative perception, being in love can be seen as a positive perception. Maybe you just love her very much.


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RE: obsession with your Mistress/Master - 12/7/2010 6:07:36 AM   
Kinai


Posts: 9
Joined: 8/23/2010
Status: offline 		Isnt it the same as being in love?
I am very much in love with my Master, so logically I think about Him alot and since I wanto be a perfect slave, I think about His reaction with pretty much everything I do.How I dress, how I clean the house, what He likes for dinner.
To us, thats just a normal thing.

Your Mistress likes it this way, so I think you should be proud that you are pleasing Her.Also, if you dont feel comfortable with it because you were taught it is wrong, then I would ask Her to help you to work on it.Either way, just talk to Her about it.

Good luck!

(in reply to anniezz338)
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RE: obsession with your Mistress/Master - 12/7/2010 6:52:55 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Depends.  I'd say that infatuation is perfectly normal if it's in the beginning of a relationship.  But if it's still there after a few months, I'd be concerned.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: obsession with your Mistress/Master - 12/7/2010 6:53:46 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Here's my one caveat, OP.  Make sure you are not making someone a priority who thinks of you as an option. 

Just be careful.  Have fun, but take care of yourself - mentally, emotionally, physically. 



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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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RE: obsession with your Mistress/Master - 12/7/2010 6:58:07 AM   
Atropos19


Posts: 56
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		Indeed.  Also, it's one thing to hand over control of your finances to a Dom/Mistress (and I realize that's not everyone's thing, but we all know it does happen); it's quite another if she's charging you for each individual session.  That smacks of a more 'business-like' arrangement to me, rather than a relationship, which means she may be so accepting of your infatuation because, quite frankly, it's good for repeat business.  So watch yourself, my friend.  *tips hat*

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RE: obsession with your Mistress/Master - 12/7/2010 8:11:03 AM   
Kinai


Posts: 9
Joined: 8/23/2010
Status: offline 		Ok, I had to look up that word (Im Dutch) but thats something else then being in love, right?Thats foolishly in love.
Ive been with my Master for over four years and Im still very much in love.
Why would that be concerning?
I know tons of vanilla-relationships where partners would also panic by the thought of loosing their partner.

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RE: obsession with your Mistress/Master - 12/7/2010 8:34:35 AM   
Atropos19


Posts: 56
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		I think it's a balance that has to be achieved.  On the one hand, you don't want to be so self-sufficient that you're unable to let yourself "need" someone else; on the other (and somewhat paradoxically), you have to be able to stand on your own two feet, no matter anything.

It's like the Buddhists say... life is suffering, and suffering is caused by attachment (or "craving," if you prefer).  If you grow so "attached" to another person (whatever the relationship) that you're unable to function w/o them, you're putting yourself at the whim of fate, because you could lose anything you have at any moment... your partner could leave, or fate (through illness, injury, whatever) could simply take them away from you.  If you're unable to muster your resources at that point and get on with your life in some fashion, then something was wrong there long before fate decided to deal you a shitty hand.

(in reply to Kinai)
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RE: obsession with your Mistress/Master - 12/7/2010 8:37:59 AM   
LadyRian


Posts: 486
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Here's my one caveat, OP.  Make sure you are not making someone a priority who thinks of you as an option. 

Just be careful.  Have fun, but take care of yourself - mentally, emotionally, physically. 




Absolutely. I find this to be wisdom of the first order.


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"Dodging bullets since 2010"

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RE: obsession with your Mistress/Master - 12/7/2010 8:50:24 AM   
Kinai


Posts: 9
Joined: 8/23/2010
Status: offline 		Ok, I agree with you Atropos, although I know I would have a damn hard time if fate would ever take my Master away.
And yes, suffering isnt a good thing (Ehm...well...you all know what I mean ) and I believe that you as a sub/slave should take good care of yourself in all kinds of ways.Afterall, you are your Mistress' property and she wouldn't want it to be or get damaged.
So if you feel its damaging you, you should work on it.

(in reply to LadyRian)
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RE: obsession with your Mistress/Master - 12/7/2010 10:50:08 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kinai

Ok, I had to look up that word (Im Dutch) but thats something else then being in love, right?Thats foolishly in love.



The word "obsession" implies being in love excessively, to the point where it crowds out other thoughts.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Kinai)
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RE: obsession with your Mistress/Master - 12/7/2010 11:34:02 AM   
MaxsGirl


Posts: 355
Joined: 12/2/2010
From: The Arctic Circle
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Depends.  I'd say that infatuation is perfectly normal if it's in the beginning of a relationship.  But if it's still there after a few months, I'd be concerned.


I'd say that depends as well.  What some would view as obsession or infatuation could also be seen as heightened awareness.  I think of my Alpha all the time, constantly aware of what I could be doing to be pleasing to him.  He's not always my central thought - I have a child and I work a job like everyone else, and those and other things take concentration and attention - but I can always feel him in the back of my mind, guiding what I do.  For our relationship, that level of awareness is essential.  I know that some non-kinky people we know consider us to be obsessive and unhealthy, but it works very well for us.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: obsession with your Mistress/Master - 12/7/2010 11:34:51 AM   
LadyRian


Posts: 486
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		To me the word "obsession" implies a very unhealthy fixation on someone/thing, with  a concomitant lack of healthy boundaries . It also places quite a burden on the "obsessee". They've been placed on a pedestal, and no one is a perfect person. I think the "obsesser" sets themselves up for painful disappointment, because they hold someone to a standard that no human being is capable of living up to.



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"Dodging bullets since 2010"

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RE: obsession with your Mistress/Master - 12/7/2010 12:45:49 PM   
Atropos19


Posts: 56
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		Yeah, I think obsession (which doesn't have to denote love... for instance, Ahab was obsessed with hunting down the whale in Moby Dick) implies a preoccupation with a certain person or aspect of life, to the extent that other important concerns get neglected or crowded out, and the person's behavior starts to become irrational.

(in reply to LadyRian)
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RE: obsession with your Mistress/Master - 12/7/2010 1:21:15 PM   
Kinai


Posts: 9
Joined: 8/23/2010
Status: offline 		Yes I understand that, but what one may call obsession, the other one might call being in love, like Maxsgirl describes.

(I looked up infuation, not obsession )

(in reply to Atropos19)
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RE: obsession with your Mistress/Master - 12/7/2010 1:40:56 PM   
yellowroses


Posts: 167
Joined: 6/12/2009
Status: offline 		I am obsessed with my Master/husband and we have been together almost 10 years. I live for moments when he whispers in my ear, walks in the door after being gone all day, grabs a handful of my hair and tugs as we are kissing, looks at me with those eyes and says he adores me......GREAT now I am going to have to ask permission to take care of myself because I got myself so worked up thinking about him.

yellowroses

(in reply to Kinai)
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